Opinions please? Wedding ''dates''

[julesbeth]

Hi Ladies -

Background - My FI and I wanted to keep our wedding small - around 80 people (HA! Its at 100). So not many people made the cut, close friends, family, etc. I sent out the invites, one was to my mom''s cousin and her husband. My mom''s cousin''s daughter REALLY wanted to come to the wedding too and actually assumed she was invited, so my mom called me and I was a baby and agreed. When we got the reply card back it was for 4 people, the daughter included a guest. I was slightly annoyed, but whatever.

So now as I do table arrangements and start to get the escort cards done I realize I don''t have the ''guests'' name. My mom called and she is bringing a girlfriend (no, not a relationship thing)! I guess I want your opinions, I am actually really annoyed by this. The daughter is 27! Ugh, I guess I feel like people are more interested in coming to chicago and seeing the city and reception than they are interested in FI and I. That was the reason for keeping it small....

Maybe I need a chill pill.

 

[Izzy03]

I really think that you should call and tell them that you had a greater number of "accepts" than you thought you would, so due to size constraints you are not able to accommodate the extra guest. You have never met the girl, so she will get over it, and so will your mom's cousin's daughter.

If you are uncomfortable with that than you will just have to suck it up. You don't owe these people anything, and unless you have an unlimited guest list, SOMEONE will be offended.

Besides, wouldn't you rather save that space for someone important to you? Thank about how that "more important" would feel.

Good luck! I am having the same problems with my guest list, but I decided in advance to be cut throat about it.

 

[marchswallowbird]

I would ABSOLUTELY call and tell her that she cannot bring anyone, she is invited but not her friend.

 

[julesbeth]

Thanks ladies! I appreciate the replies - I just thought maybe I was being evil because the date is so close now.

I guess that was more of a rant - because at this point I can''t really tell her that her friend isn''t allowed to attend. My mom already called for the guest''s name, and it just seems too late to actually do anything about it. Believe me, I would like to, but when I got the reply card back I should have done something about it THEN. Oh well!

Again, I really really appreciate your input! Thanks darlings!

 

[meresal]

I'm sorry you're frustrated by this, and I probably would be too, but I think it's too late to waste emotion on this.

I'm going to be the opposition...

I think that if it was a big deal in the first place then you should have called and said something the minute you saw the reply card. You decided that it was ok, and you have to stick with that decision. Now that you're so close and it sounds like they are out of town guests (flights? hotels? already booked possibly), I think it is too late. Yes, it may have been inconsiterate on their part, but remember it's just one guest, and it may mean alot to their family that you are letting her bring a friend along. Just my .02


Best of luck with all your last minute touches!!

 

[fieryred33143]

That''s just rude

It''s one thing to invite yourself to a wedding you weren''t invited to. But to then bring a guest...that is just your homegirl from down the street

Honestly, dont even make the effort. Put Jane Smith, Joe Smith, Susan Smith, and Susan Smith Guest.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Haha I love the Smiths comment.

I agree that it''s too late now to do anything, but you also had no idea the guest was a girl. I would have assumed it was a guy, which makes sense I guess to bring a date. But if she''s 27... I mean I took friends with me on trips when I was 10, but even then for weddings, I think guests should understand it''s not for strangers that aren''t even dates. I guess the only way to have known was to call for the guest''s name when you got the RSVP, which I never would have thought to do either. I guess now I will!

Haha this just makes me wonder what mine is going to be like - second cousins who "expect" to come, and friends of parents I don''t know...

We haven''t nailed down any sort of final list yet, but I''m determined that it''s going to be only people that matter to us and are part of our lives. I''m reading a book called Inviting God to Your Wedding, and while I realize not everyone reading this cares about that, I just wanted to give a little idea from the book - she talks about how weddings are sacred events, and in no way, shape, or form should you have anyone there who does not support the two of you. Basic idea was that a wedding is starting out a new life together, and you don''t want people there who will sit in the corner and make fun of you, or joke about how long the wedding will last, or are against you in any way, even if they are "friends" or "family." I just thought it was a really good comment, and it made me realize that I think I''m going to have to be very firm about it, just like Izzy said she is. I''m going to have rule that my parents'' work friends and my third cousins I haven''t seen in 10 years don''t need to be there because they''re not part of our (the people actually getting married) lives.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 9/24/2008 11:42:44 AM
Author: luvthemstrawberries
Haha I love the Smiths comment.

I agree that it''s too late now to do anything, but you also had no idea the guest was a girl. I would have assumed it was a guy, which makes sense I guess to bring a date. But if she''s 27... I mean I took friends with me on trips when I was 10, but even then for weddings, I think guests should understand it''s not for strangers that aren''t even dates. I guess the only way to have known was to call for the guest''s name when you got the RSVP, which I never would have thought to do either. I guess now I will!



Haha this just makes me wonder what mine is going to be like - second cousins who ''expect'' to come, and friends of parents I don''t know...

We haven''t nailed down any sort of final list yet, but I''m determined that it''s going to be only people that matter to us and are part of our lives. I''m reading a book called Inviting God to Your Wedding, and while I realize not everyone reading this cares about that, I just wanted to give a little idea from the book - she talks about how weddings are sacred events, and in no way, shape, or form should you have anyone there who does not support the two of you. Basic idea was that a wedding is starting out a new life together, and you don''t want people there who will sit in the corner and make fun of you, or joke about how long the wedding will last, or are against you in any way, even if they are ''friends'' or ''family.'' I just thought it was a really good comment, and it made me realize that I think I''m going to have to be very firm about it, just like Izzy said she is. I''m going to have rule that my parents'' work friends and my third cousins I haven''t seen in 10 years don''t need to be there because they''re not part of our (the people actually getting married) lives.

sorry for the threadjack, but i''m reading that book too strawberries!

 

[cbs102]

its so beyond rude.. its like the girl is bringing her buddy just to take advantage of the food and alcohol you have provided. i would have called and said that you were under the assumption that she was bringing her boyfriend.. not ''A'' friend.. sorry.but no.

 

[julesbeth]

Again you guys are great!

Meresal - I agree, and it is too late to do anything about it... but I am still annoyed that I let it slide in the beginning, and now I have some cling on coming.

FireyRed! You are TOO funny! I would love to do that, but now I know the girls name! I would look like a devil bride (i mean, I prob am, but I don''t need them to know that!!

Luvthemstrawberries - I really really should have read that book! I love your post and it was 100% right on. Thank you for your comment!

Thanks too CBS, marchswallowbird and Izzy03