Pregnancy & Boooze

[Independent Gal]

How hard was it for those of you with kids or who are expecting to quit drinking? I guess I didn't realize what a big role alcohol plays in our lives until we started TTC. It's not like we're hard drinking, but we probably have (had) a drink (or sometimes 2) 4 or 5 days a week.

Almost all our social interaction seems to involve booze in one way or another. At parties. Out at the local pub. At sports events. At dinner events and receptions. At picnics. Even after going to the movies, we usually were in the habit of getting a beer with our 'movie buddy'. I feel like everyone we know is staring at me and thinking 'Holy crow! Is she pregnant already?! Or what?' I feel like it's hard to keep this all private when everyone must naturally assume something's up when I stop drinking. A guy I barely know actually asked me at a party we were at a couple of weeks ago. He was all "I notice you're not drinking... are you pregnant already?' YIKES!

DH has cut down on his drinking and plans to stop completely once I'm actually knocked up. Because, frankly, it's really hard to watch him. Like when you really want ice cream, but you're on a diet, and your husband goes and gets a delicious big cone of your fave flavour and eats it in front of you.

He offered to cut down / quit, I didn't have to ask.

OK, I hope I don't sound like a total addict.

I just enjoy a nice drink is all!

Anyway, I just wondered about the rest of you and the experiences you had with this aspect.

 

[diamondfan]

It is a tough call because especially in the very early stages when you do not know you are pregnant alcohol is teratogenic to the fetus. I know from grad school that they say there is really no way to know safe versus not so abstaining during the whole ttc and pregnancy time is best. Research is hard and a lot of data is self reported or anecdotal so accuracy is a bit off. And issues range from mild to full blown Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and often it is hard to attribute the less severe problems to drinking.

That said, I have friends who drank sporadically and did not know they were pregnant (were not trying) and one friend who got very drunk and then discovered she was pregnant, and I think everything was fine. And I have a friend who is from Europe and she drank a bit here and there during her pregnancy, but I would not recommend that.

I think it becomes easy if you think of your little seedling in there. I love coffee and once I was pregnant the smell of it made me sick. Caffeine is also harmful and I was a three to four cup a day coffee drinker and drank diet coke and tea a lot as well.

 

[cara]

I totally get that it is hard to cut out alcohol in social situations... it is even hard to cut out (caloric) food! I am on a diet, so am watching what I eat and trying to limit how much I alcohol I drink, but it is really hard to go out to parties and not have a drink or two! (Let alone try to limit myself to a small portion of something healthy to eat!) My husband and I had gotten into a real wine with dinner habit and I had to pretty much ixnay that to stay on target.

And in many ways, the solution for me is to not go out as much

I know myself and about as good as I can do when going out for dinner is not put myself too far in the hole calorie-wise, but that day is pretty much written off as a neutral day at best.

With abstaining from alcohol for pregnancy reasons, I think that brings up a whole second set of issues, especially early in the pregnancy or TTC when you might not exactly want to broadcast your reasons. What did you say to the nosy-partygoer?

I love it that fathers-to-be put on sympathy weight or cut out the booze, but there is a part of me that is like, well, there''s no reason for him to also have baby weight to lose! (Especially if he ends up like this friend of ours: a new father prompty dropped twenty pounds of "baby weight" in the two months after the birth of his new baby, while his wife is still well padded and recovering from her c-section. THAT might make me more upset then hubby staying thin throughout.)

 

[Independent Gal]

I know I''m definitely not going to be drinking! But so far it''s tougher than I expected. Basically, my plan is to have minimal booze until I ovulate each month, and then nothing until it''s confirmed that I''m definitely not pregnant. I definitely want to play it safe.

Actually, DH and I have a plan that each month that Aunt Flo comes to visit, instead of being so disappointed, we''ll turn it into ''Yay! It''s sushi & scotch night!'' so that we can cheer ourselves up by enjoying things we like but couldn''t have if I HAD got knocked up.

But while there''s any chance I''m knocked up, no booze.

I heard that in the 3rd trimester, it''s not such a big deal, but I think even there I will play it safe. Don''t want to mess around with baby''s brain, of all things! I have some experience with people with FAS and it is really terrible. For one thing, they are far more likely to commit crimes than people without FAS because they have trouble understanding social norms and with empathy. They are RADICALLY over-represented in prisons. So it''s not just your own kid you''re potentially harming. Not that that wouldn''t be enough!

