Perhaps last topic but important for me

[junebug17]

Stci, in your defense sometimes it's hard to figure out what response some posters want. I remember a thread recently that went something like this- "here's the ring I'm thinking of getting. I'm 99% sure on it. I really love it. What do you think?". Some of the responses were not complimentary, and I think the poster got a little miffed. But what did she expect? She asked!

I don't think you have to stop giving your opinion when a person asks for it. I agree with others, in SMTB people are usually proudly showing off their already purchased jewelry, so if you don't like something it's better not to criticize it.

But for situations when someone says "I'm thinking of getting this. give me your opinions" I think it's fine to do so. I see it all the time on PS, and sometimes the opinions are pretty blunt.

To tell you the truth, I don't know why people ask for opinions about jewelry pieces. Tastes are so different that there are bound to be people that don't like it. I can see asking for opinions about loose colored stones and diamonds.

 

[Andelain]

If a person ask for opinion it's not necessarly to have it, they prefer I tell it's beautiful.


And now... I would like to apologize to all the member I hurt. I'm so sorry. I will try to be more delicate in the futur.

Guess I should add my $.02 worth since I just now spotted this thread and I'm the person she was referring to that didn't like her comment about my ring. First of all, stci, I asked you to stick around in that other thread and I meant it. You didn't hurt me. Your comment wasn't flattering, but I answered what you asked about why I did what I did.

I saved one line from your post to comment on. If we ask for an opinion and you don't like something, that's the time to say it. I've posted threads asking for critique on a diamond because I want to be warned if someone sees something I don't. You and the others are right about SMTB threads, those are just to show off stuff we already have.

So stick around have fun. And be glad my 'strange' ring wouldn't fit your little hand anyway.

 

[Dancing Fire]

To tell you the truth, I don't know why people ask for opinions about jewelry pieces. Tastes are so different that there are bound to be people that don't like it. I can see asking for opinions about loose colored stones and diamonds.

yep,that's the reason why i would never comment when members ask..."please help me pick a ring"

 

[Asu]

stci,english is not my first language too.Also,I'm way more blunt than I should be,must be my background,but I've always been a really honest person.Whoever it is that ask for opinions,they will get it,wethever they like it or not.Not my problem if they get offended,they asked after all.Sure,I always try to be polite in stating my opinions,but don't come to me to get mushy compliments,'cause what you will get is only my honest opinion.That being said,I learned in the last three years of posting and (most) reading american/english message boards,that there often is a level of expected politeness that is way higher than what I was used tften is a great thing,because it keeps flames under control,and avoid a lot of hurt feelings;sometimes,though,it get a bit too much imo.It get to the point where people like you get hurt for being honest.No one want this,but it happens.It's ironic in a way,because while on the quest to get everyone to be as polite as possible,people sometimes forget to be as polite themselves,and end up hurting someone.Then again,this is not to taunt anyone,just what I see happening.That's why I lurk more than post.I'm just unable to post a compliment about something I dislike.I prefer to just ignore the topic and move on.Maybe you should do the same?Oh,and don't worry.While my english is still bad,you wouldn't believe how bad it was when I first started posting and reading here!It gets better,I promise.Just keep reading and posting
Ah,and everyone,as I said,my english is bad,so keep in mind that I do not intend to offend anyone,just stating my opinion

 

[rhbgirl24]

I'm going to disagree. I think SMTB is for showing off. If you don't like something that someone has already purchased, I don't see any good that could result in telling them you don't like it.

This is a good point. I don't share negative opinions (or "constructive feedback") in SMTB because that does seem rude to me. But, if people are asking for opinions, then I think it's fine to offer them--good, bad, or ugly.

I agree with this. If its not my cup of tea, then I just say nothing. Or if I can appreciate something in it I say that and not that I don't like it but...

But if they ask for an opinion I give it truthfully.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Stci - Please stay here! We love having you here on PS!

As far as opinions go, I only compliment if I like what someone shows on SMTR. In reality *many* of us see jewelry others have that are not our style. Also, *many* of us see jewelry that are our style. That's just the way it is when with such a wide variety of choices/styles shown. You can pick the rings/earrings that you like and tell those people that you love what they have. Because there are so many members here, chances are every person will post a photo which will get compliments

 

[Tuckins1]

Stci, please don't leave! I agree that sometimes it's not really the appropriate time to state a negative opinion about something. For example, if it's a post about someone's brand new ring and they say "I love it so much, what do you think?".... If I don't care for it, I do not comment. They are obviously in love with it and they don't need negative comments to make them feel bad. If someone is asking about something that they haven't purchased yet, then I will give mo honest opinion. We all know that English is a second language for you, and we understand that sometimes it is hard to express yourself. You are not the only one. (And, frankly, there are some people who have spoken English all their lives and still can't communicate effectively!)

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm always impressed when a person posts on an English-speaking forum when it's not their native language. I would assume it can be intimidating. I think that, no matter what language you speak, there's a polite way of letting someone know your opinion. As others have already stated, if someone has already bought something, she's probably just looking for validation, even if she asks, "What do you think?" It can (at times perhaps) be tricky to figure out if she truly wants an honest critique or if she just wants to show off her latest purchase.

