Proposal Envy?

[Mashira]

This is the season of proposals! I've been reading up on different proposal ideas, and listening to some proposals that have recently taken place both on PS and amongst people that I know, and I've been absolutely floored. I know that FF is going to think of something wonderful for me, but somehow, I can't help but feel a wee bit of envy due to some of the outrageous, over the top, fairytale proposals I've been listening to and know I probably won't have. I feel absolutely horrible. I know I sound insane. Am I on my own out here, or has someone felt the same way?

 

[diamondbuggy]

Hey Mashira!

I know exactly what you mean. I have no idea what FF is planning but I'm pretty sure it won't be nearly as spectacular/romantic as some of the stories I've read on here. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure whatever he is planning is going to be special and sweet just like he is and I'll love however he chooses to propose. But FF isn't exactly a big 'planner' so I'm not sure what to expect. So yes, I can't help feeling a teeny bit envious when I hear some of the amazing proposal stories.

 

[Mashira]

I honestly want to hug you right now! I've been sitting here for the past hour driving myself insane and almost to the point of tears. I hate myself for feeling this way, because I don't think that it is fair to FF who has probably put countless hours and expense into planning something lovely. I know that I will love my proposal, for no other reason than the sheer honor of the man of my dreams asking me to be his bride, but I suppose being a girl, the green monster can wriggle it's way in. It's good to know I'm not alone.

 

[diamondbuggy]

Mashira, don't beat yourself up over this. Yes, I also feel horrible for thinking like this but I also think it's only natural when you hear some of those fairytale proposals. Once we share our future proposal stories maybe there'll be someone out there who will be envious of us!

 

[Trekkie]

Hey Mashira and Diamondbuggy - I sometimes feel the exact same way!

It seems in the States they take this proposing thing really seriously! Hot air balloons and trips to Vegas and Hawaii and flower petals and and and and and...

I know my SO will make it special for us, but I also don't want him to drown in performance anxiety. We've giggled and oooohed and aaaaaahed over how our friends have proposed but I don't think he has any specific plans. I know a girl who made her SO (now exhusband) propose three times before she accepted him because it wasn't romantic enough the first two times...

Me, I just want him and me and my dream sparkly in a plain velvet box... Anything else is just extra.

 

[Supers]

Mashira - I feel the same way, so don't beat yourself up.
My BF will probably ask me while we're home doing the most boring thing like hanging out the washing.
I would love to have a romantic story to tell, where he's gone to lots of trouble, but I'm not holding my breath.

 

[eliseface]

So far two of my friends have gotten engaged, and one couple simply had a conversation and decided to get married, while the female in the other couple lost her patience and proposed to HIM! By comparison FF doesn't have a high standard to meet.

I know proposing means a lot to him and he tells me he 'has a plan'... His family LOVE surprises and I am sure he will take after the rest of them!

 

[MayFlowers]

I was just thinking about this last night before I fell asleep! (Wasn't that one of the "You know you're a LIW when...things? hahaha) But really I decided that I am going to be happy no matter how he proposes. Sure I would love some over the top, romantic proposal to be able to tell everyone. But, in reality, me and BF are both very simple and laid back people. So, I'm almost positive that his proposal will reflect that. Truly, I don't mind how he asks me, as long as he asks me!

I know it can be difficult to hear everyone else's grand proposals. But if you ever find yourself getting jealous, just remember that the man of your dreams proposed to you and however he did it (when he does it), I'm sure you will look back on it and get all those wonderful feelings of love and giddyness and whatnot even if his proposal wasn't over the top. Remember he wants to marry YOU and spend the rest of his life with YOU! Then the jealousy will all fade away!

 

[nicoleben]

It is ok to be upset. Just understand that this part of his life is very stressful as well! He just wants to make you happy. I am sure whatever he decides to do will be just perfect. Maybe he is making an extravagant proposal, maybe it will just be you and him in the comfort of your home. Either way, the man you love wants to spend the rest of his life with you, that's all that matters sweetie!

I personally thought I would be having an extravagant proposal, but I have an inkling it is just going to be me and him, and i think that is perfect! It makes it more romantic and personal.

 

[chemgirl]

My FI planned a big elaborate proposal and it didn't work out. He ended up just proposing as we were walking down the street. I really don't regret anything about it! You'll be so excited that it won't matter how he does it.

I was visiting London for the first time (FI used to live there so nothing new to him) and he decided to propose on top of the London Eye in a private bubble. He'd arranged to have champagne ready (not even sure if this is allowed...I was really surprised) and we were scheduled to go up at sunset. Super romantic right?

