Opinions Appreciated (what do to scenario)

[sdrock99]

Hi All,

I asked about one of the stones below in a previous post, but now have a slightly different scenario I would some opinions on.

My parents who are divorced have a .8 ct diamond that mom is willing to let me have for my proposal. The only thing is I feel a little weird about it because:

a) It''s from a divorce.
b) I''ve causally ran the idea by my GF (probably shouldn''t have) who thinks it would be bad mojo and I agree somewhat hence reason a. However, she would probably not know unless she asked.
c) My GF has told me that she would really love something ~1 ct. .8 - 1 ct big difference?

The idea of saving some $$$ is always nice. Especially ~$5-6k.

What would you do in my situation??? GF could probably also use a new car soon which the $ saved could go towards (Practical side of me talking

). Just might be awkward if she or her relatives asked about the origin of the stone.


In case I decide, to go w/ buying, does anyone have any opinions between the following 2 stones. I''ve put the 1.12 on hold, but just came across this 1.04 and was wondering if anyone thinks 1 would be better than the other. I''ve got some replies on the 1.12 (thanks Hairgirl, Splinter, Lorelei, Ellen for your replies), but more is always welcomed.

1.04 G SI1 (HCA 1.2) http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/A-Cut-Above-H-A-cut-diamond-608075.htm
1.12 G SI1 (HCA 1.1) http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/A-Cut-Above-H-A-cut-diamond-608074.htm

Would .08 ct make that much of a difference in terms of appearance? One has 51 vs 52 stars does that matter? Does one Asset/Ideal scope look better than the other? Pretty new a reading those so any thoughts would be helpful. Or should I skip both and go w/ the family stone?

As always, thanks everyone for your replies.

JS

 

[snowflakeluvr]

hi,
i cannot guide you about the specs of particular stones, sorry, as i am an avid reader but much more a novice in that realm, but i do know that as a woman, i would want to "know" where my stone came from...is there a possibility the stone could be traded in and helped to purchase a slightly larger stone? if you have already broached the subject gently with your girl, it would now be wrong to not share the origin of the stone if you use your mom''s stone, imo.
i don''t know if your future intended would mind a .8 over a 1carat but i think visually, there is definitely a difference. but i''m an old married lady who thinks bigger(diamonds) is always better

good luck with your decision-there are many experts here who can help you find an amazing stone!
ps my now husband of 21years actually took a female co-worker to the jewelry store when he picked up my engagement ring days before christmas. she tried it on, i found out, caused a lot of emotional angst between dh and me(for a long time). this co-worker was somewhat of a "crush" of dh''s and vice versa and i did find out. i even suggested he marry HER. long story short, i was not ever too emotionally attached to my original e-ring because of this and it has cost dh dearly(two nice upgrades) please be honest; she''ll find things out one way or another.

 

[3shebabes]

I agree that you should definitely tell her if you use the family diamond. I'd want to know....But that being said...Personally, the fact that the stone is a family stone really may not come up outside of the family. If you go that route and your GF shows off the ring to friends, I seriously doubt anyone will ask whether it was purchased new or "inherited" - so if she is bothered by sharing that info you could make an agreement that you want to keep that detail private - but I doubt it'll come up.

I understand the thought behind a divorce diamond having bad "mojo" -- but brand new store-bought diamonds aren't keeping 50% of the couples today from calling it quits down the road either -- so my thought would be to sort of unload the history of the rock by removing it from any setting it may be in (definitely don't use that part of the ring, I'd say) and choose (or let her choose) a totally new setting to give the diamond a brand new start! Plus, if you're not spending major money on the center stone, you could use some of that savings toward a fabulous setting and/or wedding band if she likes. And then any other savings could go into her new set of wheels...

As for the size, .80 is a nice size. I looked up average diamond face-up diameters (for round stones, for example) - and a 1 carat is typically 6.5 mm in diameter whereas the average .80 is around 6mm in diameter. I have read somewhere that it is hard to detect visual differences in diamond diameter less than a half mm - so this difference, while visible of course, should be just on the edge of detectability. Plus, if she got to choose a new setting with side stones for added sparkle (if she'd like that sort of thing) - the combined effect could be every bit as dazzling as a 1 carat...if not more so.

So, if the diamond itself is nicely cut and a color/clarity that you like and she likes (have you had it appraised or assessed in any way?If the diamond isn't well cut or has other characteristics that don't make her or you happy, then I wouldn't use it) - --then using it to build a beautiful new ring would be my choice, personally...