The nosey guy at the party was actually excited for us. He loves kids and just after we were married was excited to hear that we were planning to try for some soon. So he didn''t mean anything bad by it. Just didn''t know any better. So I just told him ''nope! not yet!''

 

[Independent Gal]

oh, and re the baby-weight and no-booze rule, DH has put on about 10 pounds in the last year or so. And although he wears it well, he himself doesn''t like it. I bet those pounds just drop off when he cuts out the booze! So I think it will be good for him too.

 

[JulieN]

Bf's friend's pregnant wife won't go into bars because she's worried about the evaporated alcohol in the air.

 

[Independent Gal]

OK, that''s a little nutty.

I mean, second hand smoke is one thing. But second hand booze?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I work with a number of women in various stages of pregnancy and quite honestly, not too long after you concieve, you probably won''t want to be drinking. With all the changes to your body, alcohol often isn''t even that appealing.

Since you will be getting pregnant, maybe switch drinking with eating something so you are still out and social, but not imbibing.

 

[Independent Gal]

I was thinking about finding a few really scrumptious fizzy drink options, like that ''Izze'' stuff, and bringing that along to parties so that I''m REALLY enjoying my drink, even though it''s not booze.

 

[ladypirate]

Ooo! You should try "Dry Soda"--they have it at Whole Foods and it is delicious! Not very sweet, and the flavors are unusual: kumquat, lemongrass, lavender, and rhubarb.

 

[TravelingGal]

Indy, I just love my wine.

We didn''t know we were expecting...we weren''t even trying. So in the first 2 weeks of my pregnancy, I drank a fair bit, even hard spirits (cognac) and was around people who were smoking cigars. This was because I was on a business trip and had to socialize.

When we did find out I was pregnant, I did miss wine. Especially because my friends love good wine. If I really felt deprived at get togethers, I would take a sip of my hubby''s. Now, when I mean a sip, I mean I just literally touched my tongue to the wine for a taste..hardly anything to swallow. Once I tasted what they were drinking, I found myself just fine to go without. After a few times of this, I didn''t even miss it and need the taste.

By the 3rd trimester, you pretty much are OK to have a tiny bit once in awhile...but once you get there, you think...gosh, I''ve come this far, why bother? Plus by the time it probably is safe to have a bit, you are huge and people will really shoot you nasty looks if you drink (I don''t know this because I drank, but when I was out with my preggo friend a few years ago, she was having a small glass with dinner and a lady came up to her and said, "I don''t think you should be drinking that." She just replied, "My husband is a doctor, and if he thinks it''s OK, I think I''ll be fine, thank you.") So I didn''t care to drink in public, and at home, I didn''t feel any need. I do admit to having half a very small half glass in the 3rd trimester...which I couldn''t even finish.

Anyway, that was my experience with the drinking thing...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I''ve never been that big of a drinker (only a few times a month) so it wasn''t that hard for me (and I didn''t have a single drink while preggo). But even I craved a margarita and was excited to have one after she was born. I think it will be easier KNOWING you are helping your baby grow and develop.

 

[mom2twogirls]

Honestly, you most likely will not even want a drink once you''re pregnant. Your body is so whacked out on hormones that throwing back a cold one will probably not be high on your list. You will either be so exhausted or have morning sickness.

In our circle of friends, there were several of us pregnant at the same time, so it wasn''t a big deal that we couldn''t drink.

 

[erica k]

i''m a bourbon drinker, and i also have wine/beer several times a week both socially and at home with my husband. the whole no-alcohol thing will be really difficult, especially during the TTC stage. that said, i''m already known for not drinking sometimes at social events because i''m sick or don''t feel like it. so, i don''t think my friends will notice too much if i don''t drink. plus, they''re usually oblivious to these things because they''re too busy getting drunk (what is it about grad school that drives us to drink?

).

i think we''ll get rid of alcohol in the home--because it''s no fun to be the only person drinking! or, so i''d like to think. but, if we''re at a bar, my husband can drink if he wants. i''m trying to cut back on drinking right now, and it''s surprising to me, too, that i drink as often as i do.

i like the sushi & scotch night idea! we''ll have to try that.

 

[somethingshiny]

I tried to carry a baby for almost 6 years before conceiving and carrying my son to term. I didn''t drink unless I was flowing or one week after and then of course not at all during my pregnancies. It''s really not hard if you really want to conceive. If you''re finding it difficult, maybe you''re just not ready yet.


btw- completely no offense intended.

