Only attending the reception?

[sonnyjane]

My hubby and I RSVPed yes to a coworker's wedding in two weeks, but I've since found out I have to work that day. I don't have the option of taking the day off or leaving early. Is it in poor taste to only attend the reception later that evening?

 

[sillyberry]

My hubby and I RSVPed yes to a coworker's wedding in two weeks, but I've since found out I have to work that day. I don't have the option of taking the day off or leaving early. Is it in poor taste to only attend the reception later that evening?

Is it your coworker or his? If yours, would they understand that you have to work during the day? I think generally just RSVPing to the reception would be rude, but at the same time it is not always rude to only attend one.

I might apologize profusely to them and say your husband will be attending both alone (assuming that's the case). I bet there is a good chance they'll ask you to come to the reception anyway!

 

[sonnyjane]

It is my husband's coworker. My husband can go to both, but I was trying to avoid arriving separately since parking is $30 per car, but if it is rude to skip the ceremony then I'll send him alone and meet him later.

 

[swingirl]

I know a lot of brides on PS think it's terribly rude to attend only the reception but I feel differently. You are invited to both. You aren't invited "with strings attached". You are invited as a guest to join in the ceremony AND celebration of their marriage, which includes the reception.

When I was married I did not take the time to inventory the chapel to see who came and who did not. First of all, I was too busy getting married and second, it really didn't matter. I doubt that the presence or absence of a coworker would be noticed. I say go to whatever you are able to attend. I wouldn't mention anything since most likely you won't be noticed but if your husband is very close to the coworker he could mention that you are working on their wedding day and won't make it to the ceremony but will still attend the reception. I don't think you have anything to apologize for. The RSVP is for the reception, not the ceremony, which you ARE attending.

 

[sillyberry]

$30? Ouch! That's rough. If it will be a big ceremony, and your absence in no way would be missed, I would probably just go to the reception.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Well, I had quite a few people say "I won't be able to make it to the ceremony, but I'll come to the reception" and it really bothered me. And then they'd send back the RSVP marking themselves down for the filet mignon. To me, you ARE responding to both events. The purpose of the reception is to celebrate the actual wedding. So I had some people that showed up for the open bar the hors d'oeuvres and a $30 steak, but they couldn't attend the ceremony that took place immediately beforehand.

Now, if they had said they had to work (which one or two did), I completely understood. It was the ones that didn't give any reason and showed up for free food and drink (and then left shortly after) that really irritated me.

Maybe ask the bride and groom if they don't mind that you'll miss the ceremony. Chances are, they'll be completely understanding. But I'd still give them a head's up that you have to work. I didn't do a head count at my ceremony, but I did see pictures of all the guests when the photographer sent them back and I definitely noticed a few people that weren't in attendance at the ceremony but were present for the reception.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I think if you can't attend a ceremony because of work is alright, Not attending a ceremony because you are lazy is completely different.

I would call (or get DH to) and explain the situation and check that it is ok.

 

[vc10um]

I think if you can't attend a ceremony because of work is alright, Not attending a ceremony because you are lazy is completely different.

I would call (or get DH to) and explain the situation and check that it is ok.

Ditto HOT on this one. Sometimes, you just can't avoid having to work on the weekend, and usually it comes up unexpectedly.

I'm sure your DH's coworker will understand, but if he's fairly close to the coworker (which I'm assuming he is, since you were invited to the wedding), I would probably just eat the extra $30 for parking and have him attend both and you join him for the reception, since it's only you that has to work.

 

[Haven]

I think if you can't attend a ceremony because of work is alright, Not attending a ceremony because you are lazy is completely different.

I would call (or get DH to) and explain the situation and check that it is ok.

I agree with HOT. I'm usually a "must attend both" person, but upon thinking on it for a bit I realized that I would have much rather had our friends attend *one or the other* rather than nothing at all. If you were my friend, I would still want to celebrate with you two even if you couldn't make it to the ceremony.

We had our ceremony immediately before our reception, AND they were both in the same place, but we still had a friend who came only to the ceremony, and a couple who came only to the reception. The one who left after the ceremony had RSVPd yes for two, but their sitter canceled at the last minute so his wife stayed home with their son and he came out so he could at least see the ceremony. (I was super touched by that, by the way.) The couple people who came only to the ceremony had stuff to do that morning, and I was okay with that because I really wanted them there for part of our celebration.

If your husband tells his buddy about the situation I can't imagine he would be upset by it.

 

[Autumnovember]

I know a lot of brides on PS think it's terribly rude to attend only the reception but I feel differently. You are invited to both. You aren't invited "with strings attached". You are invited as a guest to join in the ceremony AND celebration of their marriage, which includes the reception.

When I was married I did not take the time to inventory the chapel to see who came and who did not. First of all, I was too busy getting married and second, it really didn't matter. I doubt that the presence or absence of a coworker would be noticed. I say go to whatever you are able to attend. I wouldn't mention anything since most likely you won't be noticed but if your husband is very close to the coworker he could mention that you are working on their wedding day and won't make it to the ceremony but will still attend the reception. I don't think you have anything to apologize for. The RSVP is for the reception, not the ceremony, which you ARE attending.

+1 to this!

 

[turboflgrl]

Had something similar happen to me. FI and I were on our way to his co-worker's wedding. It was a bit of a drive and we were in a very unfamiliar area with lots of back roads. Unfortunately, we got lost. By the time we pulled into the parking lot, we had JUST missed the ceremony starting so out of courtesy, we waited until it was over and greeted them at the reception. I don't think they noticed and if they did, they never said anything to us. It wasn't intentional - we had RSVP'd and unfortunately had an issue getting there.

In your particular case, I personally wouldn't go because I would feel awkward intentionally missing the ceremony (no matter what the reason). I'd say you could always claim you got lost and show up for the reception if the venue isn't in an area you're familiar with but I'm not a fan of lying either..lol

 

[merbear1215]

In general, I think attending both is nice. However, my fiance is in retail, and this often means he can't make both. So, I will attend on my own, and i think peope are very understanding of that.

My own wedding is in three weeks, and I know of several people whe can not attend the ceremony, and have let me know, but plan to attend the reception.

It would only upset/offend me if someone did not come to the ceremony just because they didn't want to, but not because they had other things scheduled.

So, to me, you having to be at work is totally reasonable!