Pregnant, feeling bad and feeling guilty....

[amyg]

Hi all!! I am 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and right in the middle of the whole morning noon and night sickness...I feel pretty wretched most of the day...lots of nausea...no actual puking I just wish I could all day...plus I am soooo tired that i don''t want to do anything other than the things I absolutely have to, and so I don''t get to do a lot of things that I normally love to do, and i''m pretty unhappy about that...I am thrilled to be pregnant even if it was a surprise and so i feel really guilty about feeling bad about feeling bad...does that make sense??? Has anyone else experienced this??? I feel like I''m already a bad mom because I''m sick of being sick...it seems like everyone I know just raves about how wonderful pregnancy is, so far i haven''t really seen anything wonderful other than the double line on the test...

 

[Girlrocks]

I had miserable pregnancies too. My first pregnancy was twins and you want to talk about feeling like the worst mom in the world...I cried for the first month I found out there was going to be 2 of them!! Now, I wouldn''t trade them for the world of course. Your hormones are raging...it''s totally normal to go up and down 200 times a day. One of my first indications I was pregnant the second time was that I was crying about EVERYTHING! A good friend of mine experienced the same thing. Welcome to the wonderful world of parenthood...you''ll be second-guessing yourself and feeling guilty for the rest of your life!!

Congratulations, by the way!

 

[ephemery1]

My friend was pregnant with twins for her first pregnancy too, and sick for 6 months straight until her doctor finally prescribed her an anti-nausea medication. She was miserable and losing weight... not good for a mommy-to-be!! I remember her calling in tears saying "anyone who tells you they love being pregnant is LYING!!!"

Hang in there, Amy... just focus on taking care of yourself and the little one inside... which means no guilt for how you feel!

 

[amyg]

Thanks Girlrocks and Epemery...I really needed to hear that I am not alone in this...i am soooo looking forward to my second trimester when hopefully everything will even out a little!!!

 

[Girlrocks]

As far as the morning sickness, I was absolutely miserable with my twins! The second time around, I was even sicker with my youngest (all 3 girls). I actually lost weight the first 5 months. But you know what, as soon as you get that little bundle in your arms, you won''t even remember any of that! Just try to take care of yourself and remember it''s only 9 months (seems like an eternity now!). As miserable as I was both times, I''m ready to try for #4 soon so that just goes to show you that it''s either worth it or I''m totally crazy!

 

[amyg]

i think it definitely shows it''s worth it...I think most people probably forget how bad it was those first few months, and really I have it a lot better than a lot of people, I''m just not a sickly person...I''m used to feeling great most of the time, so this has been quite an adjustment...

Thank you for responding, it makes me feel a lot better...

 

[Mara]

why should you feel like you are a bad mom for feeling sick of being sick?? that's not a bad mom, that's just a realistic feeling. i would be upset and tired of being sick too. i have a friend who was pregnant and she was very sick in the first trimester and she and her husband referred to the creature in really funny terms the whole time, not positive terms at all. they of course were thrilled to be pregnant but at that point she was NOT happy with the entity taking over her body. they didn't identify with it as a baby at all yet, so they didn't feel guilty at all and they shouldn't have. i thought it was fairly refreshing that they didn't feel like they had to pretend to be really happy about her barfing every other day and claiming it was wonderful. it was later on in her pregnancy she really felt like she loved being pregnant. of course it doesn't reflect on the feelings you will have for the baby when it is actually born!! so feel as upset as you want! it's your body and it's being taken over for breeding!!

 

[Allisonfaye]

I was only mildly queasy during the first couple of months with my first daughter and then during the third trimester I spent an entire evening in the bathroom throwing up. With my second, again, mild nausea. I hated every second of it. I couldn''t even fathom how the women who were constantly sick could make it....and then do it again.

You are not a bad mom. You are perfectly normal. By the way, when your little one is barfing in the middle of the night, you aren''t a bad mom for not enjoying that part of it either.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Just to add: I am sitting here watching my 9 month old play with a little toy. It is soooo cute to watch how she looks at it and moves her little hands and arms. Just wait until you get to experience being a mom. It will be worth it.

