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Smurfysmiles

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 30, 2007
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Not only is my sister and her husband getting divorced over christmas which will be hard enough on the kids (1 b-13, 2 girls 15 and 16) but we found out today that my younger niece was raped by her bf in her parent''s house on tuesday. He recently turned 18 and they are taking him to court. They took her to the er immediately and as far as I know everything is ok but I haven''t been getting the emails because my email keeps getting spelled wrong
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. Hopefully I''ll find out some good news soon and I know this will be really hard on their family during the holidays so any prayers and well wishes would help. It''s so heartbreaking because she was so adamant about waiting until she got married to give up her virginity and now it''s not even an option for her
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Thanks for listening..
 
Oh no! Smurfy, I''m so sorry to hear about your niece! Your niece and entire family are in my prayers.
 
Oh smurfs that''s terrible your poor niece
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, what an absolute piece of scum I hope they throw the book at him.

Your whole family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
All the best to your family....
 
i finally got an email! thank you all for your kind thoughts and words
here is what my sister had to say on all of this (names removed of course)


When it rains it pours. Yesterday was a very emotional day for our whole family. After talking to her counselor at school, K came home and informed me that she was sexually assaulted by her boyfriend. We took her to the ER and a sexual assault team was brought in to examine her and collect evidence. The incident happened late Tuesday afternoon in our home. She was not physically injured. We have pressed charges. The officer handling the case is someone our family knows from church. He came to the home and collected bed linens and clothes and recorded voice mails off of her cell phone. K is handling this all very well, which surprises both her counselor and I. We expect a fall out down the road emotionally and we will have her in counseling to work through this traumatic event. The police are hunting down this kid to interview him. Today is his 18th birthday. K will be with someone at all times today. The family needs lots of prayers. We will keep you informed as events unfold. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!!!!!!!

like my sister says- pray pray pray
 
I send prayers to K, to heal from this traumatic event. Prayers to heal her mind and spirit. I hope she gets through this with support of her family. This kind of thing takes a long time to heal. My heart goes out to her. She''s going to have pain and will suffer emotionally. Hoping all of you will take the time to wrap your arms around her and make her feel safe.
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How awful! I''m sending prayers for your whole family.

As a side note, my best friend in school was raped (and lost her virginity to him). She had a really hard time because she refused to tell her parents. She became an entirely different person and no longer thought of sex as something special. (of course) I think she would have REALLY benefited from some sort of counseling. PLEASE suggest that she continue her counseling, and preferably with an assault "specialist".
 
somethingshiny, i definitely have first hand knowledge with this because the same thing actually happened to me but we never prosecuted because he ended up losing his life in iraq shortly after. not many people in my family know this but i will probably let my niece know, hopefully it will make her feel better if she knows i can relate to her in this way...
 
smurfy~ I''m sorry to hear that about you, too. It probably would help your niece to know about you. To see that someone she looks up to is a good person, "normal" and all of that may help her feel like it WILL get better.
 
Oh gosh, I am so sorry. Lots of prayers outgoing.
 
Smurfy that is horrible! I am so sorry for your niece and also what happened to you. Atleast she will feel like she has someone who understands what she is going through. Your family will be in my thoughts.
 
That''s awful! Your family is in my thoughts.
 
I''m so sorry Smurfy, I hope your niece is able to work through the experience and come out a happy, balanced girl at the end.
Prayers and best wishes outgoing.

L.
 
I am so sorry for your niece and her family. It brought tears to my eyes and I am praying for her.

Smurfy, telling her would be a wonderful idea. I have no first hand knowledge but it must make you feel very isolated. I am glad she is taking it well and hope the boy has to deal with the consequences. She is a strong girl for coming forward.
 
Oh gosh, that''s heartbreaking. Your neice and your family are most certainly in my prayers.
 
