Proposal without the ring

[newbeginning]

First post!

I''m wondering what everyone thoughts are on proposing without a ring. This would actually be my second marriage. For my first marriage we shopped for the ring before and she chose a diamond and setting (i kept the setting and up''d the diamond as a surprise to a 1.74 oval, VS2, F) and then I proposed a couple of months later. She ended up having an affair with my best friend so that is over (2 yrs now). I''m in love again and this girl is different. I don''t want to plan it out with her. I want it to be a huge surprise and I''d like to do it in front of her very large family. The problem is that she has this fake engagement ring she bought in college and fell in love with. She''s made it clear it''s her dream ring but this particular setting requires a huge stone (2.5+ carats) to make it look right. We even saw the same setting at Tiffanys in NYC this winter with a 1.25 carat stone and she didn''t like it as much. I really think she''d change her mind if we went shopping together with an understanding of my budget (11-13k). How could I go about a suprise proposal in front of her family without a ring? Should I borrow a ring (my mom''s or grandmothers) and use that with the explanation that this one isn''t hers...we got shopping to do? I''d really like to have a box to open in my hand and a ring to put on her finger but I want to MAKE SURE it''s the ring she wants. Any ideas?

 

[OneAngryElf]

That''s so sweet that you want to surprise her like that. I think that if you want to have a ring to propose with, a mother''s or grandmother''s is a very nice stand-in for the day.

I''m sure that if she''s the right woman for you, she''ll understand staying in that very nice budget. I''d also bed that she will really appreciate you wanting to give her a ring that she really loves, especially since you already know what she likes.

Best of luck!!

 

[lucyandroger]

Congrats on finding the girl you want to spend your life with!

You''re very sweet for wanting to make the proposal special AND getting her a ring she''ll love.

I would suggest swiping her fakey ering and proposing with that. If you propose with your mom''s ring, there will probably be at least a second where she''s disappointed, thinking that''s HER ring. I''m sure your mom''s ring is lovely but it''s probably not your gf''s taste. If you propose with her fakey, she''ll immediately recognize it so there won''t be even a split second of disappointment for her.

Then just say that you''d like to take her out to find a real one that she loves just as much.

 

[FroggyMont]

I agree with Lucy!! Take her fake ring and propose with that. Then go shopping together, to make sure that she gets a ring that she will love!!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Any chance you can sneak her fake engagement ring from her and use that?
Another cute idea might be to get a ring that's obviously not an engagement ring, like get a silver band with "Marry me?" engraved on the top. She can keep it as a cute momento of the proposal

Or you can get her a birthstone Right hand ring as a stand in (I may be biased though because I'm a huge color stone fan), that she can still wear later on when you guys get the real engagement ring.

 

[DiamondFlame]

Just a side track, but did you get that 1.74 carat oval back from your cheating ex-wife? She certainly didn't deserve it and it wd have made for a nice trade in...

I'd consider proposing with an empty box saying the ring is out there, waiting for its owner. But seeing how you're gonna do it in front of her large family, I second your idea of using your grandmother's ring. The gesture is a solid statement that you truly value family. Her family would approve!

 

[Snicklefritz]

Others have mentioned the idea of proposing with her fake ring and then selecting a real one together. The only reason it might not be good to propose with her fake ring is that at the moment of the proposal she is likely to think it''s real, only to be pretty disappointed to find out otherwise.

Maybe propose with your mother''s/grandmother''s ring with a cute little tag with IOU written in fancy lettering on it. Or you could also do this with the fake ring.

 

[newbeginning]

I like the idea of using that fake engagement ring she likes. I know right where she keeps it.

I also really like the idea of using my grandmother''s ring. I''m extremely close to her (more so than my mother) which makes my girl close to her by default. She would probably recognize that ring so there would be that moment of "is this my ring now" going through her head. Honestly my grandmother would probably give me her ring. She''s 90. My grandfather died almost 20 years ago and she''s very honest with me that she likes this girl more than any I''ve ever been with. Maybe I could figure out some way to incorporate it or make it into another piece of jewelry.

