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Ponting out someone's mistake...would you do it?

zoebartlett

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,461
I just got a call from a family member, and she told me that she just got a dog. She was really excited, and I didn't want to burst her bubble by saying that I think she made a big mistake. She got a 2 year old Australian shepard mix. Or is it an Australian cattle dog? Maybe they're the same thing or at least very similar, I don't know. I'm concerned because:

1. Don't these dogs require a ton of exercise? This relative has several health issues, and I know she won't take the dog on a run or anything. She does have a big fenced in yard (but a really small house), which is good, but I'm not sure that the dog will get the proper amount of exercise.

2. Even though she's been talking about wanting a dog for a long time, I think this was an impulse buy. This is something my relative is somewhat famous for. See #3.

3. I just don't think this relative did her homework to find a dog that best suits her lifestyle/personality, etc. I know she and her friend went to a few shelters before finding this dog. I'm 99% sure that she didn't do research on the type of dog and what it would require before agreeing to take her.

Should I say anything and risk having my relative get upset, or do I shut up and be happy for her now that she has a companion?
 
Do you think she will be receptive to your suggestions? I think I would get a book about the dominant breed in this dog and then stop by with it, present it as a gift, but then point out the areas of concern, like amount of exercise. If she is not nearby, I'd probably still send the book as a gift, and maybe also find a forum or links about the dog and e-mail those to her.

I think it depends on how you frame your concern. You can tell her that you were interested in finding out more about the breed, so you were looking some things up on-line, and here's what you found. Then you can ask her what her plans are for meeting the exercise needs of the dog. It is certainly cause for concern, because the dog will become bored and possibly destructive if not properly exercised. Finding a gentle way to educate her would go over a lot better than say, telling her it was a terrible idea and to take the dog back, which I know you would never do. I know people who would tell me that, though. Haha.

It is good that she has a fenced yard. Another idea would be to get a general book on training. The dog may need tasks to complete, which will help him from becoming bored. Letting him out in the yard on his own to entertain himself will not be sufficient exercise.
 
If it was someone I was very close to, I probably would've voiced my opinion but only before she got the dog. What's she going to do about it now, ya know? And I don't mean this in a bad way- I know you're only looking out for her- but I think your opinion would be more persuasive if it was based on first-hand experience with this particular breed. It sounds like you know about as much as she does, no?

Otherwise I'd assume she's an adult capable of weighing the costs and benefits of getting a pet, regardless of the breed.
 
Thanks for replying, LV! I think she could be receptive, but I'd have to tread carefully. She's often balked at certain advice and comments made by others (most often, by my mom, her sister) because she either had too much pride or because she knew that her decisons weren't going to go over well. She tends to be pretty impulsive. I'm hesitant to tell my mom because I'm pretty sure I know how she'll react. This would be a good example =====> :rolleyes:

My sister, among other things, happens to be a dog trainer. She's an excellent resource, and I think I'll point my aunt in her direction.

As I'm typing this, I can see why others may wonder why I even feel the need to get involved. Part of me thinks I should keep my mouth shut. After all, this is a grown woman, and she can make her own decisions about bringing a pet into her life (she's not married and she lives alone). I just worry because I know her history with decision-making, but this time, it involves another being.

I like the suggestion of showing her a few books. I think I'm going to ask my sister to recommend some books to her so that she at least knows what she's getting into.

Thanks again, LV!
 
Bunny007 said:
If it was someone I was very close to, I probably would've voiced my opinion but only before she got the dog. What's she going to do about it now, ya know? And I don't mean this in a bad way- I know you're only looking out for her- but I think your opinion would be more persuasive if it was based on first-hand experience with this particular breed. It sounds like you know about as much as she does, no?

Otherwise I'd assume she's an adult capable of weighing the costs and benefits of getting a pet, regardless of the breed.
Click to expand...

Good points, Bunny. My aunt texted me a picture titled "My new dog" late this afternoon. When I spoke to her, she said that she has to finish filling out the paperwork, but that as of tomorrow, the dog would be hers. I definitely would have said something if I had found out earlier. You're right, I don't know much about this breed, but I do know that it's considered a working dog. The fact that she's a mix may mean that she also has traits of more easy-going, laid back dogs as well. If so, that would be a good thing.

You're right that she is an adult, but she hasn't always made the best purchases/decisions about other things. It just worries me that she hasn't fully thought out what type of dog would be best for her.

Thank you for giving me your honest opinion. I definitely hear what you're saying. Who knows, for all I know, it may end up being a great match.
 
Shut up and be happy for her ;)) I mean that out of love. This relative is an adult and has the right to make her own decisions even if they result in mistakes. Does her getting a dog negatively infringe on your life? We had an Australian Shepherd growing up and she was the BEST dog. They are very smart. Easy to train. We never took her for walks and she was a happy, loving dog.
 
I see where you're coming from and it's nice that you care to even ask :)) At this point I guess I'd just hope for the best.
 
