kateydid05
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2010
- Messages
- 248
I suppose this is my first official bout with LIW-itis and I'm wordy so I apologize in advance. To recap, been with my boyfriend for about 6.5 years (I'm 25 and he's 27). Up until recently any talk of marriage was dependent on him paying off his debts in order to be in a better place financially for us. Fast forward to last week we were discussing our next vacation to save up for. This year we have figured out but we always like to talk about where we are travelling next. I graduate with my master's this year and it will open my schedule up for more enjoyable activities. He recently finished school and found a very nice job and has been working dilligently to pay down his debt. So as we discussed vacation he mentioned somewhere tropical again like we did last year. Of course I was eager to do that but then I mentioned to him that if we wanted to go that route we should probably talk about getting married soon (we are hopefully going to have a destination wedding). He agreed. We talked about possible places we could go, how many people we're looking at, and when this may happen. We toyed with the idea of doing it during the off-peak season next year and maybe closer to our anniversary which is October. Next year would be 8 years. Later in the week we discussed that I could go with him to look at rings so he can get an idea (since I've never stepped foot in a jewelry store) and then I can leave him alone. He agreed to that.
The next day he was fiddling with his bills and bank account and paid off a few things. He started kicking around the idea of purchasing a new bike so that he can ride to work (umm. okay). He researched all night long practically. The next day he went to the bike store and ended up purchasing one (after he talked to me). I did not want to flat out say "no you cannot spend your money on yourself because you should save up for my ring"...I'm not like that. Instead we discussed that it is his money, he works very hard for it, it'll save on gas, it's better than buying a car, and it can help train in a few races he's signed up for. This is the first purchase for himself in I don't even know how long. He loves biking of any kind and he really lit up when he talked about it. So he bought the bike and it was a good chunk of change. Later on it hit me...he drove himself a little deeper into debt (the bike could potentially be at least half or more of a ring) and it was like our conversation this past week never happened. I did not feel this way until the bike actually came home. Since I typically live inside my own head thinking of the worst possible thing, I decided we need to talk about this one.
I explained to him my feelings: that we made all that progress this week and he was paying off his debt only to spend a good bit of it on the bike. His actions contradicted his words and I felt that this was him showing me how he felt about getting engaged or married. He understood that it looked bad and apologized because that was not his intention. He also offered to take it back but I told him not to. He never specifically said that he was paying down his debt to save for a ring as the next big purchase and it is his money to do as he wishes. I could have told him not to get it but I did not. He was a little impulsive and I knew that was the ADD (hindsight is 20/20 and I should've realized this and stopped him). Granted he could have thought it through a little bit more but oh well. He realizes the money could have went to something better but it's all over with now. He saw "right now" instead of the big picture. We differ in that aspect as I always see down the road.
I'm not as upset as I was on Sunday especially since we talked about it and he genuinely feels remorseful. I also told him that I would smack him (not seriously) if he purchased a ring now. He's done for awhile until his debt is done. With his current employment he's in a better position to pay it off so I know that this was not the end of the world. He almost gave me his ATM card so I can handle his money for him (because I'm better at it haha). I'm glad that we could effectively communicate about this situation before a bomb exploded! So who knows when we will get engaged and in the meantime I will continue to save my money. I decided to drop all wedding talk (not like I laid it on thick before) and we'll talk again if we hit 7 years and there's no progress. This is just a huge rant because I had my first little meltdown and realized that I do in fact want to get married. I'm better now.
The next day he was fiddling with his bills and bank account and paid off a few things. He started kicking around the idea of purchasing a new bike so that he can ride to work (umm. okay). He researched all night long practically. The next day he went to the bike store and ended up purchasing one (after he talked to me). I did not want to flat out say "no you cannot spend your money on yourself because you should save up for my ring"...I'm not like that. Instead we discussed that it is his money, he works very hard for it, it'll save on gas, it's better than buying a car, and it can help train in a few races he's signed up for. This is the first purchase for himself in I don't even know how long. He loves biking of any kind and he really lit up when he talked about it. So he bought the bike and it was a good chunk of change. Later on it hit me...he drove himself a little deeper into debt (the bike could potentially be at least half or more of a ring) and it was like our conversation this past week never happened. I did not feel this way until the bike actually came home. Since I typically live inside my own head thinking of the worst possible thing, I decided we need to talk about this one.
I explained to him my feelings: that we made all that progress this week and he was paying off his debt only to spend a good bit of it on the bike. His actions contradicted his words and I felt that this was him showing me how he felt about getting engaged or married. He understood that it looked bad and apologized because that was not his intention. He also offered to take it back but I told him not to. He never specifically said that he was paying down his debt to save for a ring as the next big purchase and it is his money to do as he wishes. I could have told him not to get it but I did not. He was a little impulsive and I knew that was the ADD (hindsight is 20/20 and I should've realized this and stopped him). Granted he could have thought it through a little bit more but oh well. He realizes the money could have went to something better but it's all over with now. He saw "right now" instead of the big picture. We differ in that aspect as I always see down the road.
I'm not as upset as I was on Sunday especially since we talked about it and he genuinely feels remorseful. I also told him that I would smack him (not seriously) if he purchased a ring now. He's done for awhile until his debt is done. With his current employment he's in a better position to pay it off so I know that this was not the end of the world. He almost gave me his ATM card so I can handle his money for him (because I'm better at it haha). I'm glad that we could effectively communicate about this situation before a bomb exploded! So who knows when we will get engaged and in the meantime I will continue to save my money. I decided to drop all wedding talk (not like I laid it on thick before) and we'll talk again if we hit 7 years and there's no progress. This is just a huge rant because I had my first little meltdown and realized that I do in fact want to get married. I'm better now.