Unfortunately somebody tried to pickpocket me on our way there. It was weird...the pickpocket wasn't very good. I could feel a bit of a tugging at my jacket pockets so I looked down right in time to see a strange hand pat my stomach! I freaked out! The guy took off and I didn't really know what to do. I think I was targeted because FI kept on touching me to guide me through the crowd. I guess the pickpocket figured I wouldn't notice another hand? He went for my stomach just as FI was stepping back to look in a store window, so I knew his hands were nowhere near me!

Once FI realized what happened he looked horrified and started checking his pockets. I thought he was nervous about his wallet. We continued walking, but FI was super tense and was looking everywhere. A few minutes later he just stopped me, pulled out the ring, and said he was too nervous to keep it in his pocket. He thought it would be safer on my hand. So he just said "marry me ok?" and handed it over.

We still had a wonderful and romantic evening...but not exactly the best proposal story ever. I really don't think anything of it though. I am just so happy to be engaged.

 

[trillionaire]

better to have a fabulous marriage than a fabulous proposal!

Honestly, I never expected FI to do anything elaborate, nor did I think it was possible for him to surprise me. I am very observant, I know him VERY well, and I always notice when something is amiss. Funny thing is, I noticed all of the oddities, and STILL didn't figure it all out. So, you never know, your man just might surprise you!

 

[GettingDesperate905]

This is so totally a normal thing.
Im engaged, and my proposal was just sweet and simple. I came home from a long day at work, a longer drive in toronto rush hour traffic (blasted hioghways on friday nights!), and when I walked in the door he pretty much slid out on one knee, proposed, and had made a nice dinner in for me. It was perfect for me, as I'm a very low key person and dont handle being the center of attention very well, so some big elaborate public thing would have humiliated me . Still, even though i know its what I wanted, sometimes I wish it wasn't. Sometimes I wish i could be that glitzy glammy, want it over the top and fantastic kind of girl. Especially when I'm with my friends who had that type of proposal and every "oooohs" and "awwwwws" over theirs, and when I tell my story it's like "oh, that's nice"...
But really, I'm no less engaged than any of them, and have no less of a chance at a happy, fruitful marriage.
It's hard not to compare though

 

[trillionaire]

This is so totally a normal thing.
Im engaged, and my proposal was just sweet and simple. I came home from a long day at work, a longer drive in toronto rush hour traffic (blasted hioghways on friday nights!), and when I walked in the door he pretty much slid out on one knee, proposed, and had made a nice dinner in for me. It was perfect for me, as I'm a very low key person and dont handle being the center of attention very well, so some big elaborate public thing would have humiliated me . Still, even though i know its what I wanted, sometimes I wish it wasn't. Sometimes I wish i could be that glitzy glammy, want it over the top and fantastic kind of girl. Especially when I'm with my friends who had that type of proposal and every "oooohs" and "awwwwws" over theirs, and when I tell my story it's like "oh, that's nice"...
But really, I'm no less engaged than any of them, and have no less of a chance at a happy, fruitful marriage.
It's hard not to compare though

Grass is always greener...

FI proposed at my family reunion, in front of a room full of people, on the dj's microphone, it's on camera & video. It's a great proposal story, but it was really kind of awkward, I didn't know how to react (thankfully didn't burst into tears, but I feel like I was supposed to)... so, I just stood there like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't even process what was happening until hours later when we were finally alone. I wouldn't change a thing about how he proposed, but big public and elaborate proposals have their pros and cons too. I think doing it while sitting on the couch would have felt very us. And I am now very thankful that we are eloping so that wi can enjoy a private moment when we become husband and wife, and not have to wait hours to process what happened.

 

[Pushin40]

I hear ya - it's normal.

All I'm gonna say is when it happens it will be the most wodnerful thing, even if its not over the top.
Trust me!
My proposal was very simple, just he and I overlooking a beautifly harbor in St Maarten. All of the things he said to me - really - I just cried, and I was shaking. After almost 10 years it was unreal that it finally happened!

It was ABSOLUTELY one of the best days of my life!

 

[maebelle]

Too each their own!

I'm actually terrified that the BF will somehow get it in his head to do something big, crazy, public, what have you. We have friends proposed to in both ways (the extremes being on a SURPRISE cruise trip all through the Caribbean during the captains dinner in front of everyone vs. a simple couch proposal) and the more elaborate they are the more the would make me crazy. I envy those who get that quiet moment to themselves

I understand the anxiety though! Don't worry, it's completely normal!

 

[HappyNewLife]

I don't have envy since I'm the one that proposed, but I DEFINITELY wish I had a cuter/more romantic proposal story. I had all this stuff planned and then I totally blew it because I got so nervous and she heard my heart racing. Whoops!

