Home Old fogie moms - Q for ya.

[Camille]

No, our timing was perfect for us.
Slightly older is better imo for many reasons: Maturity, economics and melded marriage, w/o any of those there''s no way I would have
a child that young. Kids are wonderful but expensive, once you have traveled/experienced and created a ''home'' for your child, SAHM is much easier/ less fru$trating.
Can''t really comment on the 10 year trade, in reality...I could go tomorrow.

 

[MustangGal]

I''m kinda down the middle, and I think it worked perfect for us. We got married at 21 & 22, so pretty young by today''s average. We were in no rush to have a family, and lived in 3 different cities, bought a house, traveled some, and enjoyed "growing up" together. After 5 years of marriage people started bugging us about kids, and I kept putting it off. We set a few goals, which included saving up a safety net, and taking a great last vacation (I ended up with 3

), and then trying. I was 28.5 when I got preggo. For us, this is the magic age. We had our time to ourselves, traveled some, I switched careers a few times, got a degree, and got setteled into life. Now we still have enough time to contemplate a second child without having to rush it. I would probably give up those years we had to ourselves if it was the only way to have kids, but I''m really glad I won''t have to.

I do understand the "old fogies", you can''t help it if you meet the right guy later on in life! I have a feeling my younger sister will be at least into her 30s before she startes a family. I just got lucky and met the right guy in high school

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 6/11/2009 12:06:15 PM
Author: MustangGal
I''m kinda down the middle, and I think it worked perfect for us. We got married at 21 & 22, so pretty young by today''s average. We were in no rush to have a family, and lived in 3 different cities, bought a house, traveled some, and enjoyed ''growing up'' together. After 5 years of marriage people started bugging us about kids, and I kept putting it off. We set a few goals, which included saving up a safety net, and taking a great last vacation (I ended up with 3

), and then trying. I was 28.5 when I got preggo. For us, this is the magic age. We had our time to ourselves, traveled some, I switched careers a few times, got a degree, and got setteled into life. Now we still have enough time to contemplate a second child without having to rush it. I would probably give up those years we had to ourselves if it was the only way to have kids, but I''m really glad I won''t have to.

I do understand the ''old fogies'', you can''t help it if you meet the right guy later on in life! I have a feeling my younger sister will be at least into her 30s before she startes a family. I just got lucky and met the right guy in high school

I am the same. I was lucky to meet my FI when I was only 15!
When I finish my Masters I will be 26 and we will start trying 2/3 years after that

I am motivated to start trying for a family no later than 28, my Mum had me at 39 and died when I was 11. I want to be there for every moment in my childrens lives- I don''t want them growing up without a mother (I realise I might get hit by a bus, but i''m just trying to better my chances

).

 

[SparklyLibra]

Hmmmm, well I had my son at the very green age of 20, yup, you read correctly, 20

So I''ll do my best to answer the reverse question. This is a toughie for me, and I have turned this scenario over in my head a gazillion times when I met my now DH. My son is not my DH''s biological son. I was pregnant at 19, and just a baby myself. I was soooooooooo foolish I could beat myself silly for some of the decisions I made. But there is that one fateful decision (however foolish that it was) that I don''t think I''d change even if I had the chance. In many ways I believe that having my son so early saved my life! In that I mean that his arrival saved me from making one dumb decision after another, after ano..... You get my drift.

When DH came into my life my son had just turned two years old. DH has been the only father he''s known. DH stepped right up, and was/ is so much a father to my son, Nobody would know he wasn''t his if we didn''t tell them otherwise.

I often looked back and wondered what life would be like if I had the exact same child, but with my hubby, and ten years later... It seems like it would make for a perfect picture, doesn''t it? Then I think about all of the experience I gained while toughing it out as a single mom, in college, no car, and most of my family in another town or country. It was those tough times that forged character in me and made me the woman I am today: the "wonder woman" that my DH fell in love with. That''s what he calls me sometimes, cause when he came around I was holding it all down so well that he wondered where he would ever fit in?

I learned survival in those hard times ladies! It was TOUGH, but it was sooooooooooooo worth it. I learned a great deal about myself, the world we live in, about true friends and faux family in those years. Many people have told me that I am wise beyond my years and very mature for my age, and I have to attribute the bulk of that those hard lessons. I turn 29 this year, and seeing that I still have LOTS to learn, and that most of what I learned in life was from my experience as a single mother, I feel that, Yes I''d be 10 years older but would I really have been 10 years wiser? Had I not had my son, I would have lived a VERY sheltered life and my father would''ve surely stunted my growth as an adult (which is what he was already trying to do, hence my rebellion and ending up pregnant at 19

I wish there was a way that I could''ve had the best of both worlds, to have learned what I learned, minus the suffering.... But that''s just the way I was destined to learn those hard lessons.

So looking back at a single mother of 20 years old with no one but her son to keep her company many nights, I think I''d keep the life I have...

 

[Dreamer_D]

I was two months shy of 31 when Hunter was born, and for us it was really perfect timing. As others have mentioned, 30 or 35 is hardly *old* to have kids... barring an unnaturally premature death, you will see them grow up and get to know your grandkids, if they have kids. Actually, women probably can''t have kids too late in life to see these things.

But men can! My uncle was 42 when his first was born, and my DH recently told me that when my uncle found out we were expecting, he told my DH that he would like to act as maternal grandpa for our kid because he probably won''t live to see his own grandkids (my father is not in my life). This was so touchng and so sad at the same time. I know a few other men who started having kids in their early 40s, and although they will probably live to see their kids grow up, it breaks my heart that it is so unlikely they will live to meet their grandchildren.

