Opinions ladies?

[Parsley]

Hello you beautiful ladies out there! I''ve got to ask your opinions about something.

So, you may or may not know that I''m from the LIW category of "gonna be waiting a loooooooooong time". I found this website from stumbling around on google trying to find somewhere to go and vent my frustrations about this, or at least find other people who are in my boat! I love it here, I love seeing you all telling stories about buying a ring or showing different designs and whatnot. I love it.

But...I think maybe it''s a little detrimental to me also. I know that I''ve got a long wait ahead of me before we get engaged, and I usually find that getting a little sort of hit of engagement and wedding excitement from other people will tide me over for a little while, make me feel a little less sad about our timeline. I think now, however, reading these stories has got some hopes up deep inside me, that I know are getting dashed by the day. And I don''t know if it''s just the stories or me as well!

For instance, we were going to go on holiday to Norway just before Christmas and I was SO excited about it. At first I didn''t even entertain the idea that something might happen there. Then I allowed myself to daydream that it might, reasoning that because I knew it wouldn''t, my hopes wouldn''t be raised. Then...BF talks to me and says he wants to cancel/postpone our trip indefinitely, cause he''s worried about us not having any money for it or not speaking any norwegian. When he said that I was devastated, I think more than I should have been, because against my better instincts I had let myself get excited about it. I had even entertained the idea that though he might not do it then he would get the idea to do it there at a later date you know? As a kind of...our place kinda thing.

I don''t know girls, am I hurting myself by coming here, being on the list and reading about your happiness? Or is it good that I can come here where there are likely to be people who have felt exactly what I have and can help me through it? I have a friend who is a definite LIW and she was over here talking about how she wanted to get engaged and married soon, and my other housemate was talking about how he wants to get married to his BF too. I''m a girl, I love talking weddings, and I love how wedding related shows are on tv so much these days! For me it''s been cropping up everywhere, proposal stories in magazines, on the telly, coming up randomly on websites or facebook feeds...maybe just cause I''m thinking about it? Anyway, after this friend was over, that evening BF said "I feel uneasy with all this talk about marriage" and is always talking in this half joking way about how long I have to wait. Even rubbed salt in the wound earlier when I was talking about buying some clothes that were too small to have something to aim for in the gym, and he said "a wedding dress?" I laughed, but had to keep my face turned away.

AGGGHHH. Help me girls...I''m sorry about the essay, just need to vent as well I guess!!

Much much much love,
P
xxxxx

 

[TooPatient]

I understand. I''ve thought like this too. The excitement, the hopes, the big let down when it doesn''t happen.

Just now waking up so I need a bit to wake up before I try to make any sense. I do know that for me, PS has been a huge help. A place to talk about weddings and everything else and NOT have to worry about B getting upset. It is great (for me) to have a place where I can talk and not have to worry about if it comes across as wanting a wedding or pushing for a wedding or disappointed.

I''m still waiting for my ring. He hasn''t bought one yet but every now and then HE suggests it and then it gets put off. I love being here. I can vent about not having one and celebrate each time someone else gets one.

SOrry. Half asleep. More later.

Hugs for now.

 

[Jessie702]

I can kind of get what you are saying and relate in a way. When i first joined the LIW, i though it was going to be a mere 3 months tops, of me being on the list. HaHa, yeah right. Ive been here, dont get me wrong i love our wall, since March i believe. I think all LIW go through that period of them wondering if it is ever going to happen and getting slightly down when it happens for others, but not for themselves. I just got down through that period myself. Its not that your not happy for that LIW, because you are happy, it just reminds you that, it didnt happen for you.

Like Too said, i enjoy it because it gives me a place to vent, and a place to come as a wedding safehaven. LoL..I too do not like to talk wedding things with C unless he brings them up first, and even than i keep the talk short, because i do not want to be dissapointed when yet another perfect oppurnity goes by for him to ask and he didnt.

So being here, for me, at least is healthy. I can daydream all i want. Look at others sparklies, and dont run the chance of annoying the heck out of C, to the point that, he will never ask.

Do you kinda of get what im saying?

 

[TooPatient]

Okay. I''m going to try to make some sense now. I''ve had a chance to wake up.

There are some days where reading the great stories and excitement here on PS really gets to me. Leaves me feeling hopeless and angry and resentful of B and ready to give up on it all. At those times, I avoid talking to B (put on a movie, bake, whatever) until I''ve had a chance to calm down. I''m always so excited when a LIW gets her proposal. It may make me a little sad, but it is kind of reassuring too. Another LIW who had upset days thinking it would never happen actually made it through. If it can happen for her, maybe it''ll happen for me too (when he is ready).

