proposing before x-mas but..

[dp111]

So we''re both heading back to NC for the winter holiday. That''s good because it puts us back near sentimental places and we have a 3 hour short-LDR so it gives us a chance to be together without anyone else for a while (until the 23rdish). The trick is my family is up in the mountains and her''s is on the coast (about 6 hours away). Christmas is not that big a deal to her family and while it tends to be for us, our Holiday traditions have been thrown off because we''re not having a big family gathering this year in part because my grandmother recently passed. My parents are divorced and we had settled into a nice routine where I do the big family thing with mom''s half and then spent the evening with my dad. I think that both of my parents would be somewhat hurt for me to miss the day all together. But it feels weird to miss my first christmas with my lovely lady as my *knocking on wood* fi. My current plan involves breakfast brunch with one and a drive across the state. Other things that should be noted: I get to see my family more than she gets to see her''s; my little brother is pretty against heading down the mountain for christmas which would make the drive shorter; her family is heading off on the 26th to go see other family.

I think now that I''ve bought the ring I''m just looking for other things to be worried about, but if anyone has any thoughts I''d appreciate it.

 

[musey]

That was a little hard to follow, so lemme make sure I have this right: You want to propose on the 23rd (or some time before then), you want to spend Christmas day with her but you are split between her two families, and she and her family will be heading OOT the day after?

Not sure if you're looking for advice or not?

What if you invited her to your family's Christmas festivities, since she will be heading out of town with her family the day after anyway (which can be her time with her own fam)? Or, since Xmas isn't really a big deal in your family, what if you spent the day with hers, then returned to your own family for a day-late celebration?

OR invite all of her family to your family's festivities

(I'm getting images of "Meet the Fockers" in my head...)

I don't think you really have a dilemma here... just have to decide where to spend one day of your life

Congratulations on your almost-engagement!

ETA: The poster below said it much clearly than I could

Esp. since you are within driving distance of the two family centers, splitting the holiday between both ought to work nicely.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

All I can say is, marriage will require adjustments in holiday routines. We generally do Christmas on the 24th at my husband''s parents'' and then my family does it on the 25th. We open presents at home when we return.

So I think you probably should be with your fiance and try to both visit both families together.

 

[dp111]

Thanks guys. I think mostly I needed to gripe and this helps me realize i''m probably just beginning to go a little nuts over the whole thing. The plan is to propose on the 19th mostly I just need to bide my time and not make/worry about problems when there aren''t any

.

 

[mike42]

I think I understand where you''re coming from. Unfortunately, you can''t have it all. For me, Thanksgiving was always bigger in my family and Christmas in my fiance''s. Since our families are very spread out, we divvied up the holidays accordingly. It will be weird to spend Christmas with a family I barely know. But it will be worth it (and she just spent Thanksgiving with my family).

 

[Larissa]

Since we started dating, 4 Christmases ago, we have always alternated holidays. This was the best way for us to do it because our families live in different countries, mine in the US and his in the UK (we also had a LDR!!).

We made a jump on this arrangement so that when we lived together in the same country no one was surprised or shocked. This will be our first married Christmas and it''s worked well for the past 4 years.

We plan to eventually rotate ourselves into the cycle so that we get some holiday time to ourselves, but now is not the time. This would mean rather than every other x-mas, his family only get one of three...which they aren''t pleased about. Babysteps though!!