Our foster cat behaves like DH''s girlfriend and hates me! Should we keep her?

[zhuzhu]

I don''t remember if I have mentioned it before, but 4 month ago we took in a friend of a friend''s cat, since her original owner had to leave the country on a short notice with no plans to return. The cat has to stay in US for 6 months post new immunization because the other country is rabbi-free.

Anyways, we are this cat''s second foster family, and because she was beat-up by the cat in her 1st family pretty bad that she is extremely paranoid with our 3 cats. Now that all cats finally learned to tolerate each other, the new thing is that she has fallen in love with DH.

Seriously, she robs his face everyday for 3-5 times, kisses and hugs him every chance she gets, follows him into the bathroom for shower and toilet. However she always looks at me with dirty looks and runs away from me. I tried to get her to accept me as her mom by giving her treats and attempts to pet her, but she will take the treat and run away. She is also very territorial with window seats and sleeping spots, when other cats come near she will hiss at them (there are plenty to area to share!).

My DH does not mind the constant love from her but it bothers me that this cat''s is so possessive and jealous.

The cat''s original owner does not really want to spend the money to ship her back, but if we insist they will.

What would you do? Will you keep her forever?

 

[yssie]

Zhu - I'm sorry you're having so much trouble with her, but that picture is so adorable

No suggestions but I hope you two - and she and the other cats - work it out. Fighting kitties can't be fun

 

[missy]

The photo is so cute!!

I am sorry you are having all this trouble with the new cat but it is very nice for her (and your dh) that she is in love with him and maybe she is finally feeling safe and at peace. She has been through a lot in a relatively short time so it does take time for them to acclimate. Maybe now that she is feeling more content she will adjust to the rest of the household and even become friendly with the other cats...and you

I have learned that patience is key when it comes to animals and that they usually adapt and once they feel safe they are more loving.
My vote is to wait and see how it goes and just give her as much love and understanding as you can.

Good luck! I hope it works out!!

ps she looks just like my cat Bobby.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I don''t know much about cats, but I know that photo is really cute. I''m sorry you''re having so much struggle with your new addition

 

[that_someone_special]

We have 3 boy kitties and 1 girl kitty. The girl kitty is exactly like what you described. Its cute!!

Keep her!

 

[iheartscience]

Yes, you should definitely keep her! She''s been through so much and it really wouldn''t be right to get rid of her just because she likes your husband more than she likes you. I bet she''ll warm up to you eventually. And if not, that''s just the way it goes sometimes. Some animals just pick certain people to be theirs, you know? My one kitty Olivia (in my avatar) loves me way more than she loves my husband. I''m pretty positive she thinks I''m her mom and she''s pretty much always in whatever room in the house I''m in.

My newest addition to the kitty family (Ophelia) didn''t trust my husband for months. She would run away from him and refuse to let him pet her for probably 6 months. AND she loved my sister better than me for a long time, too! She used to jump up on the back of this chair we had and rub my sister''s face with her face and she never did it to me! But she loves me just as much now-I guess she figured out who feeds her every day!

Ophelia also gets very territorial about the windows. There are several windows, though, so the other 2 cats just go to the other windows. She had been through a lot when we got her and I''ve just come to accept that she''s always going to be a little rough around the edges because of her past. But she''s a sweet girl and I wouldn''t dream of getting rid of her.

 

[katamari]

I would absolutely keep her! Especially since she is very clearly happy. I also think she likes you more than you probably think, and will certainly grow to be more comfortable around you. We had a foster cat previously that hated any man she ever came into contact with and the vet said this is probably because a male was probably cruel with her at her previous owners. She may just have some baggage.

Cats are also very territorial. We have very similar issues with our cats that you and Thing2 have over windows. It is just the best territory and they both want it.

It would probably break your DH''s heart, too, to get rid of her. I have a cat that loves DH far, far more than he loves me. It certainly stings because, even though DH has been around his entire live, it was just me and the cats for years before DH and I ever moved in together. Now, if I even threaten to give the cat away because he does something bad, DH will freak out. Their love is mutual.

