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Parenting dilema

Cozystitches

Cozystitches

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
1,241
Ok...so I'm wondering and want some thoughts....it's a bit rambly...

My younger daughter is 14 and a sophomore. She started school when she was 4 because she was reading her name and very ready after 1 week of summer camp (seriously, we didn't work on school at home). The original plan was for her to repeat kindergarten. Towards the end of her kinder year, I spoke with her teacher who said it would not be in her best interest to have her repeat, so she continued on. She got good grades, 3rd grade I had a talk w/her and her teacher because she was being lazy and just skating by. In 6th grade she started struggling in reading/writing, lots of tears and struggles. In 7th grade her teacher recommended tutoring, which I agreed and she improved. Now, she still struggles. This past weekend my husband asked her to read aloud and she struggled. As a family we always joke and tease and during this time she was teased about it and she said the letters jump around. I spoke with her today asking some more questions and she said it's not like they jump off the page, but more like they switch places. I asked her which letters and if it was all the time. She said bd, eu, qp, 6b and that it was sometimes.

I checked her school profile, and she only met the standard on ever glorious state test the year she had the tutoring, otherwise she's partially proficient (this is a 2 on a 4 point scale, where 3 is proficient and meeting the standard). Now, she's always highly proficient in math. She doesn't read for fun, and I don't ever remember her reading just for fun.

Now for my question: Would you request testing by the school? Do you know of resources that I can access to help her? I feel like I've failed as a mom especially as I'm also a teacher. :(2 I know she struggles with reading but not sure what to do from here....what would you awesome PSers do?
 
The school should be able to help. You might also take her in for a well child visit at the Dr and bring it up there.
 
Thanks @TooPatient & @ILikeShiny :)

I've also asked my SPED teacher friend and he'll help me with wording the email. ;)
 
Absolutely request testing. The things you are describing might be related to a learning disability, but the school should be able to test and evaluate her to be sure. Don't worry about requesting the testing--that's one of the responsibilities of the school. Good luck, and I hope the school can help!
 
First thing, you are NOT a failure as a mum.
Second thing, you need to explain to your daughter that it appears her fabulous brain has an unusual way of seeing letters and words and having them making no proper sense, but not to worry, you can find a wonderful person ie a specialized educational psychologist who can help sort this out. There are specific techniques and strategies to help a dyslexic person “read”.
Thirdly, yes I’m guessing she is dyslexic and it’s only because she IS a clever lass that it has eluded obvious notice up til now.
And I mean really clever, she is somehow making some sense of what may as well be Japanese or total gibberish to read at all!
Hugs to you both. It gets better from here!
 
I'm a former English History teacher, she needs to be assessed for things like dyslexia, Aspergers and a range of other learning disabilities, if the school cannot help you or refer you to people that can help you look up places that can test for those sorts of things near you.
 
In case possibly being dyslexic makes her feel like she’s “dumb” or is destined to be a failure in life, you can point out the many successful and famous people who are also dyslexic, such as Steven Spielberg, Richard Branson, and Tom Cruise. And obviously their careers require a LOT of reading, so there’s a way to work around the problem =)2
 
Hugs to you, @Cozystitches. You're a great mom and obviously care a lot about your children. You got some excellent advice here and I'm sure you'll get appropriate help .


Bron357 said:
First thing, you are NOT a failure as a mum.
Second thing, you need to explain to your daughter that it appears her fabulous brain has an unusual way of seeing letters and words and having them making no proper sense, but not to worry, you can find a wonderful person ie a specialized educational psychologist who can help sort this out. There are specific techniques and strategies to help a dyslexic person “read”.
Thirdly, yes I’m guessing she is dyslexic and it’s only because she IS a clever lass that it has eluded obvious notice up til now.
And I mean really clever, she is somehow making some sense of what may as well be Japanese or total gibberish to read at all!
Hugs to you both. It gets better from here!
Click to expand...
@Bron357, I wish I could LOVE your post instead of liking it!!! Well said!!!
 
