please help me understand my mom

[ficklefaye]

i have less than two weeks before my wedding, i have planned this wedding with the help of my sisters, cousin and FI, i haven't asked my mom for anything and she's never asked me if she could help

when i first sent out my invitations, she asked me to invite one friend and she said that was it, i was more than happy to do this because she's my mom, fast forward to three days ago, she wants me to invite someone i've met once because just by chance, they will be in town, so i said, ok fine, i had already given the final headcount to the venue, but i wanted to do this because she is my mom, then yesterday, i found out that my aunt and uncle (mom's bro and sis-in-law) can make it to my wedding after all, so of course, another two added to the list, but today is really the last straw, she wants me to invite her brother's wife's mom to my wedding

how does this make any sense? she just happens to be coming to town the week of my wedding and my mom thinks it'll be sad if i don't invite her, but i'm furious that my mom doesn't seem to be taking my feelings into account and expecting me to invite people i don't even know. i've never met this woman. i'm so disappointed in my mom at this point.

 

[cindygenit]

Is there any chance she is just excited about your wedding?

If you can't afford it or don't want these people at your wedding, then just tell her you won't be inviting any more of her friends (esp those you have only met once!) to the wedding. I'm sure she will understand if you explain to her your reasons.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

if it makes you feel any better, we have about 50 people coming we don''t know. are you paying for the wedding? if so then put your foot down. if not, might just have to suck it up and let her invite her

 

[gwendolyn]

Not to be harsh, but I''m slightly confused. Why are you disappointed in her? Yes, it may be close to your wedding, but that doesn''t make your mother a mind-reader. Maybe she''s just hoping you''ve got some extra spaces; if she hasn''t been involved in the planning, then perhaps she doesn''t realize she''s asking for extra, additional cost guests.

And, really, she *is* asking, right? So, say yes or no. Clearly you want to answer no, so say no.

 

[ficklefaye]

there is a bit of a back story to this that i wasn''t sure if i wanted to share, i already told my mom that our guestlist was final about a week ago, but a few days ago she wanted to invite a "family friend", i don''t consider him a friend at all, i consider him a moocher, he stays at my parents, expects them to drive him around and pay for his food, a few months ago, he came with his wife and three kids and my parents paid for and drove them everywhere, yes, i understand my parents are acting like doormats, but they could have at least offered to pay for some of it

so this "family friend" just happens to be in town for the weekend, so my mom expects me, this wasn''t asking, it was expecting me to invite this person because otherwise he will go home and tell everyone that they were too cheap to invite him to their daughter''s wedding, yes, she is trying to save face, AND she''s know about this for weeks, she ran it by my sister for her reaction and my mom just chose to tell me now

this next guest is a different story, my mom doesn''t even like her, but she wants me to invite her for the same reason, she is the town gossip in my mom''s hometown and my mom would hate her telling people that she wasn''t invited to my wedding

my mom doesn''t call me and doesn''t pick up my calls, so it''s tough to really keep her updated on the wedding process

she only calls me to add extra guests

 

[ficklefaye]

it's also my venue's policy to give the final headcount at two weeks before, i did that, but on two separate occasions since then i had to add guests

i invited people i want to be at the wedding, i guess i'll never understand why my mom wants to invite people because people will talk bad otherwise


ETA: FI and i are paying for this wedding ourselves and darn proud of it

 

[MagsyMay]

I''m sorry you are going through this. It must be terribly frustrating for your mom to show no interest in the wedding, and to not even pick up your phone calls??!

I''m probably going to be in the minority here, but I''d just be firm and say the guest list is final and it''s just too late to include more. I don''t think you should be guilted into adding guests that you hardly know (or don''t even like) because your Mom wants to save face. Your wedding should not be about your mother saving face with the town gossip or anyone else. If it was so important to her to save face or avoid "looking cheap" she should have thought of that sooner! (not that it would have been a good reason to invite them even if it was earlier!).

 

[brightlight]

Wow Faye, I feel like I'm reliving my wedding. We also paid for our own wedding and held firm on the guest list. So, aunts and uncles in the same town ended up getting the shaft. We weren't close to them and barely spoke to them and they never reached out to get to know us, so we didn't invite them. In the end, our standing firm and not inviting them sent a strong message to my in-laws that they couldn't impose their will on us anymore.

 

[ficklefaye]

honestly, i don''t think i''ll ever understand my mom, but i managed to get a hold of her on the phone during my lunch hour and we talked things through, she said for sure that my uncle''s mother in law will be the last guest, so i''ll take her word for it