PS lets me be excited for another woman who just had this great thing happen but lets me walk away for a minute when I need to. (unlike people in an office or a friend down the street)

On bad days it gives me a place to vent. A place to say how frustrated and angry I am without fear of being judged (because we are all LIW) and without fear that it will be repeated to B. The women here really understand. They have all had bad days so they can offer support and useful advice or just an understanding ear.

In an odd way, I feel useful. I''m able to read through the proposal section and know that maybe some suggestion I made will help some woman out there have a proposal she''ll never forget.

The small talk, boot camp, and non-engagement threads are interesting.

The Hangout section is a good distraction. Lots of people from all over talking (typing) about big important stuff and little interesting bits and whatever comes to mind.

I feel more relaxed and less resentful now. (most days -- I still have days when I''m sick of it all) I''m sure I''ll get a proposal from him some day (hopefully soon) but until then I get to be a LIW and talk with all of these wonderful women.

 

[purelily]

Hi Parsley I''m going to be honest and say sometimes the LIW board was not very good for me.

I had to take a sabbatical a couple of times when I realized it was driving me crazy. It was SOOO helpful when I needed to vent to someone without feeling like I was crazy, but, on the other hand, I sometimes felt look! its happening for everyone else! why not me?

If you feel you need to take a little break, it can be good to get out and away from the diamond board a bit. You have to decide what is the best course of action for you.

We would miss you though

 

[vc10um]

Date: 9/24/2009 2:49:57 PM
Author: purelily
Hi Parsley I''m going to be honest and say sometimes the LIW board was not very good for me.

I had to take a sabbatical a couple of times when I realized it was driving me crazy. It was SOOO helpful when I needed to vent to someone without feeling like I was crazy, but, on the other hand, I sometimes felt look! its happening for everyone else! why not me?

If you feel you need to take a little break, it can be good to get out and away from the diamond board a bit. You have to decide what is the best course of action for you.

We would miss you though

I agree with purelily. Being around all of us LIWs is a yin and yang situation. On one hand, you have TONS of girls who understand EXACTLY how you feel when you''re upset, angry, frustrated, impatient...etc...etc...etc...

On the other, you inevitably have girls who are getting to where you want to be (engaged!) on a relatively frequent basis.

I''ve found that I''m able to strike a balance because I spend a lot of my PS time outside of LIW. I stop by here to check up on new threads, see who got bling-y, and ask LIW-related questions, but I also spend time over in Colored Stones, Healthy Lifestyle, Shopping, and even in BWW (mostly because I''m helping my officmate plan her wedding and I''m hoping to start my own business as a wedding planner some day, so I like to see everything going on, as well as make suggestions, to see how they''re received...)...so maybe that''s something to think about!

But I totally know how you feel!

 

[Parsley]

Thank you all so much girls, you really calmed me down!

I definitely agree that by having this place to come to to be able to indulge myself in thinking about weddings and proposals it means that I''m not saying it to H, which is definitely a good thing. I never said anything to him before I found this place and therefore had to bottle it all up and just try and pretend like it didn''t get to me, so having PS really has made such a difference.

I think I''ll take the advice of those that suggested busying myself on other boards from time to time, when my green eyes start to flare up! I noticed recently that, where before I *loved* reading proposal stories, I was feeling agitated by them. Partly I think due to H giving his clear opinion on the matter with "I don''t like all this talk about marriage" and other comments, and partly because I feel like they''re getting my hopes up for an amazing romantic proposal. I love H with all my heart, but he just hasn''t got that switch in his brain to be romantic or think that way for just a moment, you know? I know it will be the simplest thing ever. Don''t get me wrong, I''ll love it no matter how he does it, but I just get the feeling it''ll just be at some completely random time and place, like getting ready to go food shopping, you know?

Agh, sorry that turned into a mini vent

I will take your fantastic advice and get myself distracted by other boards, coming back here to check up on what''s happening every so often.

Thank you all so so so so so much.

P
xxxxx

 

[AustenNut]

I have to head to work very shortly but I just wanted to chime in and say I understand. I actually haven''t been on the board that long but since I joined LIW a situation arose between my bf and I and it will probably definitely delay an engagement. It''s great to come here and hear how others are dealing with being an LIW and to know that I''m not alone (though admittedly, I''m not overcooked yet). At the same time though, I think it''s very easy to get swept up with all of the wedding-ness. The ring, the proposal, etc and to become somewhat obsessed. I usually am in the CS board most often, and I''ve started thinking about getting my own pieces made, completely independent of an e-ring. Of course then I think about all the money I''m thinking about spending on jewelry, plus other expenses plus things I like to do (travel) and I wonder if I really should hang out here at all. That''s the frugal part of me talking who doesn''t earn tons of money. But the people here are nice, the eye candy is wonderful, and right now I''m just trying to find a balance.

