Proposal in Singapore

[roy2603]

Hello everyone,

Just to share with you folks here about my proposal on the 24th December 2007.

I have been with my gf for 7 years and last christmas I was ready to propose to her. It was christmas eve, I brought her to a restaurant serving Brazalian BBQ meat, afterwhich suggested that we should take a cable car ride which was about 10 minutes walk away. Up in the cable car, I proposed using the following poem:

"There comes a time in every men's life,
Where he must take a chance to choose a wife,
That time has finally come to be,
So will you take a chance and marry me?"

Everything seemed to be going on smoothly till then but it went downhill once we were back to ground level.

Apparently she had certain expectations (which i found out that I've indirectly gave her those expectations) about how much the proposal ring should cost. She initally assumed that the ring would have costed me over 3 thousand dollars as she said this to me when we came down from the cable car tower "aww.. you must have spent quite an amount of money for this ring". To which I responded telling her the exact amount i spend as i didnt want to 'lie' to her abt the cost and told her that the ring costed me 1.3k dollars. At that moment, she frowned and i sort of panicked and tried to explain myself and said things like.." Actually this ring isnt a lousy ring. The size of the diamond is 0.32 carats, E colour and has VVS2 clarity. Its cheaper than those advertised 'special cut' diamonds from the same coy i purchased the diamond ring just becoz they are marked up to cover their high marketing cost etc etc "

My explanation became the ultimate nightmare for me because it turns out that my gf felt that I spoiled the whole proposal for saying something like that which made her felt like shes only worth this much in my eyes and not more. Since the proposal, we have been quarrelling often with the above mention event (more of what i had said then) being the cause of it. However, i do not think that I was in the wrong since I've always felt that a proposal ring is only a symbol to signify the proposal but ultimately its my sincereity that counts.

Right now me and my gf are in the midst of our wedding preparation but we still haven straighten this issue out as she still thinks that i was the one who spoiled the proposal while I do not think that I should be responsible for what has happened. She felt that I should have said something like "I know that I cannot afford to buy you a very expensive ring now but will do so when I am earning more in the future"

To me, I can't stop myself from feeling that why on earth I have to say something like that? Afterall, the ring does not signify her value but more like a gift of love. In my opinion, she shouldnt have let the cost of a ring affect the proposal which I have sincerely planned and given to her.

What do you guys/gals think?

 

[LegacyGirl]

I would tell you what I think but I don''t think I could use language like that here.


I''m sorry but I don''t understand the type of girl who would take a beautiful proposal like that and basically go "how much did you spend" (yes I know she didn''t put it like that but that seems like what she wanted to get out of you).

She should be lucky to have you. I know quite a few guys who would tell her where to go after they spent all this time picking out a good ring who cares how much it costs

. Going into debt over a ring is never a good idea. OP you did a good job picking what you could afford and getting a good deal on it. She should be happy to have someone like you. You guys will have less money problems in the future because of it.

 

[roy2603]

Hi LegacyGirl,

Thanks for posting your opinion and i am glad to hear that you do not find anything wrong with what I have said. Anyway for now everything is back to normal and I just hope that this would be come back to ''haunt'' me in the future. Only problem now is that I still feel sore abt what has happened and this will always be in my mind forever.

 

[Nadeaux]

I don''t think I would be planning a wedding if I were in your situation. After 7 years of waiting she should be happy that you finally took the step and made the commitment and not worry about the ring you gave her. On the other hand did you set her expectations at a certain level and then not meet them. What I mean is if you took her to a jewelry store to look did you have her try on 1ct diamonds or did you only look at what you could afford?

Either way best of luck.

 

[choro72]

Are you Asian? I ask because I''m Asian, and the etiquette states "at least three month''s salary". Maybe this was what your fiance was expecting? I can talk about what I feel on this issue (and your fiance''s attitude), but I am afraid that I will be banned from forum.

Anyway, you say that things are back to normal now. I hope this means that she realizes what a wonderful man she has, that she has had some lessons on what real love and marriage is made of.

 

[roy2603]

Hi Nadeaux,

Well I guess when I brought her to the jewellery shop to find out her ring size, I made use of a ring which costed 3k dollars and that could be the sort of expectation I''ve set in her. At the point of time, I was planning to get her a ring in the 3k dollars range, however circumstances changed slightly and I made some necessary changes to the budget set for the proposal ring. I just felt that it shouldnt have been so critical.

 

[Aeromax]

I think what your gf is saying is wrong as well. I think it''s a poor choice on a woman''s part to have any sort of expectations as to the value of the ring she will get.

I''ve recently purchased my diamond and ring, and they are on their way to me as we speak. When I first had ideas of proposal perhaps 6-7 months ago, I was planning on saving as much money as I could, and then doubling the amount with a credit card or loan to make my final purchase. I was expecting around $5,000-$6,000 total. I saw this as being a smart decision back then. As I started shopping for my diamond, I started doing some serious thinking, and decided not to use any sort of credit for my ring at all, and only buy what I could afford to pay cash for. In the end, I''ve only spent about $3000 on it, and I''m very happy with my decision. My gf will appreciate the fact that I''m not going into even more debt than I already am to buy her ring, and I think that any woman expecting to get married should feel the same way.

Remember, she''s marrying the man, not the diamond. Your diamond should be a reflection of who you are, and who you will be as a husband and providor. In not accruing any debt to buy my ring, I decided to show her that I was going to be smart about it, and not spend money I didn''t have. I think your decision was smart, and she should realize that.

 

[noelwr]

if you want your marriage to be successful with this girl, next time she says to you "I bet you spent a lot of money on this" just answer with "Yes, I did."