 

[Independent Gal]

somethingshiny No offense taken! From what I''ve heard, this will only be the first of many, many adjustments I''ll have to make, and I''m sure that most new moms (knock wood that I''m among them someday) don''t find all the adjustments easy. I don''t think that means I''m not ready! Or at least as ready as I''ll ever be.

Thanks for the input ladies! It certainly helps to hear I''m not alone.

We went to a party tonight and I enjoyed a delicious fizzy soda with grapefruit juice.

 

[Erin]

Last year I was on a drug (for the third time) to quit smoking. The first two times I took this drug it worked well. However, once I thought I was in the clear I stopped taking it and in the end I was unsuccessful. So here I was, taking it for the third time and had already quit smoking. Then I find out I''m pregnant.

I call the pharmacist to ask if it''s okay to continue taking this smoking cessation drug and he barks back something about Isn''t the fact that I''m pregnant enough reason to just not smoke without the use of a drug? I was so angry at him for being so callous.

Sure, I wasn''t going to smoke while pregnant. It didn''t mean I wasn''t going to think about it. It was part of my habits for years. Pregnancy does not always include a magic button which makes your cravings go away. Doesn''t mean you''re not strong enough that you''ll give in - it''s just that yeah, it''s gonna be on your mind.

Good Luck TTC!

 

[vespergirl]

My pregnancy was unplanned, so I actually drank through the first 6 weeks of my pregnancy, not knowing that I was pregnant. (My son is totally healthy & normal.) However, once I found out I was pregnant, it was really easy to stop, and because my family was from Europe & we make our own wine, I usually dring a glass or two every day with dinner. Once I knew I was pregnant though, I just totally lost my taste for alcohol, and the smell of wine started turning my stomach, so then it wasn''t hard to stop at all. I was very excited to have a drinkn again though once the baby was born

 

[curlygirl]

Both of my children were conceived under the influence of alcohol!!!!! I''m not a huge drinker but DH and I like to enjoy some wine every night and we continued that the first time around until I found out I was pregnant. At that point, I completely stopped and didn''t have a drink again till towards the very end of the pregnancy and at that point, it was more like a glass of club soda with a splash of wine! It just helped me relax in those tense final days. This time around, I literally had NO idea I was pregnant since it was totally unplanned. Again, I drank until I shockingly saw that line on the stick about 2 weeks later but it was just wine here and there. I think I''m much more laid back this time around and have had a glass of wine with dinner when we went out a few weeks ago and a sip of champagne at a wedding this past weekend. I''m already 6 months along and while I know that I probably shouldn''t have anything at all, chasing around a toddler may actually drive you to drink so I''m lucky it hasn''t been any more than that!

Honestly, I think you have to talk to your doctor and make the best decisions for you. I have European friends who had one drink/day throughout their pregnancies and had perfectly normal babies--and their doctors were fine with it...

DH does drink in front of me and doesn''t really consider my feelings but it doesn''t bother me. Although I think he''s purposely switched to beer because he knows I don''t like it and don''t really care if he has one around me. Now if it was a nice glass of wine, I might be a bit more upset!

 

[mela lu]

You are not alone!

I too was a pretty social social drinker - at least one night out with the girls a weekend and a glass of wine (or 2

) every night with dinner. Once I realized I was PG I completely lost the taste for it. Before hand, I was worried that I would be tempted while pregnant and be resentful that I couldnt partake with my friends, but the opposite happened! I have zero cravings or jealousy! I swear, our bodies work in magical ways.

To make matters worse, I was know to light up a ciggie now and again socially (weekend or party type thing), and have never even considered one since getting knocked up. I wasn''t addicted, so its not hard to believe, but my body is clearly NOT craving anything ''bad'' for me.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

I am a firm believer that drinking before 18-23 days after implantation is fine.

I was not only a drinker prior to discovering the preg. at 1st day skipped period but on Cat. D meds to boot!

Olivia is healthy and fine - but I had to quickly power down off the meds. That''s why finding out early is key!

Hell, I drink now even though we are in the beg. of IUI. I am so totally moderate a drinker and it brings me joy and relaxation
which are in short order these days!

I know not everyone would agree w/ me - especially the Infertility crowd. (acupuncture, a million herbs and tonics, certain foods, supplements, etc.)