I hope you get some answers!
 
I agree with having your daughter tested since these symptoms can possibly be dyslexia or another learning disability. The first thing I’d recommend though is to have your daughter’s vision thoroughly tested with an ophthalmologist or really thorough optometrist to ensure that it’s not a vision issue. One of the first hints that my reading prescription needs to be adjusted is when the words and lines on the page start to move around almost like waves. Then gradually the letters start to literally dance all over the page. It’s extremely distracting and very tiring to focus. Things in my environment that are straight, like walls etc, can also start to look eliptical or curved. Last year it got really bad even though I’d just got a new prescription a year before, so changes can be gradual over years or come on fairly quickly. I have a cataract in my left eye and astigmatism. Cataracts etc can happen at any age so it’s worth it to rule those out.
Edited for spelling.
 
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Agree with above posters to have the school test for dyslexia and also schedule a thorough vision screening (outside of school testing).

Good thing your daughter could express what is happening. That will make it easier determining whether different strategies are working.

Hugs to you and your daughter. You'll make your way thru this and be stronger for it.
 
Oh, please, do not blame yourself! Test for reading issues and also test her vision. The replies here were all so good, I wouldn't have said anything more except that your blaming yourself made me want to cry! Please do not do that! You are a wonderful, thoughtful mother.

Hugs,
Deb :wavey:

PS-When I taught high school history I had one very dyslexic, brilliant student who had a lot of trouble writing, but she certainly did fabulously in history! She learned tons by listening and she also was able to read some things. All her b's and d's were backwards when she wrote, but that was back in the dark ages before people knew how to help students with learning disabilities! (I am talking about the 1980's!)
 
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Yes! Have her tested. If you have the resources to do so, consider having her privately tested. It may speed things up and/or provide a second opinion.

My DD (also 14) has ADHD in spades. It took until 7th grade to get her diagnosed, because she's a bright kid and not disruptive in class. Her teachers never saw a problem. However, her instructors in her extracurricular activity that have known her for years definitely saw the same things we did.

Medication did wonders in our case. More important, though, is that she felt a great deal of relief that the problem wasn't just that she wasn't trying hard enough. In addition, it gave us very concrete direction on how to work with her on those skills where she needs more help.

Finally, I did a lot of research and had all my ducks in a row when we met with her school. Even though the initial meeting was ostensibly to give the school the information they needed to do their own evaluation, the meeting quickly turned into a discussion of, "what accommodations do you want for her 504 plan?" We did not ask for a lot and the school readily agreed. Most of the time she does not ask for any accommodation but it's very helpful for her to know they are ther if she needs them.

If you are not already familiar with 2e kids, I found the info very helpful. Here's a starting point.
https://www.understood.org/en/frien...s/7-myths-about-twice-exceptional-2e-students

Best of luck in getting this sorted out.

MM
 
I just wanted to give you big hugs. I have a similar situation, though my daughter's dyslexia (and dyscalculia) was more severe and so she was diagnosed sooner. I knew something was off probably since she was 2 (she understood us but was a late talker, preferring to point or use nonverbal language and when she did speak, it was hard to understand what she was saying). It wasn't until she was tested in 1st grade there was enough of a gap between her intellectual and academic performance for them to call it.
If you are in the US. the schools are required to do testing if there is a gap in academic performance. And if she does, create an iep (individualized education plan) to give her the education she needs. You can also get private testing. In our case we had the school do their testing but in addition got outside visual exams, auditory exams, then auditory specialist exams, and psychologist eval. Your child may have more than 1 diagnosis. Downside in your case this wasn't caught sooner. The good news they know more about these these learning differences than ever before. And fair warning. This is not a one shot thing. The testing is just the first step. You and her education team will develop a plan but that plan needs to be measured and evaluated periodically to make sure it is addressing her needs and she is progressing. For me while it was traumatic at first to know about her differences, it has been a benefit to her, because she was seeing herself as stupid and dumb and very negatively about school, until we got her extra outside help.
 
