That makes a lot of sense! I feel satisfied with my life with my kids overall, but I do have much less day to day enjoyment. It''s because I am constantly trying to head off tantrums and tend to a demanding infant. I don''t regret them at all, I just wish I had more freedom.Date: 4/1/2006 4:15:05 AM
Author: AGBF
I remember a poll taken years ago. It supposedly showed that couples (or women?) with children had greater overall life satisfaction, but less day to day enjoyment. Couples (or women) without children had less overall satisfaction, but more day to day enjoyment.
I do not know if the poll is accurate (or even was when it was taken), but it made emotional sense to me. I needed to have a child. When my daughter was first born, however, I went into a panic. I realized there was no way to give her back and that she would be there, unlike a dog for whom I could always find another good home, no matter what!
Children are an adjustment, but once one adjusts, they are just life. At least that was my experience. Life now seems natural only with a child!
Date: 4/1/2006 10:01:45 AM
Author: KristyDarling
EXACTLY, word-for-word what Diamondlil said (though I voted ''love my kids by miss my freedom). And my kids are a teensy bit younger than hers though (almost 3 and 14 months).
ROTFL!!!!!!!!I agree 100%. Just keep repeating ''This too shall pass''Date: 4/1/2006 8:40:44 AM
Author: koko
I don''t regret having kids, but I do regret having teenagers
Oh Pearcrazy ~Date: 4/1/2006 3:12:19 PM
Author: pearcrazy
I almost lost my twins at 24 weeks and was fortunate to hang onto them until 29 weeks, but still their births were traumatic for everyone, both physically and psychologically. My oldest son is now 8.5 and my preemie miracles are going to be 6 next month. Everyone is happy and healthy but it''s really been a long hard road for us getting everyone there and I must say there are lots of times I miss the freedom I had before I had children. Still, I was very unhappy before my children came along too.
So there you have it. I love them dearly and wouldn''t trade them for anything but it''s not a piece of cake either. But then again, what in life that''s truly of value ever is?
Thanks, it HAS gotten a lot easier. My twins are kindergarteners this year and according to teachers are not only able to keep up with their classmates but are performing at a second semester 1st grade level. Both are extremely bright and could be headed for the AG program if they can keep it up. What a blessing!! Having preemies definately puts things in perspective. All I prayed for when they were struggling in incubators in the NICU, was them to be able to run and play with the other kids, to sit and learn in the same classroom as other kids. They didn't have to be the best and brightest, but just to be able to keep up was going to be a prayer answered for me. After my daughter's last teacher/ parent conference where the teacher went on and on about how smart, sweet and well liked my former 1lb. 15.5 oz baby was, I got into my car and cried and thanked God all the way home. My DH got similar news about her former 2lb14.5 oz brother the week before. As type this I'm watching my son riding his bike without training wheels with a big proud smile on his face and watching my daughter make chalk drawings and hopscotch squares on our driveway.Date: 4/1/2006 4:16:59 PM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy
Oh Pearcrazy ~Date: 4/1/2006 3:12:19 PM
Author: pearcrazy
I almost lost my twins at 24 weeks and was fortunate to hang onto them until 29 weeks, but still their births were traumatic for everyone, both physically and psychologically. My oldest son is now 8.5 and my preemie miracles are going to be 6 next month. Everyone is happy and healthy but it's really been a long hard road for us getting everyone there and I must say there are lots of times I miss the freedom I had before I had children. Still, I was very unhappy before my children came along too.
So there you have it. I love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for anything but it's not a piece of cake either. But then again, what in life that's truly of value ever is?
A flower to you! I do understand ... me too.
I is very difficult when you have a preemie ... let alone 2 of them! Very stressful time indeed, many worries and sleepless nights abound.
My preemies are now 14 ... it does get better, alot better once they start school. Things start to just blend, meld and get balanced somehow.
I honestly think ... looking back now ... it made me a stonger person inside! I look back to those sleepless nights with one baby on my chest and one in my arms and I am rocking them in the fluffy recliner, and they are so sick and I was so tired ... I made it thru. Definately stronger now! Definately appreciate the simple things and times in life, that is for sure.
Hang in there, sending a big hug from me to you... I do understand about the long hard road ... road will be better soon!
Take care, and smile ... I am thinking abuot you!
no freedom for us until they become independent. that''s what my wallet been telling me.Date: 4/1/2006 10:01:45 AM
Author: KristyDarling
EXACTLY, word-for-word what Diamondlil said (though I voted ''love my kids by miss my freedom). And my kids are a teensy bit younger than hers though (almost 3 and 14 months).
