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Online dating

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zoebartlett

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Online dating has been pretty popular over the last few years, and I''m curious as to why some have chosen to go that route instead of the more traditional dating route -- meeting through work, friends, family, etc.

Why did you try online dating? Did you have fears initially over meeting some random stranger?
 
I first decided to try it after being MOH in a wedding of a couple that met online! I figured if it worked for them...

I''m shy, allergic to smoke, and kind of busy... going out to bars isn''t something I do. And being set up by friends had only brought me headache and heartache. I worked in a small office and co-workers wasn''t an option. So I thought, "eh, I''ll give it a shot."

Lucky me, I met my FI on my FIRST online date, in the first month of my Match.com subscription. Best $20 I ever spent! He''d been at it for a year and not had much luck, but the minute we met we both just thought "this is it."

I did take precautions though... I googled him first... I gave his name and phone numbers to a friend, met him at the restaurant, called my friend when I got home... all that. I definitely think anybody should approach it like you would any other stranger. My mom''s response was, "well, you get everything else online... why not a boyfriend?" She tells EVERYBODY how we met.
 
Hi Summer! Not that I know you personally, but I wouldn''t have considered you a shy person, like you mentioned above. Anyway, I met my boyfriend online as well, although I swore I would never do that. A former roommate kept trying to get me to do it and I was way too skeptical and nervous to do it. Then a few years later, while in grad school, another roommate and one of her friends decided to try it. They gave themselves a few months and then they were both going to quit if nothing panned out. I figured if they could do it, I could too. I joined and tried it for a few months. I chatted with a few guys via our blind e-mail addresses (I think that''s what it''s called right? These sites give you an e-mail address so you don''t have to use your own.). Some of the conversations were really interesting and others, not so much. My boyfriend was the fourth person I met. I met three other guys before him and they were all single dates -- none really led to anything more.

I got in touch with my boyfriend and after talking just a couple of times we met for coffee. My parents and my roommate made me promise to meet during the daytime (which I insisted on anyway) and stay out in public. We had coffee and then walked around the city. We''ve been together since.

My roommate in grad school is now engaged to someone she met online, during that trial basis she and her friend were on. Her friend is still occasionally doing the online thing, and I''m a LIW.
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I never tried online dating, no reason except that when I wasn''t dating someone I was thrilled to be single and have never been one to seek out a partner.

My cousin met his wife online in 1994, back when this was a totally foreign concept to most people. The whole family was a bit shocked by the whole thing. It was almost scandalous back then! In my early 20s, after college my mom encouraged me to try online dating and I was like "remember when T met J and everyone thought it was so bizarre and now you''re encouraging me to do so?" Pretty funny.
 
My cousin found her soulmate on EH. She had just become an Episc. priest and found someone who had studied in seminary, too. Seems to be working well for them as they have been married a couple of years now.
 
Well one of my best friends and her boyfriend (a good friend of my boyfriend) met online through personal ads. They are still going strong a number of years later...and they are the ones that introduced me to my future fiance!

So I have to say, I approve!
 
I think it is pretty acceptable; I know a few people who met that way. I think it would somewhat scarey, but lots of people do it so it must work. I know a lot of people who have a my space account and tell others if they are single. I guess it is interesting how things are changing.
 
Date: 3/12/2007 8:07:10 PM
Author: zoebartlett
Hi Summer! Not that I know you personally, but I wouldn''t have considered you a shy person, like you mentioned above.

You know, I get that a lot... but I do have a hard time meeting people initially. My FI laughs when I say that because he''s seen me walk into a room and talk to everybody I see, but there are times when that scares the heck out of me! He''s definitely MORE shy than me, but I do still think of myself as shy even though NOBODY else does! Kind of funny that it even translates online!
 
I met my hubby online. We have been together 4 and a half years now
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Looking back now I think ''wow I was brave'' lol......

Maisie
 
My fiance and I met on Yahoo Personals, lol! We had a couple of email exchanges before we met in person. Being in my mid 40's, I found it wasn't easy to meet single men. I met a lot of jerks online, but I also met my soulmate! Just 12 more days until we are married
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I think it can be great. And not to be odd, but how is meeting someone on line that different from meeting a stranger in a bar and giving them your number? You still have to exercise common sense, and do a little homework...but a person in a bar could just as likely be up to no good...though the internet gives bad people quick access to lots of people...easier than the physically being there...

