Planning out a quiet proposal, I have some questions and would really appreciate feedback! Also, Im super nervous and excited!


Feb 4, 2023
Hi there! Im in the process of putting together a proposal plan, and my partner knows Im going to be proposing (we've talked openly about the subject and how we're so excited to be married, and she even designed the engagement ring and been giving feedback on the drafts created by the jeweler I chose). As for the actual act of the proposal, I havent given her any specifics on that, but she gave me the suggestion of posting on here and getting feedback on my ideas!

Sweetness, if youre reading this post, there are potential spoilers from this point on!

My partner and I both really like having things be quiet, and the idea of a "big proposal" just really doesnt seem like something she would want. As such, Ive been thinking of having the proposal happen during the lavender festival in the area (which will be in late July), as there are a bunch of different lavender farms (she finds the smell of lavender pleasant) where we can picnic and have a pretty quiet, peaceful time. Ive attached a photo of part of the lavender farm just to give a scale idea of the area we'd be working with.
Im thinking of preparing a nice picnic meal (not sandwiches, something more involved and tasty), having a thermos of iced lavender tea, some sort of dessert (probably baklava, she really likes it), and storing it all in an insulated picnic basket, with the ring box hidden in the bottom (whether thats under the napkins, or in a secret compartment, Im not sure yet)
Im thinking we find a nice, secluded spot in the lavender fields, set up the picnic (with a proper picnic blanket and picnic cushions between us and the ground, a tiny table to eat off of, all those little quality of life things so she doesnt need to sit uncomfortably in the dirt), have lunch and tea, and then Ill say something like "and for dessert, I prepared some baklava, and it also comes with a serving of 'will you please marry me?" as I pull the ring box out
For the box itself, Im actually making it myself because I couldnt find anything online that seemed close to what I wanted to hold the ring in.
- Its a 3"X3" box (so its too large to fit in a pocket), Ill be wrapping it in velvet with the fabric print being one of moths (moths and butterflies are special to us)
- Ill be removing and re-attaching the hinges and latch hardware after applying the velvet print so it looks cleaner and can be securely closed
- On the inside of the box, I want to have the ring resting in some blue preserved reindeer moss (we love moss, and the color blue is something we associate with me, her and I are both *really* connected with the Lore Olympus comic, so that may explain some of the theming in the proposal). I plan on having the moss secured into place before putting the ring in, so it wont be shifting around as we move around.

Regarding the concept of engagement photos, I dont want there to be a photographer, both because:
- Its quite rare for her to want to be in a photo, she usually declines if offered, I think it has really strong ties to her past with eating disorders and evaluating and criticizing every photo she took of herself
- It feels like it would be quite invasive for this very private, special moment (I know thats not the case for all couples, but for us it just feels wrong, and she also doesnt really use social media, so I dont think shed want the photos)

The only potential faux pas that Im uncertain of is that for the 3 days the lavender festival is open, one of them is my birthday, and I worry about the potential message of "oh, what if it comes across like Im asking her to marry me as a birthday gift?", and I just feel like that would be kind of icky, but Im not sure.

Also, since this would be an outdoor proposal, I looked into the weather around that time of year in that area, and while its sunny like 90% of the time during that month, and while the day we choose to go may be altered by the weather, I do still want to prepare for the possibility that it may be raining and a backup idea may be needed.

Thats what I have so far, Id really appreciate any feedback you may have, Im really nervous and I want to make sure its a happy memory for her! 2021-08-02.jpg


Jul 12, 2014
Many congratulations to you and your partner!

It seems you already have a solid plan, including a backup venue.

My only thoughts are that:

1) You could end up regretting not having a single photo of the moment; a photographer with a good lens can be invisible to you both while still getting a good picture.

2) I am wondering if you often have picnics or do things similar to what you're planning. If not, she might immediately know that you're proposing that day....

Best wishes to you!


Jun 27, 2014
cant-hear-you-lalala.gif Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, stop telling!

It's a beautiful plan and I'm sure she'll love it. It's simple, elegant and has little significances just for the both of you.
If it happens to be on your birthday, it's just happenstance, that's all it is.
Relax and enjoy it as best you can, it's not everyday you ask a thing like that.
I'm very excited for you. It's going to be great.
If she's comfortable with it, we'd love to see some hand pictures of her amazing ring!
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