Parents - would you give a false address...

[LuckyTexan]

Date: 8/22/2008 8:25:01 AM
Author: purrfectpear
Of course not. I don''t lie on my taxes, steal from the grocery store, or shoplift clothing either

Having children is not a license to lose your integrity. Worse yet, the lie doesn''t stop with you. As another poster pointed out, you force your children to lie. Now there''s a lesson they won''t teach your kids even in the worst school district.

EXACTLY!!!!

I would get a job stocking shelves in the middle of the night at Wal Mart to pay for a private school before I''d lie to get them into a ''better'' public school... thankfully I won''t have to do either... but gosh. I''m honestly wondering what these people think they are going to get that''s so much better... your kid can get into just as much trouble at a good school as they can at a lower rated one!

I had kids having sex, and doing drugs around me at my private CHRISTIAN school!

At the end of the day... you have raise your children with honesty and integrity and as scary as it is... send them out into the REAL world, with the tools neccessary to succeed.

Thinking that you are going to make sure they grow up the way you want, by putting them into a higher rated public school is quite niave in my opinion... you have to raise your kids yourself!

If you don''t think they are learning enough at the school they are zoned to attend... get them a set of encyclopedias!!!

(all YOU''s are generic... I''m not directing this at anyone here)

 

[D2B]

In the UK you have to have a copy of your council bill/rates, which show where you live when applying for school selection. Without proof you cannot apply for any school.

d2b

 

[MichelleCarmen]

No, I wouldn't lie about where I live. I would apply for a variance and cross my fingers, but chances are, if the school is very very well liked, it still may be impossible to get in since everyone else would be applying for variances to that school, as well.

When we recently moved, we had hoped to stay in the same school disctrict, and luckily found a place in the same boundry lines as the school my son was already going to. It's rated 9 out of 10 and is highly respected. While looking at houses, we found a few that were cute, but were in TERRIBLE school boundries (like one school has a rating of *1* out of 10), and for obvious reasons, we decided to avoid those homes even though most of them were bigger with large yards, etc.

 

[Miranda]

No. I don''t lie when I take the kids out of school to go to Disneyland or something of that nature, either. Even the teachers tell me to tell the attendance office they are sick. It''s just not something I will do.

I feel bad for people who are in this situation. Especially through boundary changes. In our district we recently had a huge shake up that left some kids unable to attend our school due to overcrowding and a mello roos issue. Luckily, we were unaffected being that we pay mello roos. I do feel so sorry for the kids who have been at this school since K and now, in 5th grade, must attend a new school.

That said, I don''t think a lot of folks research schools when considering a home purchase. I don''t have a lot of patience for this. They want the perks of the ''good'' school, but, they either don''t want to pay the higher home prices or want a bigger lot. Whatever the reason may be, I can admit it bugs me a wee bit. If you really look at it, it''s not only lying, but, stealing resources as well.

I can answer your question Haven. Here when you enroll your child in your neighborhood school they want to see two utility bills and your house deed or rental agreement. If you move it is possible that you could stay at the school, but, when mail gets returned they do not hesitate to check things out. You would have to go to great lengths to arrange all of this. My kids are at a good school that is impacted, so I think they are really strict here.

 

[janinegirly]

Wasn''t this an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 back in the ''90''s?

I personally would not--it''s a pretty big deception to pulll off and eventually the kids find out, people will talk. What if your child wants friends to come over? IF the kids don''t talk, the parents will.

Researching schools before purchasing is pretty key, and that was a major factor in our home purchase even though the baby wasn''t here yet. Just imagine the flip side too--if you saved every penny to move into an established area with top schools (and higer taxes) only to find a few people had tricked the system...

 

[Independent Gal]

I would absolutely never do this. I would not tell a major whopping lie, cheat, and steal 10's of thousands of dollars to get my child a better education. And this is lying (to the school board) and stealing (from the district's tax payers) and it's the most patent form of cheating. To me, the most important thing I can teach my child is to have a strong moral compass, and to do the right thing, even when it's really hard, or even when you could get more for yourself or your family by doing wrong. Getting more for me or for my family, trying to give my kid an edge by cheating other people out of what they are justly entitled to is not something I would ever do.

