Wedding Program wording deadline, help!

[violet02]

I have to get the program wording out today to the person printing them! I''m stuck though on a few points!

First question: In the program we''re going to include the ''Seating of the Grandparents'' and ''Seating of the parents''... what do we do about wording re: ''Seating of the grandparents'' when there is only one? Do we say ''grandparent'', maybe leave it off (which might not go over well).... ? I was going to maybe have her sit when my step-mom does, she''ll go after my FI''s parents, but I thought my stepmom might like to have that moment alone. There''s also wording for ''seating of the grandparent and mothers'', or something like that... but the dad is sitting then too so that seems odd. ugh!

Second question: A few weeks ago off-handedly the BM who''s been like a second maid of honor all this time and I had a conversation about how much work she''d been doing. We said we should put her as the matron of honor after my man of honor on the program.. while this makes sense in theory since she''s done the job.. couple of issues, one... I don''t want to take that away from my man of honor who''s really stepped up, per se... or take away his lone title... and add to it.. Also, I only have 3 attendants, and we never asked the other BM....I think she might get bent about it... she''s touchy about being left out.. lastly, after the whole LA bachelorette debacle and her subsequent stepping down on things I''m not comfortable with it per se. But when she goes to help assemble programs and doesn''t see it on there I bet she''ll flip out.... Now I could have my man of honor field it with some good reason or another... but I think we have to address it somehow. I''m glad I stopped to think about it though cause making the other BM flip out would suck too. So what do I do there?!

I''m still stuck on picking music and I have this deadline, arghhh! This is the worst.

 

[violet02]

Also in all fairness, if you were the 3rd bmaid, and you''d pitched in on everything would you feel left out if suddently there was a MOH, a matron of honor and then just you as a BM? and you find this out the week before the wedding? I could ask her as well but I feel like it would be lame to ask cause it''s lame to begin wtih.

 

[amy_dub]

Well, I was in a wedding with only 3 bridesmaids. I was told that the girl''s aunt was her matron of honor because the other BM was pretty hands-off when it came to planning the wedding and i was out of state, so the girl chose her aunt. She of course told me "I''d love for you to be my maid of honor, you''re like my little sister."

The day of the wedding I pick up a program before the wedding starts to see that the aunt is listed at matron of honor and the "not involved" BM is now listed as Maid of honor and i''m simply a BM. I was a little ticked about it, especially since i was told that I was more involved with the wedding while being in another state and the girl who had nothing to do at all with the wedding gets the title of MOH. I guess it wouldn''t have been such a blow if she had actually told me instead of me finding out by reading the program.

 

[violet02]

Well the dilemma is this... this is the emotional over the top BM. She'd bowed out a week ago due to our friction and decided it was best for our friendship if we don't do so much work together so I took it all back.. we'd briefly discussed this matron of honor thing... well the bottom line is my best friend is my man of honor cause he's my best friend and he's done a lot of work... my other friend whom i called today si fine with just being a bridesmaid. The other BM is going to freak out if we change her to a BM. I mean she has done a lot of work... but also been a lot of trouble. Honestly though even though she's been my stand in maid of honor I really wanted my man of honor to have that priveledge alone... she volunteered to help which has been great but does that obligate me to bestow that title on her?

And yes we'd talk to her before showing her the program. I could put a special thanks on there to her or suck it up and add her as the matron of honor... i'm not happy about that though. What to do?

Is it so wrong to only want one person in that position? Is she goign to be resentful she did so much work and got no title? seems that way right now....Can I put her as a BM and add a special thanks to her in the program? in all honestly she's really into being the center of attention and I feel like granting her that title and putting her name way up on the program isn't really fair considering.,

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 9/22/2008 3:42:03 AM
Author: violet02
Is she goign to be resentful she did so much work and got no title? seems that way right now....Can I put her as a BM and add a special thanks to her in the program? in all honestly she''s really into being the center of attention and I feel like granting her that title and putting her name way up on the program isn''t really fair considering.,

I feel badly for you that you are in this weird situation in the wake of your unfortunate bachelorette weekend. I feel like this whole "deserving" a title business is really silly. It makes me nervous for my own wedding down the road when I hear about these catty situations that brides get into with their BMs. I don''t think that a BM deserves a title just because she has helped you a lot. I think people should help with a wedding out of the goodness of their hearts and friendship with the couple- not to gain some sort of special recognition at the wedding. Afterall- the wedding is about YOU and your FI, not your BM and the amount of help she''s given to you.

It does sound like this particular BM of yours has a penchant for drama and will probably pitch a fit if she isn''t specially recognized you had discussed prior to the whole b-party weekend debacle. If you''re really not feeling like you want to put her on the program as the Matron of Honor you don''t have to. I would warn her about it before showing her the program (like you said you would).

I realize my $0.02 might be coming a little late but I just wanted to let you know that I don''t think you''re unreasonable to not want to add her as Matron of Honor. I''m curious to know what you did in the end.

 

[SLICK300]

Violet--

Not sure if this is too late, but as for question #1 perhaps wording such as "Seating of NAME 1, Grandmother of the Bride" if there is only one grandparent, and similarly if there are two "Seating of NAME 1 and NAME 2, Grandparents of the Groom"

 

[doodle]

honestly, at this late date in the game, i don''t think it''s fair to anyone involved to be changing titles around. to me, it sends the message to the others, "hey, if you''d done a little more for me, i might have upgraded your title" and at the same time demeans the title given to your MOH because he already earned it before the wedding craziness but now someone else can be elevated to that because they helped with wedding details? if this girl meant that much, you would''ve made her your matron of honor from the get-go. i''d leave it as is, and if you really feel that she''s been more helpful throughout planning than some of the others, emphasize how much you appreciate her assistance in your thank you note, but i wouldn''t go rewording programs at the last minute. that''s my $.02!

 

[violet02]

Okay I came up with a solution... I put
Man of Honor
Xxxxxxx

Best Man
Xxxxxxx

Bridesmaid &
Honorary Matron of Honor
Xxxxx Xxxxx

Bridesmaid
Xxxxxx

Jr. Bridesmaid
Xxxxxxx

hopefully everyones happy with that. I think thats fair enough.

 

[Clairitek]

Violet, I think that was a great solution. I never would have thought of something like that!