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Please, your prayers...my son''s marriage is over...

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DonaBella

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I am just so overwrought with emotion. Our son who married May 29th of 2006 is moving in with us today. His wife has kicked him out and is ending their marriage.

I am not sure if many of you remember the problems that I shared my son and his wife started having, but now it is headed for divorce. As terrible as it may sound, part of me is so relieved, while another part of me is so upset and wanting to cry.


To bring others up to speed, my son married a young woman who has been in therapy for over 4 1/2 years with alot of serious emotional and psychological issues, one of which is physical abuse...her giving it out to my son. Her dad was a real piece of work and was of no help with her phobia issues as well. Her father and mother''s dad were philanderers and so my soon-to-be exDIL has no faith in men in general. It didn''t help matters when my soon-to-be-exDIL''s first cousin threw herself at my son when the young couple was having problems and he fell into a little temptation. No, he did not do the deed, but pretty close to it. Enough said on that. Ok. He was SO wrong on doing that, but she was no angel either with getting him all horny and then leaving to mommy''s cuz she is getting mixed messages in her head!

I have always said it takes two people to make any marriage/relationship work, and it also takes two to destroy it. Sometimes, one person does a little more to sway it towards destruction and in this case, her spending lots of time with mommy--like she did on Thanksgiving--didn''t help matters. She came home from that event and booted out my son.

I am no dummy here. I know my son is no angel as well, but he had re-committed to this marriage and we never saw that from her, sad to say.

I just needed to vent. I am leaving with my husband a little later for our older daughter''s birthday celebration that we are committed to and I am feeling really down.


If you have any advice, that would be great. I advised my hubby that we--he and I--are in no position to counsel our son and not to do a "I told you so" right now. I thank you for letting me vent my hurt...I really was hoping for a happy ending, but I guess fairy tales really don''t exist.
 

Kaleigh

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I am sorry Deanne, this is very hard. Here comes the BUT. Have to say, it's a good thing he is getting out now. She has so many issues, and must have been a nightmare for your son to deal with. Physical abuse is not to be taken lightly as you know. I'd be thankful that it's ending now instead of later.... Like thank god they don't have kids, thank god he didn't have to endure years of misery with her etc... So I'd be secretly relieved as well. I'm sure he feels the loss, and the grief that comes along with a disolution of marriage. But you are such a wise one, and I'm sure you and your hubby will be there to support him emotionally through this difficult time. He should seek the help of a counselor if need be. I know you guys have had counseling in the past, so make sure he gets some while he's working though this unfortunate time in his life. As a mom, I feel for you. It's sad, but methinks, he got out in the nick of time. Lisa
Hang in there!!!

Sending prayers your way....
 

KimberlyH

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Deanne,

I am so sorry for the sadness your son, you and the rest of your family must be feeling.

Prior to my meeting my husband my relationships with men, well lets just say they were mostly tumultuous and very unhealthy. Now I look back and am so very thankful for what I went through because it made me who I am today. It was a painful and rocky road, including calling off a wedding, but I am a better person for having had those experiences. No matter the outcome of your son and DILs relationship, he can learn and grow from it.

The best gift my parents gave me during the most difficult times was that they loved and supported me and never passed judgement (at least not to my face!
). Love him, let him know you are there and then give him the space he needs to work things out in his own head. I called on my parents when I needed them, but I also needed a lot of time alone.

My best to you and your family during this difficult time.

Kimi
 

movie zombie

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realistically, they both had/have too many problems to be starting a marriage and/or trying to continue one.

be thankful there are no children involved. wish them both the best in sorting out their lives and leave them to it.

until we own our mistakes, we can''t move forward. hopefully, each of these young people will come to understand their reasons for entering into such a relationship, why they proceeded to get married, and why they are now in the predicament the are in. each will need to do this in order to move forward and not continue to make this a life pattern.

not easy to watch our children make such mistakes, not be ''grown up'' in the way we''d like them to be, watch them have to deal with the fallout of bad decisions. it is hard to accept emotionally that it is their lives even if we do so intellectually.

i hope you find a way to not let this spoil your holidays with your family.

movie zombie
 

ChargerGrrl

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I remember your last post about this, and wondered what had happened.