Yes, I might sacrifice my integrity and teach my child to sacrifice his for the sake of bare life itself. I might steal food for my child if that were patently the only way to keep him from starving. But for nothing less than that. If life itself is not at risk, integrity is the most important thing. In life, you have to respect yourself every single day, and that means you have to behave in a manner that is worthy of respect.

Lying, cheating, and stealing is no way to help give your kid an edge in life, and kids are NOT and should not be an excuse to behave that way.

You can always give your child extra tutoring at home, or move to a smaller home in a better district. It's worth sacrificing some space in your home, or granite counters, or whatever you'd have to give up to move, before it's worth sacrificing your integrity and self-worth.

 

[TravelingGal]

I agree with you all fully. I would not want my kid to have to lie and memorize someone else''s address!

From what my friend tells me the difference between the two schools is enormous. One would be like an inner city school and the other like Beverly Hills 90210. No parental involvement (parent teachers, etc), poor facilities, etc. I know some of you are yet to have your children, but I wonder...if you were to look at them and have to send them to a school where there were gangs, disenchanted teachers, and a dangerous atmosphere vs a school without these things if you falsified an address, you would still send them to that school? Let''s say moving is not an option nor is renting something in the area just to have an address.

I''m not condoning it at all...in fact, I agree that I don''t think I could do it. But faced with that choice and my kid, boy, it would be tough to send my kid to really bad school. But it would be a tougher road to explain to my kid that lying is OK "sometimes".

 

[partgypsy]

So someone said when it came to their children, they would do what they needed to do to make sure they had all the opportunites available to them. Where do you draw the line?

Would you help them edit their school papers (ok) would you write their paper for them?
Would you do their homework for them?
Would you have them take certain classes so their GPA looked better than it really was?
Would you bully the teachers to give your kids a better grade when they really didn''t deserve it, or be on a team that they didn''t make the cut?

I don''t know about you but this kind of stuff really bugs me because I was around kids whose parents pulled that kind of stuff. And the lessons they learned from it were not very pretty.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 8/22/2008 10:34:01 AM
Author: LuckyTexan

Date: 8/22/2008 8:25:01 AM
Author: purrfectpear
Of course not. I don''t lie on my taxes, steal from the grocery store, or shoplift clothing either

Having children is not a license to lose your integrity. Worse yet, the lie doesn''t stop with you. As another poster pointed out, you force your children to lie. Now there''s a lesson they won''t teach your kids even in the worst school district.

EXACTLY!!!!

I would get a job stocking shelves in the middle of the night at Wal Mart to pay for a private school before I''d lie to get them into a ''better'' public school... thankfully I won''t have to do either... but gosh. I''m honestly wondering what these people think they are going to get that''s so much better... your kid can get into just as much trouble at a good school as they can at a lower rated one!

I had kids having sex, and doing drugs around me at my private CHRISTIAN school!

At the end of the day... you have raise your children with honesty and integrity and as scary as it is... send them out into the REAL world, with the tools neccessary to succeed.

Thinking that you are going to make sure they grow up the way you want, by putting them into a higher rated public school is quite niave in my opinion... you have to raise your kids yourself!

If you don''t think they are learning enough at the school they are zoned to attend... get them a set of encyclopedias!!!

(all YOU''s are generic... I''m not directing this at anyone here)

I don''t really agree with this.

I''m a school governor in my local area. The majority of children at the school I''m a governor for don''t speak English as a first language - over 40 languages are spoken at home by the kids - a lot of the children come from war zones where they have seen terrible things (and we don''t have the services available to give them the psychological help they need).

The vast majority come from homes where the parents or normally parent have no qualifications, don''t value education and really don''t give a monkeys about their offspring.

In the latest public exams taken at age 16, 35% achieved 5 passes. The school I went to 100% achieved 5 passes and 99% achieved 10 passes.

This particular school has an amazing headmistress who does the best she can, and is also one of the best schools in the area.

I feel sorry for the children, and I know I should be celebrating diversity etc etc, but frankly I want my children to mix with kids whose parents care about them and value education.