 

[CasaBlanca]

Does DH allow you to do the same?

I am just saying, is it possible that you are the jealous one?

(kidding, just a joke. That wink is a true wink of humor!) Does your DH's 5 o'clock shadow have anything to do with it? Perhaps the cat seems him as a scratching post? again Just kidding, but an observation of the photo.

I feel bad that you feel out of the loop. Why don't you not shave for a week and see if the cat is attracted to your legs? If so you have bonded and found out it is WHISKERS the cat loves...not DH. But don't tell him of your little experiment.

The photo is totally too cute! The heart just makes the expression better. Great photo shop work! I would keep the lover! And your husband too!

 

[wolftress]

zhuzhu, please please please keep her! That photo is so adorable, and it''s obvious she has finally found her soul mate in your husband!

Cats tend to bond with one person in the household more strongly that anyone else. When DH and I first met, his cat Kez was really possessive. He used to sleep between DH and his ex gf and never used to let DH''s ex pet him. It was pretty much the same with me - if I tried to pick Kez up he would turn and hiss at me. But after a lot of gentle attention, Kez came round and slowly began to crawl up and cuddle with me at night. It took a while but after about 6 months to a year, Kez and I developed our own routine where DH would wake up early and feed him, then Kez would jump back into bed with me for a snuggle while I slept it. When Kez got really sick with cat cancer, he used to drag himself across the cough so he could be near me, so I think in the end he grew to love me as much as he loved DH.

I''ve found the way to win a cat''s affection is not with treats - they don''t seem to make the connection between love and food. Just be really gentle with her, pet her if she will allow you to, but don''t push the issue if she rejects you. Have you tried playing games with her? Our cats are always so happy and affectionate with us after we''ve played with them. One of them even brings us her toys so we play with her.

Good luck with your foster cat, I''m sure she''ll come round eventually and will grow to love you too!

 

[jewelz617]

This is why I could never have a cat. They are so ungrateful!

If the cat is happy, you may just have to accept that this will be like having a teenager who skulks at you all day, secretly thinking "When I'm 18 I am sooooo out of here." But please keep in mind your other pets too. If she can't peacefully co-habituate, that could be problematic.

 

[zhuzhu]

Date: 4/18/2010 10:17:55 PM
Author: CasaBlanca
Does DH allow you to do the same?

I am just saying, is it possible that you are the jealous one?

(kidding, just a joke. That wink is a true wink of humor!) Does your DH''s 5 o''clock shadow have anything to do with it? Perhaps the cat seems him as a scratching post? again Just kidding, but an observation of the photo.


I feel bad that you feel out of the loop. Why don''t you not shave for a week and see if the cat is attracted to your legs? If so you have bonded and found out it is WHISKERS the cat loves...not DH. But don''t tell him of your little experiment.


The photo is totally too cute! The heart just makes the expression better. Great photo shop work! I would keep the lover! And your husband too!

Casa, you are SOOOOO BAD!! DH told me to tell you that "the girlfriend" kisses him even right after he is freshly shaved, so that I don''t have to do the leg-shaving experiment....

 

[Laila619]

What a cute picture! Looks like you have competition for your DH!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Casa you are too funny!!

I think you should keep her. It''s really nice that she has found someone that she can trust after being shipped around the place.

I am sure that she will grow to love you too. It''s just going to take a little time!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I''d leave it up to your dh since he IS the loverboy in all of this lol

I do feel your pain though - we brought my daughter''s cat to china and that butthead won''t pay any attention to anyone but her. He follows her all day like a dog. When she''s at school he hides. I''ve NEVER done anything to this cat and when I pick him up he just glares at me in that I''m a cat so I must be patient but I will stare you down anyway sort of way. I miss having kitty love.