I don''t have any advice to add, but certainly agree with the other PSers that it''s a good thing that this happened SOONER rather than LATER. He can learn from this life experience and move forward.

I''ll be thinking of your family and sending good vibes your way!
 

diamondseeker2006

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Date: 11/26/2006 6:00:39 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I am sorry Deanne, this is very hard. Here comes the BUT. Have to say, it''s a good thing he is getting out now. She has so many issues, and must have been a nightmare for your son to deal with. Physical abuse is not to be taken lightly as you know. I''d be thankful that it''s ending now instead of later.... Like thank god they don''t have kids, thank god he didn''t have to endure years of misery with her etc... So I''d be secretly relieved as well. I''m sure he feels the loss, and the grief that comes along with a disolution of marriage. But you are such a wise one, and I''m sure you and your hubby will be there to support him emotionally through this difficult time. He should seek the help of a counselor if need be. I know you guys have had counseling in the past, so make sure he gets some while he''s working though this unfortunate time in his life. As a mom, I feel for you. It''s sad, but methinks, he got out in the nick of time. Lisa
Hang in there!!!

Sending prayers your way....
Everything she said....!
 

Dee*Jay

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Deanna - I''m very sorry to hear this news and I can only imagine how upset you must be. Big hugs outgoing to you and your family and I hope that you and your loved ones find the support that you need go get through this trying time.
 

Tybee

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I have nothing to add to this thread except my love and support. I am so sorry to know that you and your family are hurting.
 

monarch64

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I don''t have children, so I have no advice to offer you Deanna, but I really wish you and your family and esp. your son, the best. I hope maybe this will be a turning point for him in his life and that much greater things are ahead of him. It''s good that he has you and your home as that "soft place to land." Take care...I''ll be thinking positive thoughts for you and yours.
 

Tybee

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Deanna,
I couldn''t help but think of you and your family as I drifted off to sleep last night (you are definitely on my mind!)
I just think that your son is so very lucky to have you and your husband. As hard as this time is for all of you, family is the most important thing.
It sounds like he really confided in you a lot, that''s rare these days. Good luck to you all. Your love and support are truly what he needs right now.
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/26/2006 6:00:39 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I am sorry Deanne, this is very hard. Here comes the BUT. Have to say, it''s a good thing he is getting out now. She has so many issues, and must have been a nightmare for your son to deal with. Physical abuse is not to be taken lightly as you know. I''d be thankful that it''s ending now instead of later.... Like thank god they don''t have kids, thank god he didn''t have to endure years of misery with her etc... So I''d be secretly relieved as well. I''m sure he feels the loss, and the grief that comes along with a disolution of marriage. But you are such a wise one, and I''m sure you and your hubby will be there to support him emotionally through this difficult time. He should seek the help of a counselor if need be. I know you guys have had counseling in the past, so make sure he gets some while he''s working though this unfortunate time in his life. As a mom, I feel for you. It''s sad, but methinks, he got out in the nick of time. Lisa
Hang in there!!!

Sending prayers your way....
Thank you, thank you, thank you...I totally agree with what you have said here. And I am so grateful they do not have kids or are in a position of anticipating of one. So grateful.

I am in an awkward place. My DIL called me on my cell late last night as my hubby and another couple were traveling back home from the birthday celebration. We were in the car and it was not an appropriate place or time for me to talk to her then and there. I let her know that I was not able to talk at the moment cuz others were around and I was in the car and to call me back in an hour from when she called cuz I would be home. She never called.

I was perplexed. Do I call her back now or let it ride and allow her to decide to call me? If I don''t my hubby thinks she will jump to the conclusion that I don''t want to talk to her. I don''t know what to do. Part of me is thinking I should call her, but...

I agree that my son and my DIL need space from each other and he did get out in the nick of time...for sure!
 

Dee*Jay

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{{{Deanna wrote: I am in an awkward place. My DIL called me on my cell late last night as my hubby and another couple were traveling back home from the birthday celebration. We were in the car and it was not an appropriate place or time for me to talk to her then and there. I let her know that I was not able to talk at the moment cuz others were around and I was in the car and to call me back in an hour from when she called cuz I would be home. She never called.

