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Quick budget vent

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goldenstar

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2006
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1,045
FI and I are a little tense right now because his parents are unable to give us all of the money that they previously promised to us. I don''t fault them at all of course. They are already being very generous.

I feel so frustrated because the wedding is so close and there is very little we can do to lower costs at this point. The invitations are out and all vendors are contracted. Our hands are tied and we have to move forward. We have enough cash to cover everything, but we will be eating into our savings a great deal.

The amount we are not going to receive is pretty significant. The only thing that I am upset about is that we found this out after it was too late to make adjustments. On day one, FI and I sat down and created a spreadsheet. We talked to both sets of parents and asked them to tell us a dollar amount. If it was zero, that would have been totally okay. We accounted for our own contributions and then worked out a budget. Now we are in a pickle.

I was feeling so awesome about the upcoming wedding. For the moment, my excitement is being overshadowed by worry and regret. I feel like we should not have counted on anything from either set of parents, in case something fell through. We should have lowballed the budget to be safe. We should have not splurged as much as we did.

I am placing all of the blame on myself because it was me who wanted the big wedding that we are having. FI would have been okay with anything. He approved of everything I wanted because he wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams. He totally indulged me. Like me, he thought that our budget was fine. And it would have been if we had gotten the money we thought we would get.

Like I said, we have the cash to cover everything. But I am so stressed out about using our savings. I have so many regrets and I feel like this is all my fault...
I understand that life happens, and unexpected things come up. Nonetheless, I still feel sad and stressed. I keep thinking about everything I should have done differently. =(
 

teapot

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2009
Messages
165
I''m sorry to hear that. At least you had the funds to cover the wedding.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
Awww Goldenstar, I''m sorry. That sucks.
 

redfaerythinker

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
1,781
awww... i''m so sorry. Please don''t let this ruin your day. Years down the road... you probably won''t miss the money... but you will miss the magic of the day if you let yourself spoil it with regret. What''s done is done... Enjoy this day as it will never come again.
 

choro72

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
1,867
Wow, I would be upset too. This is absolutely not your fault. I know you will have a magical day nevertheless. When is it?
 

goldenstar

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2006
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1,045
Date: 3/5/2009 2:44:57 AM
Author: choro72
Wow, I would be upset too. This is absolutely not your fault. I know you will have a magical day nevertheless. When is it?
The wedding is on 4/25.

I'm not upset as in mad, just stressed. I keep going over it in my head to figure out what went wrong. Nothing unexpected happened to FI's parents (that we're aware of). They either reneged on their earlier statements or we heard it wrong (or there's something else we don't know). I never would have planned our budget without having concrete figures to work with. FI and I talked to our own parents about their contributions and I pressed FI to get a number, any number. I think somewhere the lines got crossed.

I don't know why I'm looking for someone or something to blame. Maybe so that I'll feel better. I guess there's really no point in bemoaning the matter. What's done is done.

Since we do have the cash to cover everything, I suppose things could be worse. We can rebuild after the wedding :knocking on wood:
 

Deelight

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
5,543
Date: 3/5/2009 2:20:13 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Awww Goldenstar, I'm sorry. That sucks.
Ditto and it is not your fault

I just want to add as hard as it is not to (and this is coming from a major worrier and planner and I would so be stressed to the max in the same position) try not to stress about it. What is done is done and as you said it can't be changed. I really hope that you can move forward from the stressing point to the point where your enjoying everything again - in the long run I think you will regret worring about the money more then the dipped in savings.

The good thing is you saved the money once and that means you have the know how and the can do to do it again. Also your getting married
to a guy that sounds wonderful and wants to see you happy YAY and you also get to start a new wonderful life with your new hubby to be :).
 

havernell

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Messages
571
Do your FI''s parents know that you were counting on more funds from them (and that you''re now having to dip into your savings to cover the extra costs)? Or do they think everything is going as planned and have no idea they just turned your world upside down? If they knew that their suddenly lower contribution was causing you so much anguish, perhaps they''d offer a bit more? I know it would be tricky to ask them, but if your FI can figure out a way to say "looks like there was a communication mix up" and explain the situation so them, it might be worth a shot...

Of course, the argument against trying that tactic is that their seemingly lower contribution could be a result of the sever downturn in the economy. Did your FI''s parents'' stock-based retirement fund take a big hit? Maybe they just don''t have the money to give anymore because of that? This recession isn''t something you (or they) could have seen coming back when you were likely booking all of your vendors, so perhaps that''s the change going on here.

Finally, is there any way you can still lower some costs now, especially with vendors who you''ve given a deposit to but haven''t paid in full yet? For example, can you change your entree choices with your caterer to something less expensive or lower the number of hors d''oeuvres you serve? Can you have the photographer come for fewer hours? Can you "eat" the limo deposit and just have everyone drive their cars instead in order to save the balance (are limos even something you pay for in stages??) Anyway, you get my drift...

I''m sorry you are dealing with this, as fretting about how much everything costs has been the most stressful part of wedding planning for me. But hopefully you can take some action (whether it''s talking honestly with your FIs parents about this or finding some way to shave a few dollars off your total) to help ease your mind a bit. Good luck!
 

galvana

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
884
ohhh goldenstar, im so sorry, this is tough. Try not to let this ruin your day/planning. Just accept that it is what it is, NO ONE''s FAULT.
and move on. You can''t change it so try to not let it consume you, i know its so much easier said than done....but try.
We are here for you and your day will be beautiful.,
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
You have your marriage to rebuild your savings... but unforunately cannot always rebuild relationships with the inlaws. You are taking the high road.... and will have a wonderful day. Just focus on that.

HUGS!
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
I''m so sorry to hear that, that sucks. It absolutely is not your fault.
 
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