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Paging Haven (and other knowledgeable ladies)

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Guilty Pleasure

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2008
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1,114
I''m relying on Haven and my trust PS ladies to help me out! I can''t believe I''ve spent so much time considering invitiation wording... why do I care about the difference between "will attend" and "accepts with pleasure"?



So here is my question: Is there an "appropriate" way to word reception cards? Is "Please join us for dinner and dancing" less formal than "Reception"?

Here''s what I have, taken from the Crane web site, but I think it''s kind of boring at the beginning:

Reception
immediately following the ceremony

Venue Name
Venue Address

Service dress uniform invited



Also, if you know a of a reliable place to reference for the dress, I''d appreciate some direction! Ordinarily, you wouldn''t include dress information on an invitation since people should be able to determine that from time and location, but I am under the impression that I should include it in this case. I read that on a random knot article though, so I don''t know if it''s accurate.

Also, here''s my reply card:

The favour of a reply is requested
on or before the twentieth of June

____________________________

_____ will attend with pleasure
_____ must decline with regret




Thanks so much for any help! I know the information is out there in the internet ocean, but it''s hard to sift through and know which examples are "correct" and which examples are more "do what you want!"
 

Lanie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2008
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1,793
I''m not quite sure what else you are asking, but to answer your one question about whether "Please join us for dinner and dancing" is less formal than "reception to follow", the answer is yes.

Do you want a more formal tone?

Also, in all of my weddings, I''ve only seen one reception card that listed the attire. I was always told that the time of the reception would dictate the dress, but that''s not necessarily true these days. Are many of your guests military?
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Well I''ve never been called "knowledgeable" before! Thank you very much, GP!

I just have a great etiquette reference library, I take no credit for knowing a thing at all.

Okay, here goes:

-->Is "Please join us for dinner and dancing" less formal than "Reception"?
Yes, I believe it is. But I do not believe that either choice will affect a guest''s impression of the level of formality of the event, so if you have a preference of one over the other, go for it.

-->I''m not sure about listing the desired attire on the reception card. I''ll consult the etiquette mavens when I''m home later and come back to you on that one. (Or perhaps Cara will weigh in first.)

-->As for the response cards, I''m really not much help because I was so adamantly against including response cards in our invitations, and DH insisted that we send them to his family, that we simply included a card that read "The favour of a reply is requested by the fifteenth of June" and left the rest blank. I know I have wording options in Ms. Vanderbilt''s and Ms. Baldridge''s books, though, so I''ll share some when I''m home later, too.
 

elrohwen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 20, 2008
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5,517
Haven, out of curiosity, why didn''t you want to include response cards?
 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 21, 2008
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4,881
Date: 3/12/2009 1:54:45 PM
Author: luvthemstrawberries


Date: 3/12/2009 12:55:43 PM
Author: elrohwen
Haven, out of curiosity, why didn''t you want to include response cards?
I''d love to know too!
Of course I''m not Haven but I think that she didn''t want to include reply cards because the proper etiquette is to reply to a wedding invitation with a hand written note. At least thats what I think she has said in the past.
 

Elmorton

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
3,998
I like your response card, with one exception - brides in the past have found that if you have a blank line (where names are supposed to be), there will inevitably be people who leave those lines blank.

I think we did Name(s): on ours, I''ve also seen M______________________________ (which doesn''t work if you''re a Dr, not that I really want to bring up that thread, haha!).

If you''re having a military wedding, I think that the note about uniform is welcomed - a friend of mine is in the Army as is her SO, and I know that''s something that''s kindof a gray area (suit or dress blues?). Otherwise, I tend to bristle a little bit about dress code being included (unless it''s black tie - then folks probably want to know!)

We didn''t do the reception enclosure (just a response card). My reception info was on the invite, and it said
"Reception to Follow
Reception Location"
(there was a map enclosure with the invite that gave directions to both the ceremony and the reception, and then directions again in our program)

For an enclosure card, there''s all sorts of acceptable wordings, I think! Maybe something like this is a little more wordy but still formal -

"The honour of your presence is also requested

for a celebratory reception

at Location Name

Location Address

Dinner will be served at 7 o''clock and dancing until midnight"
 

Guilty Pleasure

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2008
Messages
1,114
Thank you so much for all your responses!


I am pretty sure that Haven did not include response cards because people are supposed to reply with a handwritten note on their own stationary. I would loooove to go this route (love tradition, love handwritten notes, and love saving money on extra paper and stamps!), but I am being practical and assuming that my guests will not respond without the convenience of a card to send back. I don't want to make a ton of phone calls and emails to track down responses. Some might even wrongly assume that I am being rude/cheap or doing the improper thing by NOT including one!


I read several places that I should include a seperate card for the reception since it's at a different location, so I'm following that unless someone points to an "expert" who says I can save paper/money and put it on the formal invite



Yes, several people will be in uniform, including my fiance, best man and 3 ushers. It's a military wedding of sorts. Several Navy buddies and their wives are invited from all over the country, so I thought it might be helpful to include the expected uniform on the reception card IF it's appropriate to do so. That's also why I didn't put the M on the first line since so many men will be Lt.s. hmmmm... maybe I should put Name(s)


So I guess my two questions are

1. What is the formal wording for a reception card? (thank you for answering that "dinner and dancing" is less formal than "reception"

2. If appropriate at all, what is the correct way to include the expected uniform? I think these men could figure out to wear their choker whites (service dress) over another uniform, but I would like them to know that they are invited to wear their uniform in the first place.
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Date: 3/12/2009 2:05:24 PM
Author: Clairitek

Date: 3/12/2009 1:54:45 PM
Author: luvthemstrawberries



Date: 3/12/2009 12:55:43 PM
Author: elrohwen
Haven, out of curiosity, why didn''t you want to include response cards?
I''d love to know too!
Of course I''m not Haven but I think that she didn''t want to include reply cards because the proper etiquette is to reply to a wedding invitation with a hand written note. At least thats what I think she has said in the past.
You''re absolutely correct, Clairi! Thank you!

In the end, it was a really easy problem to solve--we didn''t include response cards for those on my side who would find it insulting, and we sent the relatively blank cards to all of DH''s guests. (Although, I will say that more than a few of his guests sent their own handwritten notes in lieu of our response cards, too, so even they were in the know!)

Anyway, it wasn''t a big issue but at the time I was mortified at the thought of including a response card and an envelope. Of course, had I been rational about it, I would have realized that I could leave them out of key invitations, which is exactly what I did.
 

elrohwen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 20, 2008
Messages
5,517
Haven, I love that your family knows about this stuff and cares about it! It might seem silly at times, but I wish more people were aware of etiquette. I dunno, it just seems like a link to more proper and civil times. And nothing beats a hand written note.

If I sent invites without a response card, everyone would probably call me to tell me I forgot it
 
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