I wouldn't say anything right now. However, I'm all about advocating for dogs if I see that they aren't getting the care they need. SO, if you wait a bit and see that this dog needs more exercise than what your aunt is providing, I would say something like "Wow, it looks like Pup needs a lot of exercise. How do you manage it?" I'd say it just to put the idea into her head. If she really isn't all that familiar with high energy dogs, maybe she just doesn't know what they need and saying something could spark the awareness for her.

If that still doesn't help, and if you really care, then offer to walk with them regularly. That's what we have to do with my mom's dogs. I go over there to walk then whenever I can, with or without my mom, because otherwise they would only go for walks once a week. :((
 
Wouldn't it have been the shelters responsibility to make her aware of the breeds needs and to make sure that she was a suitable owner during the adoption process?
Just out of curiosity, can someone post a picture of what an Australian Shepard looks like? I am very intrigued as I have never heard of one.
If it is just like a working dog, I can understand where your concerns have come from, they can be a handful without the proper care!
 
I wouldn't say anything unless you guys have a close relationship and you know she'll be receptive to hearing you pointing out these issues. If she's not, I doubt it'll change anything or that she'll return the dog - the only consequence is that she'll get pissed at you.

For that matter, my mom pointed out to me that I shouldn't get my kittens because I'm so young (I was 23 when I got them), and I was only a student (ahem, in law school), and my apartment is too small (700 sq. feet for two cats) and I just wasn't ready (thank you mom). It did nothing to change my mind (since I already had them!).

Plus, I think the train left. If she already has the dog, I don't think it'll do much good. The time for speaking up would've been before she got it (not that you had a choice).
 
I would congratulate my relative and then if he or she asked me for my opinion or brought up some issue and we were having a conversation about it then I would say something about that specific issue.

You write that you think your relative made a mistake but when people get pets they usually view it as permanent commitment and a decision already made. Thus, saying you think she made a mistake might lead to hurt feelings and would probably be unproductive. JMHO.
 
My Mom had an Australian shepherd and she was a great dog. Easy to train and just like to wonder around
the fenced in yard. She pretty much just wanted to hang out with my Mom. She was very smart. My Mom did
groom her in summer when it was very hot so that did take some work on my Mom's part. All-in-all a pretty easy dog to
take care of. Hope that is the kind of dog she got.
 
I'm not really sure what I would do in your situation, but I wanted to point out that there is a huuuuge difference between Aussie shepherds and Aussie cattledogs. The shepherds can have a lot of energy, but, in general, they're not "working dogs" so much. They make great pets and don't necessarily need tons of exercise. Cattledogs are different, and definitely have the typical working dog personality and I can imagine would make a much more difficult pet for someone like your aunt. So knowing the breed in this case is important. Plus, if it's a mix, its personality could be quite different from the shepherd/cattledog part.
 
I just talked to my aunt and she confirmed that her new dog is an Austrailan sheperd/cattle dog mix. The picture text that I received is really blurry, but she kind of looks like a small(ish) Bernese mountain dog to me. She's two years old (according to the vet who examined her), and she's just getting spayed today. She was a stray, so there's not a lot of info on where she was found, etc. Apparently, the adoption process was really quick. The staff didn't really ask my aunt many questions, and there wasn't a huge form to fill out. That surprised me, honestly. I guess my aunt had been looking for a smaller dog but she saw this one and the pup "spoke" to her. It was love at first sight.
 
Tacori -- thanks friend! I kind of thought you'd say that if you saw this, and you're right. My aunt's new dog has no impact on my life whatsoever. I AM happy that she has a companion now, and I know a dog will bring a lot of happiness to her.

Haven -- thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately, my aunt lives far away, so I can't really help walk the dog, but I would if I could. She has neighbors that have a few kids who are usually around, and I know they'd be happy to play with the dog and take her for walks if needed.

HOT -- I actually hadn't thought of that. Thanks!

BEG -- my aunt and I have a pretty close relationship, and I think I could say a few things that she'd take well. I see now though that I'd probably be walking a fine line, and as Tacori said, I should just shut up. :bigsmile: I've known that my aunt has wanted a dog for a while, but I didn't know how seriously she was actually thinking about it. It wasn't the fact that she got a dog that threw me for a loop. It was the type of dog (which, admittedly, I don't know much about). I would have said something earlier if I had known, but she saw the dog and decided to get her in one day, yesterday. As far as I know, it will be a done deal as of this afternoon.

Thanks Danny! I won't say anything to my aunt. If she's happy, I'll be happy for her. The dog is really cute!

Tyty -- thanks!

El -- thanks for pointing out the differences in the two types of dogs. Since my aunt's dog is a mix of the two, her temperment may be somewhat calm. I hope so, for my aunt's sake.
 