I think some of those sites sound so interesting, finding you a match based on the answers to tons of questions, it makes a lot of sense, you know you are compatible on those important things...which is nice. But chemistry still really matters, so that is when you make your choice based on meeting them...
 
i only know one couple who has met online and made it to the altar (and beyond into happy parenthood)...i have a bunch of friends who have tried the online thing with no success.

i think that sometimes online can work if both people are in it for the right reasons and are willing to really look for the right person and be open-minded. but a lot of people sign up and figure 'oh this will never work but i will try it anyway' and so i think they kind of mentally sabotage themselves right off the bat because they are already a little cynical about the whole thing. but then again many of the people who i know who haven't had success online haven't had success offline either..which is why they go online!

so many of the online things are the ultimate in cheese...the things people write, their pictures etc etc. but i guess people do still find each other that way. which i think is really cool...i have met some great friends with online communities (like PS!) throughout my years on the internet so i totally think finding a 'soulmate' online is not far-fetched at all. some people just click no matter where they find each other.
 
I did it back in 1996, and as a previous poster mentioned, it was practically scandalous back then! You certainly did not want to admit you met someone that way. But it was a bit more organic back then too. I don''t remember any online dating sites...just chat rooms. The Internet was so new that our very large corporation didn''t have its own intranet, but had a secure site hosted by aol, so all of us had the software. I checked out a normal sounding chat room and "met" a guy who lived on the other side of the country. He was techy so he emailed me a photo, but back then I didn''t have a digital camera, so I actually snail mailed him a picture I photocopied!

It lasted on and off for 6 years. At that point in time, I would say that it was kind of neat to get to know someone in a way that was so unconventional. We emailed and talked for 4 months before ever meeting. In this day and age, I''d be scared to try an online dating service...and I was never interested in it anyway. No offense to people who found their mate online (because I nearly did) but I am glad I met TGuy in Europe and have a different type of story to tell. I hated telling people that I met my previous bf online...so maybe there''s still a stigma attached to it for me.
 
I have never online dated but have lots of friends who have.

I guess many people use this service nowadays because they are too busy. Worklife takes up so much time that it''s harder to meet people. Unfortunately, there is still a social stigma associated with on line dating but I don''t see anything wrong with it. Sure, you will meet creeps but it''s no different to meeting creeps in a bar or club. At least this way you don''t have to encounter corny pick up lines!!
 
Date: 3/12/2007 9:58:01 PM
Author: Sparkster
I have never online dated but have lots of friends who have.

I guess many people use this service nowadays because they are too busy. Worklife takes up so much time that it''s harder to meet people. Unfortunately, there is still a social stigma associated with on line dating but I don''t see anything wrong with it. Sure, you will meet creeps but it''s no different to meeting creeps in a bar or club. At least this way you don''t have to encounter corny pick up lines!!
Very true! I figured people can lie (if they''re going to) just as easily over the computer as they can in person.

BTW - Sparkster, I love your avatar!
 
Date: 3/12/2007 9:55:21 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I did it back in 1996, and as a previous poster mentioned, it was practically scandalous back then! You certainly did not want to admit you met someone that way. But it was a bit more organic back then too. I don''t remember any online dating sites...just chat rooms. The Internet was so new that our very large corporation didn''t have its own intranet, but had a secure site hosted by aol, so all of us had the software. I checked out a normal sounding chat room and ''met'' a guy who lived on the other side of the country. He was techy so he emailed me a photo, but back then I didn''t have a digital camera, so I actually snail mailed him a picture I photocopied!

It lasted on and off for 6 years. At that point in time, I would say that it was kind of neat to get to know someone in a way that was so unconventional. We emailed and talked for 4 months before ever meeting. In this day and age, I''d be scared to try an online dating service...and I was never interested in it anyway. No offense to people who found their mate online (because I nearly did) but I am glad I met TGuy in Europe and have a different type of story to tell. I hated telling people that I met my previous bf online...so maybe there''s still a stigma attached to it for me.

I know what you mean TG! I''m very happy with the way things have turned out for my boyfriend and me, but at first, I hesitated to tell people that we met online. Maybe there''s not as much of a stigma attached to it as there used to be, but it still seems kind of funny to me.
 
I met a guy online, not through a personal site, but through a message board similar to this one. It was back in 1997, when I first started college, and first had access to the internet. I didn''t tell very many people about it at the time, because it was fairly scandalous still. We ended up emailing and chatting on AOL IM for about 6 months before I went to visit him. It sort of coincided with a family trip that had already been planned, which is why my parents let me do it. Anyway, about a week before I was to go see him, he ended up sort of breaking it off in a romantic sense and it was an awful experience, having to hang out with him for 3 days or so after I had just been hurt. So that turned me off of online dating for a long time.

When I broke up with my ex-bf, I decided that I would try online dating when I moved here. Then I ended up meeting Fiance (at work) a few months before I moved, so obviously I never did it.