 

[Lozza]

I find that being here helps me talk about it less to the boy.

I haven''t openly admitted to any of my friends how I feel about the waiting. Most of them are either not interested in getting married, or got a proposal quite quickly so they wouldn''t understand.

I guess I''m scared about what they will say, or worried that if I admit I''m unhappy with the situation then he doesn''t ask for another 2 years they''ll know I''m miserable. So I come here to talk about how I feel, with other people who understand. It helps keep me sane.

 

[fuzzers]

There are a lot of girls in LIW who feel the same way you do, me included! It''s a mixed bag, but altogether I like it here, and I think it helps me. And I''ve been here for a while... #25 on the list.

Here''s hoping you stay with us.

 

[Parsley]

I''m so relieved! I really thought that everyone else here was properly on the brink on engagement, and were people who were waiting because they''d had a talk or sign/gesture that an engagement wasn''t far off. I''m glad that others here feel like I do, in the sense that I don''t feel so alone, not that I''m glad you''re waiting!

Lozza - I''m exactly the same. I have one friend I talk about marriage and weddings and stuff with a lot, but she thinks I don''t want it for awhile, which is what I''ve told her for the same reason as you did. I didn''t want to say to her how much I was secretly longing, because she''d know over the next however many years that I was miserable that it wasn''t happening. It''s a white lie that makes my life and her life easier. I can come here to talk to people about it, and they''re feeling the same or have felt it and are here *to* talk about it.

Fuzzers - Thank you, I do intend to stick around, though still very much lurking, and replying whenever the urge takes me! I''ve limited myself to one major browse of the board a day, maybe a couple of check ins if there''s been a thread that''s caught my attention!

I''m so glad I posted, I was in all sorts of minds as to what to do, but having seen what everyone''s said I completely agree that having all you guys and your wealth of knowledge of this stage of life can only do me good. I''m so happy I stumbled upon PS!

P
xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Porridge]

Hey Parsley,

Get ready for a load of rubbish pop psychology!

I''m only writing about my own experiences, so take from it what you like!

I''m not a LIW, but I think I understand what you''re talking about. Most of the time I LOVE PS. But sometimes, I find coming here can make me feel worse about something that''s bothering me. What I''ve come to realise is that, of course, it isn''t PS but how I read things, how I let them make me feel. One if the biggest mistakes I find myself making is comparing myself/my relationship with FI to others here. It can be easy when you''re feeling down to come here (or anywhere) and think "wow, everyone''s getting engaged...why doesn''t FI do that for me?...why doesn''t my relationship seem to be as good as so-and-so''s?...why didn''t I think of doing/saying that?" You have to remember that what we see here on PS are mere snippets of people''s lives, and that everyone is completely different. Just because what you''re reading may *seem* better than what you have, doesn''t mean that it is. It''s just easy to interpret it that way.

So if you want to get engaged, and you come here and read posts about girls getting engaged, it can affect you in such a way as to think that most people out there are getting engaged, and you might get more and more frustrated and anxious that it''s not happening to you.

Focus on the good parts of your relationship - there must be loads if you want to marry this person! And, most importantly, if you feel really bothered or upset by what''s happening, take some time to gather your thoughts and have a frank discussion with your FI. Men do not get our "subtle" hints! They just don''t. If we''re not honest with them about our expectations, it creates confusion on their side and resentment on ours.

And always remember, what you have now is very special, and when the time comes to get engaged and married, that will be incredibly special and wonderful too.

 

[radiantquest]

Not to rub it in your face, but I used to be a LIW. I spent a good amount of time here. I think that LIW has good parts and bad parts to it. In one aspect you can come here and whine because you are not engaged yet and everyone knows exactly how you feel. On the other hand everytime you come on you see that someone else has gotten engaged and you have not. I know what you mean about thinking that this will be the time. I always thought that this will be the dinner, or this will be the weekend, or this will be the trip. It was always a let down. I just got used to it because let me tell you, it will never happen the way you imagine that it will. I am not saying that it will not be as good. It just will not be what you imagine.

I think that it is a good place to vent, sometimes though it would make me mad at my BF for not proposing when everyone else seemed to be. The best advice to you is come and go as you want and just try yo keep focused on reality.