Opinions on the wedding...

[NakedFinger]

Hey ladies- just wondering if anyone who is already engaged (or even those who arent but still talk about wedding plans), had a complete difference of opinions on the wedding day itself with your FI?

My FF prefers a low key....beach/destination wedding, with very few people. Nothing fancy, very casual. I prefer the complete opposite. While I dont want like 400 people (I''m thinking 150), I do want all the glitz, glamour, and tradition that I have always dreamed of, and that I help hundreds of other women achieve (occupational hazard of being a wedding planner I guess).

I just think its so funny to be so compatible on everything else in life, but our image of the wedding day is so opposite! lol

 

[tlh]

My Dh and I wanted small destination wedding. BOTH OF US. We ended up with Large Traditional wedding... kinda... eh, long story. But we both wanted our grandparents there, and one of each doesn''t fly. So that is why we agreed on something neither of us wanted. But it was a fun day. Ultimately, it is about the marriage... not the day... but yeah. It was a VERY funny process!

 

[Dreamgirl]

We agree on dream locations and he has always wanted a small guest list. Chances are we will anyway as all family lives out of state. I used to think I wanted a huge guest list but it cost more money that way! So I agree with him. I think anywhere from 25-75 would be enough for me and I''d be happy.

He knows I''ll go all out with decorations..etc... and he is ok with that! He says he will just "show up" lol BOYS!

 

[Bia]

I want a destination wedding (family drama...don''t get me started) and FI wants a big (but not necessarily traditional) wedding here in NY.

No date has been set and no wedding plans have been made, now you can see why.

 

[JSM]

Date: 2/11/2009 11:44:58 AM
Author: tlh
My Dh and I wanted small destination wedding. BOTH OF US. We ended up with Large Traditional wedding... kinda... eh, long story. But we both wanted our grandparents there, and one of each doesn't fly. So that is why we agreed on something neither of us wanted. But it was a fun day. Ultimately, it is about the marriage... not the day... but yeah. It was a VERY funny process!

This is sort of what happened with us. He wanted big and traditional, I wanted small and quiet with immediate family. What trumped both of our desires is what I bolded in tlh's post. Both my grandpa and his grandma are completely unable to travel. Another caveat - my family lives over 10 hours away from his (we currently live somewhere in between). Add that to the fact that money is an issue, and I/we are covering all costs, we are eloping just the two of us and having 2 casual receptions afterwards. One in my hometown, one in his. This way ALL of our family can celebrate with us, and I get the intimate private ceremony I wanted.

 

[nail_polish]

It''s funny this came up because we were just talking about this last night...

Luckily, my boyfriend and I agree on the big details of weddings. As well, neither of us is dead set on much so there is lots of room for compromise! There are certain things (e.g. big white dress) that we NEED but others that we are willing to explore (e.g. a destination wedding).

tlh is right though - ultimately, its the marriage, not the wedding

However... I don''t think either side should have to ''settle''...
I have a friend who is settling on everything, and it''s ridiculous to hear... *shakes fist* I don''t even want to get started on that.

 

[miss_flo]

LOL We are dead on, exactly like you two, NF!! My boyfriend is very aloha spirit, laid back, hang loose. I''m more of a formal and classic type of girl myself. He wears flip flops all the time and I dress up everywhere we go. For the wedding, I want to make a compromise between our tastes as much as possible. Here are some of the ideas we''ve tossed around:

For him:
A country song for our first dance
Our dream venue is next to the ocean
BBQ food on the reception menu
Honeymoon in a tropical place

For me:
Formal attire (ballgowns, tuxedos and uniforms since he''s military)
The aforementioned venue is actually in the city - San Francisco
Guest list of around 150

It''ll be a fun way to capture both of our personalities in that one event

 

[xoxo]

My SO and I actually have the same wants like your FF. We had a vacation 2yrs ago and the place we went to was just Beautiful and we both decided (well I did lol) to have our wedding there. He agreed because he to fell in-love with the place. I understand what you mean tho with all the glits and glamour and that is something beautiful as well.

 

[misskitty]

B wants a big blowout with probably 300+ guests, a live band, all fancy schmancy and stuff. I used to really want that, but lately I''ve just been thinking that the money could be spent better on something else, like a down payment on a house, and I''d be a-ok with eloping or doing something super small (under 20 guests). We''ve had a couple of conversations about it, and I think both of us are open to negotiation...we''ve got a couple years, anyhow.
The funny thing is, I''m the one who''s obsessed with Martha Stewart, and even if we end up going to the courthouse, I''m probably going to make ridiculously elaborate invitations for the witnesses we ask to come sign the paper!

 

[misskitty]

Also, I don''t know what is wrong with me today, but at first glance, I thought the title of this thread was "ONIONS on the wedding" and I was so confused

 

[nail_polish]

Date: 2/11/2009 12:38:21 PM
Author: misskitty
Also, I don''t know what is wrong with me today, but at first glance, I thought the title of this thread was ''ONIONS on the wedding'' and I was so confused

ME TOO!!!!!!!!

