Please tell me about your experiences TTC at specific times

[katamari]

DH and I have been talking family planning quite a bit lately as part of discussing other major life transitions. I am in higher ed, so during 40 weeks of the year, the job requires face-time, but there is a significant amount of time where the job doesn''t require face-time. I feel like my family would strongly benefit if we were able to arrange my due date to as close to the start of the summer semester as possible. I, of course, realize that not all pregnancies are without problems and that this is a very, very difficult thing to plan and many other complications could interfere. But, in the sense that there are very clear benefits for my family, I am interested in planning as much as possible. Also, I have a fantastic maternity leave policy with my new employer (which I am very grateful for) but there are clear incentives in the plan to giving birth in the summer and/or only taking leave during one semester.

We currently plan to try to conceive between August and October of 2011 for a summer 2012 LO. If we weren''t able to conceive by October 2011, we plan to TTC in 2012 until successful, regardless of scheduling. DH and I have had initial fertility screenings and were good on everything that could be checked (which, as you know, isn''t much). We are 33 now. We would like two LOs before 40.

For those of you who tried to meet specific date goals: Is this a realistic option? Would you recommend trying this fall also, just for the extra chance, to meet our limited window?


I have only been talking about this with DH and am very new to this aspect of fertility, so my apologies if I come off as uneducated or naive. I am! I also feel inclined to mention that, since my first baby related thread got off on a bad foot (due some really off-color humor on my part), while I wouldn''t say I have baby fever, I do now see having children as a certain part of my life and am very excited at the prospect of raising children with DH.

 

[waxing lyrical]

The average time it takes to get pregnant is 6 months. Dd1 was conceived on my fifth cycle of charting (following removal of Norplant). Dd2 and ds1 were conceived on the first cycle and ds2, third.

You may want to chart now to get an idea of your cycle and when you ovulate. The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a must read. I've been using Fertility Friend for about 6.5 years now.

I have two November babies and two December babies. I'd like the next to be Sept or Oct. There's no guarantee, but it doesn't hurt to try. I was doing *a lot* the cycle ds2 was conceived. Acupuncture, Chinese herbal formula, supplements (like B12) and was using progesterone cream as I had a really short luteal phase with the previous cycles (I was only 3-4 months postpartum so that may have been why).

We used preseed and the sperm meets egg plan the cycle we conceived ds2. Maybe you can give that a try the first cycle you start trying.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

How exciting!
Can I suggest you take a look through the TTC thread - the people there could write the definitive book on the topic.

I got pregnant within a couple of hours of us deciding the time was right, so beware that it can happen fast. It can also take a heartbreakingly long time. You just don''t know until you TTC. I don''t think it hurts to try planning, so long as you''re open to having all of your carefully laid plans blown apart. Hitting a specific window will be a mix of luck and judgment, I suspect, but you can try.

To give yourself the best chance, I''d suggest getting to know your cycle- some of the TTC ladies use temperature charts and some use ovulation preditor kits. I never did this, so I have no experience of it, but from what I''ve read it''s quite an exact predictor of fertility each month, which might help you with timing.

Good luck.

Jen

 

[Kunzite]

I''ll have to let you know the answer to that in a few months! Like you, we are *hoping* to hit a window. My job is very seasonal as well, but the opposite. I am dreadfully busy in the summer so we''re hoping to keep a DD between December to March. Obviously if things run into the summer then oh well, but if I can avoid it I will. We pretty much work all winter just to prepare for our three really busy months so I might get some glances if I''m gone for those three months

Like the other ladies suggested, you should get to know your cycle now. Read TCOYF and either start charting (if you''re up for the challenge) or use OPKs for a few months. That will get you off on the right foot. If you''re open to starting this fall and you feel ready for that, then why not? You could try for three months this fall and then three months again next fall if you don''t get KU. That might take some of the pressure off since then you''re actually looking at a 6 month window and not a 3 month window. The last thing you want to do is get stressed out about it. Stress never helps.

 

[snlee]

How exciting! As the other ladies suggested, I would check out the TTC thread, Fertility Friend, and Taking Charge of Your Fertility. DS was conceived on 4th cycle of trying and baby #2 was conceived on the 3rd cycle (4th month). With baby #2, we got lucky - I ovulated 3 weeks after I thought I did so we weren''t trying then. You never know how long it''ll take you to get pregnant. Just wanted to point out that when/if you do have baby fever, you may feel differently about having specific date goals. While it would be ideal for you to have a baby during the summer months, when it comes down to it, you may not care so much. Sometimes the urge to have a baby is so strong that trying for a few months then waiting a year is not an option. It can be done though. Good luck.

