Poll: Sensitive topic, advice appreciated! (Cancer related)

[OreoRosies86]

I have a co-worker who is truly a wonderful lady. A couple of years ago she was diagnosed with cancer. She went into remission, but unfortunately the cancer came back aggressively. She really didn’t think she was going to make it.

Her doctors decided on another round of chemo, and she made a pretty miraculous recovery. She’s now been cancer free for a few months and is back to work.

She has been very open to talk about her experience and the entire ordeal. I feel like when she came back to work, there could have been more done for her (flowers? An announcement of some kind maybe?) but there really wasn’t anything.

I totally understand that a battle with cancer is private and scary and devastating but it’s been a few weeks and I can’t help but feel like we should DO something, just for her. She fought like hell and is still here, I just think it’s amazing and should be acknowledged. We are all a very tight knit workplace, and I feel as though it’s possible everyone has been wrapped up in their own lives and it’s sort of business as usual. Which is probably all she wants all told.

When she was sick I sent a few cards, and I know other people did too. We had a collection to help her with medical expenses. I’m wondering if it would be inappropriate for me to organize a small dinner for her? Something quiet and low key, but that acknowledges that she’s here and we care about her and so happy she’s still here and back to work.

I could be over stepping. Cancer is personal and not everyone wants or needs something like this, but I know her well enough to think she would love it. But what do you think?

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

it's a really nice idea
as its a small workplace i think the dinner is a lovely idea

but i would give her forwarning
something along the lines of
i'd like to organise a dinner in honour of you returning to work after kicking cancer to the curb (or words to that effect)
what dates would suit you ?
i dont think you are overstepping at all

 

[Austina]

I voted ask her. Perhaps along the lines of ’we’re so glad you’re back, and wondered if you’d be interested in a small get together outside of work’.

 

[mustangchi]

I haven't had cancer but I had pretty significant cardiac issues starting at a young age. I flew several states away for a cardiac surgery about 15 years ago and my coworkers at the time had a gathering at a restaurant with gifts and such as I was going out on leave, their thoughtfulness meant so much.

I will say though that when you go through something like that emotions are all over the place at different times and are different for every individual person. I would say she will probably appreciate the thought and gesture but talking to her and asking first is important just in case her feelings are different.

 

[dk168]

I voted to ask her directly and spoiling the surprise element, as I personally believe it would be an intrusion on her privacy if an event is organised without her knowledge.

Personal preferences and all that.

DK

 

[Avondale]

I am in the ask her camp as well.

On one hand, we're not 20 anymore. Surprise parties were much easier to pull off back then, but as we get older, we also begin to appreciate predictability that much more.

On the other, you can still have a surprise element. Cake, for example, or a gift, or the location of the dinner. Brides-to-be know they're going to have a bachelorette party but a large portion of the event is still kept as a surprise.

I definitely agree that life should be celebrated. And I believe she will like the idea and enjoy spending one such evening. Especially since you're envisioning something tasteful, and not a grand and loud event. But, you know... just in case she's of a different mind, better safe than sorry.

 

[kenny]

In your personal life, yes.
In the workplace, no.

Nearly all of us go to work because we HAVE to earn a living.
IMO, co-workers "doing something, anything coordinated" invades her privacy.
It makes her the center of attention, which she may dislike.

As an introvert I'd be mortified if people at work did anything beyond just welcoming me back, one by one when we each first see each other.

 

[seaurchin]

I hate to sound negative about a kind and thoughtful idea, but I might just leave it alone, or just give her a small, casual "thinking of you" gift or something yourself, for a few reasons:

First, if she's been back for a few weeks already, to me, that would make the timing seem a bit odd or random imo.

Also, you said nobody got her flowers or anything when she came back because they were probably wrapped up in their own lives. To me, that seems to hint that the co-workers might not be too thrilled with the idea of an after work celebration. What if you asked her if she wants a celebration, then nobody wanted to come?

The only time I recall my work friends and real life friends overlapping much was at a job I had when most of us were young and single. We all partied together after work, dated each other and shared apartments.

But after that time period, I've always felt like work-related socials were obligations and already felt overwhelmed with all the birthdays, showers, retirements and Christmas parties. I would not have wanted even more occasions added on.

Finally, personally, I am not sure about celebrating people getting well or congratulating them for it, regardless of what we're calling it. Because, for ex, if she "fought like hell and made it," then if it comes back again, does that mean she didn't fight hard enough? I'm not saying it right but hopefully, you see what I mean.

Anyway, just my thoughts but you know the specifics of the situation best. Please keep us updated.

 

[Arcadian]

It would be worth asking her. Chemo and stuff is tiring. Been there, got 2 t-shirts. I'm thankful my coworkers didn't do that. there were a few who visited me in the hospital both times which I absolutely appreciated. And 2 who visited me at home because I was closer to them but they asked and I said it was OK. I appreciated that too. But I was not one to be the center of attention.

 

[pearlsngems]

I voted to leave it alone. You have all been helpful already with cards and a collection. She is probably tired and may not feel like she wants to make the extra effort.

Also, some of your coworkers may not be able to afford to spend more money on her, or be able to spare the time, but may be reluctant to be the one to decline to participate.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Thanks for the input everyone! I spoke to a few of my co-workers and it turns out, most of us have been wanting to do something nice, but everyone had the same doubts and uncertainty I did.

This co-worker is very beloved, and there isn’t a doubt about our willingness to show up for her. A few people threw out some suggestions about a place we could all host her a little party. Now that the ball is rolling, I’m going to ask her if she would be into it!

 

[Bonfire]

Thanks for the input everyone! I spoke to a few of my co-workers and it turns out, most of us have been wanting to do something nice, but everyone had the same doubts and uncertainty I did.

This co-worker is very beloved, and there isn’t a doubt about our willingness to show up for her. A few people threw out some suggestions about a place we could all host her a little party. Now that the ball is rolling, I’m going to ask her if she would be into it!

This is really lovely @OreoRosies86

 

[yssie]

You are so sweet @OreoRosies86. It sounds like a tight knit work community and I imagine your coworker will feel even more at peace knowing she’s surrounded by people who genuinely care for her

 

[Lookinagain]

I would ask her. She might like the idea, or she might not. But I don't see why it would hurt to ask assuming you let her know there is no pressure for her to say yes.