The funny thing is that I still email occaisionally with the 1997 guy, though I haven''t seen him in person since then, and I think because of the distance we''re able to share things that we aren''t able to share with other people in our lives. He''s still single, though, which I have to admit makes me a little happy
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Yeah...it's hit or miss really. I actually met my sweetie on Yahoo Personals when my best friend (a guy) thought it would be funny to find out who would contact me. I was not looking nor was I expecting to meet anyone, but after weeding through a bunch of messages from guys who could've been my father or seemed downright creepy, I found my guy. He joined the same time I did, and he had just moved back here at the time. His friend had recently met his girlfriend online so he encouraged M to try it as well. So we emailed a bit, talked on the phone a lot, and met at Starbucks a few days later. I went the safe route too...I met him there, drove to the restaurant separately afterwards, my best friend knew where I was, and the gps was ready to go on my cell phone. =) A few years ago I would've never considered it, but now I think it's more accepted. Some people still have a really hard time with it. If you're smart about it I don't see any problem with seeing what's out there. =)
 
The first night I had internet access was April 4, 1996 and also consequently, the same night I met my first "online" boyfriend. Growing up in a small town with a teeny dating pool and a load of guys that couldn''t appreciate my outgoing independent self, I was thrilled to open my world up in such a huge way. I never actually met that first boy but we talked on the phone constantly and I took A LOT of flack for having a virtual love interest. We still cross online paths every now and again.

Before my 17th birthday I finally did the whole meeting in person thing with my first "boyfriend", an older, wiser, hottie who was actually kind of demeaning but a learning experience nonetheless. I met a string of guys from the Internet after that, some good, some bad, but all guys I normally wouldn''t have had access to. There were a few guys introduced to me through friends, but it''s not as if those relationships were any better/worse. It doesn''t really matter how you meet, just if you click.

Before my senior year of college I found myself single and prowling Yahoo personals looking for fresh meat ;) Since I had mentioned the college I was attending in my profile I frequently got messages from fellow college goers as the guy to girl ratio at our school was at least 2:1. Nate''s email didn''t stand out that significantly but when we finally began instant messaging I found the conversation came pretty easily. Quickly we were exchanging photos when the oddest thing happened...

I sent Nate a photo of myself with my best friend from high school (whom I also roomed with my freshman year of college after convincing her to switch to my alma mater) and he immediately asked how I knew her. I explained the connection, not thinking anything of it, when he excitedly told me that he knew her too. He started listing off his group of friends and I realized I knew them as well. Somehow he had been hanging out with my extended group of friends at a time that I wasn''t around and I had met his group of friends when he was away on Co-op. We had probably just missed crossing paths a number of times! It took yahoo personals for us to actually meet but 5.5 years later, I couldn''t be happier.

Not everything should be left up to fate ;)
 
Traditional means of meeting someone simply haven''t worked out for me. Friends and family trying to play match-maker hasn''t proven to be too successful, and most of my co-workers are married with children (and we''re not friendly enough on a social level for fix-ups to make sense). Men don''t approach me often outside of the bar/club scene (in which case my judgement isn''t always stellar after a few cocktails).

So, that left me with online dating. Figured it couldn''t hurt. The first go around I met up with 3 guys. Just used common sense - met in the daytime in a public place, made sure they didn''t have my home number or address, made sure multiple people knew who I was meeting, when, and where. 2 out of 3 were smart, successful, attractive, sweet, charming, funny, and all around wonderful guys. I dated the 3rd for a year and a half and remain good friends with him and guy #2. I''ve recently gotten back into the dating game and am trying the online thing again. I''m meeting up with A tomorrow for our 6th date - so far so good (very good, in fact).

Needless to say, there are some unusual folks out there, but using a little common sense and an open mind, and I was able to meet some truly fantastic people I might never have known otherwise.
 
I met Strm on mIRC through a mutual friend...and our first real online date - the one we finally got brave to say we would have a date - rather than just chat as friends...well - he slept through it and I was stood up - giggle - but he eventually woke up and so our date was the next time - but believe me I got a really nice apology giggle :} And 9 years later we are still together - will be 10 years in September since we met...We met for the first time in May 2000, we had been chatting for almost 2.5 years...so needless to say, we didn''t nor have rushed anything. giggle (Btw, I too had promised my folks I would NEVER get involved with a guy online...and my favorite quote for 2.5 years was...my folks are going to kill me - giggle )
 
I have always had boyfriends the "normal way": meeting at schools, via friends, clubs.... etc. Heck I was even eangaged to one for a short period.

I tried the Yahoo personal during their "free one week trial period" one day when I was bored, and met my sweetheart who lives 90 miles away. It was very strange how well we hit it off and had so much to share with each other right away. We actually shared a lot of life experiences others could not easily imagined. I do think of meeting him online was fate guilded. It feels so meant to be and I never had such strong feeling of "Mr. Right" with anyone before. AND I was right, we have been very, very happy together and my kittes just LOVE him......
 
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