Date: 12/12/2008 7:54:32 PM
Author:Smurfysmiles
Not only is my sister and her husband getting divorced over christmas which will be hard enough on the kids (1 b-13, 2 girls 15 and 16) but we found out today that my younger niece was raped by her bf in her parent's house on tuesday. He recently turned 18 and they are taking him to court. They took her to the er immediately and as far as I know everything is ok but I haven't been getting the emails because my email keeps getting spelled wrong
20.gif
. Hopefully I'll find out some good news soon and I know this will be really hard on their family during the holidays so any prayers and well wishes would help. It's so heartbreaking because she was so adamant about waiting until she got married to give up her virginity and now it's not even an option for her
7.gif
Thanks for listening..
Click to expand...
Smurfy, first of all, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry this has happened to your niece. My thoughts and prayers are with her, you and your families. I think everyone's suggestion that your neice seek professional help is a excellent one!

I just wanted to clarify something and I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way because this is certainly not my intention. I work with children and youth who've been sexually abused and their families. The concern you've expressed about your neice's virginity being taken away is one that I commonly hear, especially from families for whom religious and cultural beliefs make the issue of virginity even more difficult. Part of the psychoeducation that we (myself and my team) provide to our clients and their families is that sex is different from sexual abuse or sexual assault. The emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects of consentual sex is completely different from those associated with raped or sexual abused. Technically, yes, your neice is no longer a virgin. But, I think it's how this is reframed that will be helpful to your neice and her family during the healing process. Clearly, remaining a virgin until marriage was important to her and she can still make the decision regarding whom the first person she willingly and lovingly has sex with. I hope this makes sense and I hope I haven't upset you. I don't normally respond to people's threads about DV or relationship problems etc. other than to convey my best wishes 'cause I don't always think it's best practice to give advice without context and follow-up, but I really felt the concern you raised was important enough to warrant a response. Again, I think your neice could really benefit from counselling with a professional with experience in this area!
 
Date: 12/13/2008 2:43:25 AM
Author: pocahontas
Date: 12/12/2008 7:54:32 PM

Author:Smurfysmiles

Not only is my sister and her husband getting divorced over christmas which will be hard enough on the kids (1 b-13, 2 girls 15 and 16) but we found out today that my younger niece was raped by her bf in her parent''s house on tuesday. He recently turned 18 and they are taking him to court. They took her to the er immediately and as far as I know everything is ok but I haven''t been getting the emails because my email keeps getting spelled wrong
20.gif
. Hopefully I''ll find out some good news soon and I know this will be really hard on their family during the holidays so any prayers and well wishes would help. It''s so heartbreaking because she was so adamant about waiting until she got married to give up her virginity and now it''s not even an option for her
7.gif
Thanks for listening..
Click to expand...

Smurfy, first of all, I just wanted to say I''m so sorry this has happened to your niece. My thoughts and prayers are with her, you and your families. I think everyone''s suggestion that your neice seek professional help is a excellent one!


I just wanted to clarify something and I hope this doesn''t come out the wrong way because this is certainly not my intention. I work with children and youth who''ve been sexually abused and their families. The concern you''ve expressed about your neice''s virginity being taken away is one that I commonly hear, especially from families for whom religious and cultural beliefs make the issue of virginity even more difficult. Part of the psychoeducation that we (myself and my team) provide to our clients and their families is that sex is different from sexual abuse or sexual assault. The emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects of consentual sex is completely different from those associated with raped or sexual abused. Technically, yes, your neice is no longer a virgin. But, I think it''s how this is reframed that will be helpful to your neice and her family during the healing process. Clearly, remaining a virgin until marriage was important to her and she can still make the decision regarding whom the first person she willingly and lovingly has sex with. I hope this makes sense and I hope I haven''t upset you. I don''t normally respond to people''s threads about DV or relationship problems etc. other than to convey my best wishes ''cause I don''t always think it''s best practice to give advice without context and follow-up, but I really felt the concern you raised was important enough to warrant a response. Again, I think your neice could really benefit from counselling with a professional with experience in this area!
Click to expand...


I completely agree with you pocahontas. I majored in child psychology for about 3 years in college so i definitely see where you''re coming from. I believe (what I''ve gathered anyways) is that they are giving her some time to gather her thoughts and emotions and everything but she has expressed interest in a psychologist. She is actually already seeing one to deal with the divorce that is happening right now (depression runs in our family and thankfully she''s mature enough to recognize when she needs help from others, i wish i had gone to a psychologist when i was a teenager). But anyways she is seeing a general psychologist now but in a couple weeks she''s going to be switching to a counselor that is specialized in sexual abuse cases so hopefully that will help. It''s going to be such a tough christmas
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Oh, Im so sorry Smurfy. Prayers outgoing for you and your family.....
 
