Parents Want to Invite Practically the Whole World

[paris29]

ok, so maybe not the whole world but a lot of people. My FF and I wanted to have a small wedding, no more than 25 people. Then all sudden my parents decided they want to invite all these people. I thought they would understand because they only had five people (including them) at their wedding 23 years ago. Honestly, I'm ready to elope but I do want my parents to be there. My FF and I talked today about just having our parents and his brother at the wedding and call it a day. We both feel that with a bigger wedding the wedding becomes more about the guest instead of the couple (just our opinion). Anyone been in this situation?

 

[luvshinyrocks]

I think it really depends on who is paying. If you're paying for it yourselves, I don't see a problem with gently explaining to your parents that you want to keep things small. If they're paying things get much stickier.

 

[paris29]

My parents are paying, so I guess that complicated the situation. My FF and I just have a few very close friends and so we never thought of having a really big extragevent wedding. I've always dreamed of having a small intimate wedding. I want to be able to enjoy my day. I don't really want people there I don't know or don't particuarly like.

 

[yssie]

Parents pay, parents get the final say.

Some parents are happy to make generous gifts without any requirements attached, others want more input in exchange.

If you want full control over the guest list you'd best take full control of the bill, too.

 

[heyme]

I agree that if they're paying they kind of have more say than usual. If you want it to be a small, intimate wedding it shouldn't be too expensive, so could you pay yourself so you can do what you want? I think that'd be the best idea.

 

[slg47]

paris aren't you having the wedding at their house? how...large is it? I just ask because the venue may cap it (larger than you would like, but maybe it would cap it at say, 100?) anyway...have you expressed to them your desires for a smaller, more intimate wedding?

alternatively you could say you don't want it at their house and pick a venue that ONLY accommodates 25 guests...

 

[diva rose]

Parents pay, parents get the final say.

Some parents are happy to make generous gifts without any requirements attached, others want more input in exchange.

If you want full control over the guest list you'd best take full control of the bill, too.

Ditto what Yssie stated.

If your parents are paying - let it be.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Parents pay, parents get the final say.

Some parents are happy to make generous gifts without any requirements attached, others want more input in exchange.

If you want full control over the guest list you'd best take full control of the bill, too.

yep!! money talks and B.S. walks

 

[paris29]

Thanks ladies. My FF and I talked about just having our parents and my FF's brother and when I told my dad that he said I was being selfish. I think we might elope.

 

[slg47]

maybe you can compromise on a small-ish wedding? (50 guests or so...I know you had originally said around 25)

I don't know your family situation but your family may be upset if you two elope, especially because you are so young

 

[paris29]

I talked to my mom this morning and told her how much my FF and I just wanted to have the parents and my FF's brother at the wedding, that we didn't want anything big, etc. After an hour conversation she finally understood where we were coming from. No we just have to decide were we want to have our very tiny intimate wedding ceremony.

 

[slg47]

oh that's so good! I am glad you talked to her and it seems like you will be able to work it out

 

[yssie]

Oh, I'm so glad you two were able to talk yourselves into a mutually pleasing resolution, that's always the best way

 

[mariewest]

Perhaps you can compromise. Maybe you can only have a small group of people who are close to you and your DF at the actual ceremony and then allow your parents guests to join you at the reception, and then maybe have a small after party or next day brunch for those of your choosing. It's nice of your parents to foot the bill, and with that comes a little bit of say. But I would bring it to their attention that it is YOUR wedding, and don't forget about your DF and HIS parents and their family and friends. Help them be reminded of the BIG picture and what is really important.

 

[paris29]

My parents completely wore my FF and I down, so our guest list is now at 40+. I guess it worked out because the the venue has a minimum of 40 guest. The fact that I am absolutely in love with the venue helps. I guess 40 is still considered somewhat small.