I''m not Italia (obviouslyDate: 6/20/2010 10:38:47 PM
Author: Sparkly Blonde
off subject - is that a blue min pin in your avatar?
Date: 6/22/2010 9:35:29 AM
Author: lilyfoot
Italia, I am so sorry that you''re (continuously) dealing with this. I have always viewed you as one of the more level-headed, and respectful, posters on PS, and I have no doubt that you are the same IRL.
More than I am sorry for your hurt feelings, I am beyond sorry for these digusting IL''s. They will never get to know the true, wonderful, generous, loving person that you are, and that is their loss. They have the ugly souls here, not you. You can make the decision to let them out of your life, and you can be at peace with that decision. They won''t be at peace, actually, they probably would never feel peace with the situation unless you were out of your DH''s life (uh, NOT gonna happen!).
Good luck, hun. Just keep your head up, keep your focus on your husband (and doggies), and everything will be ok.
Date: 6/24/2010 11:32:44 AM
Author: cara
Italia, peace may be possible one way or another but you can''t make anyone show respect for you. To keep hoping for it is to set yourself up for continued disappointment. Your inlaws are a piece of work, but part of this painful dynamic is you wanting them to behave like normal people so that you can have a loving respectful relationship with them, rather than changing your behavior and expectations to deal with who they are.
Date: 6/25/2010 4:53:46 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
I love how you worded that Tacori I have said similar things to friends (but never as well as you did) and the personal responsibility (control what you can to influence but not control others) bit with the hula hoop is a good metaphor.
classic signs of toxic parents.Date: 6/25/2010 1:39:10 PM
Author: House Cat
Italia,
I do not believe for one second that these attacks are personal. I believe that your husband could have married Mother Theresa and they would still be treating her this way.
The fact of the matter is, whomever DH would have married is an outside influence, someone who threatened their ultimate control. This has very little to do with YOU. Is it possible to keep this perspective and to stop taking what they do and say personally? This situation is mostly about your DH and his parents. It is a sick dynamic and he''s probably really tired of them trying to control his life by means of belittling his wife. It seems as though their hope (unconscious, I''m sure) is that if they degrade the outsider enough, he will then rush back to them. They are so desperate not to lose him, yet they will create that very outcome with their ugly behavior. Do you now see that YOU have not created this situation? If your husband never speaks to them again, it is not about you. It is about them and their behavior.
Italia, you are one graceful lady. I''ve seen you handle quite a bit around here with your head held high. This situation is so much more difficult, but I know that you can find that grace and rise above this. See them for what they truly are, desperate and sad people. Stop working for their ''respect.'' They don''t even know the meaning of the word! If they did, they wouldn''t be doing this to their own son.