I was perplexed. Do I call her back now or let it ride and allow her to decide to call me? If I don't my hubby thinks she will jump to the conclusion that I don't want to talk to her. I don't know what to do. Part of me is thinking I should call her, but...}}}


Deanna - I think whether you call your DIL back or not depends on what role you want to play in the rest of this scenario. If you let her initiate any further contact (which she might or might not do) that sends one message, but if you are the one that calls her that is a different message. It sounds like you probably have an opportunity to become more or less involved in how this all plays out so you might want to think that all through before you go down the path of more contact with your DIL. (Just my 2 cents... )
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/26/2006 6:21:50 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Deanne,

I am so sorry for the sadness your son, you and the rest of your family must be feeling.

Prior to my meeting my husband my relationships with men, well lets just say they were mostly tumultuous and very unhealthy. Now I look back and am so very thankful for what I went through because it made me who I am today. It was a painful and rocky road, including calling off a wedding, but I am a better person for having had those experiences. No matter the outcome of your son and DILs relationship, he can learn and grow from it.

The best gift my parents gave me during the most difficult times was that they loved and supported me and never passed judgement (at least not to my face!
). Love him, let him know you are there and then give him the space he needs to work things out in his own head. I called on my parents when I needed them, but I also needed a lot of time alone.

My best to you and your family during this difficult time.

Kimi
Thanks Kimi...

My DH and I have always said we would do our best to not pass judgement cuz we would only know part of the story and that is really not our place anyways. Its their business and the two of them know what really happened and that''s that. My son hasn''t been as grown up about things in my presence and I worried for him, but it is his relationship, his marriage and he has to deal with the ending consequences, but so do we in a sense.

My other kids took to this young woman and so did I, even after hearing that she had so many issues. I truly wanted to see past that and just love her. My son''s brothers were told that their big brother may be living here and that they needed to be prepared to not see our DIL anymore. Each one is reacting to the news differently. I didn''t elaborate except to say that more than likely the young couple were not going to be together anymore and to leave their brother alone and not ask him any questions. My final request to them was to keep their brother and this delicate situation in their private thoughts and prayers.

Thank you again for your kind words and for sharing your experience...
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/26/2006 6:24:56 PM
Author: movie zombie
realistically, they both had/have too many problems to be starting a marriage and/or trying to continue one.

be thankful there are no children involved. wish them both the best in sorting out their lives and leave them to it.

until we own our mistakes, we can''t move forward. hopefully, each of these young people will come to understand their reasons for entering into such a relationship, why they proceeded to get married, and why they are now in the predicament the are in. each will need to do this in order to move forward and not continue to make this a life pattern.

not easy to watch our children make such mistakes, not be ''grown up'' in the way we''d like them to be, watch them have to deal with the fallout of bad decisions. it is hard to accept emotionally that it is their lives even if we do so intellectually.

i hope you find a way to not let this spoil your holidays with your family.

movie zombie
MV,

I totally agree with your comments. I know my son needs to go to his own therapist cuz he has shared with me that he does. He seeks comfort in food and recognizes on some level that he needs to do more growing up, thank god.

I am SO grateful no kids are in involved! I cannot even tell you! Naturally, I am concerned for my son, but not in a "you are such a victim and didn''t do anything wrong" type of way. He may be back home for a day or for a little while, but he is not the young man who he was before this marriage. He is completely different. He has plenty to work through and I am not a therapist.

I recognize that he has made severe mistakes. I can only hope he can see them as clearly as I do, or even recognize that they exist. As much as I have tried to just accept their inital willingness to try to repair this young, fragile relationship, I hate to say it, but I never saw it lasting. Her family has had alot of pull on her and I could not face any of them any time soon without feeling rage, pity, anger, disgust and just plain confusion. We live in an area that it is very likely that I could run into my DIL''s dad(nearly did the other day at the mall parking lot so I stayed in my car until he got into his car...could not and did not want to face him!) or her mom on any given day now with the Christmas pending.