I would LOVE to be proposed to by her, but I don't think that's going to happen. We are technically already engaged

 

[dawnabee]

The only reason I feel that way is because peer pressure but it never lasts long! Its like all our friends make it out to be a big production that he has to accomplish. And what somehow if he isn't creative enough, or over the top he fails or doesn't love me enough to do it?? No, not in my book. All I want is what I already have... we worked together for the perfect ring as we work together on our relationship and important things. I know he will do something thoughtful/romantic but as long as he asks that is all that I need to be happy and say Yes!

 

[Autumnovember]

You don't sound insane. I pictured my proposal as being over the top for a really long time. When he finally did it, it was so far from over the top but so sincere, genuine, and pure that it didn't matter. When it comes down to the moment none of that will matter except for the words that he says to you and the feeling that you have listening to him speak.

 

[orangemonster]

Hi Ladies - I can tell you from experience 'over the top' and extravagant are not always the end all be all.

The love of my life had planned a nice lunch out and then wanted to take me to the top of a skyscraper that has a pedestrian view point. Plan fell through - it was closed for a private party. He then didn't know WHAT to do with me! Finally we ended up just sitting on the bench of a downtown park and he proposed there. It was sweet, heartfelt and so so special to me - we both cried and people walking by saw and applauded. I was walking on air, realizing that all the hot air balloons, expensive jet set trips, elaborate planned out dinners would not mean a thing to me without this very special man in my life.

Good luck to you all - I hope your proposals are everything you dream about. But if they are not, just remember to look at that dear, sweet man and thank your lucky stars he's in your life and wants to be your husband!

 

[Jessie702]

I know how you feel, dont beat yourself up. But for me, its not the proposal, but the fact that he did it, ya know? I dont envy the way that the BF's are proposing, its just the proposing part that im envious of. I hope that doesnt make me a bad person.

 

[Glitz]

My SO isn't the most creative or romantic guy out there, but he knows how much I'm looking forward to being engaged and making us official. Whatever he comes us with I'm sure I'll just love, because I know he would have put thought into it. I know what you mean though about watching videos or hearing stories about super romantic proposal stories. I actually tear up a little to some of them, I think I'm just a a softy though, which leads me to believe that no matter what my proposal is I'll cry and be all emotional. I'm not the type that would want a very public proposal or even one in front of family and friends, ideally it would be just me and SO. I would never suggest how I want my proposal to happen though so it's all up to him.

I love his cluelessness, and Im sure how ever he proposes to me will be adorable to me and just perfect! He tries so hard, and I love him for whatever he does.

 

[beezygal]

heehee.. Like I said in another thread. My bf said he has to have a sweet proposal now because I've been reading him some sweet stories on here. He told me to stop reading proposal stories.

Of course I want the proposal to be sweet and thoughtful. However, I think I'll be happy no matter what the proposal will turn out to be. As long as it's him proposing to me telling me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me only, I'm happy. Just imagining him say stuff like that, I feel like tearing up now.

 

[peach_tea_for_me]

I guess this comes with the territory. I've read some of the stories on PS and there was 1 that really stuck out in my mind about the guy planning this entire surprise trip to Paris. He called his GF's work and arranged for her to be out, told her to pack a bag and they were off. She didn't know where they were going until right before she got on the plane. He propose on top of the Eiffel Tower. WOW! I'm not exactly jealous of this, but just very impressed and awe struck! I wouldn't be disappointed if my BF had something like that up his sleeve, but I know he doesn't and really don't have expectations like that. Someone a few posts up said they aren't jealous of the proposal style, just the proposal. I think I'll have to echo that. I know it's coming and really have no idea what he is planning. I'd love something like a picnic outside on a pretty day with just us. Nothing over the top, but a little more than hanging out watching tv. I know whatever it will be will be amazing and perfect...and I'll finally get those sparkles I've had my mind set on!
No need to feel bad about the envy, just approach it with a sense of humor and know that your perfect proposal is very much on its way!

 

[rosetta]

The proposal won't matter in the long run. Try not to get too hung up on it. FI took me to a Michelin starred restaurant. We nearly didn't make it because i turned up in jeans and the dress code was formal. We had to run into a store and buy a dress ten minutes before closing and I walked out with the tags still on.

He proposed the next morning before we jetted off to Europe. He planned it all out but the most memorable thing for me was our mad dash through the store to find a dress and shoes and convincing the sales assistant to remove the security tags with the dress still on me

 

[Amys Bling]

GettingDesperate-


Your proposal is pretty much identical to mine! I came home from work, he suggested we go out for dinner.....he went up to get read, came down with our puppy in a tie and vest and got down on one knee and proposed in our living room. Sweet and simple, but I know what everyone means, as a little girl you dream up these big fancy proposals (we were leaving for Niagara Falls the following week so you can imagine the possibilities I had in mind for a proposal...), but he had the ring and couldn't wait even a day to do it....

that's sweet in of itself that he couldn't wait another week to do it.

