OOT Guest Shower Gift Etiquette

[brooklyngirl]

Greetings, ladies!

I''m attending a wedding in a couple of weeks, where I''ll be an out of town guest. The bride''s family is throwing her a shower the day before the wedding.

Is it ok to send a gift ahead of time, so I don''t have to lug it with me on the plane? Also, is it ok to give one bigger to count as both wedding, and shower gift, or are two gifts necessary?

Thanks in advance!

 

[tlh]

I think it is difficult to come empty handed... as it can be a little awkward.

I would get two seperate gifts if you can... and maybe find out where she is registered and get her a gift card and write a nice letter/card with it... not much to open, but makes it very easy to travel with.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I am a firm believe that it is one gift per invite. So I would give one for the shower (bring) and one for the wedding (shipped).

 

[pocahontas]

Brooklyngirl, I'm far from an etiquette expert so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt, but I think two gifts are more appropriate than one, and I think it's completely acceptable to have a gift sent ahead of time.

ETA: Okay, so I just read what TLH and Italianhaircolor posted and while I agree it could be awkward to walk into a party empty-handed, it's really no one's business what did or didn't take place ahead of time. But, if you'd feel uncomfortable attending her shower empty-handed you could order something off her registry, if she's registered, (she'd be able to pick it up locally so you won't have to travel with it) and you could attend her shower with a card and gift slip included.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Thank you, ladies, for your responses!

tlh - I agree, I would feel pretty awkward coming to any gathering empty handed. She is registered at BB&B, and I don''t see anything on the registry that is small enough to comfortably take on a plane.

Italia - I was thinking that would probably be the case, but was hoping to avoid taking presents on a plane. I will do it if need be though.

Pocahontas - The gift slip is a great idea! I''ve actually seen that once at a baby shower - the gifter purchased the same gift as I did (it was big, and heavy), and had it shipped to the mom-to-be''s house. I, on the other hand got all gross and sweaty carrying it up the stairs to the shower. I should have thought of the gift slip.

 

[Haven]

I definitely think it's okay to send the gift ahead of time, I'm actually very surprised that they invited OOT guests to the shower at all.

As for the two gifts vs. one larger gift, I think that's up to you. I'd probably send a smaller shower-y gift, but that's because I love that stuff.

ETA: As for the walking in empty-handed--why don't you call the bride's mom and ask her if it wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience if she brought your gift to the shower? Or you could call another guest and ask if she could do it for you.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 4/7/2009 4:43:51 PM
Author: Haven
I definitely think it''s okay to send the gift ahead of time, I''m actually very surprised that they invited OOT guests to the shower at all.

As for the two gifts vs. one larger gift, I think that''s up to you. I''d probably send a smaller shower-y gift, but that''s because I love that stuff.

ETA: As for the walking in empty-handed--why don''t you call the bride''s mom and ask her if it wouldn''t be too much of an inconvenience if she brought your gift to the shower? Or you could call another guest and ask if she could do it for you.

I think Haven made a great suggestion.

When I was an OOT guest invited to a shower I called the bride''s mother and asked her where the bride would be getting her hair done for the wedding. Then I got a gift certificate (with help from the bride''s mother) to help pay for her wedding hair. Saved me from lugging a gift around AND it was a little different than something from her registry.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I would suggest having the gift shipped to the hostess of the party to bring for you. That is quite common in my experience.


Also, I see nothing wrong with giving one big gift at the shower instead of two small gifts. It really doesn''t matter in my opinion. Just do what you prefer! You can always bring the gift to the shower with a shower card wishing her well as she prepares for her wedding and then bring a card to the wedding congratulating the couple.

 

[jstarfireb]

I would send the gift ahead of time, but bring a card to the shower, with the gift receipt taped to the inside of the card.

 

[Blair138]

I actually got a gift in February and my shower is in May. My cousins and aunt got us our everyday dishes. The reason they sent it ahead of time was A. because they wanted to be sure to get us that

and B. because it''s quite heavy and large. I am either going to bring a place setting to the shower and announce what they got or just announce it.

If you send a gift ahead, I would still bring something small so as not to arrive empty-handed. But the bride SHOULD announce the gift you sent ahead during gift opening as well.

 

[Camille]

Two presents are due imho, I''d send a lovely card w/gift card say, their fave restaurant, sometimes presents won''t get to the ''right'' person at ''right'' time, even with signature required tab

 

[brooklyngirl]

I really like the suggestion of sending the shower host (bride''s sister) the gift, and asking her to bring it to the shower. I think I''m going with that idea. I''ll prepare two gifts.

Thanks again!