First, aussie shepherds and aussie cattle dogs are completely different. My family had 5 aussie shepherds growing up, and they are truly wonderful animals. very easy to train, great with kids. My brother currently has 3 aussie cattle dogs, they are wonderful dogs as well, but they are a working breed. Which means they need alot more training, and alot of play time/walks. I wouldnt say anything to her, what I would do, is grab a couple packs of tennis balls and bring them to your aunt as a welcome gift for the doggie, open them up and start playing! Maybe if aunt sees how much the dog gets out of it, she will follow suit if she isnt already. Also, keep in mind that this dog may be exactly what she needs. A working dog is not liable to just let you loaf on the couch all day and ignore them, they will snap at you( yes cattle dogs snap, its in their nature) and let you know they are bored. I have a dobe (also a working dog) and believe me, she gets me off my a** if Im being lazy about walk time or play time, she motivates me to be a healthier person than I would be without her.Sometimes, a dog can change your life, mine has since Ive had my dobe. Ive had other dogs, and loved them deeply, but I have a special connection with my dobe, maybe this will happen with your aunt too. See how it goes with your aunt, if you truly feel she is neglecting the dog, is in over her head, then say something, but give her a couple months.
 
That's a great point, sctsbride. Our dog is a pit mix, but she is super high energy and we have definitely become more active people since adopting her. And I definitely agree, a dog can change your life. Absolutely.

I also love the suggestion to send some tennis balls as gifts. Does your aunt live near a body of water? Bailee LOVES swimming, so DH takes her to Lake Michigan a couple times a week and he throws this red buoy type toy out to her to fetch. If she could take her pup swimming, that would be a great gift, too.
 
Thanks Sctsbride! I appreciate your advice and you sharing your knowledge of both types of dogs. It might take a few days for this pup to show her true colors, since she's getting spayed today. I'm assuming she may feel groggy because of that. I do know that she was pretty hyper when my aunt first saw her, but I'm assuming that's because a) she had just been a pen at the shelter and probably anxious to get out b) she was meeting someone new and she was just excited.

I wish I could play with the dog, whose new name will most likely be Molly, but my aunt and I live halfway across the country from each other. I could send her tennis balls and a few other toys for the dog, as a gift. I'm sure both Molly and my aunt would appreciate it. She kept saying over the phone, "I can't believe I did it. I can't believe I got a dog. I can't believe I didn't get a small dog either!" She's so happy, and it's fun to hear. I hope there's some sort of back up plan in case it doesn't work out, but as you pointed out, it might take a few months for the dog to get settled and for my aunt to make sure it's a good match.

My sister encouraged our aunt to have Molly trained as a therapy dog. My sister trained one of her dogs to be a therapy dog and the other one is going through training now. My aunt didn't think she'd do that though. She just wants a pet.
 
Thanks for the suggestion, Haven. My aunt lives in a land-locked state, but it's a state that is known for its very active, outdoor lifestyle. I'm sure there are probably dog parks in her area. I know there are a ton of hiking trails, etc. sort of nearby. I don't think my aunt could handle walking on rugged terrain, but she could definitely bring Molly to a dog park and toss a ball. I know that my aunt wants to socialize Molly as often as possible, and she plans on bringing her places if possible. (That's where having a therapy dog would be handy.)
 
She could train her to be certified as a Canine Good Citizen. It's just basic obedience training and being calm around new people and dogs. Maybe that would give her a goal to work towards (instead of just saying she wants to socialize her) and give the dog some manners (which if she's part cattle dog, she needs someone to teach her manners so she knows what's expected).
 
Zoe said:
Tacori -- thanks friend! I kind of thought you'd say that if you saw this, and you're right. My aunt's new dog has no impact on my life whatsoever. I AM happy that she has a companion now, and I know a dog will bring a lot of happiness to her.
Click to expand...

Glad I didn't diappoint ;) I suffer from the disease of "I know what is right for everyone," but in reality I really do not. None of us have a crystal ball. So what might seem like a huge mistake could be the best thing your aunt has ever done. I am sure your aunt will figure everything out she needs to.
 
Tacori E-ring said:
Zoe said:
Tacori -- thanks friend! I kind of thought you'd say that if you saw this, and you're right. My aunt's new dog has no impact on my life whatsoever. I AM happy that she has a companion now, and I know a dog will bring a lot of happiness to her.
Click to expand...

Glad I didn't diappoint ;) I suffer from the disease of "I know what is right for everyone," but in reality I really do not. None of us have a crystal ball. So what might seem like a huge mistake could be the best thing your aunt has ever done. I am sure your aunt will figure everything out she needs to.
Click to expand...

Well, judging from my first post in this thread, I suffer from this disease too. :bigsmile: I hope everything works out well and my aunt and Molly become great friends. I'll let you know.
 
Thanks for the suggestion El! I'll pass along the info. It would be a good idea. I'm guessing, as a stray, Molly hasn't had any training, so earning a Good Citizen award would be a great accomplishment and goal to work toward.
 
Glad you like the idea! Cattle dogs are wicked smart, so she'll probably really enjoy having some training.
 
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