My Christmas with my family--all of my kids--will be spent out of town in Utah with grandparents and other family. No, my Christmas won''t be ruined or hindered. Part of my problem is I love too easily and there is a part of me that really hurts cuz I can''t make it better, but that is the part of being a parent that walks hand in hand when you have a child.

Thanks for your words...
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/26/2006 6:44:54 PM
Author: ChargerGrrl
I remember your last post about this, and wondered what had happened.

I don''t have any advice to add, but certainly agree with the other PSers that it''s a good thing that this happened SOONER rather than LATER. He can learn from this life experience and move forward.

I''ll be thinking of your family and sending good vibes your way!
Thanks CG!

I appreciate any amount of positivity right now...

It''s one step at a time from here on out.
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/26/2006 6:50:12 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 11/26/2006 6:00:39 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I am sorry Deanne, this is very hard. Here comes the BUT. Have to say, it''s a good thing he is getting out now. She has so many issues, and must have been a nightmare for your son to deal with. Physical abuse is not to be taken lightly as you know. I''d be thankful that it''s ending now instead of later.... Like thank god they don''t have kids, thank god he didn''t have to endure years of misery with her etc... So I''d be secretly relieved as well. I''m sure he feels the loss, and the grief that comes along with a disolution of marriage. But you are such a wise one, and I''m sure you and your hubby will be there to support him emotionally through this difficult time. He should seek the help of a counselor if need be. I know you guys have had counseling in the past, so make sure he gets some while he''s working though this unfortunate time in his life. As a mom, I feel for you. It''s sad, but methinks, he got out in the nick of time. Lisa
Hang in there!!!

Sending prayers your way....
Everything she said....!
Thanks so much Diamondseeker...
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/26/2006 8:03:13 PM
Author: Dee*Jay
Deanna - I''m very sorry to hear this news and I can only imagine how upset you must be. Big hugs outgoing to you and your family and I hope that you and your loved ones find the support that you need go get through this trying time.
Thank you, DeeJay.

By supporting me, it will be conveyed back to my family as a whole. I have to hold this family together and it starts and ends with me...

My son is being forced to grow up and sometimes that''s not easy, but its necessary...
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/26/2006 8:08:41 PM
Author: Tybee
I have nothing to add to this thread except my love and support. I am so sorry to know that you and your family are hurting.
Your kind thoughts are help enough...
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/26/2006 8:39:18 PM
Author: VegasAngel
So sorry. Maybe this was the best/healthiest thing to happen.
I so agree! Sometimes you just have to face things head on and get threw it. This whole thing is far from pleasent but is highly necessary. My son told my hubby that he said to his young wife that if he moved out, he''s done and not coming back. He was very calm and in control of himself when I last saw my son yesterday afternoon.
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/27/2006 11:51:55 AM
Author: Dee*Jay
{{{Deanna wrote: I am in an awkward place. My DIL called me on my cell late last night as my hubby and another couple were traveling back home from the birthday celebration. We were in the car and it was not an appropriate place or time for me to talk to her then and there. I let her know that I was not able to talk at the moment cuz others were around and I was in the car and to call me back in an hour from when she called cuz I would be home. She never called.

I was perplexed. Do I call her back now or let it ride and allow her to decide to call me? If I don''t my hubby thinks she will jump to the conclusion that I don''t want to talk to her. I don''t know what to do. Part of me is thinking I should call her, but...}}}


Deanna - I think whether you call your DIL back or not depends on what role you want to play in the rest of this scenario. If you let her initiate any further contact (which she might or might not do) that sends one message, but if you are the one that calls her that is a different message. It sounds like you probably have an opportunity to become more or less involved in how this all plays out so you might want to think that all through before you go down the path of more contact with your DIL. (Just my 2 cents... )
I haven''t called her and am not sure it is the wisest thing to do, so I may not do so. My hubby thinks if I don''t she will interpret that as that I don''t care about her anymore. Her state of mind on the phone was weepy and you could tell she had been crying. But, like you indicated, do I want to risk getting involved anymore than I am just by being my son''s mom????

