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Question to Past, Present, & Future Ladies in Waiting

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T

the other Jake

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2006
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I am currently a 22 yr old grad student that is planning on proposing EARLY this spring. The reason for my post is almost more of a poll. Here is my story: Basically I have saved up for the ring I am purchasing for the past year and a half. This past month I finally took the plunge and made my purchase (the ring as being made as we speak). I was planning to propose on the Spring Break that we are going on together (alone) the first week of March. She has NO clue that I am proposing because she thinks I''m completely broke or at least a poor college student (which I was because my money was all going into saving for this ring). So now that I have the ring in my possession its gonna sit in a safety deposit box for a couple months and I am fine with that... actually its killing me. My question is to you ladies- If you had no idea your guy was going to propose would you rather him wait a few extra months for the romantic proposal in the Dominican on the Beach (which is the reason I planned the trip in the first place) or sooner yet less romantic setting say for New Years which will be nothing special because we will just be at my parents visiting.
 
While I think it is nice to have the beach setting and the vacation, I think it would be just as great to do it over this holiday time. What a wonderful way to start the new year! I think it is the thought and your love and your heart, not the setting, that makes it great. I am sure you can come up with something great and memorable!
 
I would say propose over this holiday time. It''s going to be a surprise either way, so why torture yourself for another five or six months? But then again, I''m young and a little impulsive. It sounds like it is going to bother you to wait that long and if you propose over this holiday it can be a great celebration for the two of you as well as your family!

*M*
 
Well lets just say I''m not the most creative or romantic person- I''m a future accountant (and no not the dorky kind)! Thats why I planned ahead and set it up for the amazing setting, to give me some much needed help. Take that into consideration... also remember she is not a "Lady in Waiting" so the wait will be killing me not her. Which proposal would you rather have... sooner or more romantic?
 
PS: It would be a 2 month difference
 
I still say sooner, and then you can celebrate as an engaged couple during spring break! But I am the type of person who has trouble waiting for anything...

*M*
 
Without knowing all the details, I''d say, if you have already gone to the trouble of setting up a romantic trip, I''d go ahead and stick to my plans and propose on Spring Break. Most of us LIW''s are anxious because of expectations or the amount of time together, and if that were the case with your girlfriend, I''d recommend proposing sooner than later. But... it sounds like waiting until spring break is not going to cause any stress and will let you have the proposal you planned. The holidays will be special anyway, and come January you''ll have a trip and a proposal to look forward to.

Let us know what you decide, and congratulations!

P.S. If anyone ever gave my BF advice to wait 3 extra months, like I just gave here, I''d be mad!!!
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LOL poptart... we''d be an engaged couple either way on spring break. Actually I would propose the second day. Who wants a proposal after a long day of traveling? For those interested heres the beach set up I''ve been thinking- FEEDBACK WELCOME!! (I don''t have the Holiday thing planned): After a long day of lounging around on the beach I suggest that we get dressed up and go for a nice dinner. Now I don''t know if I should do the walk before of after dinner, I was thinking before because then she could show the ring off at dinner. I wanted to do it around sunset though, not in the dark. So before/after dinner we take a romantic stroll on/towards the beach. Now during romantic moments she always says "We''re going to be together forever right?"

As we''re walking. I was then going to tell her how I feel about her and how she makes me feel... I''m not going to rehearse it because I want it to come from the heart. Whenever the moment is right:


Me: "We''re going to be together forever right?"
Her: "Of course"
*Stop walking* Me: "Well maybe its time we made it official... " *down to the knee*

Obviously the lines could work for the holiday setting too, but it would probably be at my house with my whole family there... so NOT romantic
 
Where do your parents live?

Trust me, just being on the beach etc is not a guarateed romantic situation.

One: Does she like your folks and od they like her?

Two: Can you slip away, for a nice walk in town, or anywhere, maybe showing her sites from when you grew up if this is where you grew up...etc, and propose then over a cup of hot chocolate or something? (I am thinking it is a chilly place, if not, skip the hot chocolate!!!!)

Get the idea? the setting, while nice, is not what is essential, and as long as you think she (and your folks) will be okay with sharing the moment...go for it. As long as you two have SOME privacy and private time I think it is fine, unless you think her folks will feel left out of the loop...
 
if she''s not dying to be engaged, it doesn''t matter. it''ll be awesome whatever you do, right?
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do it over the holidays, go for a nice evening walk or something.
 
I am a former lady in waiting and a current WIFE :).. I say do it now. Life is too short to "wait for the perfect moment" Special moments are the ones you create. Besides, then she can have MORE special moments.. the engagement and the trip with her "fiance!"
 