I also want them to attend a school where success is the norm rather than the exception, and I will (legally) do whatever I have to to ensure that they get the best I can give them.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 8/22/2008 12:07:12 PM
Author: part gypsy
So someone said when it came to their children, they would do what they needed to do to make sure they had all the opportunites available to them. Where do you draw the line?

Would you help them edit their school papers (ok) would you write their paper for them?
Would you do their homework for them?
Would you have them take certain classes so their GPA looked better than it really was?
Would you bully the teachers to give your kids a better grade when they really didn''t deserve it, or be on a team that they didn''t make the cut?

I don''t know about you but this kind of stuff really bugs me because I was around kids whose parents pulled that kind of stuff. And the lessons they learned from it were not very pretty.

None of the above, but I will pay for extra tuition, interview coaching etc.

 

[Miranda]

Tgal - why won''t your friend consider private school? I''d think it would be a better alternative than teaching her child to lie. Did she know she was moving into a bad school district when she bought the house? I don''t mean to sound unsympathetic to your friend, but, this situation isn''t black and white. Her two only options are not only lying and sending her kid to the ''good'' school or telling the truth and sending the child to a ''bad'' school.

We can all make excuses and justify anything especially in the name of religion and children, LOL. In the end, IMO, it''s wrong to lie and steal.

 

[LaraOnline]

Our local high schools are particularly bad. It''ll have to be private for me... I''ve already started saving

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/22/2008 12:21:58 PM
Author: Miranda
Tgal - why won't your friend consider private school? I'd think it would be a better alternative than teaching her child to lie. Did she know she was moving into a bad school district when she bought the house? I don't mean to sound unsympathetic to your friend, but, this situation isn't black and white. Her two only options are not only lying and sending her kid to the 'good' school or telling the truth and sending the child to a 'bad' school.

We can all make excuses and justify anything especially in the name of religion and children, LOL. In the end, IMO, it's wrong to lie and steal.

She made a very stupid mistake when she bought her house. She thought she was buying in the right zone (the realtor told her it was) but her area has funky zoning where they have to go to the other school. She didn't check the facts herself (she is not from the area). Her child was probably only a year old when they bought, so maybe they weren't thinking about it hard enough. This honestly surprised me...my friend is normally very thorough and I can't believe she would have taken the real estate agent's word for it.

I actually sent her an email this morning just wondering how she handles the lying and all that goes with it with her kids. When she responds, I'll ask her about the private school.

Like I said, the fact that she lied irritates me. But it irritates me more that I would be tempted to do the same. For the people here who said they would not do it, I am curious as to how many have kids as they write it. If I didn't have a kid, I wouldn't even think twice about this issue.

 

[TravelingGal]

Well, I think I''m done thinking about it...I couldn''t do it. I couldn''t have my kid lie about where she lives for 12 years of school. That''s awful and would break my heart more. We are lucky to be in position where we live in a great area right now (we rent a small apartment) so if we had to, we could stay here. But we are looking to buy and though we can already afford nice houses in decent areas with not so decent schools, we are staying put to save our pennies so we can buy a smaller house in the area we currently live.

 

[erica k]

The Korean in me is like, "What, how is this even a question, of course you''d do it. Whatever it takes!" This isn''t me talking, of course, but an amalgamation of countless friends of the family who have done this and will continue to do so.

I went to a private Catholic school for 8 years, and then applied for an accelerated high school program. If I hadn''t made it into that school, I''m pretty sure my parents would have paid for an all-girls Catholic high school. Thank goodness we had plenty of public school options in my city.

Honestly, Tgal, I know nothing about zoning and schools, but thinking about it makes me nervous. Even securing a place in a ''good'' daycare center seems to be a hot topic nowadays. I don''t think my parents thought too hard about school. It was either get into the AP class high school program or go to a Catholic school. Not because Catholic schools are necessarily better in terms of academic standards, but because they''re familiar. At any rate, I must have done ok, even though my science/math skills are utter crap.

 

[gailrmv]

Just to add another perspective, in my area, the school districts vary greatly with redistricting changing year to year.