But if I have so many constraints and such little joy of my own life despite TTC than what''s the point?

All that focus and stress on TTC can have reverse neg. effects anyway as far as I''m concerned!

Now I say this with already having a child so my perspective may be skewed.

And I did have a glass or 2 of wine towards the end of the pregnancy I mean like somwhere around week 39, 40, 41!

 

[Independent Gal]

mela I know what you mean about the cigs. I quit 13 years ago (I know, it''s creepy to think how young I was when I smoked) and have always missed it, truth be told. I''ve been known to smoke one about 2 or 3 times a year. I actually shared one at my wedding, after the grown-ups had gone home.

Several of my friends smoke cigars too and that''s something I''ve also enjoyed now and then.

Because it was a very rare thing for me anyway, it wasn''t that hard to give up so far.

Oh, but I miss my Sunday afternoon beer&baseball ritual at our local pub.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 6/16/2008 11:50:41 AM
Author: curlygirl
Both of my children were conceived under the influence of alcohol!!!!! I''m not a huge drinker but DH and I like to enjoy some wine every night and we continued that the first time around until I found out I was pregnant. At that point, I completely stopped and didn''t have a drink again till towards the very end of the pregnancy and at that point, it was more like a glass of club soda with a splash of wine! It just helped me relax in those tense final days. This time around, I literally had NO idea I was pregnant since it was totally unplanned. Again, I drank until I shockingly saw that line on the stick about 2 weeks later but it was just wine here and there. I think I''m much more laid back this time around and have had a glass of wine with dinner when we went out a few weeks ago and a sip of champagne at a wedding this past weekend. I''m already 6 months along and while I know that I probably shouldn''t have anything at all, chasing around a toddler may actually drive you to drink so I''m lucky it hasn''t been any more than that!

Honestly, I think you have to talk to your doctor and make the best decisions for you. I have European friends who had one drink/day throughout their pregnancies and had perfectly normal babies--and their doctors were fine with it...

DH does drink in front of me and doesn''t really consider my feelings but it doesn''t bother me. Although I think he''s purposely switched to beer because he knows I don''t like it and don''t really care if he has one around me. Now if it was a nice glass of wine, I might be a bit more upset!

Haha! DD was conceived under the influence, too! As in WAY under the influence, sleep the entire next day kind of under the influence! I''m so glad, too because we may never have had her if caution was not thrown to the wind! Thank goodness for our friend''s 30th bday party!

Anyway, to answer the question, no for me, it wasn''t hard. I''m not a big drinker and have an occasional cocktail. We drink more now than we ever did when the boys were little so a decadeish ago it was no biggie. I had lots of mocktails when friends were drinking.

 

[neatfreak]

Indy, it really really is not a big deal if you are drinking while TTC. As long as it''s one drink and not 30, it shouldn''t harm anything. You don''t share much with your baby until awhile after implantation, so it isn''t a big deal, especially before you miss your period!

And as far as drinking while preggo even...I don''t because I''m not a big drinker to begin with. But that being said my Dr. said a glass of wine or beer (like 4-8 oz, not 32!) isn''t a big deal even when you are pregnant as far as he''s concerned...

So my basic message is that unless you are binge drinking I really don''t think it''s a big deal to abstain until you know you are pregnant.

 

[777_LDY]

I continued to drink in moderation until the sticks showed a + sign. My Dr. told me it was fine. I am a smoker too though and that was a bit difficult to give up beforehand, but once I found out I was pregnant the thought of smoking seriously repulsed me. Why I ever went back, I have nooooo clue.

I didn''t drink during my pregnancies, even towards the end. I just had other cravings and it didn''t bother me if others were drinking around me. While nursing though I had a tough time producing milk for my 2nd and 3rd child and my Dr. actually told me to drink a Guinness beer because the hops would help. I couldn''t finish it, but the little bit I did drink did help. Hubby got a kick out of it when I told him to go to the liquor store for me!