 

[oddoneout]

I agree with others that you should keep it. It seems to be finally happy. I do agree too that pets seem to gravitate towards one person in the house more than others. Wait and see what happens. It''ll hopefully get used to you. The picture is adorable too.

 

[movie zombie]

of course you keep her! i can''t believe you''d even ask the question. she has finally found a place where she can be her natural kitty self. congrats to yo for providing that!

mz

 

[lilyfoot]

You should definitely keep her as long as:

1. Her prescence in your house is not stressing the other kitties out, or vice versa.
2. You can financially afford to keep an additional pet.
3. You feel you have enough time to pay attention to all 4 cats (judging by the picture, this is a yes!

)

 

[zhuzhu]

Date: 4/19/2010 12:23:53 PM
Author: movie zombie
of course you keep her! i can''t believe you''d even ask the question. she has finally found a place where she can be her natural kitty self. congrats to yo for providing that!


mz

Well, it is a real question because we have always been under the agreement that we were to help care for her until her original owner gets her finance together so that she can afford the expenses of shipping this cat back. Now the owner is emailing us to say how she is still struggling financially and wants to know if we will adopt her for good.

In a way I am mad at the irresponsible original owner for not living up to her words. Even though this cat has bonded tightly with my husband, we were not prepared emotionally to "see" her as "ours" given the original terms.

Does it make sense?

 

[missy]

Date: 4/19/2010 4:27:38 PM
Author: zhuzhu

Date: 4/19/2010 12:23:53 PM

Author: movie zombie

of course you keep her! i can't believe you'd even ask the question. she has finally found a place where she can be her natural kitty self. congrats to yo for providing that!



mz

Well, it is a real question because we have always been under the agreement that we were to help care for her until her original owner gets her finance together so that she can afford the expenses of shipping this cat back. Now the owner is emailing us to say how she is still struggling financially and wants to know if we will adopt her for good.


In a way I am mad at the irresponsible original owner for not living up to her words. Even though this cat has bonded tightly with my husband, we were not prepared emotionally to 'see' her as 'ours' given the original terms.


Does it make sense?

No doubt the original owner has behaved irresponsibly and carelessly and doesn't understand what having an animal as a family member really is. They act more like a pet is a possession than a family member!

Sometimes, things happen for a reason and it could be that this cat is meant to be a part of your family now. I would hate to have this poor little cat be put through more stress and trauma by being shipped overseas to a family who doesn't even want her.

Of course, you have to feel it too and you cannot be expected to wreak havoc in your own life. It's just that maybe this cat has finally found a real home with you guys...I know when we added our 4th cat it was neither planned nor really welcome at the time but we knew it was the right thing to do. Looking back my dh and I are just so happy we took the chance and not only saved our newest cat's life but gave him such a happy home. He gives to us as much as we give to him and he is a wonderful addition to our loving family.

It wasn't like that at the very beginning though. These things take time. I guess all I am asking is for you to carefully think out all the possibilities and see if it is at all possible to give this cat a warm and loving home. Something his original owners are just not capable of for whatever reason. This cat deserves a chance at a happy life and loving home.

 

[zhuzhu]

My name is Trouble and I am Mr Zhuzhu''s girlfriend!!!

 

[VRBeauty]

It''s nice of you to be so understanding, zhuzhu.

She''s a real cutie!

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 4/19/2010 4:27:38 PM
Author: zhuzhu


Well, it is a real question because we have always been under the agreement that we were to help care for her until her original owner gets her finance together so that she can afford the expenses of shipping this cat back. Now the owner is emailing us to say how she is still struggling financially and wants to know if we will adopt her for good.

In a way I am mad at the irresponsible original owner for not living up to her words. Even though this cat has bonded tightly with my husband, we were not prepared emotionally to ''see'' her as ''ours'' given the original terms.