I know I'd be pretty darn angry if I paid the premium or made the sacrifices to get my family in the best school district, only to find out that we were redistricted to a crummy one.

I don't have kids yet but I hear about this all the time on our local news - parents here are very upset and I don't blame them.

I think the only circumstances under which I would be tempted to lie is to keep my kid in the school where they had started out or where we had been districted when we bought the house.

Still, I don't think I could bring myself to do it.

More and more families (basically those who can afford it) are pulling their kids out of public school in favor of private where the redistricting is not an issue. This really concerns me as I feel the public school will get even worse if the only people there are those who have no other options.

 

[Independent Gal]

In terms of whether responders have kids (and if you look through, it seems several of them do and several of them don't yet), I know already that I'm willing to make HUGE sacrifices to make it more likely that my kids will have a good education, a safe place to play outside unsupervised (which I think is important to a healthy sense of adventure and independence), and good values around them. But for me that means thinking about what sacrifices I myself can make for them... moving away from the US, sacrificing career opportunities, living less comfortably to send them to private school if necessary. What it doesn't mean is figuring out how I can lie so that OTHERS have to bear the sacrifices for my childrens' education.

I ran this by my mom, by the way, as someone who has raised several kids on what was initially very little money, and she agreed that she'd have done ANYTHING before lying, cheating, and stealing to get us into good schools.

It's not that I wouldn't go to great lengths for them. It's that lying, cheating, and stealing would not be among those lengths. It's just that I'd rather sacrifice my own ambition, my own financial security, and my own choice of where to live than sacrifice my integrity by taking things away from other people to give them to my children.

I think it's possible to become a parent and keep your integrity. Plenty of people do. You can still value other people, their dignity, their property, while you value your children.

I guess I don't see why, if people would do 'anything' for their kids, they would take the easiest path which is lying and just taking what they want, instead of making any more 'painful' sacrifices for the kids to come by what they want them to have honestly.

 

[erica k]

Date: 8/22/2008 1:11:13 PM
Author: TanDogMom

This really concerns me as I feel the public school will get even worse if the only people there are those who have no other options.

This is something that worries me a great deal, too. My public high school was fair to middling for most of its history. It''s hard to say how students would have fared if they hadn''t decided to change the curriculum and create different ''academies'' within the school. There was an AP class program, along with programs that focused on the performing arts, international relations, etc. Of course this led to a lot of segregation according to class and race lines, but privileged middle class kids like me still had to mingle with kids of all backgrounds. It really opened my eyes to the diversity in my city. Plus, who wouldn''t want to go to a 4000+ high school protected by barbed wire and drug sniffing dogs? Somehow I managed to avoid the warehouse parties and drug use typical of the ''honor'' students. I guess some people are destined to be forever straitlaced nerds, no matter their environment

A part of me hopes that I''ll be committed to public schools and work to be as involved as possible when my kids reach school age. So many of my friends did Teach For America, and the burn-out rate is really high. Still, one of my good friends ended up getting a masters in ed. and is teaching in her old neighborhood in East LA. Hard work, often thankless, but I think she''s doing a great job of inspiring her students to strive for better things.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/22/2008 1:27:47 PM
Author: Independent Gal
In terms of whether responders have kids (and if you look through, it seems several of them do and several of them don''t yet), I know already that I''m willing to make HUGE sacrifices to make it more likely that my kids will have a good education, a safe place to play outside unsupervised (which I think is important to a healthy sense of adventure and independence), and good values around them. But for me that means thinking about what sacrifices I myself can make for them... moving away from the US, sacrificing career opportunities, living less comfortably to send them to private school if necessary. What it doesn''t mean is figuring out how I can lie so that OTHERS have to bear the sacrifices for my childrens'' education.

I ran this by my mom, by the way, as someone who has raised several kids on what was initially very little money, and she agreed that she''d have done ANYTHING before lying, cheating, and stealing to get us into good schools.

It''s not that I wouldn''t go to great lengths for them. It''s that lying, cheating, and stealing would not be among those lengths. It''s just that I''d rather sacrifice my own ambition, my own financial security, and my own choice of where to live than sacrifice my integrity by taking things away from other people to give them to my children.