 

[Definitely. Maybe]

I have never really been set on having a certain wedding. I always thought FF would want something on the water or a destination style wedding, so without talking to him thats what I mentally planned in my head. However, when I randomly brought it up he told me he didn''t want to do that, that he wanted a wedding back home (we''re from the same hometown) and in his church. I was really surprised! I had been thinking for a while about accommodating everything so he would have a fun, comfortable wedding, which is why I thought DW. I guess it helps that I am pretty open to any idea and can make either situation perfect for us. I think we would both want a smaller (guest list wise) wedding, but still pretty lavish looking. Does that make sense? I don''t think he cares too much about the details and decorating, though, so that will be something we may differ on.

 

[jjdav]

In my opinion, the most important thing is to decide on a style/size and stick to it, I had a friend who was going back and forth with her now husband and between the two families about the size and style of the wedding throughout the planning process and ended up rushing at the very end because not all the decisions could be made on time. She fretted the whole day about things that didn''t quite work out and it was really terrible to see her not enjoying herself 100%.

Luckily both FI and I have similar ideas about having a smallish wedding, my FMIL was worried that I wouldn''t get the wedding of my dreams and I had to reassure her that we both thought the money would be better spent elsewhere. Especially after reading some of the bridal magazines my FMIL bought for me, we realized that if we had unlimited funds and someone else planning the wedding, we''d have a bigger one, since neither of us is particularly interested in the process, we''d rather have something simpler. Not to mention that we live in So Cal, his family is mainly spread across the mid-west and my parents live in Australia! Plus all the time involved, we just want to get married without having to wait for so long.

So we basically decided on a family involved elopment

 

[sammyj]

We both want a small-ish wedding (100 guests) with a non-religious ceremony at 4pm immediately followed by a cocktail hour and a wild & crazy reception. Ideally our wedding/reception would take place at an estate. We also want a live band. My BF already knows that I want one of my colours to be orange and he has yet to object...not like he really has a choice anyway!

 

[MrsHToBe]

We go back-and-forth about ideas, really.. we''ve tossed around the idea of a DW, I''ve brought up eloping, he wants the traditional ''big'' wedding, etc.. nothing is concrete util he proposes, and we set the date/find a venue, y''know?

 

[Winks_Elf]

My honey and I wanted less than fifty people, but when we sat down and created the "must-invite" list, it wound up being larger than we thought it would be. At this point, we''re pushing 100 total! 80 adults, and 18 kids.

 

[Still_Waiting]

We both want a small, destination wedding. Luckily, we both really agree about that. It''s the details that we may end up needing to compromise on. I''m guessing I''ll probably want a few extra things that he won''t...but I''m sure it won''t be too big of a deal. I suppose we''ll end up settling for however much our money gets us...and then cut out the rest!

And, if it ends up being a pain in the butt...guests whining about flying, etc. well, then, we''ll just elope!

 

[FrekeChild]

He wanted something bigger than I did, but more casual. I wanted TINY (less than 20) and elegant with a several course meal and all the trimmings.

And what we''re doing is under 40, destination wedding in Las Vegas, with business casual attire, and eating in one of the nicer (but not uber fancy) restaurants on the Strip. And we agreed completely on which chapel to have it at (I was interested in decor of the chapel itself, and FI was interested in it not being in the middle of a casino).

 

[laughwithme]

We are 100% in agreement for what we want...a large traditional summer wedding. Now as for colors...we have had quite the go-round with that! But yes, we have similar visions for the wedding as a whole.

 

[caribqueen]

I think my FF will just go along with what I want. In my family, weddings are a big deal and my dad is aching for me to have one. So, it will be back home, lots of family, and parents are paying. Both FF and I have big families, but he hasn''t expressed much preference about ceremony and size either way. Maybe that will change once we officially get engaged. But I don''t think my much. Besides, it''ll be my FF''s second wedding.

 

[babygirl]

Neither my boyfriend or myself are very enthusiastic about a really formal wedding.. we''re both on the low-key side of traditional. I absolutely looove the IDEA of a destination wedding, but in practice, it just doesn''t work for us. I have 60 immediate family members to invite, so all told, we''re probably looking at around 200 guests at minimum.. Ideally, I''d like to have the reception somewhere guests can be at least partially outdoors... (I have a few ideas but am waiting for an actual proposal so we can pick a date and then see what''s available, hahah... so thoughtful of me to wait for a ring!) we''ll see how that goes!!

 

[Fleur_de_Lis]

The only "issue" we''re having is where to hold the ceremony. I''m a pretty devote Catholic and would like to have it in a church and he''s not of any denomination, so he thinks we should have it wherever the reception is going to be held. However, I''m lucky because he''s exceedingly flexible so he''s willing to have it anywhere I want, as long as I''m happy

 

[jcarlylew]

i wanted a destination wedding (BVI) and E does not. AT ALL. so thats kinda out the window. I would prefer a church wedding, he does not. but he''s open to that idea.
We both want it semi casual, but mostly, inexpensive. he wants a big party.. i want a big celebration. boys