 

[JewelFreak]

"Merci à tous les membres pour votre compréhension. Je ferai mieux à l'avenir. Je suis heureuse de rester avec vous tous parce que je vous aime beaucoup!"

Thank you to all the members for your understanding. I see your feelings to 'l'avenir'?? I am happy to stay with you all, because I like you a lot.

Close, Pwendyp -- the middle sentence is "I will do better in the future." You're right on the rest.

Stci, nous sommes heureux que tu resteras avec nous. Tu es toujours bienvenue!

--- Laurie

P.S. I said we're glad she's staying & she's always welcome.

 

[AprilBaby]

Stci, So glad you are not leaving! Its a joy to have you even if I don't always understand you! I always assumed there were just cultural differences that I didn't understand and you were not trying to be rude. I doubt anyone would try to be rude on purpose. When someone has something not to my liking, I just skip that post and move on to something else, no point in flaming something they like because I don't! To each his own, right! And for you, practice makes perfect! I can't even imagine trying to post on a French board or in my case a Spanish board (which I would be at least a little proficient on)!

 

[stci]

Thank you all for your encouragement. Was so sad because I know I hurt someone but not intentionnal. My english is so short that I cannot find the words to apologize but I learn since.

Thank you to give me the chance to stay with you. It's really important for me.

Adelain I love you Dear!

Natasha don't know if you can see this topic but I would like to let you know that I understand your opinion and because of you, I come here and ask to discover what was wrong with me. All the person here help me to understand. You are very nice all! You gave me happiness and understanding. What a true friend can give more?

 

[luv2sparkle]

Stci, I too, am so glad you are not leaving. I remember that post and I knew you didn't mean to offend. I think the other poster
might not have realized english is not your first language.

There are two kinds of people who want opinions: 1)those who want others to point out things they might not be seeing and 2)
others who just want people to affirm their choice. Both are acceptable. It is hard to know sometimes, what they really are looking
for. For that reason, I try to point out something positive if I can. If I can't I usually don't comment. There have been a few rings
that were not anything that I would want for myself-so I just shut my mouth. Don't give up. Hang in there.

 

[Tuckins1]

Stci, I just want to say that I think your English is really good! It takes a long time to learn all the little nuances of a language, so i'm glad that you will stay here and get the opportunity to share your unique opinion and also practice your English!

 

[stci]

Thank you Tuckins! You are nice!

 

[Kaleigh]

Glad you are staying stci!!!

 

[natascha]

Thank you all for your encouragement. Was so sad because I know I hurt someone but not intentionnal. My english is so short that I cannot find the words to apologize but I learn since.

Thank you to give me the chance to stay with you. It's really important for me.

Adelain I love you Dear!

Natasha don't know if you can see this topic but I would like to let you know that I understand your opinion and because of you, I come here and ask to discover what was wrong with me. All the person here help me to understand. You are very nice all! You gave me happiness and understanding. What a true friend can give more?

I have not responded in this thread before since I felt that it could easily become something else. I am now responding since you specifically named me.

There is nothing wrong with you it is only that we all have different cultures and it is difficult to interpret what people mean when in writing. English is not my first language nor my second and I have a tendency to be too blunt, Circe and Feb03Bride said what I meant but in a much better way (sorry I don't now how to quote across pages).

For the rest of the people what I said was

Wrote by stci » 26 Feb 2011 06:28:
Wrote by Andelain » 25 Feb 2011 09:20:
Wrote by stci » 25 Feb 2011 06:36:
Wrote by Andelain » 25 Feb 2011 06:28:
I've got another contribution!

It's a .80 ct light brown AGS0 that was recut by BGD from a 1ct. WF made the setting, it's a white gold dupe of the yellow gold ring with the .84 ct 'D' that had made so many PS appearances.


And I still do not know why you have two identical rings. How strange ..


They aren't identical, only the design is. They're opposite colors. As to my reasons; because I wanted to and because I could, all the reason I need. I like having them, sorry you seem to not like them.


Ho no Adelain!!!! I love love the last one! It's a treasure but for me who have difficulty to have one I'm just curious to know why have 2 same design? I understand that you are frustrated or sand cause I said that but I think there are many Pser who don't understand either. But it's your taste and your money and you do what you like. This is absolutely not my business.


Sorry for butting in when it is not my business, you can all tell me off if it is not okay.

Stci while I do understand that this is a forum and you are allowed to state your opinion, I don't think you realize how some of your posts come off. It is your prerogative to say that you dislike something but many times you state your opinion as a fact for example saying something is strange or in an other thread saying something is unfeminine. For example at least I find what you wrote above off putting. Maybe it is that one often forgets that when writing you can not use your tone or body language to communicate your meaning and thus it can be interpreted differently from what you mean.

I hope you don't misunderstand me, I am only trying to explain how at least I read some of your posts. If others believe differently please bash with a wet noodle until I repent.

and I was apparently unclear since stci understood it differently than what I meant "I understand (I think). And I think too It would be better I quit the forum to stop to said what I think.