Part of me wants to scream!!! Part of me wants to attend to all of my other duties I need to do as a mom, but I can''t cuz this is on my mind.

To top this, on a totally seperate topic yet tied in a little, my younger daughter has to consider getting a restraining order against a former girlfriend and her brother. My younger daughter called me freshly after I got a call regarding my son and his situation. My younger daughter was at work in the mall at a skin store and she was approached by the former flame of her current boyfriend. Here she is, my daughter, trying to work and this chick comes in starting to challenge my daughter. It started to take a nasty tone so my daughter''s manager stepped in, sent my daughter to the back to do stocking and the chick stayed in the store waiting for my daughter to re-emerge. My daughter called me and said that she had called the boyfriend and he was on his way to her store and that security was going to be called if the chick made a scene. So ridiculous! Apparently, by the time the chick and her brother decided to leave, security had been called and the security took off after them but not before the chick gave a warning to the manager to give to my daughter that they would be back. Now, my daughter feels horrible that this occurred at her work and is embarrassed to say the least. The boyfriend has been getting text messages from this chick and things are straight out of a bad movie. To make matters worse, this chick lives somewhere in our neighborhood vicinity and if she finds our address, well, she plans on making waves at our home I was told.

All of this came to a head yesterday. To tell you the truth, I do not know where my son slept last night cuz he never came back to our home. He has plenty of friends so I know he is ok, but still, I worry. My daughter, well, I am not sure how to proceed there. I encouraged my hubby to call the chick''s dad later today and let him know what his daughter threatened to do as well as what occurred at the mall. THAT is not cool and at the very least, we want to do the right thing and inform the parents. I do not hold out alot of hope that anything will happen cuz her parents are not friendly to us and are not sticklers to do what is socially correct, if you get my drift.

Anyways, sorry to have dumped this out there, but now I have to call a lawyer friend of mine and get a little advice on this only cuz it affects my home, cars, other family members.
 

KimberlyH

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Deanne,

When it rains it pours! Your poor daughter. I just wanted to say, again, that my heart goes out to you...what a difficult time.
 

poptart

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I am so sorry that all of this is happening to your family! I agree with everyone that it is best that this relationship ended when it did. I have friends that are in a similar relationship and both DH and I do not hold out much hope for their future, and think it would be best if it was ended sooner rather than later. I do not know how old your son is, you say "young" but of course this means different ages to different people, but I would not recommend calling the daughter in law back because I think that is going to put you in the middle in the worst way possible. I''m sure you told your son that his wife called, but it''s not up to you to comfort her or work as the middle man. As a young married woman myself, having a third party in matters like this, no matter who it is, makes things even more difficult. But this is obviously only my opinion, so don''t take it wholeheartedly, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to see your son suffer through this. He will definitely work it out though and come through it a stronger person.

As for your daughter, is there any way she could get a restraining order or something? I had another friend whose boyfriend had an ex that did this same thing. And the ex ended up ATTACKING my friend. So don''t underestimate the insanity of a young rejected lover! My friend is luckily ok, but it scared her and there could have been preventative measures leading up to the attack (like a restraining order) that could have saved her this trouble.

I hope you and your family get some good family time in Utah. That''s where I''m from too, so I smiled when I read that! It will be good to get away from home for a little bit. Just be careful out there, snow is gonna be bad this year!

Best wishes,

*M*
 

DonaBella

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Date: 11/27/2006 3:34:47 PM
Author: poptart
I am so sorry that all of this is happening to your family! I agree with everyone that it is best that this relationship ended when it did. I have friends that are in a similar relationship and both DH and I do not hold out much hope for their future, and think it would be best if it was ended sooner rather than later. I do not know how old your son is, you say ''young'' but of course this means different ages to different people, but I would not recommend calling the daughter in law back because I think that is going to put you in the middle in the worst way possible. I''m sure you told your son that his wife called, but it''s not up to you to comfort her or work as the middle man. As a young married woman myself, having a third party in matters like this, no matter who it is, makes things even more difficult. But this is obviously only my opinion, so don''t take it wholeheartedly, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to see your son suffer through this. He will definitely work it out though and come through it a stronger person.