 

[diamondfan]

Even someone who is thrilled to be pregnant can be a bit apprehensive about how their life is going to change and all that comes with being a mom. It is normal and natural. Also, when you fell sick and cruddy and tired, it is tough to whip up the enthusiasm in that moment. I have three kids, with the two I had awful nausea that was overwhelming in the first months but got better. With my third, it lasted nine months and I did vomit a lot, wherever I was. I also had other issues like terrible back pain etc..I remember thinking, what in the heck am I doing? I am almost 40, am I nutty? Of course, I got through it and he is almost 5 and the love of my life, along with my two older ones. I have no regrets, but boy there were times I thought I just wanted to get in bed and never come out. It will be amazing, and just allow yourself to process all the feelings you have, even the ones you think are not 100% wonderful...

 

[Miranda]

Disliking pregnancy is no reason to think you won''t like being a mom (or won''t be a good one)! I felt a lot of guilt when I was preggers with all three of mine because I really didn''t like being pregnant. We had many friends that were infertile, going through infertility treatments, or soooooooo sick they were medicated and here I was with no real ( other than feeling yucky overall) complications, disliking the majority of the experience. The second all of my babies were born it was like a big Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Glad that''s over!

That said, feeling the baby move, ultrasounds, finding out gender (or not) is magical and probably one of the most exciting times in your entire life.

 

[amyg]

Thank y''all sooooooo much!!!!! All of the responses made me feel soooo much better!!!

Mara: That''s funny that you said your friends refered to the baby by weird names, I''ve been calling mine the parasite when i feel really bad...but when I''m happy he/she is chickpea....

It''s so nice to hear all thestories and know I''m not the first person to feel this way...Y''all are great!!!

 

[VegasAngel]

Your feelings are complete normal. Nobody pregnant or not likes feeling ill. You will feel better once you get into the second trimester. 1st & 3rd trimester are the trying months.

 

[Mara]

Date: 8/4/2006 8:24:45 AM
Author: amyg
Mara: That''s funny that you said your friends refered to the baby by weird names, I''ve been calling mine the parasite when i feel really bad...but when I''m happy he/she is chickpea....

lol yeah that was one of the names they used for their little darling...hehehe. i know how happy they were to be having a baby, but yeah when your body feels like it''s out of your control, it can''t be easy! hang in there!

 

[Miranda]

Parasite - That''s a good one. Sadly, our silly nicknames didn''t end at birth. I was very amemic at the end of my pregnancy with my daughter and lost a fair amount of blood at post birth (they were preparing for a transfusion). Those things combined left me feeling soooo tired. She got the nickname "my sweet vampire".

 

[ladykemma]

when my friend when through this, she resorted to convenience everything. paper plates, healthy take out food, paper cups, plastic ware. help in the house. no social life.

all she wanted to do was puke and sleep.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

The great thing is, once you get thorugh this part, you''ll feel extra great since the sickness is gone! Around that time you can start looking at maternity clothes, too! You won''t believe it now, but it goes by so fast in retrospect. I assume you have saltines by your bed? I couldn''t get out of bed in the morning without eating a couple. Getting up on an empty stomach was a sure way to start feeling sick. That''s how I survived the first 3 months!

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Hi Amyg ~

Congratulations of being part of a miracle!

Your not a bad momma ... as others have said ... no one in their right mind enjoys being sick!

Unfortunately, some of us momma''s to be experience more yucky, awful feeling sicko times than others.

I didn''t even know I was preggo ... I thought I had the worst case of the flu! I am kidding you not!

I was off work for one whole week, and finally went back to work. I still was nauseated ... and my OB/GYN came into the L&D and asked how I was ... he had heard I had a bad case of the flu, and I said I don''t think I am quite over it ... and out of the blue he asked ... so isn''t it about your 6wk mark when we test your blood to see if your pregnant or not. I replied with "yeah, but I am not pregnant ... I have the flu .., and besides ... my pregnancy tests are always negative, I am just tired of getting my hopes up only to be told, NOT this time!" Well, of course he ordered the test, and 20 mins. later the lab called, and said "YES! Your finally pregnant". Of course the Dr. came to congratulate me, and stated "Flu, huh?"

