Planning to propose later this year...have a few questions

[Quincy]

Hi members,
I just signed up and this is my first post. I didn''t even know such a forum exists! I was just searching for jewelry stores and came across this site! What a helpful site!

Anyways, I''m confused. Most people ask the parents first before proposing to their daughters. At this time, do you get the engagement ring first before asking for their blessing or do you get it after? Some people say to ask for their blessing as close to the proposal date since they can''t keep secrets for long. Then again, it takes awhile to shop for a diamond as well. What do I do? Thanks in advance!

 

[FireGoddess]

If I were a guy who wanted to propose to my girlfriend, I would shop for and purchase the ring first, have it in hand already, then ask her parents for their blessing, and then sometime shortly thereafter propose to my girlfriend. You are correct, it does take some time to shop for the ring...from days or weeks to months if you go the custom route. So I would focus on the ring first. Wouldn''t want the parents to have to keep the secret for weeks...that''s just courting disaster!!

 

[mrssalvo]

I agree. My brother in law, bought the ring then met with my dad on a wed. morning for coffee and asked for his blessing. he proposed to my sister friday night. we only had to keep the secret a couple of days. it would have been hard for us to contain our excitement much longer

 

[BrightSpot]

That''s a good idea, mrssalvo. Some guys like to show the ring to their gf''s parents when they ask for her hand as well.

Good luck with this process, Quincy, & welcome to PS!

 

[Donut]

Depends upon whether:

1) They might say no - Sounds silly, but this is sometimes a sure thing and otherwise not.

and

2) Will you still marry her if they say no - This one''s almost always a no brainer.

Given the likelyhood of both of these coming the wrong way, I''d say it''s pretty safe to pick up the ring in advance if timing is important. Traditionally, you ask because the father (or parents'') decision matters, and thus it is polite to wait on any plans until they have given their consent. In practice, it can only be an issue if they have a family ring they would like you to use. If that is a possibility (only child? Oldest with no brothers?) it''s probably worth asking first.

On a side note, the classical cheuvanistic method is to ask the Father. If the parents are divorced, how important is it to ask both parents vs surprising the mother? This is on a side note, I''ve already received permission from the father but decided against asking the mother in advance and I know that she personally wont be offended by the decision (and will love to hear about it after the fact), but I don''t want to perform any social mistakes that could get a nasty ''Oh...I see...'' from a less enthusiastic aunt or third cousin.

 

[Quincy]

It''s more important to ask the gf''s parents for their blessing...right? Usually you wouldn''t ask your OWN parents for their blessings as well...it''s usually assumed throughout the time you''ve been w/her that they will either like or don''t like her..right?