I’d start an email trail ASAP about your concerns and your request for testing. Then the clock starts ticking and they have to abide by the state laws regarding the process. I’d also investigate outside sources — clinical psychologists or other professionals who do this on the side. Involve her primary care physician if a script is needed. Good luck, she is lucky to have you as her mama!
 
I haven't read all of the other comments but I would say yes, get her tested because it sounds like dyslexia.
Easy ways to support are using pastel coloured paper e.g pale blue or yellow, or a coloured plastic overlay to go over standard texts. Using sans serif fonts e.g comic sans, verdana, century gothic etc.
Those are the simple steps we use at school.
 
You all are so awesome! Thank you for your kind words :kiss2::kiss2::kiss2::kiss2: last night I was feeling so overwhelmed. I have since talked with the SPED teacher at my school (I'm also a teacher) and he also suggested to request testing. I have now emailed her teacher, counselor, and BCC'd her 7th grade English teacher (the one who tutored her). For us there is a 10 day window for the school to respond, and then testing w/in 30 days. I will also look at getting her eyes checked by an optometrist, as both her dad and I wear glasses so that may be part of the issue (although she doesn't complain of not being able to see, unless the writing is teeny). I'll update as we get more information.
 
Excellent news.
It’s a shame that words with a negative connotation are too often used.
The terms “learning difficulty” or “learning disability” instead of “learning difference”.
Your daughters learning difference should be considered as unusual and challenging and not as a “disability”.
 
Bron357 said:
Excellent news.
It’s a shame that words with a negative connotation are too often used.
The terms “learning difficulty” or “learning disability” instead of “learning difference”.
Your daughters learning difference should be considered as unusual and challenging and not as a “disability”.
Click to expand...
I was just thinking this!!!
 
nala said:
I was just thinking this!!!
Click to expand...


Bron357 said:
Excellent news.
It’s a shame that words with a negative connotation are too often used.
The terms “learning difficulty” or “learning disability” instead of “learning difference”.
Your daughters learning difference should be considered as unusual and challenging and not as a “disability”.
Click to expand...


I could adjust to the term "learning difference". It will just take me some time after all these years of hearing the other term. Learning differences are perfectly natural. Thank you. It just never occurred to me. :))

Deb :wavey:
 
Update for today: I spoke w/the school psychologist (apparently these things go to that department rather than the counselor). One thing the psychologist mentioned was that dd wouldn't have been considered because she has good grades :???: BUT, she is going to talk w/her, have her read, and have a writing sample. I don't know if anything will come of this, but hopefully dd will at least get some strategies and more time on tests and such.
 
I do think your daughter is very smart and her “smarts” have resulted in good grades that have covered up her learning difference. She is probably incorporating her own strategies to make sense out of words and sentences and has been “getting by”. It’s only now as the “level” of language and comprehension skill has become more complex that she is struggling to find her way.
 
:D My SPED friend (as in he works in SPED), had also said that if there is a learning difference, and she's been coping on her own for all this time, that her brain is exhausted and getting more help will ease the exhausting.
 
Cozystitches, as others have said, testing sounds like a good idea. Even if it wasn't dsylexia, or some other processing disorder, you may gain some insight on how to treat it and help her. It might stress her out right now, but maybe after you get some answers you can find some teen books that would really appeal to her. Out of my 5 kids, only one shares my love of reading, but finding books that appealed to what they were interested in definitely got them reading some. One liked adventure, one liked magic (aka Harry Potter) and my daughter liked stories where the female lead was really powerful and awesome.

One more thing about what you posted-you are an awesome mom. You care, you want what is best for your daughter and you are trying to find a way to bring that about. No mom ever gets everything right, but the good ones want to do their best for their kids. That is definitely you.
 
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