He had a good laugh ... and then said that we needed to do an ultrasound because the test came back with very high levels, and he just wanted to make sure all was ok, especially because I was so sick and looked like a spotted raccoon. I had the ultrasound that day, and was sent home on bed rest ... Twins!

Some women are blessed with an easy pregnancy, and others ... have high risk, and or, difficult ones.

Just remember to try and stay focused ... in the end you will have a beautiful baby to cherish & love!

Time goes by ... and soon before you know it, the sickness will be over ... and you will start to feel the baby move, stretch and kick ... it is amazing to see a hand, foot or even a butt protrude and be somewhat visable!

Sending postitive thoughts, and

prayer for you and your

baby ... may you be feeling well soon!

Take care, and keep us posted!

 

[amyg]

Y''all are all sooo sweet!! Thank you for all of the encouraginf words and thoughts and prayers! I missed my first day of work yesterday...but I''m here today, and think I might actually feel better...Whoo Hoo!

 

[diamondfan]

I called one the peanut, one the bean (lima bean shape) and one the peapod. I wanted to make a charm bracelet and get gold versions of each as a charm...it strarted because the first ultra sound looked like a peanut shape, so it snowballed from there...made me laugh to think of.

 

[akw94]

You are very normal and shouldn''t feel bad at all. It is completely normal to not like feeling sick, nothing wrong w/that! I had a tough pregnancy, morning sickness for a long time. Actually, initially I had leg cramps which is what brought me to the dr..who knew you get leg cramps..at least I didn''t know that then! It was not the best experience of my life, but as others have mentioned, those moments when you feel the baby kick are wonderful. I kind of compare pregnancy to law school. I went through the process for my life after graduation, not b/c I enjoy being in school.
No matter what you are feeling, there''s nothing wrong w/it! You are entitled to any feelings that you have. And give yourself a break, this is a new experience, one that can be overwhelming so it takes awhile to adjust to emotionally, let alone the physical adjustments that your body is going through.

Good luck and I hope that I didn''t ramble too much!

 

[VegasAngel]

Date: 8/8/2006 10:39:42 AM
Author: dixie94
You are very normal and shouldn''t feel bad at all. It is completely normal to not like feeling sick, nothing wrong w/that! I had a tough pregnancy, morning sickness for a long time. Actually, initially I had leg cramps which is what brought me to the dr..who knew you get leg cramps..at least I didn''t know that then! It was not the best experience of my life, but as others have mentioned, those moments when you feel the baby kick are wonderful. I kind of compare pregnancy to law school. I went through the process for my life after graduation, not b/c I enjoy being in school.
No matter what you are feeling, there''s nothing wrong w/it! You are entitled to any feelings that you have. And give yourself a break, this is a new experience, one that can be overwhelming so it takes awhile to adjust to emotionally, let alone the physical adjustments that your body is going through.

Good luck and I hope that I didn''t ramble too much!

OMG, I had terrible leg cramps during my pregnancy. Always at night. Leg cramps & a pinched nerve type of pain on my right side were the 2 most annoying pregnancy pains.

 

[asscherisme]

I am very late to this thread but wanted to assure you that what you are going through is SO normal. I have been there/done that many times.

I have 4 children and adore my kids. Best thing that ever happened to me . I love being a mom.

However, I HATED being prenant. There, I said it. I hated it! I know some women love it but for me it was just something I had to go through to get to the good part- motherhood and a baby!

When I got pregnant with my 3rd and 4th I use to hear "wow, you must love being pregnant" and people were shocked when I said, nope hate it. But my life now with my 4 kids is so amazing and it was all amazingly worth it.

