Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff
Thanks, Perry. Wishing you success here too.
+1
And hence why the divorce rate is high.
Granted there are some legit reasons for divorce: e.g. if one partner becomes abusive and the other partner could not have known about this before marriage.
For most other reasons, well, we made our decision, consciously, without a gun pointed to our head. If we can't respect our own decision, who will? Although I concur, it's more appealing to play victim.
Some get divorced because they say people change, some say because people don't. So which one is it?
For the latter, we don't go into marriage thinking that we are so special we have the power to change other people.
We can hope, we can try, but we'll also need to be prepared to live with the scenario if he/she doesn't.
Otherwise we get out of the relationship before we get married, not after.
For the former, is the change 180 degree? Can we work through it?
Some society put a lot of emphasis on duty, some on individuality and pursuit of happiness.
When someone gets married, regardless of culture, religion etc. even though it's important to be able to grow and be happy individually, the emphasis needs to shift from 100% me me me to at least 50% of WE (including the children).
I blame it on Disney movies that make a lot of people believe growing up that love stories end with happily ever after, so people bail at the first sign of trouble.
We don't (see caveat above), we buckle down and we try our damnest to make it work.
Wedding is (relatively) easy, marriage is not.
If marriage can be dissolved so easily why not remain as boyfriend/girlfriend and save the wedding $$$, prenup stress etc?
Going into a marriage knowing we can always get out of it if and when things go wrong is different from going into it thinking this is it - it's like buying a diamond w/ no return policy. We'll be much much more careful in purchasing one. Although, it will undoubtedly cause a lot of people to be to scared to purchase one, especially since we are so used to having vendors offering generous return policy. Don't like 'em? Not completely satisfied? Just ship it back and find another one, there are still plenty others.
Thanks, Perry. Wishing you success here too.
packrat|1440874336|3920857 said:When we bend over backwards to justify actions like that, it..I'm not sure how to explain it. It lessens the meaning of marriage in general. If we have no respect for marriage as a whole, it lessens the value of it.
We seem to have such a lack of respect for many things, and we seem to have such a knack for justifying that lack of respect.
+1
And hence why the divorce rate is high.
Granted there are some legit reasons for divorce: e.g. if one partner becomes abusive and the other partner could not have known about this before marriage.
For most other reasons, well, we made our decision, consciously, without a gun pointed to our head. If we can't respect our own decision, who will? Although I concur, it's more appealing to play victim.
Some get divorced because they say people change, some say because people don't. So which one is it?
For the latter, we don't go into marriage thinking that we are so special we have the power to change other people.
We can hope, we can try, but we'll also need to be prepared to live with the scenario if he/she doesn't.
Otherwise we get out of the relationship before we get married, not after.
For the former, is the change 180 degree? Can we work through it?
Some society put a lot of emphasis on duty, some on individuality and pursuit of happiness.
When someone gets married, regardless of culture, religion etc. even though it's important to be able to grow and be happy individually, the emphasis needs to shift from 100% me me me to at least 50% of WE (including the children).
I blame it on Disney movies that make a lot of people believe growing up that love stories end with happily ever after, so people bail at the first sign of trouble.
We don't (see caveat above), we buckle down and we try our damnest to make it work.
Wedding is (relatively) easy, marriage is not.
If marriage can be dissolved so easily why not remain as boyfriend/girlfriend and save the wedding $$$, prenup stress etc?
Going into a marriage knowing we can always get out of it if and when things go wrong is different from going into it thinking this is it - it's like buying a diamond w/ no return policy. We'll be much much more careful in purchasing one. Although, it will undoubtedly cause a lot of people to be to scared to purchase one, especially since we are so used to having vendors offering generous return policy. Don't like 'em? Not completely satisfied? Just ship it back and find another one, there are still plenty others.