You said that I could give my opinion but in fact It's not true. I have to say what you would like to read."

Which I responded to with ''Stci I am so sorry! I did absolutely not mean that you should stop saying what you mean, please do not leave the forum. I was out of line and should not have said what I said. I hope you can forgive me for upsetting you and that you don't leave the forum. Please don't let what I wrote affect you, I did not mean at any time that you should not say what you think. It is entirely possible that I am at fault and misinterpreted your posts and should therefor have shut up. I am truly sorry.

Mods- can you please remove what I wrote since I was out of line and should not have said what I said."

I should probably not have butted in were I was not wanted but since I was sure that you are a lovely person that never meant to say something that could come of as rude and since I have seen different cultures and understand how difficult cultural norms are I just wanted to help.

 

[NOYFB]

I'm glad you have decided to say stci!

 

[taovandel]

stci: Probably the wrong place to post this...but how is your health? I know you started a thread a bit ago....was hoping our prayers and PS dust helped you.

 

[stci]

taovandel, thank you to ask. I feel good. I try to stop the stress and everything is better.

What will be, will be and I try to stay zen...

 

[kenny]

I think it is overlooked that readers also participate actively in interpreting what is written.
Often the "blame" is placed on the writer, when actually the reader is a participant in the perceived problem.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so is what is "offensive".

Having two rings that are quite similar and wearing them together is not usual.
I've been around over 50 years and I've noticed that many if not most people take great comfort in being "usual" or normal.
People often ask, "Is it normal to ________?"
Diversity is a threat.

Personally, being gay, I have not been "normal" from my earliest memories.
I adjusted to it early on.
In my mind normal was never superior.
Normal is just over 50%.
Normal is just math, not values.
I'm cool with stuff that is not usual and I don't bat an eye.
Live and let live, as long as no laws are broken and nobody's getting harmed.

If someone says to me . . "Kenny you do X, and that's strange", I would not have a positive or negative association with the word strange.

When stci used the term strange I did not see it as a criticism at all.
My take was she was just commenting that having and wearing two such similar rings is not usual.
But I instantly recognized that in this world where people cling to being normal many would take offense at the term strange. The key point is readers taking offense.

I did not take offense; others did.
So was it offensive or not?
Again I think offense is in the eye of the beholder.

 

[Cehrabehra]

There is a saying in English: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

If you like something you should say it.
If someone asks for "opinions" or "be honest" or "brutal honesty" you can say your negative truth if you think it will help them.
If someone just says do you like it, you can choose to say nothing at all.
Being honest isn't a problem. Withholding your opinion sometimes is better.

 

[kenny]

I just wanted to add that once you get it you'll see how soooooo many problems in our society have their roots in intolerance of diveristy.


The word strange, is not an insult if we tolerate and embrace diversity.
Strange may even be a compliment.

 

[Imdanny]

I wouldn't let one person's complaining make you quit. You're doing fine, and if you go away, you lose the practice and a place to go to discuss the gems you love. Hang in with us!

--- Laurie

This (edit: although I see the person involved has clarified and wasn't complaining, only trying to give constructive feedback).

I can tell you as a native speaker, English is a difficult language even for some of those who grew up with it- it has countless influences due to its history of absorbing other languages and there are countless regional variations and ways of speaking depending on the group, situation, and context.

For example, I sometimes have a difficult time mixing the academic speech I was trained to speak with speaking in situations where people aren't academics (including myself!). I use "I" and "me" the correct way, but when I get to phrases like, "in which" and "to whom," I have to find other words for what I'm trying to say so I don't come off as an unaware, pretentious twit.

The result is all too often a strange mix of academic and colloquial speech that I kind of have to make up as I go along! Don't be hard on yourself!

 

[Cehrabehra]

So this is all because saying having two near identical rings is weird? It IS kinda weird, I thought the same thing myself. That weirdness is based on a predominant culture here that covets owning many different styles of ring. But so what! I have 4 pairs of the same pants in 3 colors. I've bought similar and identical shirts.... If I really loved a ring because it worked for me, fit my lifestyle, and I loved the design, why NOT twist it up a little and make one very similar? Weird doesn't necessarily mean bad. I'm a weird person and proudly so lol

 

[kenny]

Hi Danny.
Welcome back.

 

[Imdanny]

Thanks Kenny.

It's nice to be back.

 

[RissaLou]

Dear stci, some of your comments were a bit harsh, but I found your honesty refreshing, I just would have been a bit gentler and I agree with the others, sometimes it's better to keep our opinions to ourselves and remeber our mannors But I do want to make sure you know that no one is asking you lie about you think of something, but rather keep harsher opinions in your mind and not in type. I for one like you a great deal to offer appologies and allow other members to critique you, well done

This year so far I have been posting a lot more than I ever have and it's a fun getting to know the amazing people here. I think it's a great place for you to practice your english.

P.S. may I be so bold as to say that I think Kenny and Danny are adorable