Proposing with a NON-throwaway/temporary/fake ring

[cian]

So I've heard about some people proposing with either a fake ring or a temporary ring (or setting), but I was wondering what you guys thought about the idea of proposing with another nice ring that would still be heartfelt but allow her to have some say in the actual engagement ring.

So, a little background...I know she is traditional and wants me to choose the ring, but I also know she can be VERY picky when it comes to jewelry. I haven't been able to get any kind of hints from her except that she'd want white metal and *possibly* a bezel setting...although even that isn't 100% and there are so many other variables.

I know that she would not prefer if I got her a temporary ring that was meant to be an engagement ring since I know she would appreciate me having put some thought into it. So, my idea is to propose with a custom non-diamond ring that I'll have made (with my own design input). I was thinking of a bezel set yellow sapphire in yellow gold (without any diamonds and so that it will be different enough from any white metal engagement ring) and have milgrain and a floral pattern engraved on the band/head. This way, it will still be obvious that I put a lot of effort into choosing the ring, she can help pick her real engagement ring, and she'll also have something nice to wear on her other hand.

My main questions are:
1) Would proposing with another nice ring take away from the signficance of the real engagement ring?
2) Does this ring design sound like it's too close to an engagement ring?
3) How would you feel if you were proposed to this way?

 

[shihtzulover]

This might be a good idea, but I think it really depends on your girlfriend's personality. Do you think that not having her 'forever' ring when you propose will take away from the significance of it? Also, are you really sure that she wants a totally surprise proposal, and that she is absolutely opposed to the idea of helping you pick it out?

If she is really picky about what she wants, then she might have to help you - either by helping pick it out before you propose, or by going with this plan, and having her help you pick her 'real' engagement ring after the proposal.

One last thing - didn't you say that she likes silver-colored jewelry? If so, she might just not like the look of gold rings. Also, if you go through with this plan and get her this other ring, she might want to wear this one all the time on her right hand. If that's the case, she might think it would clash if she wore a yellow gold and a silver-toned ring at the same time. So, I might consider getting her a white gold (or other silver-toned metal) temporary ring.

 

[slg47]

well for me personally...I would feel kind of weird since I don't wear rings...and I wouldn't know what to do with the other ring, I wouldn't know if I was 'actually' supposed to pick out an engagement ring, or what...and I wouldn't want to just leave the other one in the drawer!

It really depends, it sounds like a lovely gesture! I know I would be thrilled if my BF custom designed a ring for me but since I don't wear rings I wouldn't know what to do with it...but if she wears rings a lot then I think this could be a good idea.

If she wants bezel set then most of your work is cut out for you, I would probe a little deeper and see what cut she wants and then just go for it.

 

[amc80]

Here's the problem- she already told you she wants you to pick out THE engagement ring. Picking out a "fake" one seems like you're trying to avoid having to pick out the real one. Even if you go to all of the trouble to pick out the fake one, she is still left in the same situation- having to pick out her engagement ring.

Is there any way you can get her into a jewelery store? Or maybe do some browsing? Tell her you want to pick it out, but want to get some general ideas from her as to what she wants.

 

[Rose_Dust]

I would see if you can get some more information first, if you can find out the cut she wants then you'll be able to find a bezel set white metal engagement ring which I'm sure she'll love.

If you are really against doing that and want to get this other ring, I would stress that you should do it in white metal, not yellow gold. She might not like the look of yellow gold and would be disappointed if she didn't get to wear it because of that.

Just keep searching, something you love that fits her criteria will hit you and you will have found "the one". Good luck.

 

[Sophie Asscher Lover]

My fiancé proposed without a ring, which was fine by me, as I definitely wanted to choose it myself (plus we were in Borneo up a mountain so it wouldn't have been practical!). I'd probably made a few passing remarks over the couple of years to the effect that I'd like to choose it! The fact that he proposed to me was the most lovely thing - ring or no ring! It took four months to find the perfect ring, so it was worth it To start with I had no idea what I wanted at all, but then discovered the asscher and then the Octavia asscher. And the rest is history....

A friend of mine was proposed to with a non-engagement ring which he picked out knowing it was to her usual taste in jewellery (quite chunky, silver, with a semi-precious stone in the middle , in a tension setting) - it's gorgeous! They then chose the e-ring together. She then got some cufflinks made for him as a wedding present by the same designer that made the original ring, which I thought was really really cute.