 

[qtiekiki]

Ditto all the suggestions of getting to know your cycle. Plan as much as you can, but know that it''s not really something you have full control of. Even if there''s no fertility issues, there can be other factors that comes to play. I wouldn''t start TTCing earlier unless you are ok with giving birth at the end of a semester.

I have a very textbook cycle - 28 days. I used OPK when we TTC our first, but it became a chore and I stopped. It took us 1 year of active TTC to conceive. We believe that it took us so long b/c I had an asymptomatic UTI the entire time that we were TTCing. I got pregnant the first cycle after I took the antibiotic to treat the UTI. With our second, it took two cycles of not preventing to conceive - no OPK or charting. It took us by surprise b/c we were expecting it to take us a while and started not preventing earlier to compensate.

 

[cara]

You don’t know until you give it a shot! Sure, you can get your ducks in a row ahead of time though – go off hormonal birth control if you are on it and get to know your cycle by charting or whathaveyou. I wouldn’t try this fall unless you are prepared for it to take! And I would make sure that mentally you are prepared for it to take longer than your ideal window and possibly come under less ideal circumstances.

I got preggo the first time we kinda tried, but ended up miscarrying and that plus the recovery and a poorly timed trip took us well out of our ideal birth-timing window, so we ended up delaying for another few additional months before trying again. Again it didn't take us long, but I had been charting at that point and knew what was going on timing-wise so that might have helped, or we could just be lucky that way. While the timing of this pregnancy is not totally perfect (we got a little eager to try again), I don’t know that it ever is and you just can’t predict everything. Sometimes you have to throw your hat in the ring and see what happens.

One thing I’ll throw out there is morning sickness. I was sick enough that it was a serious impediment to my normal routine and I didn’t really think about the timing of the first trimester when TTC - I will next time LOL! You also don’t know if you’ll end up on bedrest or something near the end of pregnancy. So you can plan, but only so far!

 

[noelwr]

if you really really want children, I would recommend starting TTC asap.

the reason is your age. it might not matter for you, but you won''t know until you start trying, which you say is fall 2011 and I''m guessing you''ll be (near) 35 then. if you google TTC after 35, you will find out that it on average takes longer to conceive because you don''t ovulate as much, have a higher chance of miscarriage, and greater risk of a child with down syndrome. but again, let me reiterate, that none of this might be applicable to you as there are many women over 35 having healthy children.

however, if you do run into the situation that you are not conceiving, will you look back and wish you had started earlier?

I think you should let the way you feel about that answer guide you in your decision when to start.

and I do remember your baby-related thread from a while back and you don''t need to explain yourself to anyone. I also went quite suddenly from not wanting any to wanting.

 

[Sabine]

I was teaching high school while ttc, so we had a similar timeline. We conceived on our 3rd month of charting, 2nd month of active trying, so for us it was possible. I would suggest familiarizing yourself with natural family planning either through TCOYF or fertilityfriend.com and charting your cycles as much as possible, but so many of the girls on the ttc thread do everything possible to increase chances of conception and struggle (some for reasons that become clear as they get to know their cycles, some for apparently no reason at all). Good luck though!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I think trying for a window of 4 months igives you good odds of conceiving within the desired time frame.

 

[Jas12]

only way to know for sure is to try. If you have no fertility issues and DTD when you are fertile then there is a good chance you will get the timing you desire

In my experience, i got pregnant with both my children on the month i planned . Both times i was shocked that it happened on the first attempt. So know that it is certainly possible, but it''s also certainly possible that it can take months and months.

 

[hmr_mama]

I did no charting. Both of my pregnancies were planned. But we pretty much "got down" and "got pregnant". I "missed" my ovulation window when conceiving my DD....so we got pregnant the next month. I talked to my DH about wanting to get pregnant a 2nd time....we "got down" and got pregnant the same day. This is NOT normal or average. My best friend tried for 3 years. My Aunt.....15. I''ve seen many friends have fertility problems. The worst thing you can do is stress. The minute by BF and Aunt "let go".....they got pregnant. Good luck! And Happy Baby Making!!!

 

[PumpkinPie]

This topic has been on my mind for awhile too. I would love the spontaneity of trying (by just not "not trying") for a few months - somehow it seems romantic. But I would also love to be able to pick within a few months when the baby would arrive (especially since our seasons are so intense where I live - summer and winter can differ by up to 65 degrees!)

 

[phoenixgirl]

Date: 3/27/2010 12:48:44 PM
Author:katamari

For those of you who tried to meet specific date goals: Is this a realistic option? Would you recommend trying this fall also, just for the extra chance, to meet our limited window?