I think it''s possible to become a parent and keep your integrity. Plenty of people do. You can still value other people, their dignity, their property, while you value your children.

I guess I don''t see why, if people would do ''anything'' for their kids, they would take the easiest path which is lying and just taking what they want, instead of making any more ''painful'' sacrifices for the kids to come by what they want them to have honestly.

IG, I know some have kids and gave a no answer and others who didn''t gave a yes...but I wasn''t sure about all the posters and were curious.

I think we ALL would agree we would go to great lengths to try to not lie and cheat. I''m giving a hypothetical where you are already in the area, you can''t sell your home without losing a ton of money, don''t have money for private school and are left with choice A or B. I''m not saying LIFE is that black or white; I am just presenting the situation that way. So what you are saying is if in that situation where you have to send your kid to a scary school or falsify to send to a good school (and those are your ONLY two choices per my nutty hypothetical situation), you would send to a scary, dangerous, school, correct?

 

[Independent Gal]

Correct! If it really WERE somehow that black and white, I would send my kid to the scary dangerous school before I would lie & cheat. For one thing, very few schools (or even neighbourhoods) are quite as scary and dangerous as they feel. Unless kids are actually getting shot or stabbed left and right at the school, in which case, I would send them away to school, to stay with their grandparents or some such. But if it''s ''scary and dangerous'' because the children who go there are poor and there is an ''air of violence'', maybe kids try to bring weapons to school and there''s a lot of security around, then yeah, I''d send them there, and try to get the heck out of there, even if it meant losing a lot of money on the house, as soon as I could.

Even in schools, serious violence is very, very rarely random. It''s SO rare that it''s random, that when it does happen randomly, it''s a huge news story for weeks. The overwhelming majority of violence is personal, not random. Would I love that my kids were even around violence? No... and stray bullets and things do happen. But soooo rarely, that I would be protecting my kid more effectively by never letting them get in a car than by keeping them home from school, unless it really was a zoo.

Besides, I''m a firm believer in letting kids see the world as it is, age appropriately, anyway. If this is other childrens'' reality, I don''t need to shield my children from knowing that other children live in poverty, hunger, and fear. It''s something we would need to talk about a lot at home, to help them understand, feel more secure, process what they saw and experienced.

So in a nutshell, I would go to great lengths to avoid the black and white scenario in the first place, but were it to occur, I''d either send my kids away until I could join them (and yes, take a financial loss for their well-being) or just send them to the local school before I would cheat and lie to get them into a school they were not entitled to go to.

 

[TravelingGal]

Hey, did I say that sending them away to grandma was an option?

Hehehehe...

It''s not just the dangerous thing. It''s overcrowded schools. It''s teachers who don''t care about students, etc. Anyway, you have made your point.

And to clarify, I DO agree with you. I think the way you do. Especially before my child was born. But I will go out on a limb and say that it''s harder to make that same statement when sweet love is staring you in the face. I''m not saying that one can''t make the same decision (and I would hope that most would be honest and do so). I''m just saying it''s a little bit harder.

 

[Diamond Confused]

No because of the stress that it would cause. The good schools are very diligent about checking who belongs there and he doesn''t and with good reason.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 8/22/2008 3:29:18 AM
Author: swingirl
Our schools are are very full and when someone enrolls who lives outside the district it means someone who is in the district gets displaced. It also means the school gets more crowded and has less money to spend per child. Choosing a school district is part of choosing a neighborhood and house you can afford. If you buy a house in an area where the schools are lousy you probably paid less for your house. I chose a smaller house in a good school district and then made the schools even better by volunteering, donating money, going to PTA meetings, and working to improve what needed improvement.