 

[LitigatorChick]

I chose to quit drinking when we were TTC. I remember being 4 months preggo, and craving a martini. There just is no non-alcoholic substitute for that!!! Yeesh! But the benefits of having the peace of mind for me was enough, so I abstained throughout.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 6/16/2008 11:50:41 AM
Author: curlygirl
Both of my children were conceived under the influence of alcohol!!!!! I''m not a huge drinker but DH and I like to enjoy some wine every night and we continued that the first time around until I found out I was pregnant. At that point, I completely stopped and didn''t have a drink again till towards the very end of the pregnancy and at that point, it was more like a glass of club soda with a splash of wine! It just helped me relax in those tense final days. This time around, I literally had NO idea I was pregnant since it was totally unplanned. Again, I drank until I shockingly saw that line on the stick about 2 weeks later but it was just wine here and there. I think I''m much more laid back this time around and have had a glass of wine with dinner when we went out a few weeks ago and a sip of champagne at a wedding this past weekend. I''m already 6 months along and while I know that I probably shouldn''t have anything at all, chasing around a toddler may actually drive you to drink so I''m lucky it hasn''t been any more than that!

Honestly, I think you have to talk to your doctor and make the best decisions for you. I have European friends who had one drink/day throughout their pregnancies and had perfectly normal babies--and their doctors were fine with it...

DH does drink in front of me and doesn''t really consider my feelings but it doesn''t bother me. Although I think he''s purposely switched to beer because he knows I don''t like it and don''t really care if he has one around me. Now if it was a nice glass of wine, I might be a bit more upset!

Thanks for being so honest, curlygirl. I have to admit that I enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine & champagne in late pregnancy as well, and I drank dark beer (like Guiness) while I was nursing to increase my milk supply - this is recommended in Europe, and it definitely works. I was at first worried that I drank throughout my early pregnancy, but I spoke to one of my cousins who is a doctor in Italy, and she said that the American guidelines for alcohol during pregnancy are very different than the guidelines in Europe. In England the recommendation is no more than one drink per day during pregnancy, and in France and Italy it''s no more than two drinks per day, where women usually have a glass of wine with both lunch and dinner.

I asked her why there was such a discrepancy between the American and European guidelines, and she said that the American medical community has two reasons - first, we are a very litigious society, so any dr. who does not tell patients to completely avoid alcohol can turn around and be sued by a patient if something is wrong with the baby. Also, Americans can''t be trusted to do things in moderation (e.g. our huge obesity problem in this country) so they feel that it''s safer to tell women not to drink at all instead of maybe a drink here and there.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

When I became pregnant, I was fixated on health and didn''t crave alcohol at all. For the first pregnancy, I was a saint! lol The second time around, again, I didn''t care for alcohol, BUT I did drink an espresso every day. The goal would be to find a fun alternative so you NEVER feel deprived. As others mentioned, you probably won''t even want to drink as your body goes into protection mode and many things turn you off.

 

[musey]

I remember that my high school choir teacher was hesitant to TTC because she LOVED her beer and didn't want to give it up. She discovered non-alcoholic beer, there are lots of different ones, and loved it so much during her pregnancy that she kept right on drinking it after finishing up pregnancy/breastfeeding.

One of my friends who is pregnant loves non-alcoholic wine.

So there are other options

unless it's the feeling, and not the flavor, that you like. I have another preggo friend who's been very frustrated at not being able to go out for a night of drinking (goal: to get buzzed/drunk) anymore.

However, IMHO, if that's something you (not YOU you, referring to my friend) are not ready to give up for only 9 months, you're probably not ready for parenthood... that's a bigger lifestyle conflict issue, I think. I should disclaim, though, that I'm not much of a drinker--I'll do it every now and then, sure, but I'm one to hang out with the drunkards while totally sober because it just doesn't hold a lot of interest for me. So that obviously affects my views

 

[cara]

In defense of American doctors, one cannot perform a well-controlled study on the effects of alcohol consumption on fetal development for ethical reasons. And, some existing studies do suggest that there is no "safe" amount of alcohol that can be consumed as bad outcomes are not well correlated with the amount of alcohol consumed by the mother during pregnancy, and the fetus does seem to be vulnerable to alcohol exposure at different stages of development (ie. not just during the first trimester.)

These questions could be answered by a nice study: Group A pregnant women, drink nothing. Group B pregnant women, drink X. Group C, drink 2x. You see the problem?

So, one could just say that American doctors are conservative in their interpretation of available data.

I got kind of bothered intellectually with the similarly conservative recommendations for limited exercise during pregnancy, which are even less supported by actual data. But having never been pregnant, maybe I woln''t actually mind if/when it comes to pass. Anyone annoyed by exercise limitations during pregnancy, or planning to ignore/did ignore them?