Obviously having a child is a huge step, and you mustn''t do it before you are ready. But to answer your question, I would say that it makes sense to try this fall too as long as you really wouldn''t mind having a baby next summer. You really don''t know how things will play out . . . if you''re blessed to conceive in the two to three month window you''re aiming for, then you will be very blessed indeed. But if it doesn''t happen, then you have an extra year to figure things out. If you wait until fall 2011 and it takes longer than you hoped, then you might look back on the time you didn''t TTC with regret.

To answer your other question -- it took us 5 cycles. I was 28 and DH was 30 when we conceived.

You also need to keep in mind that every month, even a couple with no fertility issues only has a 20% chance of conception (and this reduces with age -- by 40 it''s only about 5%). This is why the 6 month average makes sense. Fertilized eggs don''t always implant correctly, or something is wrong and they spontaneously abort. You could get lucky, but I also think that statistically, you have less than a 50% chance of getting pregnant within a two or three month window.

 

[Pandora II]

I''m 37 and DH is 35, I refused to start TTC until after our wedding in July 2008 and I wanted to have a baby in May 2009 ... Daisy was born on May 17th 2009, so it can be done!

I charted using Fertility Friend for 5 months before starting TTC, ate pineapple every day and used Preseed. I have a clock-work 27 day cycle and had been off hormonal BC for 2 years.

We started trying on our wedding-night - missing the window by one day - which was July 26th, and Daisy was conceived on August 26th, our first full cycle.

However, things then went pear-shaped: I got hyperemesis and was really, really sick for 26 weeks and then I ended up spending almost the whole pregnancy and the first 6 months of Daisy''s life taking my employer to court for sex discrimination. So, not the joyful, happy time it should have been! Best laid plans.....

 

[katamari]

I am, once again, completely wowed by what an amazing resource PS can be! Huge, tremendous, appreciative thanks to waxing lyrical, Mrs Mitchell, Kunzite, snlee, qtiekiki, cara, noelwr, Sabine, dreamer_d, Jas12, hmr_mama, Maeve, phoenixgirl, and Pandora II for your helpful insight.

waxing lyrical, I went straight to Amazon after reading this thread and ordered Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I will look into Fertility Friend, and thanks for all the additional things to think about. I had no idea that there were so many options for homeopathic fertility assistance. Thanks!

I should read the entire TTC thread, Mrs Mitchell. I agree there is a ton of wisdom floating around in there. I tried to pick up a few pages here and there, but I am just not knowledgeable on the jargon to follow what is going on. I need to start from the beginning, and will after I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I sure hope I have your luck when it comes time!

I wish you luck on hitting your window, Kunzite! I will certainly be trying to learn my cycle ahead of time.

Very good point about dealing with baby fever, snlee. I also think I will have a bit of clock pressure once we start trying, too, since I am not new to ovulation by any means. It is encouraging to hear that you were successful within less than half a year on all your attempts.

I assume that, even though charting will be a chore, qtiekiki, it will probably be a part that I actually enjoy since I love data collection and management. I will definitely get a thorough check up before starting, as I have a long and torrid history with UTIs, unfortunately. And, excellent point about complications. It will likely not be best to shoot for a time very near the end of the semester after all, since I could go into labor early or have pregnancy complications.

The lifestyle change is very intimidating (though it is starting to feel less scary), cara, but that is a good point that we should not try unless we are really mentally prepared. I am a bit worried that I will struggle mentally if I can't meet our goals, just because I am a perfectionist, very Type A, GTD type person. Not to mention the additional mental challenges of dealing with a miscarriage and loss; at this point, I cannot even imagine how that would feel. I suppose I shouldn't be head-in-the-sand about morning sickness, bedrest, and all that for now. Since aspects of my job are very performance-oriented, I can see morning sickness being a very real barrier.

Thanks for your kind words, noelwr. It is curious how the mind can reorganize itself so quickly. You make some excellent points about risk. DH and I cannot start trying immediately, unfortunately, because we are transitioning jobs in the fall and are unsure if we are able to make the transition without a lapse in healthcare. Plus, I am ineligible for maternity leave and coverage until working at the new job for 6 months. But, that is a strong case for trying this fall, too, instead of just waiting a year and a half. I ordered a couple books on conceiving when older with TCOYF, because it does add valid concern and difficulty.

Thanks, Sabine. It is encouraging to hear your were able to meet your timeline, too. There is certainly no reason not to use all possible resources, especially since so many still struggle, like you note.