Good luck! Didn't take a peek at the two new rocks you're considering -- I'll let the "experts" handle that one...

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

If the stone is certed, perhaps you could trade it in or sell it and then add a little money and voila: new ring, even perhaps larger than you intially intended.

Gets rid of the mojo and the money problem. Yay!

 

[bling addict]

I ditto the others who have already mentioned that if you use the family diamond, you should be totally honest with your GF and let her pick a nice new setting for it if that''s the way you go. That said, as you''ve already discussed this option with your GF and she didn''t like that it came from a divorce, I wouldn''t use that stone, or I would just have it set in a pendant or something to make a nice gift that she could wear but that isn''t her engagement ring.

I would not disregard your GF''s feelings on the matter by presenting her with the stone/ring that she says has "bad mojo". This is the woman you are asking to spend the rest of her life with you. I know if I were in your situation and my husband had asked what I thought, and I had responded as your GF did (which I would have) I would be pretty disappointed if he went ahead and ignored what I thought and presented me with that stone while asking me if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. So, I think you should get the best ''new'' stone you can within your budget. It sounds like you have some beautiful stones shortlisted and great feedback in regards to those stones from more seasoned pricescopers than me, you''re in excellent hands so I''ll leave the comments in regards to those stones to the more experienced people.

I think a 0.8 is a nice size - particularly when white, well cut and sparkling like mad(I''m biased, I have one around that size myself, and wouldn''t change it for anything -- well except maybe if I could go up a couple more carats

) but it looks like if you buy something you''ll be able to get the 1ct anyways.

Best wishes with your decision.

 

[iheartscience]

Since she has specifically said she doesn''t want it, I don''t think you can use it. I would be pretty upset if I told my boyfriend I didn''t want a family diamond from a divorce and he went ahead and gave it to me anyways to save money.

I was actually in the same situation-my boyfriend''s (now fiance) mother offered him a diamond from her previous marriage. Needless to say, I was not interested. Plus, you said your girlfriend would like a 1 carat diamond, so that''s another reason why the .8 is out. There will be a noticeable difference between a .8 and a 1 carat, especially if the .8 isn''t super well cut. It could be deeper than it should be, so the visual appearance could be even smaller.

It seems like you can afford a ring, but would just like to not spend the money if you don''t have to. That''s understandable, but since that''s not what she wants, it''s a definite no go.

I also don''t think proposing with it and not telling her what it is should even be an option, because it''s probably not too healthy for an engagement to be started off with deception. I think your best bet is to try and trade the .8 carat in towards a fresh and new 1 carat diamond. You could try an independent jeweler in your area, or you could contact a Pricescope vendor and see if any of them are interested in letting you put the .8 towards a new diamond. I don''t know if any would be, but it''s worth a try!

And if you can''t trade the .8 in, you could always get it made into a pendant for her for a wedding gift. I wouldn''t mind wearing my fiance''s mom''s diamond in a necklace, but for an engagement ring I just couldn''t do it.

 

[sdrock99]

Thanks everyone for the replies so far.

Don't worry Snowflake I won't let anyone else try on the ring prior. Although 21+ yrs is awesome!!!

I would definitely not keep it a secret from her, but the problem is I would have to do this AFTER I proposed. We've looked around a bit and she's gotten to the point where she doesn't want to look at rings anymore b/c she wants to be "surprised". This makes it more difficult to gauge her full reaction on the family stone. If I were to go w/ the family stone, I plan on her getting that she really loves (she's been eyeing a ritani). However, if she doesn't want to keep it, a custom setting would be a huge waste of money. This wouldn't even be a question, but she could really use a new car in the near future so the $ definitely can be better spent imo on a something more practical (read boring). And yes, both of us agree that a car is boring when compared to a ring

.

Any other thoughts? Selling stone might be an option but not sure on that yet.

Diamond experts any opinions on the 2 stones? Need some advice b/c leaning towards a new one. Should I wait for something better to come along (thinking May/June)?

 

[honey22]

The second one is reserved, hope it''s you. Those are both stunning stones (love the ACAs).

If you are really serious about a stone, be aware that when you post the details (and of such a popular colour clarity combo) some lurkers may see it and snap it up. I think you would be really happy with either, so if you havn''t reserved one, I would definately put in a call and reserve the other one, that way it will give you 24 hours or whatever to decide!