I don''t know..I guess either could work! I definitely want to have something because even if it''s just her immediate family I do it around, that''s about a dozen people! And people like to see rings!

As far as getting the engagement ring back from the ex. I made the horrible mistake of signing the ring over to her in a prenuptial agreement (she comes from a wealthy family). Apparently she didn''t think it would be polite to return it. I won''t repeat the many names I have for that girl on here. She''s not one of my favorite people. If I would have gotten that ring back though, the total amount of trade in PLUS my current budget would have gone into the new ring!

Everyone...please be VERY careful with prenups. I got walked all over in mine because I trusted her and her family and didn''t hire my own lawyer to review it before the marriage. I accepted a lawyer suggested by her family.

 

[Carbonlove]

"Any chance you can sneak her fake engagement ring from her and use that?
Another cute idea might be to get a ring that's obviously not an engagement ring, like get a silver band with "Marry me?" engraved on the top. She can keep it as a cute momento of the proposal

Or you can get her a birthstone Right hand ring as a stand in (I may be biased though because I'm a huge color stone fan), that she can still wear later on when you guys get the real engagement ring."

I actually like these ideas best as I was "proposed" to without a ring. I think proposing with her fake ring she will think it is real for a second before she realizes it's her's and most likely she is going to notice it is gone. Women are very observant about these things. And using someone's ring can be a little disappointing because it's not yours. I really like the idea of a plain band engraved with something special or a birthstone ring with both your stones.

 

[LaraOnline]

Man, what is it with all these girls with mega-expensive tastes? 2.5+ carats as a first engagement ring and nothing else is good enough? Wow, I want to be one of those girls too!!!! (I''m not sure I''m just joking, btw, ho hum...)

The thing is, she might have been hinting for you to get her a big e-ring, and if she knows what your first wife got, well...but if she truly loves you, she won''t really care half so much about the ring as the proposal.

I guess the real problem is that you can''t afford to get her the diamond that you want her to have for her proposal, right?

How long do you think you would have to wait between the proposal and the ''real'' diamond?

Would you consider getting her a coloured stone, in the size / shape you prefer, and either getting it set in place of the diamond in a permanent e-ring setting (you''d have to be sure you were certain of the eventual ring''s dimensions!!) or in its own setting,with the full proper ring (diamond and setting) still to come?

If she likes the coloured stone, you could consider upgrading to her diamond several years into the marriage, or perhaps on the first anniversary...

I like the proposal idea of presenting the girl with the unset diamond, sparkling in its little box! But if the diamond budget is ''not quite there'' yet, I can see why that would not be suitable.

My DH proposed with no ring, AND no diamond... and it was great. But having said that, it did mean I had to compromise a lot on which ring I could have, as we had no budget for the ring... and having already been proposed to, I was in no mood to wait for a year or so to save for the ''right'' e-ring!!!

So at the end of the day, a proposal without a ring or diamond or indeed any gift at all is really just as good if the mood and the participants are ''just right''!

 

[violet3]

these are great ideas here! Another really nice way to go is an eternity band that she could pair with the ering later on....

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I''d probably go ahead and buy the largest diamond you can within your budget (the same shape as the one in her fake ring) and have it set in a plain, inexpensive solitaire setting. Then the diamond will be done and she can have the fun of picking out the setting. I just think it''ll be a bit awkward if you propose with your mom''s ring because you''ll have to explain to the whole crowd that the ring really is not for her. She''d really enjoy getting to show the family her diamond e-ring even if it was in a temporary setting.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/23/2009 9:14:32 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
I''d probably go ahead and buy the largest diamond you can within your budget (the same shape as the one in her fake ring) and have it set in a plain, inexpensive solitaire setting. Then the diamond will be done and she can have the fun of picking out the setting. I just think it''ll be a bit awkward if you propose with your mom''s ring because you''ll have to explain to the whole crowd that the ring really is not for her. She''d really enjoy getting to show the family her diamond e-ring even if it was in a temporary setting.

Yeah, I had this thought as well, but didn''t know how to say it so gracefully...