Poor FI

[CNYHopeful]

My poor FI has been so busy and stressed with work the past week that he didn''t call or email me the past two days and forgot about our anniversary (of dating)! This is sooo not like him

But it''s OK because I forgot about the anniversary as well. What I''m most concerned about is this-

We''re supposed to drive out of state to visit with my family this weekend, the first time since we got engaged. However, I know he is just soooo drained and is probably not looking forward to the long travel. My car is having brake & alignment problems so we can''t take it down- but I don''t want him to have to drive if he''s too tired.

What should I do?
1) Rent a car for the weekend
2) Should I drive his car (although I hesitate insurance wise)?
3) Suggest that I go down without him (his uncle''s coming back from Aghanistan for the 2nd time in over two years...so he may prefer to stay up here - but he wouldn''t bring it up himself)

 

[Clairitek]

I would look into the insurance issue and consider taking his car and offer to do most of the driving, if not all, if you think he will need the time to relax.

 

[CNYHopeful]

Good point. We have split the end of the trip before (about 45 min), so I could at least offer and let him know that I planned to drive anyway.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 2/20/2009 12:56:55 AM
Author: CNYHopeful
Good point. We have split the end of the trip before (about 45 min), so I could at least offer and let him know that I planned to drive anyway.

And when it comes to insurance I know that my parent''s policy and FI''s policy covers you if something happens and another driver is operating the vehicle. I bet you will be covered to drive his.

 

[meresal]

This is just my personal opinion, if I were putting myself in your shoes... I think that my parents would be quite upset, if my new FI decided he was too tired to make the trip.

I'm not sure what your dynamic is... if your parents are already very close to your FI? FI and I live 4.5 hours away, so missing a planned trip is kind of a big deal.

I would offer to drive. With that said, I commute over an hour each way to go to work, so a 1.5 hour drive wouldn't be much of a blip on my radar. If you are truly worried about it, just call his insurance company and ask if other drivers are covered for the car (or) call yours, and see if you are covered driving a car other than your own.

 

[elrohwen]

There shouldn't be any issues at all with you driving his car. Every insurance plan I've ever heard of covers anyone driving the car, not just the people on the policy.

Also, if he's having a really rough time, could you visit your parents another weekend? I know how it feels to be totally drained from work and I know I would really appreciate it if FI said I could stay home and do it a different weekend. Going without him might not be a good plan because, like Meresal said, your parents might not be happy that he didn't feel like coming. But if you both stay away until another weekend, they won't think as much of it.

ETA: 1.5 hours is also an extremely short trip. Just tell him you'll drive and he can take a nap on the way.

 

[CNYHopeful]

Thank you for the input ladies. I think I need to clarify a few things:

My parents live 4 hours away, so it isn''t a very short trip. I realized after typing the last post that was confusing. Last time he drove down, it was after a long day of work and he just couldn''t make it the last 45 minute stretch, so I offered. It wasn''t a problem.

Secondly, he never made any hint to me that he didn''t want to go. I just know how exhausted he''s been and I don''t want to push him and haven''t had the chance to really talk to him and find out what he wants.

Lastly, this is an important weekend for me and my siblings. We get together once every year for a dinner with our significant others. It''s difficult because there are so many of us and our schedules are often busy that we only get to do this with all of us together once a year (holidays each one spends different ones with my parents and others with their in-laws). I know FI wouldn''t suggest that he skip out on it, but I don''t want him resenting it if we don''t at least discuss our options.

We''ll check into his insurance plan. I know I''m making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. I''m just concerned after not having had much contact with him in the past two days.

 

[meresal]

Date: 2/20/2009 11:26:32 AM
Author: CNYHopeful
Thank you for the input ladies. I think I need to clarify a few things:

My parents live 4 hours away, so it isn't a very short trip. I realized after typing the last post that was confusing. Last time he drove down, it was after a long day of work and he just couldn't make it the last 45 minute stretch, so I offered. It wasn't a problem.

Secondly, he never made any hint to me that he didn't want to go. I just know how exhausted he's been and I don't want to push him and haven't had the chance to really talk to him and find out what he wants.

Lastly, this is an important weekend for me and my siblings. We get together once every year for a dinner with our significant others. It's difficult because there are so many of us and our schedules are often busy that we only get to do this with all of us together once a year (holidays each one spends different ones with my parents and others with their in-laws). I know FI wouldn't suggest that he skip out on it, but I don't want him resenting it if we don't at least discuss our options.

We'll check into his insurance plan. I know I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. I'm just concerned after not having had much contact with him in the past two days.

CNY- I wasn't implying that your FI didn't want to go. I understood completely that this was just you looking out for him.

This was my point of view: Being that my FI has never lived near my family he has always been in Houston, and I moved here from Dallas. When we make plans to go back to visit, which is also apprx 4 hours, it is a very big deal to my parents. (FI works alot including every Saturday, so the trips he can make back are very few and far between). They only get to see him a handful of times, and I feel that my parents would feel hurt if it looked like he was backing out last minute on a planned trip. With that said, FI and I do not drive. I completely understand where you are coming from, a long trip after working all week can be very daunting. A 4 hour drive is not an easy one for alot of people, including me.

I think working out a driving plan is a great idea. I'm very close with my family, and it sounds like this is a weekend that you would be very dissapointed if you missed? He'll probably really appreciate that you were taking him into consideration. I know I would.

Are you supposed to drive this evening or tomorrow morning?

 

[CNYHopeful]

Thank you, Meresal. Sounds like a similar situation.

We''re leaving early tomorrow morning, so it won''t be as bad as driving down tonight. I just hope he doesn''t feel obligated to drive since I know how run down he is.

FI''s especially close with my family despite the distance. My sisters-in-law have already dubbed him the favorite in-law even though we''re not married yet.

My brothers and sister just love him and he seems pretty tight with my parents. So all in all, he''s in good favor with them, but I know everyone would be quite disappointed if he didn''t make it...and he is fully aware of that, I''m sure.

On my part, I just worry about his health and want to make sure that he doesn''t end up regretting the trip. I will check with him to see about insurance and the option of my driving.