Smurfy, it sounds like your neice is surrounded by a lot of supportive and understanding people, including yourself. This will make a huge difference in her ability to cope with what has happened and move past this experience. I agree, she sounds like a very mature and intuitive young woman. I''m glad she''s currently seeing a psychologist and is willing to access sexual assualt/abuse specific counselling. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with her, you and your families.
 
Smurfy, I''m so sorry to hear this! Lots of prayers outgoing to your family.
 
Sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family.
 
I am sorry this happened.
You & your niece will be in prayers.
 
Smurfy, just saw this thread. I am so sorry..this is really horrible.
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Sending hugs and prayers out to your niece, your family, and you..
 
Smurfy, I am so sorry to hear this. I know that dealing with the aftermath of rape is not an easy thing to do. She''s lucky to have you as an aunt, especially since you''ve been where she is now. Big hugs to you!!! Again, I am so sorry that this happened.
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Oh Smurfy, this breaks my heart to hear. Family is very important especially at this time of year when so many can feel so lonely. The best thing you all can do for those kids is to shower them with love and affection. Remind them that they''re still loveable regardless of what their parents are going through. My parents split up at Christmas too and I remember feeling like they didn''t love me enough to tough it out through the holidays at least. Please just give ''em lots of hugs and kisses and visit with them as often as possible. Please take them out to do fun kid stuff so that they retain a sense of youth (as much as possible in this time). It''s so easy for kids to just suddenly have to grow up when parents split up. My prayers are going up for this situation.

As for your neice
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This is not fair! Please just remind that that she is not any less of a woman just because that COWARD of a boy is not the measure of the man that she deserves. Please, if she was holding herself pure for her husband, remind her that the husband that God has for her is made with the heart to understand (if she chooses to share with him later on). And please, just let her know that some jerk taking advantage of her doesn''t defile her unless she lets it. She had pure intentions, and God looks at the heart. Please give her lots of love and kind words too.

~SL.
 
Just read through the rest of the thread. Smurfy, I''m sorry this happened to you too. I agree that she may respond to you since there is some affinity there.

Please keep us posted as to how she is doing.

~SL.
 
Hello ladies
again thank you so much for the support. She is handling this so well that I know all the good thoughts must be reaching her. There is no information regarding the guy who did this but she made an update on her blog addressing what is going on. Here''s what she wrote.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Well...

Alot has happened this week. More than you will ever know. I''m completely devastated by what happened....I''ll never be the same again, and I apologize. I just want all you guys to know I appreciate everything you''ve done for me. I just really need a lot of support through these tough times. If you don''t know what happened, go ahead and message me and I''ll explain. That''s only if you''ll even care. A lot of you know already though. I guess all I can do is stay strong, and I think I can really do that. I just gotta believe I''m braver than ever before. I know I am. Other wise I wouldn''t be here right now. I just want you all to know if you need someone to talk to I''m right here because I know that it helps a lot to have a friend that will listen. I love each and every one of you. And don''t forget it please.

Peace&Love
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your niece. I'm glad she has such a supportive family right now.

I just wanted to suggest that if her blog is public to the world, then you may want to edit/delete your post from her blog since she may not want the story of her rape to be connected to her blog, and if she's a typical teenager, even if her blog doesn't state her last name, it probably has identifying pictures of her on it. As an English teacher who has to check papers for plagiarism, I know how easy it is to find an original website by typing in a few phrases from it into google.
 
thanks phoenix i didn''t think of that
i did type it into google and nothing came up but just to be safe, mods could you delete or edit the last post by me? thanks
 
I am so sorry that happened to you niece. I don''t share this often (well, never), but I went through the exact same thing in my senior year of high school and it ruined my entire life. The circumstances are different, but I really hope she continues to persevere through this. I would just recommend having her go to a therapist or psychologist because it''s an incredibly emotional experience. I know that I tried to put on a front but it was something that came back with a force.

Sending lots of love and hugs and prayers.
 
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