I think your idea sounds wonderful, unless she's the kind of girl who expects a small blue box! Good luck!

 

[nbarker]

i wanted to pick out my ering so my hubby proposed with a three stone that i used as my wedding band and wear it on my right hand...so i think a small 3 or 5 stone might be nice in WG...even a nice band...

 

[ringthings]

Could you propose with a solid band? Then let her custom design around that?

I don't know what I would do with a random "temp" ring.

Maybe a pretty RHR, and tell her she can get the engagement ring she wants? Though, I like the idea of a plain ring.. then custom designing it later better...

 

[reader]

How about you propose with a ring that has both yours, and her birthstones, and then when the children come, their stones can be added?

 

[KaeKae]

Or, what about proposing with an eternity ring? You can then choose the solitaire/ering together. At the wedding you could use either ring, or maybe a solid band to finish off the set?

 

[MonkeyPie]

When in doubt, ask her friends/family! She sounds as though she might be traditional enough that she wouldn't want to go this route, though I personally think the idea is very sweet. Start fishing for clues!

 

[Lislis89]

I have also heard of people getting the materials (maybe like a solid band with a 4-5 side stones or just solid band) and proposing with that and letting her wear it whilst you go together to choose centre stone or decide on the design, then shes still able to have some input but at the sametime it wasnt entirely an empty box when you pop the question! I think this is great because the temp ring becomes the e ring anyway!

 

[tapio]

Dear proposing with a "non-throw-away". Be honest with your situation to her. If you can not buy the big expensive ring she wants - you can't it's that simple. That said you can still get very "real and nice" engagement rings.

When I got married my wife really wanted a sapphire and diamond ring. I looked at the prices and it could not be done. So, instead I went to Cartier's and bought her a "triple rolling ring". I paid for the name dearly. But she liked it and gladly accepted it. Fourteen years later, and still married, I was finally able to get her dream ring with a beautiful 2 c. sapphire (not Kasmir - but GIA & AGTA certificates stating no-ehancement). I was happy and she was happy and never takes it off now. i even had a new wedding band specially designed to fit in with the ring. She loves the feel and it's a very nice set. Also remember there are so many coloured types of stones: garnets, spinels, zircons that are very nice coloured stones. I'm sure you wouldn't get confused with real zircon and the 'cubic zirconia'. Set a budget and work from there - sometimes good things are worth the weight/wait. I ended up giving my wife her enagagement ring in Central Park.

These forums have links to good www sources. I buy from one quite frequently. Don't try to fool her, from husband's perspective that's cheap and dishonourable.

 

[irishdude]

Lots of interesting discussion! Here is my question on this topic:
I am intending to propose with a temporary ring and we will subsequently pick the proper ring after that. My query is that once i have proposed with the temporary ring, is it usual to propose again with the new ring?
Many thanks!

 

[tapio]

It is not unusual. As far as I know there is no official protocol. In fact wedding rings are a fairly recent invention over the past few hundred years. They became very "in fashion" after the De Beers diamond campaign called something like: "A diamond is forever". It was a hugely successful marketing campaign for the monopolized diamond industry - please note the diamond industry only practices collusion and monopoly of the diamond market. Do what you feel is right. New ways of doing things are constantly re-invented. Remember "it's what's inside that counts." If you love each other one ring or another really shouldn't matter. You don't need to propose again - just do it in some nice setting.

 

[mrswahs]

I say just get the real thing! FI bought my ring with ZERO input from me aside from me saying that I don't like yellow gold in conversation. If he had asked me, I would have said that I wanted just a plain solitaire. He got a beautiful setting with channel set diamonds on each side and a gorgeous square diamond in the middle. It's not at all what I had imagined I would want, but I love it so much! I would never change it for the world. The fact that he picked it out for me is special, and the fact that this is the ring he proposed with has such sentimental value that I'd never want to change it.

That being said: The jeweler that he got it from has a 100 day policy where you can change it entirely for free, whether it's changing the setting, the diamond, or the whole thing. And that's 100 days from presentation, not 100 days from purchase. If I had wanted to change it, I could have... and he made the offer-- I just love it so I don't need to