As for your daughter, is there any way she could get a restraining order or something? I had another friend whose boyfriend had an ex that did this same thing. And the ex ended up ATTACKING my friend. So don''t underestimate the insanity of a young rejected lover! My friend is luckily ok, but it scared her and there could have been preventative measures leading up to the attack (like a restraining order) that could have saved her this trouble.

I hope you and your family get some good family time in Utah. That''s where I''m from too, so I smiled when I read that! It will be good to get away from home for a little bit. Just be careful out there, snow is gonna be bad this year!

Best wishes,

*M*
Thank you Poptart for your kind words...Yes, we have parents in Layton and in North Ogden to visit. One of my brothers lives in South Jordan, another in Nephi. My other brother is traveling in from Nashville, TN along with his new and lovely wife for the Christmas holiday.

I have not seen or talked to my son much since he came to my house and put his things in the garage. He thanked his dad for helping him, was very calm, but very down of course. He did tell my husband that he would more than likely be either at his older sister''s or at a friends'' house. So, no, he doesn''t know that his wife called. My son is 23, almost 24(this January). To me, if the two of them had just stayed engaged for a year or two or even three, that would have given them time to really examine their relationship. Oh, well.

No, I haven''t called my DIL back and after talking on the phone to my therapist(yes, I called her for advice on this), I am glad I didn''t. She mentioned to me that the problems are between the two of them and me calling her back could potentially create a wedge between myself and my son and I just don''t need that. My therapist pointed out, she has my number and if she wants to once again call me, I need to do what I thought I would do which is to be very careful of anything and I mean ANYTHING I say, to be more of a listener. I won''t be cornered and forced to be a part of this dissolution any more than I already am.

Quite honestly, there is a part of me that wants to ask her a bunch of questions like "who in the h$%# does she think she is?" and "What triggered this reaction from you?" and " Girl, you have got some serious issues that need to be worked out before you and anyone hook up!" to name a few. I am not a mean person, honestly, but I am partly really thrilled he is getting out of this and not risking having a child with her that has this DNA genetic input added to them. I am not saying my son is flawless and if there is someone who knows, even more than my DH, it''s me, but seriously, why add more crap to what a potential grandkid could get?

Did I mention to anyone that my DIL''s mom had been dating my DH''s brother and that relationship is now over. I found that out through the photographer when I went to get my wedding photos. I didn''t ask she just told me. Apparently, my DIL''s mom wanted a more "religious-thinking" man who was ready for committment and that is SO not my BIL. He was thinking of marrying the mom, but not for awhile, but anyways, this pressure with the problems between my DIL and my son, made it easy for their relationship to go kaput. I am personally thrilled that''s done. No additional ties to that family!

I know I sound a bit callous and trite, but it has been such a horrendous ride and I want OFF. I know when I was a young wife, having unsolicited for advice was not welcome. Even when I asked for counsel from family, which was not often, I was more than likely not always glad I asked.

My daughter knows she should get a restraining order, but when I went to her room downstairs and advised her to check into it, she says she will tomorrow when she has time to do so. I am personally way worried and I have to think about think wacko doing something to our dog, our cars, our home, etc., so I am left to call for one for us. From my therapist, she pointed out that my daughter has to do one for herself and we have to do one for us. This wacko girl is large in size, towering about 2 inches taller than our daughter''s height(5''7"), but she is, well, obese, and a muffin top. She doesn''t have a license yet so her brother brought her to the mall to go intidate my daughter. As recent as last year, my daughter was on semi-friendly terms with her. When this girl started taking a different path of life, my daughter decided not to stay in touch. Now, this.

Here I did it again...sorry to have gone on and on. This kind of thing--both of these issues--on the same bloody damn day have been draining. I am going to get some other stuff done now...
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,009
I am so sorry to hear this. I know how much you were hoping they could work it out. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. For things to fall apart so quickly is not normal and I am positive there is a better woman out there for your son. Just be there for them. I am sure this will be a difficult time for both your son and DIL. Blaming them is not going to help or accomplish anything. No one *really* knows what goes on behind closed doors.
 

therighttime

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2006
Messages
224
I just wanted to let you know I read your post and am sorry for everything your family is going through. Divorce is always hard no matter what the circumstances.