 

[Mashira]

Thank you ladies so much for all of your replies. I agree with each and every one of you. To be honest, when I made this post I was holding something back.

I found out last night that my ex-FI proposed to his now FI. It was absolutely hilarious to me, and it didn't bother me one bit. I was on could nine because I am so happy both of us have moved on. However, I heard about his proposal story and it just shot through my heart.

It was the most perfect thing I could possibly imagine. He whisked her away on a surprise weekend to NYC and proposed there. I was floored, and admittedly jealous. I've never been to NYC in my adult life, and it's always been a dream of mine. I think it was the initial shock of it that got to me (the proposal story, not the proposal itself) but after reading from all of you and sleeping on it I feel much better today. I wanted to go ahead and let yall in on that so I don't seem completely off my rocker Thank you all!

 

[Amys Bling]

Mashira- If it's too personal, you don't have to answer...I thought I remembered you being relatively young... 21? 22? 23? You have an ex FI? Big question is, what was that ring like-(bling addict in me is curious) I'm sure it's nothing like your future ring, but curious if you went with someone COMPLETELY different this time. A friend of the family- for her second time around she went with a 1 ct D IF RB, first time around it was a lower color and clarity princess in a kite set like you, but bigger in carat.

 

[monarch64]

Just chiming in with my super dry wit (*pats self on back sardonically*) to say: does anyway know where exactly envy gets us in life? Anyone? Anyone?


It hasn't done a damn thing for me.

What HAS worked for me is just living in the moment. Learning to brush aside the ego (we all learned about this in psych 101) really pays off. We're taught, before college/university, during, and after, not to be selfish, right? But can't we just be selfish enough to realize that OUR moment has nothing to do with the happiness of anyone else, before, after, during, whatever? It is one of those tough pills to swallow.

Mashira, et al: I keep thinking about a saying I heard about 10-15 years ago: "if I only knew then what I know now." I get to be the old-timer now and tell you that one day you will be singing the same tune, and what a lovely, or bittersweet (depending on how you choose to view it) tune it is.

Feel free to kick me out of LIW toute de suite. I will still think you guys are pretty awesome and it was fun hanging with you for a bit!

ETA: I know, I know...I said I was outtie like WEEKS ago. I rescind that remark in favor of being able to drop in whenever I please. You understand, right? Wink, wink!

 

[TruLuv858]

Mashira- I think that our fantasy will always be just that- a fantasy...we dream it up over and over again, that even if our FF DID actually scheme up some outlandish proposal, it "may" not necessarily meet what our original expectation was- but we will be super happy regardless. I have been married before, Got married at 23, my perspective was soooo different back then. Now at 30, while I still fantasize about the proposal, I am more realistic. I had the proposal on the beach, and while lovely, it was totally predictable, I KNEW he was going to do it (even though he tried to keep it a surprise) and I had to pretend to be totally shocked....Inside, I always thought my proposal was kind of lame, but I think that I felt this way for numerous reasons (hence the divorce).

Everything is sooo different this time for me...I am finally with the LOVE OF MY LIFE, my FF wants to take completely control of the purchase (good and bad) but the point is that he wants to fulfill my Ring dream. I guess when I stop and think about this person, who traveled all the way from MA to NYC, just to meet with Mark at ERD for a few hours, because I suggested it, makes me stop and realize how darn lucky I am...

Lets not lose sight of the fact that we are lucky to find a partner who adore us, and want nothing more than to make the proposal special, not matter what their approach....Don't get me wrong though, Mashira- I will still be dreaming up the fantasy every night before bed

 

[Mashira]

TruLuv, I agree, and I think I've gotten over it. I had my initial stab of jealously but after telling FF about it (I didn't want to keep it from him since it was about ex-FI) I feel much better! I also believe that you're right about our "fantasy" being just that - a fantasy. When I came back down to earth from my little 'moment' I realized how silly I was being. I think I realized it as I was doing it, which is why I felt so horrible.

Monarch, I understand what you are saying. That being said, I have always read your posts in a condescending tone and I feel the same about your last one to me. I say this because I think it's clear that I was not stomping my feet and demanding my proposal be in NYC, I just had a pang of jealously, felt bad for it, and wanted to see if it was common. It was not a matter of putting my ego aside, or the wisdom that comes from age. I thought your speech was a little much for my situation, but it could just be me.

Amy, I will be 22 in a few weeks. My first FI was my high school sweetheart, met him when I was 15, we dated a few years and thought that the next step was marriage. I know red flags all over the place! I should have known better, but I believe this time I do know better
The old ring is posted in the last page of this thread:

ladies-in-waiting/promise-rings-anyone-t146146-60.html

It is entirely different than the one I'll be getting!