I am a type A, high energy person. And around 5 or 6 weeks, sometimes before I even KNEW I was pregnant I felt awful. Jus awful and wanted to sleep and sit on the couch all the time. I felt miserable, guilty, sick, awful, etc. I was jealous of those women who loved pregnany and breezed right through.

But I can tell you the first few months are the worst. Around the beginning of the 4th month I bet you will feel much better. And as counter-intuitive as it sounds, I found that when my stomach was empty was when I felt the worst. eating something often helped the nausia.

Good luck to you.

My doctor told me that strong morning sickness (they should call it all day sickness LOL) was an indication of a strong pregnancy.

 

[amyg]

Thanks asscher!!! It''s great to hear I''m not alone, and thankfully is has eased up a bit, now I only feel terrible about every other day...I''m going for my first ultrasound in a few minutes!!! I''m soooo excited, but a little nervous too...

 

[jcrow]

asscherisme- (warning, stupid question follows) what do you mean by strong pregnancy?

 

[chrono]

I guess a strong pregnancy means that the pregnancy is progressing well (i.e. the baby is growing and developing as it should) with a lower risk of miscarriage.

 

[MINE!!]

Here is a good way to look at all of this.

In a normal month... a woman dumps about a teaspoon of hormones.. during a preg. a woman dumps a bucket of hormones every other day...

You are going to feel extreme in every emotion that you have... But relax... you are not a bad mom.. you are just sick of being sick.. and soon.. in about 4 months you are going to be sick of being pregnant and then after the baby is born, you are going to be sick of being tired... but as long as you are never sick of being a mom... then you are doin just fine.. hang in there girl.

I LOVED LOVED LOVED being preg. If all it entailed was pregnany I would do it 10X's over. But I really hated those first feww months. Just stay positive. Besides, I think most preg, have to do with attitudes. the first few months are hard, but I have expressed this opinion before.. I know woman who have had terrible pregnancies becaused they expected them and the liked to fuss, other are just happy go lucky... go with the flow people that never seemed to let the little things bother them.

Besides remember, the attitude that you have when pregnant, spills over to your child. They know when you are irritated and disgusted and ill (emotionally) the entire time you are pregnant and they know when you are happy and accepting and comfortable when you are pregnant as well.

Just a thought...

 

[Mara]

"Besides remember, the attitude that you have when pregnant, spills over to your child. They know when you are irritated and disgusted and ill (emotionally) the entire time you are pregnant and they know when you are happy and accepting and comfortable when you are pregnant as well".

No pressure or anything! If I read that I''d be totally paranoid that my kid would come out all wacked because I was sick the whole time. Yikes!

 

[MINE!!]

Date: 8/15/2006 12:16:11 PM
Author: Mara

''Besides remember, the attitude that you have when pregnant, spills over to your child. They know when you are irritated and disgusted and ill (emotionally) the entire time you are pregnant and they know when you are happy and accepting and comfortable when you are pregnant as well''.

No pressure or anything! If I read that I''d be totally paranoid that my kid would come out all wacked because I was sick the whole time. Yikes!

No Mara,

You misunderstand.

Not physically. I am saying that if you spend your entire pregnacy letting every little thing annoy you, resenting the fact that you are pregnant, being pissy because of everything that goes wrong, then your child can feel your angst.

Being sick feeling sick is different. I hated my morning sickness, I was "ill" over my morning sickness, but I felt happy cause I knew that it would lead to my child. There is a deeper feeling there than that. Don''t sweat the small stuff, I say.

People who are miserable... meaning, almost... "enjoying" being miserable and complaining are different than those that just feel plain bad, but are happy about the fact that they are pregnant in different.

 

[asscherisme]

Mine, I respectfully STRONGLY disagree with you. What an AWFUL thing to say to women who don''t enjoy being pregant. What you say is simply FALSE!!!!

Stating that someone who does not like being pregnant spills over to their child? Thats just false and puts awful pressure on the mother. No offense to you personally but its that kind of attitude that really is unfair to pregnant women.

Chrono, that exactly what I meant.