Does it make sense?

i do understand being pissed at the original owner. however, my experience is that cats choose who they bond with and who they want to live with. she wants to live with you and especially with your hubby. again, congrats on being chosen, honored, and so loved. while you were not emotionally prepared, she certainly is and has emotionally commited to being with you. this is a rare gift. treasure it.

mz

 

[Octavia]

Zhuzhu, she''s precious! I might be biased because she looks so much like my own kitty. FWIW, my cat (male) lurrrvvvvees me and basically tolerates my DH. He likes to play with DH but he''ll only snuggle with him on rare occasions, and only when I''m not home. And he''ll give me lots of kitty love while staring at DH with this "hah, she''s mine!" look. So your foster cat is basically my cat''s female counterpart! I do think she''ll come around to you eventually, though. It took a few months for our cat to really accept DH. She might never like you as much as she likes Mr. Z, but once she realizes that you aren''t going anywhere, she will probably tolerate you because you feed her, if for no other reason.

 

[innerkitten]

If you can I would say keep her. I think eventually you will bond as well. The photo is adorable and she looks so happy! I would hate to think of her winding up in a high kill shelter somewhere.

 

[zhuzhu]

Oh we will never give any cats to shelters!

It is definitely looking more like we will adopt her because the original owners seem to be very indifferent and cold about her (they only took her brother back to home country with them).

For me, it is just very odd to have a kid who is completely different from our other 3 kids (who are extremely affectionate to both of us).

 

[HVVS]

Oh, I''d keep her. It may be that she''s more attracted to your husband because the other cats are more attracted to you, and she doesn''t want to compete. She seems like a sweet cat. Cats always have to have their pecking order. They will eventually work things out, or possibly they just agree to disagree. Cats do as cats want to do, so I''d not take any behavior personally. My cats are not littermates, they''ve been together over 7 years, and each still prefers his or own space. I see all of those pics online of 12 cats sharing the bed or sofa and think "How''d they do that???" Mine sure won''t ever get all chummy like that!

 

[innerkitten]

Date: 4/22/2010 2:17:38 PM
Author: zhuzhu
Oh we will never give any cats to shelters!



It is definitely looking more like we will adopt her because the original owners seem to be very indifferent and cold about her (they only took her brother back to home country with them).


For me, it is just very odd to have a kid who is completely different from our other 3 kids (who are extremely affectionate to both of us).

You will be earning lots of good kitty karma!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Yes, keep her. How far did the owner move from you? I can''t imagine how stressful it would be for a cat to be shipped across or to another country.

 

[zhuzhu]

Date: 4/22/2010 3:13:26 PM
Author: MC
Yes, keep her. How far did the owner move from you? I can''t imagine how stressful it would be for a cat to be shipped across or to another country.

We have never met the original owner. She adopted Mei while she lived in Texas, and when she moved back to China she drooped Mei off at her 1st foster family''s apart in Orange County, a 500 sf apartment with 2 mean cats. Mei was beaten up by one crazy cat of hers everyday (even in front of us when we went to pick her up)for 5 months.

For sure Mei has gone through a lot of rejection and abuse. Hopefully her heart will soften up under our care.....

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 4/22/2010 3:33:10 PM
Author: zhuzhu

Date: 4/22/2010 3:13:26 PM
Author: MC
Yes, keep her. How far did the owner move from you? I can''t imagine how stressful it would be for a cat to be shipped across or to another country.

We have never met the original owner. She adopted Mei while she lived in Texas, and when she moved back to China she drooped Mei off at her 1st foster family''s apart in Orange County, a 500 sf apartment with 2 mean cats. Mei was beaten up by one crazy cat of hers everyday (even in front of us when we went to pick her up)for 5 months.

For sure Mei has gone through a lot of rejection and abuse. Hopefully her heart will soften up under our care.....

She looks like she''s got a great personality! I love that picture.

Cats are strange. One of ours (I rescued as a little kitten) followed me around but was very skittish. She eventually started to curl up with me but would keep her distance from FI -- now she is on his lap every chance she gets.

I hope you all settle into a nice routine and are happy together.