Ditto on not giving her a stone with that kind of history. I love the idea of having it set in a simple pendant, it would make a gorgeous wedding gift, and I think it would be a wonderfully sentimental piece. But def not in a ering.

 

[Imdanny]

Don't do it. Terrible idea. Sorry but you asked. She TOLD you she doesn't like this idea. You are asking for trouble if you use it.

(BTW, I love the first stone you link to- SI1, 40x and nothing to bother me- expensive, maybe, but don't fool yourself into thinking you can contradict her will and it's going to be OK- it isn't.

)

Here's another option:

http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/A-Cut-Above-H-A-cut-diamond-684394.htm

 

[sdrock99]

So it seems everyone''s in consensus on getting a new stone which I''m fine with and was already leaning towards. Any other opinions on the 2 stones in my original post, and yes I have the 2nd on reserve. Learned that from other posts here

.

Any final thoughts b/c I think I want to pull the trigger relatively soon.

Thanks!

 

[Diamond*Dana]

They both look like beautiful stones, I think that you would be good buying either one of them. I think that I would get #2.

 

[sdrock99]

Hi Diamond Diana,

Any particular reason why #2 over #1? Because of the size or something else? Traci from WF just called and she''s recommending that I go with the 1.04. Should I call back and go with my original 1.12 stone I picked out?

Thanks for all the input. Sorry if I sound a little unsure just nervous about such a big purchase

 

[lyra]

I do not believe in bad mojo at all. My upgrade stone is from an estate ring with unknown provenance--could have been a divorce, I really don''t care. I can totally see where you''re coming from on the practical side. I don''t know your financial situation, or how old you are, but to me it does make financial sense to use the family stone and have it set in a new setting so that you have the money for the car. I''m just practical that way, and made sacrifices like that when I got engaged 26 years ago. So I''m okay with whichever route you choose.

I would like to think your g/f really would be happy with anything as long as it came from you. I would however, have the stone appraised before you decide completely. If it''s a really nice stone, that could be a deciding factor too. If it''s really bad, well, maybe it''s a better idea to wait, or tell her she can have it as a placeholder now, and you will replace it at a specified later date, or just go ahead and buy new. You should know if you''re comparing apples to apples diamond-wise.

 

[Muss]

Have you looked into the possibilty of either selling the stone or using as a trade-in to knock a few dollars off the purchase of a new one?

As for your setting issue, why not get a nice albiet cheap solitare setting and than let her pick one out after the fact?

 

[honey22]

If WF recommend you go with the 1.04, then I say do it. They are trustworthy when it comes to recommeding stones, I am sure there is a reason they said for with this one instead of the larger one.

 

[eac]

I don''t believe in bad diamond mojo either - and if I did, a pagan-witch friend told me what to do to get someone else''s bad "vibes" out of a gemstone. (Soak it in a small bowl of lightly salted water for three days.)

However, who was it who once said that "close enough" only counts with playing horseshoes and waging nuclear war? It doesn''t count with engagement rings, as the many posts on Pricescope show, and as your girlfriend has flat-out told you. Invest in your girlfriend''s goodwill by working with her to get a ring that makes you both happy.

Either one of the Whiteflash stones you''re considering would have many women over the moon with delight!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Besides the other diamond coming from a divorce, it also probably is not the best cut unless it is just a miracle! I would let that idea go completely!

Any ACA is great! But I think I like the 1.04 better because it is so close to the same diameter as the larger stone, it costs a few hundred less, and you don''t see the inclusions from the top of the stone in the magnified image. And yes, this will look bigger than the .8 stone!

 

[pmptrading]

Holy sh_t......

I bought the engagement ring back from my 2nd wife when the marriage ended...... I then gave it to current wife......

Diamonds do not have MOJO.... they are a piece of carbon!

Sorry.... but this romantic stuff is rubbish.....

WHY TELL THE TRUTH WHEN THE STONE IS A DIAMOND....... It is real..... so who cares!

 

[Splinter]

Date: 4/11/2008 1:56:27 AM
Author: pmptrading
Sorry.... but this romantic stuff is rubbish.....

WHY TELL THE TRUTH WHEN THE STONE IS A DIAMOND....... It is real..... so who cares!

This might explain why you''ve had more than one wife... Listen, you''re right, a stone is a stone. A diamond is just a bunch of carbon atoms. But is a kiss just two humans pressing their mouths together? Is a hug just two people placing their arms around the other person''s central torso and applying appropriate pressure for a duration of time?