I totally agree with this. We paid much more than average for our house to be in one of the best school districts in the country - since our property and tax values are so much higher, I think that we in effect "pay" for the better schools. If I lived in a crappy school district, I would move.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/22/2008 3:16:54 PM
Author: vespergirl

Date: 8/22/2008 3:29:18 AM
Author: swingirl
Our schools are are very full and when someone enrolls who lives outside the district it means someone who is in the district gets displaced. It also means the school gets more crowded and has less money to spend per child. Choosing a school district is part of choosing a neighborhood and house you can afford. If you buy a house in an area where the schools are lousy you probably paid less for your house. I chose a smaller house in a good school district and then made the schools even better by volunteering, donating money, going to PTA meetings, and working to improve what needed improvement.

I totally agree with this. We paid much more than average for our house to be in one of the best school districts in the country - since our property and tax values are so much higher, I think that we in effect ''pay'' for the better schools. If I lived in a crappy school district, I would move.

I agree with this too. Which is why my friend''s situation is kind of perplexing to me. They are in an exclusive gated community and she has a very nice house. She pays a lot for property taxes I am sure. So how is it that she is zoned to this "crappy" school? I am wondering if she is exaggerating or if it is really that bad.

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 8/22/2008 3:29:18 AM
Author: swingirl
Our schools are are very full and when someone enrolls who lives outside the district it means someone who is in the district gets displaced. It also means the school gets more crowded and has less money to spend per child. Choosing a school district is part of choosing a neighborhood and house you can afford. If you buy a house in an area where the schools are lousy you probably paid less for your house. I chose a smaller house in a good school district and then made the schools even better by volunteering, donating money, going to PTA meetings, and working to improve what needed improvement.

I agree with this statement, much better solution!

In my school district, you have to take proof of residency when registering your kids so there really is no way to give a false address, unless you use a family member. When I was doing daycare in my home and I would take new kids in that went to the public school, the school would call me directly to verify that they were attending daycare at my home if they were in a different school zone or even on a different bus to my home that what takes them to their home.

My SIL had a situation where she was using in home daycare in her neighborhood, and her children would still be going to the same school, but riding a different bus to the daycare home. The school denied her request because they said that they only have 45 seats on a bus, and there were already too many kids in that area. When my SIL told the daycare provider, she said that because they were in a very desirable area, they had several families who were using their addresses for nieces/nephews/grandchildren, etc. so they could attend that school, and only about 10 kids really rode the bus because the others were all picked up since they really were out of the area. In the end, my SIL could not have her kids attend that daycare, and therefore had to give up a new job that she was interested in because she couldn''t find daycare in time.

 

[swingirl]

She might be thinking it''s a crappy school when really it is not. If she wants to find out about it she should talk to the principal, parents, teachers and the school board. She should get involved now by attending school board meetings and find out what''s going on. Aren''t her neighbors'' kids going to the same school?

Sometimes even test scores are misleading so you have to find out what is it she doesn''t like about her own school.

 

[Haven]

Date: 8/22/2008 12:07:12 PM
Author: part gypsy
So someone said when it came to their children, they would do what they needed to do to make sure they had all the opportunites available to them. Where do you draw the line?

Would you help them edit their school papers (ok) would you write their paper for them?
Would you do their homework for them?
Would you have them take certain classes so their GPA looked better than it really was?
Would you bully the teachers to give your kids a better grade when they really didn''t deserve it, or be on a team that they didn''t make the cut?

I don''t know about you but this kind of stuff really bugs me because I was around kids whose parents pulled that kind of stuff. And the lessons they learned from it were not very pretty.

I agree with you pg. I don''t think that any of those examples you listed do anything but handicap children for the long-term. It''s a horrible shame when parents do these things for their children.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/21/2008 11:40:08 PM
Author: Haven
How are the 'liars' found out? I'm very curious now, as I've never seen this happen in real life.

I could not agree more with you, Neatfreak. When hubby and I were house-hunting we found all these neighborhoods with monster homes that were extremely affordable, but it always came down to the location and the school district. I'm glad we chose a small home in an outstanding area rather than the opposite way around. In fact, my parents did the same thing for us girls when we were young, they moved us out to this teeny tiny home in a knockout school district, and we certainly benefited from the move.

