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Public vs. Private

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bfready

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 18, 2007
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91
I posted this in Proposal Ideas, but it''s probably aimed toward you ladies, so I''ll post it here too. I don''t know how many of you stalk the Proposal Ideas forum.

Just when I thought I was well on my way to designing the perfect proposal idea for us, GF was telling me how cute she thinks public proposals are. She talked about people who get engaged at sporting events specifically. While I also think the jumbotron engagements are cute, I feel that people who do that should be hardcore fans of the team with season tickets or some real connection to the event - like it was their first date. GF is very private in showing affection. I don''t think she''d get mad, but I think she''d feel awkward being in that position.
So two questions:
1. Generally, what are your thoughts on public proposals?
2. Do public proposals make you feel awkward yourself when you''re in the audience witnessing them?
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
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11,242
Date: 3/24/2007 6:07:00 PM
Author:bfready
Just when I thought I was well on my way to designing the perfect proposal idea for us, GF was telling me how cute she thinks public proposals are. She talked about people who get engaged at sporting events specifically. While I also think the jumbotron engagements are cute, I feel that people who do that should be hardcore fans of the team with season tickets or some real connection to the event - like it was their first date. GF is very private in showing affection. I don''t think she''d get mad, but I think she''d feel awkward being in that position.
Wow, that makes it confusing for you! I would be embarassed by a public proposal, as would a great many other women--but if your girlfriend is dropping hints that she would like hers to be at a public event, then it seems she''s telling you the way to go. At the same time, it surprises me that someone who''s very private about showing affection would want a public proposal.

Does she have any close friends you could ask advice from?

To answer your questions, in general I think public proposals are like heart shaped diamonds--ONLY go that route if you''re 100% sure that''s what your lady wants! I''ve never witnessed a public proposal myself, but I can''t say I''d feel awkward about it... to be honest, I wouldn''t care too much other than to see her reaction.

Congratulations on your upcoming engagement, and big kudos to you for coming to PS for advice!
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
I gave FI two rules if he ever decided to propose:

1 - no ring
2 - no public proposal

was a good thing I did because he would have gone for public. I am extremely extroverted and would have still hated anything in public. I wanted a proposal that was about me, him, us and our emotions - not making an impression or show for other people.
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
I think you must be certain your intended likes them. Maybe when she has seen one she has said that seems like a great idea...but I would make sure before that is what I planned.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I agree with the others-just make sure that its 100% what she wants. When I see them done, I think aw that''s cute and romantic, but if my bf did it, I wouldnt like it. Just find out its exactly what she''d like
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
I agree that you should check to make sure that she wants a public proposal, but from what you wrote, I wouldn''t do it that way. You said she thinks that public proposals are "cute," but she didn''t say that she would want one. In general girls think lots of things are cute... which doesn''t always translate to wanting the same thing done form them. If she is very private in showing affection than something that personal would seem to fall under the "private" sector as well. I also think public proposals are cute, and I''ve told DH that, but if he had ever proposed that way, I would''ve died from embarrassment. If she doesn''t LOVE LOVE LOVE having lots of attention on her at one time, I''d say it''s kind of risky to do it that way.

*M*
 

cherry_vanilla

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 28, 2006
Messages
76
I suppose you can try finding a common ground - a proposal that''s in a public place but isn''t "showy" to the point everyone in the area knows what''s up. To take the sporting event idea for example, maybe pull her aside on your way out after the game and pop the question, or surprise her with soda, a hot dog and a ring at half time.

Of course, if she''s REALLY against anything public this would probably be crossing the line as well, but if her only requirement is "no Jumbotron or onstage halftime extravaganza" I think you can definitely find a compromise!
 

JenStone

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2006
Messages
490
LOL my boyfriend and I were discussing this the other day and I told him that I''d take anything at this point!


Honestly, I know a lot of women who would be mortified at a public proposal but if your girlfriend is up to it, go for it! And usually, if a woman says, "I think it''s so cute when..." regarding a proposal, it usually means she wants it that way. I think you should seriously consider it, unless YOU have a problem with it. Good luck!
 

golden

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2007
Messages
390
I thought I replied to this, but for some reason I don''t see my reply......

I agree to making sure it''s something she really wants, but how will you do that w/o her getting suspicious?

I think there is a reason she would mention these public engagements to you.

IF IT WERE ME- and I was saying I think public engagements are so fun and i like them....IF i wanted something private I would add "BUT I would still prefer something more intimate"
 

bfready

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 18, 2007
Messages
91
Date: 3/26/2007 10:10:31 AM
Author: JenStone
LOL my boyfriend and I were discussing this the other day and I told him that I'd take anything at this point!


Honestly, I know a lot of women who would be mortified at a public proposal but if your girlfriend is up to it, go for it! And usually, if a woman says, 'I think it's so cute when...' regarding a proposal, it usually means she wants it that way. I think you should seriously consider it, unless YOU have a problem with it. Good luck!
I think we're in the same boat. She knows it's coming eventually, but she just gets a little impatient and figures I'll do something really lame when I do it anyway. You ladies have no faith in us guys.

I'm personally not a fan of the public proposal. I mean they're cute to watch at sporting events, but I think I'd feel a little awkward having 50,000 drunks saying awww... for us. Besides, she's not a huge sports fan or anything, and I know she'll be happy with whatever I do. I thought about a hot air balloon ride, but there are too many variables. Plus I'd hate to have it just be me, her, and the balloon pilot. I want to do it in a place we can come back to, but not someplace we go to all the time. I'm looking at an arboretum in May during a b&b weekend two hours from us.
 

JCJD

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 8, 2004
Messages
1,977
You can propose in public and NOT at a football game or concert. Proposing at the restaurant where you had your first date would be a public proposal but would have the intimacy you seem to want. I saw a guy in the historic district of town propose to his girlfriend in the middle of the crosswalk. Public, not at a ball game, very very cute.

ETA: Hubby proposed to me while we were watching a movie together in his basement. Very very very private proposal!
 
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