It''s not about the stone, it''s about the thoughts, feelings and emotions that the stone represents. If you lie about the stone, then what does that say about the feelings behind the stone?

 

[cwj]

Date: 4/11/2008 4:55:23 AM
Author: Splinter

Date: 4/11/2008 1:56:27 AM
Author: pmptrading
Sorry.... but this romantic stuff is rubbish.....

WHY TELL THE TRUTH WHEN THE STONE IS A DIAMOND....... It is real..... so who cares!

This might explain why you''ve had more than one wife... Listen, you''re right, a stone is a stone. A diamond is just a bunch of carbon atoms. But is a kiss just two humans pressing their mouths together? Is a hug just two people placing their arms around the other person''s central torso and applying appropriate pressure for a duration of time?

It''s not about the stone, it''s about the thoughts, feelings and emotions that the stone represents. If you lie about the stone, then what does that say about the feelings behind the stone?

I agree w/splinter! On the other hand, had my hubby not asked me and I hadn''t told him that I didn''t want it, then I probably wouldn''t have thought to ask him if it was from a broken marriage. But once u asked and she answered.... you would be crazy to use that diamond!!! Don''t start your marriage with a lie! Its hard enough to make it w/out that hanging between u. IMO
cwj

 

[spike13]

I think the bad mojo comes in by starting a marriage off with a fib. Even though it''s a practical one, do you really want the symbol of your relationship and your love for her to be something you worry she''ll find out the real story behind? Why create a potential blemish or hurt feelings when you can avoid it.

Sounds like you already asked what she thought and she already told you she wouldn''t want it.

just my 2 cents.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''ll weigh in with my thoughts. If you asked me to accept the previous stone to save money I might feel a little slighted. On the other hand if you asked me to accept the previous stone AND said you were willing to spend the money you might have spent on a diamond for a fabulous setting, I might think that was a pretty good idea. Used stone + $5000 setting = knock out ring.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/11/2008 4:55:23 AM
Author: Splinter

Date: 4/11/2008 1:56:27 AM

Author: pmptrading

Sorry.... but this romantic stuff is rubbish.....

WHY TELL THE TRUTH WHEN THE STONE IS A DIAMOND....... It is real..... so who cares!

This might explain why you've had more than one wife... Listen, you're right, a stone is a stone. A diamond is just a bunch of carbon atoms. But is a kiss just two humans pressing their mouths together? Is a hug just two people placing their arms around the other person's central torso and applying appropriate pressure for a duration of time?

It's not about the stone, it's about the thoughts, feelings and emotions that the stone represents. If you lie about the stone, then what does that say about the feelings behind the stone?

Good post, Splinter! I can't even imagine giving the same diamond engagement ring to more than one fiance/wife. Yikes!

 

[cutey TT]

Date: 4/11/2008 8:36:34 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I''ll weigh in with my thoughts. If you asked me to accept the previous stone to save money I might feel a little slighted. On the other hand if you asked me to accept the previous stone AND said you were willing to spend the money you might have spent on a diamond for a fabulous setting, I might think that was a pretty good idea. Used stone + $5000 setting = knock out ring.

I agree with this as well. Definitely don''t lie about the origin, if you decide to give her the inherited stone. However, perhaps she would be amenable to picking a really nice setting for it. If she wanted a 1 ct and this one is 0.8 ct, then maybe a halo?

I don''t believe in bad mojo either, but it''s not really my opinion that counts here since I''m not the you''re proposing to. If your gf feels strongly, then you can''t go wrong with an ACA.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 4/11/2008 1:56:27 AM
Author: pmptrading
Holy sh_t......

I bought the engagement ring back from my 2nd wife when the marriage ended...... I then gave it to current wife......

Diamonds do not have MOJO.... they are a piece of carbon!

Sorry.... but this romantic stuff is rubbish.....

WHY TELL THE TRUTH WHEN THE STONE IS A DIAMOND....... It is real..... so who cares!

PMP, with all respect i really have to disagree with your post, and think you''re missing the point . If you read the replies, they are not so much about some wacky "mojo", as the implication of giving a second hand diamond to a woman who 1. has expressed she doesn''t want it. and 2. well - its true. An ering is Supposed to signify the start of a couples life together, along with the honesty and commitment that a lasting r''ship requires. I think the girls are more perturbed by the OP potentially giving a ring and fibbing about it, therefore doing himself and his lady a dis service at this important time.