Well, this is interesting to see a thread like this! When I went to high school I was in the best school district for public school in the city. People would lie so they then required people to show waterbills or gas bills in the owners name and address; I guess the school did it because it got bad. In fact my hairdresser said she used her MIL waterbill to get her son into that high school. I wouldn't do it but I thought it was interesting how important that was.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 8/22/2008 1:27:47 PM
Author: Independent Gal
In terms of whether responders have kids (and if you look through, it seems several of them do and several of them don''t yet), I know already that I''m willing to make HUGE sacrifices to make it more likely that my kids will have a good education, a safe place to play outside unsupervised (which I think is important to a healthy sense of adventure and independence), and good values around them. But for me that means thinking about what sacrifices I myself can make for them... moving away from the US, sacrificing career opportunities, living less comfortably to send them to private school if necessary. What it doesn''t mean is figuring out how I can lie so that OTHERS have to bear the sacrifices for my childrens'' education.


I ran this by my mom, by the way, as someone who has raised several kids on what was initially very little money, and she agreed that she''d have done ANYTHING before lying, cheating, and stealing to get us into good schools.


It''s not that I wouldn''t go to great lengths for them. It''s that lying, cheating, and stealing would not be among those lengths. It''s just that I''d rather sacrifice my own ambition, my own financial security, and my own choice of where to live than sacrifice my integrity by taking things away from other people to give them to my children.


I think it''s possible to become a parent and keep your integrity. Plenty of people do. You can still value other people, their dignity, their property, while you value your children.


I guess I don''t see why, if people would do ''anything'' for their kids, they would take the easiest path which is lying and just taking what they want, instead of making any more ''painful'' sacrifices for the kids to come by what they want them to have honestly.

Ditto Indy. Great post IMO. I totally agree...

 

[swimmer]

As a teacher and an administrator who works with a large number of diverse school districts I have to say, I just don't believe that there is either a "good school" or a "bad school." There are amazing teachers everywhere, even in the dankest building filled with kids who have yet to learn the language and whose parents are more concerned with feeding them than with ending the cycle of violence that sent them to the US initially. Additionally there are hideous teachers in some of the "best schools" in neighborhoods where people pay $6,000+ in property taxes a year.

It drives me crazy when here in Boston people say that they are moving to a better school district, when I am in both the "good" and "bad" buildings and am seeing awesome teaching in both and abject mediocrity in both.

I hope to be a parent someday and my plan will be to live in a diverse neighborhood, economically, ethnically and otherwise, and to be involved enough in my school to know which teachers are the rockstars and which are just punching their timecards. As a teacher I'm being super forthright, parents who go in to get changes made...get changes made. You are the taxpayers and you will get what you want. I am not talking about getting a grade changed or "my child would never plagiarize" when the teacher has the print out of the paper from online (sorry that happens all the time and I wonder what parents are trying to teach by lying). I hope/assume that none of you are that sort, but going in and asking for your child to be in the Talented Program, if you can defend your position, is being more proactive than moving to the right zipcode. Learn about the school, not just the rumors of what teachers are "good" and "bad," but knowing that your child needs more or less structure, a more open ended sort of questioning, or more guided assignments, these are things that you can and should very legitimately ask of schools in every neighborhood.

I taught in an inner-city violence riddled school for years with no textbooks and found that the best students were fought over by good teachers, we slaved over those kids who tried and had heart; and we were able to get them out of there for college...in some of the "best" schools, like where I am now, you will find entitled kids who expect the world handed to them, the most expensive drugs, high pressure towards eating disorders, social rejection, incredible suicide rates; just ask the good people of Littleton CO. Many of them had moved there to send their kids to a great school.

No, I wouldn't lie to send my kid to a rich/good school, I will work my butt off and organize my neighborhood, round up parents to get involved and make that school great by supporting teachers and helping to provide resources/time/grants/whatever it takes. Every school has its good points and its bad points, and remember, they change constantly. Parents need to be more involved in their childrens' lives, academic and otherwise, schools do not raise children. I am sure that you are all the folks who do and will encourage open and honest conversation with your kids. Know that the right neighborhood doesn't mean a darn thing, and the biggest difference in rich and poor high school is sometimes the drugs of choice most widely available.

Stepping off soapbox...