Anyone who is a mother of twin preemies deserves a round of applause and a lot respect!Date: 4/2/2006 12:01:18 PM
Author: pearcrazy
Thanks, it HAS gotten a lot easier. My twins are kindergarteners this year and according to teachers are not only able to keep up with their classmates but are performing at a second semester 1st grade level. Both are extremely bright and could be headed for the AG program if they can keep it up. What a blessing!! Having preemies definately puts things in perspective. All I prayed for when they were struggling in incubators in the NICU, was them to be able to run and play with the other kids, to sit and learn in the same classroom as other kids. They didn''t have to be the best and brightest, but just to be able to keep up was going to be a prayer answered for me. After my daughter''s last teacher/ parent conference where the teacher went on and on about how smart, sweet and well liked my former 1lb. 15.5 oz baby was, I got into my car and cried and thanked God all the way home. My DH got similar news about her former 2lb14.5 oz brother the week before. As type this I''m watching my son riding his bike without training wheels with a big proud smile on his face and watching my daughter make chalk drawings and hopscotch squares on our driveway.Date: 4/1/2006 4:16:59 PM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy
Oh Pearcrazy ~Date: 4/1/2006 3:12:19 PM
Author: pearcrazy
I almost lost my twins at 24 weeks and was fortunate to hang onto them until 29 weeks, but still their births were traumatic for everyone, both physically and psychologically. My oldest son is now 8.5 and my preemie miracles are going to be 6 next month. Everyone is happy and healthy but it''s really been a long hard road for us getting everyone there and I must say there are lots of times I miss the freedom I had before I had children. Still, I was very unhappy before my children came along too.
So there you have it. I love them dearly and wouldn''t trade them for anything but it''s not a piece of cake either. But then again, what in life that''s truly of value ever is?
A flower to you! I do understand ... me too.
I is very difficult when you have a preemie ... let alone 2 of them! Very stressful time indeed, many worries and sleepless nights abound.
My preemies are now 14 ... it does get better, alot better once they start school. Things start to just blend, meld and get balanced somehow.
I honestly think ... looking back now ... it made me a stonger person inside! I look back to those sleepless nights with one baby on my chest and one in my arms and I am rocking them in the fluffy recliner, and they are so sick and I was so tired ... I made it thru. Definately stronger now! Definately appreciate the simple things and times in life, that is for sure.
Hang in there, sending a big hug from me to you... I do understand about the long hard road ... road will be better soon!
Take care, and smile ... I am thinking abuot you!
Life is good.
Now in about an hour I''m sure I''ll be breaking up a skirmish of some sort, so I will have to remind myself how lucky I am that they''re around with such loud voices to do so.
Momothree: It''s so wonderful that you are a huge hugger and cuddler. I think your children will be very secure and confident as a result of the physical affection you show them. I grew up in a home where no one touched (much less hugged!) and didn''t say "I love you" ever. As a result it didn''t come naturally at all for me to be physically affectionate with my children and I know now that they suffered for it. They didn''t have that abiding sense of love and security that I wish I could go back and give to them. I always thought I was "there for them", but I don''t think that I communicated that to them.....anyway even with the world as it is, you''re preparing them for what may come in the best possible way.Date: 4/1/2006 6:22:42 PM
Author: momothree
Shay, I share your same sense of sadness and regret about the world our children are inheriting. I am a huge hugger and cuddler and I think a part of that is me semi-subconsciously trying to protect my children from the world''s woes. I''d be lying if I said I wasn''t terribly concerned about the things they are likely to see and experience as they get older.
Date: 4/1/2006 9:08:28 AM
Author: DiamondLil
I did not vote because I think I''m a combination of the first and second choices. I love my kids, I cannot imagine not having kids, and I would have them again, no question. Do I miss my freedom? Of course! But, there are stages we go through with raising a family, and with each passing year (my kids are 11 and almost 14), I am getting my freedom back. I see my kids'' reaching adulthood as the light at the end of the tunnel. My husband and I had 6 years *alone* before the birth of our son. Raising our children is the most challenging and rewarding thing in our lives right now. They are the focus of our daily lives. But we also look forward to the day when it''s back to just the two of us again, and we can look back on these years with pride and joy.
I''m with you on this Dancing Fire! Our kids may be out of the house now, but real freedom will come when we can get them employed and earning their own money!!!Date: 4/2/2006 10:19:06 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
no freedom for us until they become independent. that''s what my wallet been telling me.Date: 4/1/2006 10:01:45 AM
Author: KristyDarling
EXACTLY, word-for-word what Diamondlil said (though I voted ''love my kids by miss my freedom). And my kids are a teensy bit younger than hers though (almost 3 and 14 months).
Date: 4/3/2006 10:28:44 AM
Author: Sundial
I''m with you on this Dancing Fire! Our kids may be out of the house now, but real freedom will come when we can get them employed and earning their own money!!!Date: 4/2/2006 10:19:06 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
no freedom for us until they become independent. that''s what my wallet been telling me.Date: 4/1/2006 10:01:45 AM
Author: KristyDarling
EXACTLY, word-for-word what Diamondlil said (though I voted ''love my kids by miss my freedom). And my kids are a teensy bit younger than hers though (almost 3 and 14 months).
Do ya''ll really feel that way? My sister is 25 lives in Tx and our parents in NJ. She is off on her own, happy and bright. And yet I know my parents worry about her everyday, is she happy, does she like her PhD program, is she eating right? And they have a 5 and 13 year old as well as me.
I completely agree with this also. My husband says this all the time. As a matter of fact he didn''t want to have kids for this reason. No regrets...I don''t think I even knew what love was until I had my kids. They''ve changed my life in a way I never thought possibleDate: 4/1/2006 5:30:07 PM
Author: Shay37
Having kids was the best decision I''ve ever made, but I do have one regret. I regret that when I look at the world in which we live, I have unfairly burdened them with what they will see and endure in their lives. Sometimes I think I was selfish not to think of them and what they will face to factor in our decision to have kids. Do I regret my life with kids in it, NOT EVEN!!!!!! They are our joy.
shay