 

[partgypsy]

I was way too self-involved and busy with other projects (comics, graduate school) and not emotionally ready to be a mom 10 years before I became one. Even now I realize I''m not the most constitutionally suited to being a Mom (think Erma Bombeck!) I just do the best I can.

You don''t know how many years you will have, just have to make the best decisions you can at the time.

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 6/12/2009 2:32:21 PM
Author: SparklyLibra
Hmmmm, well I had my son at the very green age of 20, yup, you read correctly, 20

So I''ll do my best to answer the reverse question. This is a toughie for me, and I have turned this scenario over in my head a gazillion times when I met my now DH. My son is not my DH''s biological son. I was pregnant at 19, and just a baby myself. I was soooooooooo foolish I could beat myself silly for some of the decisions I made. But there is that one fateful decision (however foolish that it was) that I don''t think I''d change even if I had the chance. In many ways I believe that having my son so early saved my life! In that I mean that his arrival saved me from making one dumb decision after another, after ano..... You get my drift.

When DH came into my life my son had just turned two years old. DH has been the only father he''s known. DH stepped right up, and was/ is so much a father to my son, Nobody would know he wasn''t his if we didn''t tell them otherwise.

I often looked back and wondered what life would be like if I had the exact same child, but with my hubby, and ten years later... It seems like it would make for a perfect picture, doesn''t it? Then I think about all of the experience I gained while toughing it out as a single mom, in college, no car, and most of my family in another town or country. It was those tough times that forged character in me and made me the woman I am today: the ''wonder woman'' that my DH fell in love with. That''s what he calls me sometimes, cause when he came around I was holding it all down so well that he wondered where he would ever fit in?

I learned survival in those hard times ladies! It was TOUGH, but it was sooooooooooooo worth it. I learned a great deal about myself, the world we live in, about true friends and faux family in those years. Many people have told me that I am wise beyond my years and very mature for my age, and I have to attribute the bulk of that those hard lessons. I turn 29 this year, and seeing that I still have LOTS to learn, and that most of what I learned in life was from my experience as a single mother, I feel that, Yes I''d be 10 years older but would I really have been 10 years wiser? Had I not had my son, I would have lived a VERY sheltered life and my father would''ve surely stunted my growth as an adult (which is what he was already trying to do, hence my rebellion and ending up pregnant at 19

I wish there was a way that I could''ve had the best of both worlds, to have learned what I learned, minus the suffering.... But that''s just the way I was destined to learn those hard lessons.

So looking back at a single mother of 20 years old with no one but her son to keep her company many nights, I think I''d keep the life I have...

Sparkly, I love this post. Thank you so much for sharing your story and perspective.

 

[Sha]

I''m 32 and preggo. For me - 30 would''ve been the ideal age, but definitely not 25. Between 25 and 31 I established myself in my career, did a lot of self-growth, developed my favourite hobby into a business, travelled, and did my Masters. All of that would''ve been a lot more difficult with children. So I definitely don''t regret it.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

What I see here is everyone thinks they picked the best time for themselves, which I guess is good! But no, I don''t think you miss what you didn''t experience by having kids younger.

We were married 5 years and then had two kids at 26 and 29. Then we adopted the third at age 40 (we actually started that process at 38 but it took that long). So we did it both ways! I think late 20''s is a great time to have kids and I wish we could have adopted the third one when we were younger so we could be here longer with her. But I will say that we really were more easy-going with the last one and really enjoyed her because we had learned from the first two what was important and what wasn''t! I''m really happy not to have an empty nest now, too!

 

[Gemma12]

I love it how you can take a break from PS and come back and TG is still asking great questions!!

DiamondSeeker hit the nail on the head I think-as for me, I had my little girl when I was 30 and that was the perfect timing for me. I had hit all of the career milestones I wanted to pre-kids and we done all the travelling we wanted to. Having said that, I met DH when I was 21 so we had that luxury. It''s different if you meet your partner later in life.

Having just got back from a trip to Europe with a 6 month old (24 hours of travel from where I live!) I can say I am very glad I did the ''grown up'' travelling before I had kids. It''s still fun-but very different trying to find strained pears and nappies and structuring museum visits around nap time. On the other hand, I have a good friend who is trying to have a baby at 38 and is struggling-she would give up the ten years of experience (mostly career focussed) in a heart beat.

Interesting question-and some great responses!

 

[luv2sparkle]

I got married at 20 years old, DH was the same age. We had this discussion at the time, whether to have our kids at a young age, and hope to be able to do
fun stuff later. We wanted to be healthy enough (hopefully) to travel after the kids. My mom had me at 43 and was always older than my friends moms. So we
had our first kids (1-4) starting at 22. I had number 5 at 36 and boys was that different. My mom passed away when I was 43 and it was way too soon for me
to lose her. I wouldnt trade having my last one, but I want to be around for him for a long time too.

 

[atroop711]

no...10 yrs earlier I was immature and not ready for kids. My first child came at 32yr, 2nd at 36 and 3rd at 40yrs...I''m glad I waited. I don''t think I would have been the mom that I am at 22 yr old that I was at 32yr

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Wow what a great thread! I''m not a mom yet, but I took notes on the magic age of 32, haha. It''s halfway between mine and FI''s ages. So on my end, I certainly could wait till years from now if I wanted to. But we''re both ready for kids already. We''ll wait a little while after we get married, but probably not too long, as we want a few, and his age would mean to most people that we need to start soon.

Great responses too. It''s so interesting to see the different things you guys say.

 

[janinegirly]

my friend just told me she''s pregnant..she''s 40 and will be 41 when the baby''s here (first child). Yikes, that makes me look young!