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eringsearcher

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 21, 2006
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14
Hi -- Been around these parts for some time, but never posted on this forum. Over the last few months my bf and I have been discussing getting engaged, married etc. I thought it was just a light hearted future/reassuring kind of conversation, but then it turned into timelines, and sooner than I imagined dates...so after some prodding, I showed him some rings I liked (but hadn''t really ever spent much time looking) since then, i''ve updated him on new ideas/looks I like....so I think we''re ok in that department, but I am still freaked out by the date. I know I have to pay for my own wedding, and I don''t want to get engaged and then have to save ALL the money. So I basically asked my BF if he could wait on proposing until I had about 10K saved for the wedding. He was not too happy about this. I think he wants it to happen when it happens. I however don''t want to be a miserable bride to be, who either has to have a 3 year engagement, or has to not plan a thing for a full year because I don''t know what I buget it.

Am I being unresonable? I mean 10K is hardly going to pay for the wedding, but at least it would be a start, and I could save during the engagement as well.... Am I too anal to be worrying about this...

any thoughts? anyone in a similar position? Would those of you already planning say 10K is a good start?
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
3,858
I don't think the date of engagement should be dependent upon when you can have 10K saved up for the wedding. Getting engaged should be only about making a public promise to each other and that you will be making a lifetime committment together. And if it takes you 3 years to save for it, so be it! All the more time to enjoy being a fiancee, which is a very romantic time in a woman's life!
I think it's great that you're thinking all of this through, but perhaps you're thinking about it a little too hard: don't forget the main point which is that you are getting engaged because you've found the man you're going to marry....not because you're financially ready to pay for a wedding.

ETA: the fact that you're already thinking along practical lines is a good thing....you will probably be more prudent about saving up and managing your wedding budget than most. But don't let it hold up your life timeline. Plus, there will be something very satisfying and sweet about saving up for your wedding TOGETHER, as an engaged couple.
 

lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
I am/was in a similar situation as you. Except it was my BF who was worried about how much the wedding was going to cost not me. Don''t get me wrong, I know they are expensive, and I am going to be as frugal as I can, but I didn''t want the money situation stopping our engagement. It''s great that you are a saver, hopefully your future fiance is too. You must be doing a good job with keeping your engagement fever in check! A lot of girls would go crazy knowing that their boyfriends were excited to propose and didn''t want to wait!

Good luck with saving, in the end the decision to wait is yours. I would suggest having another conversation about the money situation with your boyfriend. It sounds like you have your head on straight and know what you want out of life. Best wishes!
 

princessmo2

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 22, 2006
Messages
29
Wait -- just my two cents, but why can''t $10,000 pay for a wedding? I mean, you can get married for a few hundred dollars if you want! I may be in the minority here to say so, but I have no intention of having a big expensive wedding, partially because my bf and I would prefer something small and less fussy, and partially because I can''t imagine spending huge bucks on something that is essentially just a big party.

I don''t mean to come off sounding harsh, as I know some people dream of having a big wedding, and they should do what''s important to them. However, just wanted to point out that you can still have something special and meaningful without spending buckets of money.

 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
5,471
I''ve been to two weddings that had budgets of less than 10k and they were both GREAT! You just have to get a little creative. That''s all.

I totally hear ya, though. I''m a saver and a planner, and feel better knowing that I''m going into something with a little security. That said, I agree with the other gals that you can get engaged WHILE you''re saving. Why not?
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
I don''t have a complete solution for you, but just my experience...Our engagement will be over two years (mostly due to my choice to get a graduate degree and move away for a year). Personally I don''t like it. Its really exciting to get engaged, and then you have to sit around and wait to plan almost anything, really. It just feels strange to me. I think a 12-18 month engagement is long enough! Before we got engaged, I thought What''s the big deal, who cares how long an engagement we have, what''s the rush? But now I''m like, Geez hurry up and get here, wedding!
 

IrishAngel7982

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 5, 2006
Messages
1,412
I can understand where you''re coming from. I do have to agree that 10k can definitely pay for most (if not all) of your wedding. I don''t know where you live, but things like which day of the week you get married, where you have the ceremony/reception, cake and punch reception vs full meal, open bar (touchy topic I know!) will have a great impact on the overall cost. Talk it over with your bf and maybe start looking at ideas to get a ballpark figure about exactly how much the wedding you want will cost. Good luck!
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
Date: 2/4/2007 10:18:14 AM
Author: Kit
I don''t have a complete solution for you, but just my experience...Our engagement will be over two years (mostly due to my choice to get a graduate degree and move away for a year). Personally I don''t like it. Its really exciting to get engaged, and then you have to sit around and wait to plan almost anything, really. It just feels strange to me. I think a 12-18 month engagement is long enough! Before we got engaged, I thought What''s the big deal, who cares how long an engagement we have, what''s the rush? But now I''m like, Geez hurry up and get here, wedding!
What she said. Really.
 
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