Question re: proposing... ring is questionable

[MothMan]

Me and my girlfriend of 4 years have been talking more and more lately of getting married. We both have "informally" let each other know that we plan to be together for the long haul, and that marriage is in our future... but I haven''t formally proposed to her yet.

I would like to pop the question sooner rather than later, but there''s a catch. My mother passed away a few years ago, and her engagement ring and wedding band were left to me (they have been connected together). I would love to use these in the creation of the ring I give to Lisa (and she likes the idea too)... but I wouldn''t have any clue as to what type of ring/setting/etc to get... I''m a complete ''noobie'' when it comes to jewelry of all kinds. I''d like for Lisa to be involved with me in the decisions about the ring.

So... my dilemma is... how do I deal with that?? On the one hand, I want Lisa to be involved in the choosing of the ring design... but it''s cheesy to do that first, THEN propose to her... or is it? Do I propose WITHOUT a ring, then go together afterwards to work on the ring? Do I propose with my mom''s ring (which likely wouldn''t even fit Lisa), and then go afterwards to do "the ring thing"?

Me=confused...

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated by this in-love-yet-completely-clueless fella!!

 

[andrea]

Get a cheapy ring (CZ), and then get the ring setting together afterwards.
Or just propose with the ring you have.
Since she knows whats going on, she's more than likely going to understand anyhow.
Good luck

 

[whirled]

Hey MothMan,
When my boyfriend proposed to me, he didn't even have a ring. He just picked a very romantic way of doing it (we were out in some field watching shooting stars). And then gave me the ring later. I don't think it's a law that you have to propose with a ring, and his proposal was so special even without one. Plus, getting the ring later is exciting becuase it's like being proposed to again!

Also, if you want, you can propose with the ring you already have and then have it fit/reset later. Like Andrea says, she already knows you're going to use it so it won't ruin any surprise.

 

[pyramid]

I think it would be better to just choose how you want to adapt the ring with her without doing the proposal first. I have seen a lot of people on newsgroups who help in the choice of the ring but do not know when they are going to get it.

Wait until the ring comes and check it is perfect but do not let her see it then hold off a bit and plan something romantic and propose then. I think it would be more special if she gets HER actual ring at the proposal. Let her have the proposal and the romantic memory with maybe a few words about the rings heritage to remember it by.

 

[JustLooking]

I have the answer to all your problems. I am also a newbie but like you posted on this forum to get help. Now it's my turn to help someone else.

What you need to do is find yourself a jewelery store in your area that does exchanges even after the diamond is set. I'm in the San Francisco area and I went to a store called Simayof. They are actually making the setting I picked out right now and they will set the diamond of me for free. I brought in my own diamond and I just picked a setting that I thought my gf might like. Simayoff assured me that if she did not like the setting I can exchange it for another style before 30 days is up. (they even told me I could do it after the 30 days) I can even resize it or change from a 6 prong to a 4 prong... whatever I wanted they will do it. Even though I paid a little more than what I could have bought it for on the internet but the service and exchange policy they provided was too good to pass up. Especialy when I know my taste in jewelry isn't very good.

So find yourself a jeweler like I did and all your problems will go away

Simayoff also has a website www.simayof.com

I'm not sure about their return policy online but you can give it a try or call 415-929-6200 and ask for Phillip, he is the store manager and I'm sure he can work something out for you. Tell him Jimmy Lee sent you

Good luck with your ring and proposal. I'm planning to propose next week when my gf and I will be in Hawaii.

Wish me luck

 

[MothMan]

Good luck, JustLooking!!

Thanks for the input everyone.

I've got some time to think about this, as I'm not planning on proposing for a little while yet. I just wanted to start thinking things through a bit ahead of time.

JustLooking... I think my main problem with going ahead and choosing a ring for the diamond is... I really wouldn't know where to start. I have really no idea how much the cost would be for various designs... I'm really not sure what kind of design Lisa would like, as she doesn't wear rings normally...

My thinking process was that it would be better for her to be involved , we choose the ring together. That way we (she) can get a ring that I can afford, which she will like.

I guess I just have this image in my head of "the way it's supposed to be"... I go buy an expensive ring, somehow knowing it will be "perfect" for her... she'll love it to bits, and we live happily ever after. Problem is I'm (as I said before) clueless about jewelry, and wouldn't feel comfortable making all those decisions on my own.

So, I was maybe just looking for some feedback as to whether it is "acceptable" to have the woman involved in buying the ring... before or after the proposal. Given the option of preparing the ring with Lisa before, or after proposing, I think I would prefer proposing 1st.... even though it's no surprise I will propose at some time, it would be even LESS of a surprise if she and I go and buy the ring and THEN I propose at a later time.

Anyhoo, thanks for the responses everyone.

I think the main thing I need to realize is that (from the basis of the varying opinions you all have) there is no "right" or "wrong" way to do this. WHatever we do will be A-OK!