picking the date... are we doing the right thing?

[ephemery1]

My BF and I are in our late 20s, have been together 3.5 years, bought the stone and are now finalizing the setting. So hopefully he''ll officially propose within the next month or so!

We''ve been planning on a 2007 wedding, and I wanted Sept 29th in honor of my grandmother''s bday... but unfortunately our venue (Hotel Hershey) isn''t available then. I''ve always dreamed of getting married there, so we''d rather not change the location. Their only open dates between April and September of next year are May 5th and Sept 22nd, but we know of at least 3 other weddings taking place in Sept/Oct of 2007... one of which is my BF''s cousin... and since I only wanted the 29th because of the significance, I don''t have any real attachment to the fall.

And May 5th sounds good to me... nice weather, my grad school classes will have just ended the previous week, and we don''t know of any other weddings planned for May (despite the fact there will be at least 10 next summer/fall). Plus if anyone else gets engaged in the next few months, it''s more likely they''ll plan for the fall instead of the spring. So our main concern: if we aren''t even officially engaged until July, that only leaves about 10 months planning... will that be enough??

Also, my BF is worried we won''t have enough time to just "enjoy our engagement"... which is valid, but at the same time, I''ve been enjoying our relationship for the past 3 years... now I''m just excited to be married! Is there anything we would miss out on by not having a longer engagement?

Please share your thoughts and opinions and experiences... thanks!!

 

[San Diego Bride]

it''s definitely enough time to plan, especially if you already have your venue. i think short vs. long engagement is a personal thing. for us, shorter is definitely better (8 months, and i wish it was shorter). once we officially decided we were going to get married we both just want to be married! there are definitely parts of the engagement period that are quite enjoyable. people see your ring and ask if you''re engaged and you get to talk about your future hubby! but there are a lot of stressful times as well. even in the best of relationships wedding planning can create some conflict.

so short engagements are better for some and long engagements are better for others, but you CAN plan a wedding in 10 months (or less).

good luck.

 

[blondie76]

I agree, you should be able to do it, no problem! Plus it already sounds like you have an idea of what you might like, since you have known you were going to get engaged soon. For what it''s worth, every single person I know that has done it in a year or less are SO happy they did it that way. Sept would be beautiful also, but if your only reservation about May is the time-crunch, I would say don''t worry you can do it!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

First off I started planning our wedding before we proposed (well, I got a day of planning done and then he proposed so I am not sure if it really counts).

We both agreed on the month and he hasn''t even seen the venue. I think since the venue is what is important to you then go for it. 10 months is enough time. Mine will be 14 months and it seems too long though I agree I have really had time to enjoy "being engaged". Plenty of time for showers, bac. party, planning....What ever you decide will be the right thing. I promise. Don''t stress!

 

[sydneycasandra]

ephemery,

I almost guarantee you that a couple months before the wedding you''ll be wishing the engagement was even shorter! All the planning and anticipation make it so hard to wait; part of you is so excited for the event and another part will wish it was "over" (just because of the stressful bits though.) Make sure that whatever you decide you''re comfortable with but you can DEFINITELY plan a wedding in that timeframe; if you have the location you really want you can also be more flexible on other things.

 

[FireGoddess]

I got engaged November 2002 and got married September 2003, so I only had 10 months to plan as well. Totally doable!! I don''t think it was a particularly short engagement, and I was so happy when everything was finally done and the wedding was over.

I''ve known plenty of people who''ve planned weddings in less time.

 

[sosst7]

I think that''s plenty of time to plan esp. if the venue is already picked out. I planned my DW in 3 months so yours is definitely doable

 

[flopkins]

totally doable, particularly since the venue is already set - that''s the most difficult part initially!!!

good luck and keep us updated!

 

[sunkist]

Yep! I agree 10 months is plenty of time. It actually seems like it''s getting on the side of a long engagement to me

A poster on here, Chi, just resently had a thread on her wedding she planned in a week! We''re doing my sister''s wedding in 1 month, mine will be like 3 months. I guess it depends on how much you want to do and how quickly you can make decisions. But I think you''ll be fine. And May is a beautiful month!! Go for it

 

[selflove]

Definitely 10 months is enough.

I agree with AntiguaBride--a few months prior to the wedding you may want it to happen even sooner!

We planned two small weddings in 13 months and that was more than enough time. It couldn''t come soon enough for me and so many times I was wishing we could have done it sooner.

 

[JessesGrl]

I planned my 10/1/05 wedding in 10 months and had more than enough time...you will be fine

 

[codex57]

I much prefer marriage to engagement. If you have enough time to properly plan and prepare for your wedding, that's all you should really be worried about. Planning a wedding is extremely time consuming and stressful. It should be as short as possible IMO. Both me and my wife think we had a kick ass wedding. Had a 10 month engagement. Still, we both agree that eloping might not have been such a bad idea after all.

 

[ephemery1]

You guys are all saying exactly what I was hoping to hear... thank you!! With so many other weddings going on next summer, I kept having visions of myself sitting through each one thinking "oh god, should I do this for dinner instead?" "uh oh, they''re doing cookies and milk, now we can''t!" or "shoot, they''re dancing to that song, maybe we should pick something new". Knowing my slightly OCD personality, I really think I''ll be able to enjoy them all much more as a contented new-wife rather than a neurotic bride-to-be!

It will be a busy year, but everything you''ve said makes complete sense... especially about the planning taking up exactly how much time you have, whether that''s 6 months or 2 years. And I''m one of those people who agonizes over decisions, then feels infinitely better after they''re made... like choosing the date, for example!

 

[selflove]

I feel confident in saying that you will be so relieved to have it all over and be married! And then you can go and enjoy those other weddings after your''s, without feeling any sense of anxiety or competition or stress at all.

My god, having the wedding over is like the feeling I used to have in grad school when I''d finish finals--like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and I have my life back!

 

[codex57]

Date: 6/1/2006 7:11:58 PM
Author: ephemery1
You guys are all saying exactly what I was hoping to hear... thank you!! With so many other weddings going on next summer, I kept having visions of myself sitting through each one thinking ''oh god, should I do this for dinner instead?'' ''uh oh, they''re doing cookies and milk, now we can''t!'' or ''shoot, they''re dancing to that song, maybe we should pick something new''. Knowing my slightly OCD personality, I really think I''ll be able to enjoy them all much more as a contented new-wife rather than a neurotic bride-to-be!


It will be a busy year, but everything you''ve said makes complete sense... especially about the planning taking up exactly how much time you have, whether that''s 6 months or 2 years. And I''m one of those people who agonizes over decisions, then feels infinitely better after they''re made... like choosing the date, for example!

Yep! As you sit through each wedding, you''ll see a detail that you wanted/were going to do, but now it''s gonna look bad if you do it too. Happened to us. Be it invitations, party favors, music, etc. We felt MUCH better when everything was done and we didn''t have to make any more changes. Planning all that stuff actually put the most stress on our relationship than anything previously (and we''d been together for over 7 years, including long distance). That''s why you want it as short as practical. Months and months of dealing with this is really draining, especially when you''ve got a billion people from everywhere butting in and wanting their ideas implemented (which are often conflicting). You end up realizing your dream wedding is not really about you and you''ve gotta really put your foot down to keep it somewhat fun for you guys.