Date: 11/20/2006 7:18:32 AM
Author: sistagrl2004
I am a former lady in waiting and a current WIFE :).. I say do it now. Life is too short to ''wait for the perfect moment'' Special moments are the ones you create. Besides, then she can have MORE special moments.. the engagement and the trip with her ''fiance!''
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Oooh such good advice!! I''m also a former-LIW/current-fiance... and while our proposal was lovely and special, it really had MUCH less to do with the setting around us, and everything to do with the sentiment expressed. And I love the beach, so the trip sounds great... but if you spontaneously planned this trip for the purpose of proposing, it is ENTIIRELY possible she suspects a ring may be coming (even if she knows you''re a poor college student, she''s still going to be hoping... trust me on this!) So proposing over the holidays could ensure it will be a total surprise, and be such a fun start to the new year!!
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usually i''d say do it ASAP, b.c she is probably being tortured and going crazy (me). BUT after reading the details, it seems like a different scenario since you guys are young, she is not "waiting" or expecting it or in a timeline phase, so go for the full force romantic proposal..it seems that''s what you''re leaning towards anyway. And like you said, it''s only 2 mo''s....
 
If you planned the trip specifically for this purpose, and there are not ongoing issues causing stress in your relationship because of the proposal, I say wait and propose on the beach.

My DH proposed during a weekend getaway in Santa Fe. It was just perfect! To this day he still says that is his favorite trip he has ever taken.
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From a long-time lurker and not too long ago LIW, I vote for the holidays...

I do agree that life is short so why not spend as much time as possible as an engaged couple?

But something else you mentioned is sticking with me... You mentioned proposing before dinner so that she can show the ring off and revel in being a fiance... Wouldn''t she want to share that with family and friends as soon as possible rather than strange waiters or tourists? If you propose over the holidays, she gets to be excited with the people she loves most in the world.

And as far as being romantic, I loved the idea of a tour of your life before her and then you could ask her to spend the future with you building all new memories together.

Either way, she will be thrilled! Good luck!
 
Date: 11/20/2006 12:41:32 AM
Author: the other Jake
LOL poptart... we''d be an engaged couple either way on spring break. Actually I would propose the second day. Who wants a proposal after a long day of traveling? For those interested heres the beach set up I''ve been thinking- FEEDBACK WELCOME!! (I don''t have the Holiday thing planned): After a long day of lounging around on the beach I suggest that we get dressed up and go for a nice dinner. Now I don''t know if I should do the walk before of after dinner, I was thinking before because then she could show the ring off at dinner. I wanted to do it around sunset though, not in the dark. So before/after dinner we take a romantic stroll on/towards the beach. Now during romantic moments she always says ''We''re going to be together forever right?''

As we''re walking. I was then going to tell her how I feel about her and how she makes me feel... I''m not going to rehearse it because I want it to come from the heart. Whenever the moment is right:


Me: ''We''re going to be together forever right?''
Her: ''Of course''
*Stop walking* Me: ''Well maybe its time we made it official... '' *down to the knee*

Obviously the lines could work for the holiday setting too, but it would probably be at my house with my whole family there... so NOT romantic
Click to expand...
This part made me laugh a little because that''s exactly how my FI proposed to me. We''d been in the car for 15 hrs driving to the beach. We were both cranky all day. I felt totally gross because I hadn''t showered yet, but it was still the most perfect moment ever and honestly I think I like it even more that he didn''t wait until the next day. I love that he wanted to propose even though I was looking my worst and had been cranky all day.

I think you should wait for the beach. I loved that FI proposed when it was just the 2 of us on the beach. His family was all there too, but no one but us was on the beach.
 
We planned the trip together for our spring break 4 months ago (so almost 9 months in advance) and had talked about doing it for even longer... so its not really spontaneous. I like the idea of a tour, but where I live everything is so spread out. Its borderline rural (although it is a college town so there is a downtown area) and she''s definately not the outdoor/rural type. Also shes coming a day or two before New Years and probably going to want to exchange gifts upon arrival? Would I still get another Christmas present? As for being with family and friends, she''ll be with MY family and friends which is different than being among hers (although they get along just fine). Like I said I am not the most creative so I will need help with the Holiday proposal. If I can''t come up with something great I''ll default to the beach. The tour idea is a good one just not practical because how spread out everything is and shes probably already seen most of the places already anyway.
 
I just got an idea... what if I secretly invited her parents to my parents house for new years. They''ve met on several occasions and get along just fine, so that would not be an issue. However, it would require planning so I would have to act soon. Obviously I would tell her parents/ask for a blessing before inviting them (which I will do for the Beach proposal anyway). I would have to come up with a good proposal before setting that plan into action...
 
PS: her and her mom are like best friends so I know she would want her mom there
 
So I''m surfing around price scope reading various proposal ideas and I came across two quotes that really stood out:

"... think about what her dream proposal would be"

"...it''d probably be fun for her to tell her girlfriends that she got engaged on the beach at sunset in maui??"

I think that I am rushing it just because I am the most impatient person I know. The added stress of trying to come up with another proposal idea and including our familes ect. is not worth it. I think that she would much rather have it be the two of us. I know that the setting doesn''t make the moment, but if she had a choice of sunset on the beach or some other setting (meaning there was no timing difference) she would choose beach with just the two of us. In her mind there is no timing difference because it isn''t happening so I should do whats best for her even though its gonna be really tough. An added benefit is that it will be something for me to look forward to for an extra month or two. The holidays is already an exciting time so she will have enough to keep her spirits up and it will be a great story that she can share/brag about.. lol... for years to come.