You have received alot of thoughtful responses to the number of threads you have at the moment, and I''ve noticed you''ve purchased a Number of diamonds and other "bits of carbon" for your loved one. If I may ask, How does your current wife feel about the "second hand" ring that you gave her? I hope you don''t mind me asking, just find it interesting...

 

[sdrock99]

Thanks everyone for all the responses. First and foremost, I had no intentions of deceiving the g/f, just wanted some other opinions. Like I stated earlier, the only reason why I even brought it up to her was b/c her car is starting to fall apart. However, after some more discussions and the various input here, I''ve decided it''s definitely best in MY situation to go w/ a new stone.

I''ve decided to go with the 1.04 stone above. Now it''s time to pick out a setting. Any opinions on the legato micropave? She''s in nursing school right now, but has always like the "diamonds all around" look and I really like the legato head.

The main concern is that she''ll be working w/ her hands a lot and pave probably is not the best for that. Also, any opinions on going w/ WG or PL given the fact that she probably will be washing her hands constantly. Will that adversely affect the coating on WG? Leaning towards PL b/c I don''t know how her skin will react to WG, and the various items that I"m sure she''ll come into contact w/ in her profession. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

And Thanks Again for all responses. This forum should definitely be required reading for anyone looking to buy a diamond

.

 

[pmptrading]

I never was STUPID enough to tell her that it was a 2nd hand ring..... THIS IS A NO BRAINER.... of course if you told her she would not want it....!!!!

COME ON..... do you silly people think that every time you buy a diamond from a dealer - it is a new VIRGIN diamond????

Get real..... WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE..... the average 1ct diamond sold in America has seen about 3-4 different "ETERNAL ACTS OF LOVE".....

STATISTIC from a recognised diamond merchant! .....don''t even ask about old cut diamonds!!!! ZAZA has seen fewer men!!!!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/11/2008 9:24:42 PM
Author: pmptrading
I never was STUPID enough to tell her that it was a 2nd hand ring..... THIS IS A NO BRAINER.... of course if you told her she would not want it....!!!!

COME ON..... do you silly people think that every time you buy a diamond from a dealer - it is a new VIRGIN diamond????

Get real..... WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE..... the average 1ct diamond sold in America has seen about 3-4 different ''ETERNAL ACTS OF LOVE''.....

STATISTIC from a recognised diamond merchant! .....don''t even ask about old cut diamonds!!!! ZAZA has seen fewer men!!!!

I''m not that experienced when it comes to internet forums, but I think I know a troll when I see one...

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

Bravo, pmptrading!

I was about to say the same thing. A lot of diamonds on the web and in stores have been set, worn, unset and resold. You'll never know! Lot of break-ups out there. I myself bought a previously worn diamond, but I didn't care. There is nothing wrong with using a family diamond, especially if it is a beauty and not damaged by the previous owner. What about all those gorgeous Old Mine and European cuts? They have had many owners.

My first diamond was definitely not the stuff of dreams. It was barely even a quarter carat. If you had given your fiance the .80 ct., which by the way is a nice size, you could have let her know that you'd upgrade as money allows. She's lucky to be starting out marriage with such a nice diamond. Some of us have to wait a little longer. I didn't get my 1 ct. (the used one I mentioned above) until my 15th anniversary, but it meant so much more then, especially since I held out for an unusual cut.

Funny story-- I went into a Bailey Banks and Biddle and saw a beautiful oval diamond. I went home and looked up the GIA certificate, which said that the diamond was engraved with the name "Dawn". The price on the diamond was like $12,000.00. So, even an overpriced retail store doesn't mind peddling used diamonds. Or is the "Dawn" diamond a new proprietary cut oval? LOL.

 

[jewelrychic1]

Tough, tough situation to be in. I understand your dilemna, though. The diamond you propose with is to symbolize a union you want to have with someone, and your mom''s diamond comes from her divorce. But remember this: Your mom did not receive that diamond as a "divorce" gift. There was a point in time where that diamond symbolized happiness, love and joy. You never give anyone a gift of this magnitude intending it not to last a lifetime. Stuff happens.

Present it to her this way. There is always anniversaries or other special occasions to be able to upgrade to a larger stone. And at that time, you can pass that lovely diamond to hopefully one of your future daughers.