As for your role as a parent, I just wanted to emphasize what others have said. Just be there for your son... to listen, love him and support him however he needs at this time. I went through a horrible divorce when my son was only 15 months old. I was devastated and know without a doubt I would not have made it without my parents.

Sending strength your way!
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
My DHs family is from Layton as well. And I''m from Ogden, so that''s quite interesting! I''m glad you didn''t call you DIL back, and hopefully you can stay as much out of it as possible. I hope your daughter gets a restraining soon because my friend is 5''11 and this girl was fairly small, and still did some damage to the house and almost to my friend. I know everything seems awful right now, but soon it will be better and this will all just be a bad memory.

*M*
 

DonaBella

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 11, 2005
Messages
1,081
Date: 11/27/2006 4:39:29 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I am so sorry to hear this. I know how much you were hoping they could work it out. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. For things to fall apart so quickly is not normal and I am positive there is a better woman out there for your son. Just be there for them. I am sure this will be a difficult time for both your son and DIL. Blaming them is not going to help or accomplish anything. No one *really* knows what goes on behind closed doors.
You are so right...I am more than anything venting here, I hope you all can tell from the way I am expressing myself. I am keeping my lips tightly closed and my own thoughts in my own head. As for what really went down, who knows is so accurate!

All I know is I want to stay free and clear of this mess and just be there for our son. My anger with regards to the BIL and her mom thing is more because my BIL flat out encouraged the DIL to divorce my son, stating so right in front of him. That was cold, uncaring and plain ole not his place. I haven't spoken to my BIL and do not plan to do so for awhile. Mostly, out of fear for what I might say. I just don't want to go there.

This whole thing has taken on a life of its own and I need to focus on something else. I truly appreciate your candor and appreciate you and your comments.

I just need to get on with life...everyone is counting on me to push forward and I can only control a small portion of what is going on, so I have to be as positive as I can...I am going to try my best!
 

DonaBella

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 11, 2005
Messages
1,081
Date: 11/27/2006 4:44:57 PM
Author: poptart
My DHs family is from Layton as well. And I''m from Ogden, so that''s quite interesting! I''m glad you didn''t call you DIL back, and hopefully you can stay as much out of it as possible. I hope your daughter gets a restraining soon because my friend is 5''11 and this girl was fairly small, and still did some damage to the house and almost to my friend. I know everything seems awful right now, but soon it will be better and this will all just be a bad memory.

*M*
Wow...small world! I am wondering if you are familiar with Clearfield. I went to highschool there a long, long time ago. I also went to Weber State before it was considered a university. I worked at a Marie Callender''s off of Harrison in Ogden while attending college and also was a work study student. My first two kids were born at McKay Dee Hospital. This is way weird!

Things will get better, I do know that. I just hate this part of things...
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 11/27/2006 4:50:45 PM
Author: DeannaBana

Date: 11/27/2006 4:44:57 PM
Author: poptart
My DHs family is from Layton as well. And I''m from Ogden, so that''s quite interesting! I''m glad you didn''t call you DIL back, and hopefully you can stay as much out of it as possible. I hope your daughter gets a restraining soon because my friend is 5''11 and this girl was fairly small, and still did some damage to the house and almost to my friend. I know everything seems awful right now, but soon it will be better and this will all just be a bad memory.

*M*
Wow...small world! I am wondering if you are familiar with Clearfield. I went to highschool there a long, long time ago. I also went to Weber State before it was considered a university. I worked at a Marie Callender''s off of Harrison in Ogden while attending college and also was a work study student. My first two kids were born at McKay Dee Hospital. This is way weird!

Things will get better, I do know that. I just hate this part of things...
My MIL went to Clearfield HS I believe, and I am VERY familiar with that area. I also attended Weber State for summer semester and lived right by there till my mom moved to a different area... right off Harrison down by the Smith''s. I think my DH was born at Mckay Dee Hospital by the way... very cool.

*M*
 
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