So heres what i''m thinking for a chistmas present: http://www.bluenile.com/product_details.asp?oid=6571&nav1=necklace_channel.asp
 
I''m just wondering what type of person she is? Is she shy? Outgoing? If you went with a holiday proposal with people all around, she might love it if she''s close to her family and is outgoing. If she''s shy, she might be totally overwhelmed. After the proposal, do you (either of you) want lots of people around to celebrate? Or would you rather be just the two of you sharing a private moment? I have my own personal preferences, but I''m not her. It should be what you think she would love. And, the bottom line is that any proposal that comes from the heart will be the perfect romantic story whether it happens on a beach at sunset or on the couch watching your favorite show together. There''s lots of time between now and March, so if you did it early, it wouldn''t necessarily have to be a holiday proposal. You could just carry it around with you when you''re together and then if/when the mood strikes you or the time is right you could propose wherever you are. This story will be told for years and years to come - my 70+ year old grandfather just retold his engagement story last summer when all the grandkids were down, so however you do choose to do it, just try to make it a fun story that she''ll love to tell over and over again.
 
She''s not exactly shy, but I know she would want it to be a private moment... just the two of us. When we fly back from the Dominican we fly into her home town and will prob stay the night at her parents house. I know she would want to share the ring and story with her mom , but she will see her as soon as we arrive back at the airport when they pick us up. Also another point just came to mind... We were walking around a city where she lives and there happens to be a marker called the "proposal spot" or something to that nature sponsored by the local jewelry store overlooking the harbor. It was kind of run down and not the most ideal location. I remember her making a comment like, I hope my proposal would be more romantic than that... leading me to believe that to her setting is important.

On a side note, how many posts/how long does it take to become a "cut rock"... That''d be awesome
 
Sounds like you''re paying attention to what she''d like and you''ve got a perfect plan in place... I definitely understand about not being patient though!

It takes somewhere over 100 posts to be a cut rock... like 105 or 110ish..
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I wondered that too at first. Then, from what I can tell, it takes 1,000+ to become an ideal rock.
 
Well I guess it can be of some comfort to you LIW that there is a possibility that your guy might just be as anxious as you are... maybe even more so... even if you don''t think so. Whenever I talk about getting married I always tell her I just want to get married before I''m 40, and she always responds with "YOU BETTER NOT WAIT THAT LONG!" It''s so cruel, but she knows I''m kidding (I hope). I don''t think she gets the sense that the day is closer than she could imagine. If she ever stumbled across this site man would that''d be a spoiler. With all the info I''ve posted it wouldn''t take Sherlock to figure out who I am. That reminds me... I need to delete my history more frequently!
 
that''s so funny..i never noticed that you graduate to "cut rock", "ideal rock" after certain # of postings, that''s great! I''m a cut rock!
 
Date: 11/20/2006 7:18:32 AM
Author: sistagrl2004
I am a former lady in waiting and a current WIFE :).. I say do it now. Life is too short to ''wait for the perfect moment'' Special moments are the ones you create. Besides, then she can have MORE special moments.. the engagement and the trip with her ''fiance!''
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Ditto on all accounts!
 
My FI knew WHEN he was going to propose to me a year before he did it! He was waiting for our trip to Napa. While the proposal and location were both fabulous, it would not have been any less special if it had been closer to home! The thing is, I had sort of figured out when and where it was going to happen so it wasn''t remotely as big a shock as it would have been some random Saturday afternoon in our hometown. That didn''t make me any less excited, I was over the moon! And it''s great to have the story, but you don''t have to wait until you''re on the beach for a memorable proposal. And even though you don''t think she''s a "Lady in Waiting", if you''re ready, she''s probably BEEN ready.
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Go with your heart, but don''t keep her (or you) waiting just because that''s what you wanted to do originally. I wish my FI had proposed long before our Napa trip. Really.
 
Date: 11/20/2006 3:05:02 PM
Author: the other Jake
Also another point just came to mind... We were walking around a city where she lives and there happens to be a marker called the ''proposal spot'' or something to that nature sponsored by the local jewelry store overlooking the harbor. It was kind of run down and not the most ideal location. I remember her making a comment like, I hope my proposal would be more romantic than that... leading me to believe that to her setting is important.
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Jake - Are you talking about Baltimore or is this going on elsewhere around the country? My FI and I gagged when we saw one! I think it''s a bizarre marketing concept!!! And you''re right, don''t go for where some jewelry store thinks you should propose!!!
 
Date: 11/20/2006 4:04:48 PM
Author: sumbride

Jake - Are you talking about Baltimore or is this going on elsewhere around the country? My FI and I gagged when we saw one! I think it''s a bizarre marketing concept!!! And you''re right, don''t go for where some jewelry store thinks you should propose!!!
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LoL... Yes. Good Ol'' Smyth! Thats where I was originally going to get my ring. I decided to go with WF instead. You guys are killing me!! I am already barely holding out and you keep moving me closer and closer towards the new years idea. Maybe I''ll go to Baltimore for New Years instead. Any suggestions??
 
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