Thanks, dreamer_d.

I am glad to hear it can be done, Jas12! I know that everyone is different, but it is still so very uplifting to hear about successes with something I perceive is going to be very difficult.

Thanks, hmr_mama. I know that you cannot necessarily judge by your family, but all three of my cousins who very recently had LOs had similar experiences as you. Two planned to chart, but conceived as soon as they stopped with pills. The other had already been off oral contraception and was just using condoms, but got knocked up when the pack ran out. Hopefully I will be so lucky. I will have a harder time relaxing (just not my thing, unfortunately), but all the DTD should help with that.

I am very concerned with weather for both pregnancy and having the baby, Maevie. DH was born during a blizzard and, when his mom started having contractions, the police had to come to get her on a snowmobile where she then had to be airlifted to the hospital. No one other than DH's dad was able to go with her and she had to give birth without any of the grandparents or anything even being able to be notified. My BF had so much swelling during her pregnancy that she couldn't find shoes to fit and had to wear flip flops that a cobbler added an elastic band to--if she had been pregnant in the winter, I cannot even imagine what she would have done. Luckily we are moving to a place with a much more temperate climate, but it can certainly add problems (so much for not stressing unnecessarily, like other posters suggested).

Good point about the potential for regret phoenixgirl. DH and I will be financially secure and certainly mature enough to be parents. We are just a little spooked by making what we both consider a definitive life decision. But, I know he especially would have tremendous regret if this fear interfered with his ability to parent. Thanks for the numbers, too. I realized that there were many factors, but I didn't realize that the chance of conception and implanting were so low. No wonder it is so difficult.

Wow, Pandora. What a terrible experience. I suppose I am terribly naive to think that conception will be the greatest barrier. I am glad you were able to recover and have your beautiful Daisy as the result, but what a nightmarish struggle.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/31/2010 3:17:27 PM
Author: katamari

I am very concerned with weather for both pregnancy and having the baby, Maevie. DH was born during a blizzard and, when his mom started having contractions, the police had to come to get her on a snowmobile where she then had to be airlifted to the hospital. No one other than DH''s dad was able to go with her and she had to give birth without any of the grandparents or anything even being able to be notified. My BF had so much swelling during her pregnancy that she couldn''t find shoes to fit and had to wear flip flops that a cobbler added an elastic band to--if she had been pregnant in the winter, I cannot even imagine what she would have done. Luckily we are moving to a place with a much more temperate climate, but it can certainly add problems (so much for not stressing unnecessarily, like other posters suggested).

I understand why the possibility stresses you out, but I live in a city of 1 million people - I try to remind myself that many people have babies in every season and they all survive! it''s just my controlling perfectionistic tendencies that get in the way sometimes Making babies is not necessarily on your own schedule Good luck to you - and here''s hoping that none of us end up in labour on a police snowmobile!

 

[swimmer]

Date: 3/31/2010 10:46:33 PM
Author: Maevie

Date: 3/31/2010 3:17:27 PM

Author: katamari


I am very concerned with weather for both pregnancy and having the baby, Maevie. DH was born during a blizzard and, when his mom started having contractions, the police had to come to get her on a snowmobile where she then had to be airlifted to the hospital. No one other than DH''s dad was able to go with her and she had to give birth without any of the grandparents or anything even being able to be notified. My BF had so much swelling during her pregnancy that she couldn''t find shoes to fit and had to wear flip flops that a cobbler added an elastic band to--if she had been pregnant in the winter, I cannot even imagine what she would have done. Luckily we are moving to a place with a much more temperate climate, but it can certainly add problems (so much for not stressing unnecessarily, like other posters suggested).

I understand why the possibility stresses you out, but I live in a city of 1 million people - I try to remind myself that many people have babies in every season and they all survive! it''s just my controlling perfectionistic tendencies that get in the way sometimes Making babies is not necessarily on your own schedule Good luck to you - and here''s hoping that none of us end up in labour on a police snowmobile!

Katamari, I bet your BF would have had very little swelling in the winter. I am so so happy to be about to have a baby now that the cold is ending after seeing so many of my friends and sister all swollen and unhappy last summer (when I was struggling with over 12 months of TTC). When pregnant it is impossible to regulate your core temp, so pregnancy in winter I have found to be a blessing. Just a thought about ttc and schedules, I was hoping for one season based on the academic calendar and well, when it finally did happen, my old schedule went out the window and with new opportunities my new schedule fits having a baby right now much better. We can always hope for timelines, but sometimes the realities change, life remains wonderfully unpredictable. Good luck!