Okay maybe it''s just me but...

[northstar_78]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and as I''ve discussed in other emails on this site we decided that this is not the summer to become engaged. Way too much going on...we''re trying to do a traveling summer, and we both have major expenses coming up ie. graduate school and lots of dental work...ugghh...

Part of me is glad that we''re already had our engagement discussion. It gives me more time to look and decide on what kind of ring I might want (droollllll...) but I did ask him when I should seriously start looking and he said when he asks me to marry him. We were tentatively thinking about next summer but I was kind of hoping that he would have the ring when he proposed.

Now some would say that he''s probably planning something on the side but he''s not a fan of jewelry and diamonds...he left that up to me. He said that he trusts my due diligence and he''s just not interested in that kind of thing. He also said that some of his friends told him the worst thing to do was to show up with me at the diamond vendors as my boyfriend. I don''t quite understand that part, but if he''s not comfortable, I''m not going to force the issue.

But I''m a romantic at heart and if he is serious about proposing next summer shouldn''t we be looking for something in the near future? I really want him to propose with the ring...it takes the fun out of it in my perspective if he proposes and we go ring shopping later. And if he doesn''t like looking for the ring now, will he want to do it then?

I don''t think that it''s an issue of cold feet. He said from the moment he met me he knew I was the one. We''ve been together through ups and downs, and all he''s done is support me and give me a shoulder to lean on.

I told him straight out that I can''t just walk into a store and buy something overnight...not only am I too picky but I have a small finger and most rings would probably need to be ordered. It''s hard for me to decide on just one thing because in NYC not only are there many choices but diamonds move fast and no one seems to have a layaway plan. Most of the vendors (except for diamond.com) have you buy it first in full, and offer good return policies if you change your mind later. Someone told me I could always buy it first and sit on it, but that''s not the point.

I do hope this isn''t a commitment issue. I know he has a lot going on and can become overly focused on one thing if it''s looming ahead in the future. I know he''s the one who will ultimately buy the ring. And I know I''m probably being a little too picky by saying that I want him to propose with the ring, even though that date is a year away. I''d like to think he''s planning something secretly but I don''t think he is. So that''s my problem.

 

[Buena Girl]

Oh, it is not just you!!! Some parts of your story are very similar to my life! I wish I had time to write more, but I have been having a bear of a week. Very little time for PS.

I just wanted to quickly say you should be ring browsing and put a portfolio together of a few of your fav. rings. Something easy for your b/f to then get get a ring before proposing!

 

[northstar_78]

It''s just one of those weeks, right?? I''ve been reading a lot of posts here about similiar issues! I did have a little porfolio we called it the "living ring" but I gave up when I kept changing my mind! And now the date keeps changing so I''ve given up.

 

[twinkletoes]

I think the problem lies in the fact that your bf is thinking "i have a year" and you''re thinking of all the steps needed to get to that point next year. does that make sense? some people aren''t really planners. he knows it''ll happen next year, but he''s not thinking about all the stuff he''s got to get done before that time comes - all he knows is it''s far away from now. maybe just sit him down and tell him how much you would love for him to propose to you with the ring of your dreams.

good luck!

 

[Buena Girl]

My b/f is also not interested in jewelry. He says it all looks the same to him. I don''t think anyone has said to him, "the worst thing to do was to show up with me at the diamond vendors as my boyfriend", but I''m not sure. All I know is that he feels very uncomfortable in jewelry stores. He has bought a few things for me from jewelry stores (but nothing as major as an e-ring) and has descibed the experiences as painful and stressful. He is worried the salesperson will take advantage of his lack of jewelry knowledge and rip him off, but at the same time he has no desire to educate himself to be an informed consumer.

"I really want him to propose with the ring...it takes the fun out of it in my perspective if he proposes and we go ring shopping later. And if he doesn''t like looking for the ring now, will he want to do it then?
I don''t think that it''s an issue of cold feet. He said from the moment he met me he knew I was the one. We''ve been together through ups and downs, and all he''s done is support me and give me a shoulder to lean on. " This describes my situation to a tee, so I know where you are coming from. B/f loves you and wants to marry you but has a major hang-up about shopping for the e-ring or even getting an e-ring. The whole thing feels a bit overwhelming to my b/f. He has said that if it wasn''t for "the whole e-ring thing" that he would have proposed a long time ago. He thinks the purchase of the ring would be stressful and me wearing the ring to also be stressful because he feels it says"look at me, this is what I got for my girl, and this is the person I want". He hates drawing attention to himself like that. Not sure if this helps, but I thought it might be possible that your b/f might feel overwhelmed, too? He might just want to keep pushing it later and later so that he doesn''t have to deal with it??

What I have done is do the research and show him a few of my favorites. I think I have pretty much nailed down what I am interested in. My suggestion to you is to really concentrate on what kind of ring you would like. Just keep searching and searching. One day I am sure you will see "the one". And I strongly recommend going to stores and seeing and trying on rings in person. It makes a WORLD of difference. I know that you said you kept changing your mind when you looked before, but maybe it is because you haven''t found "the one" yet. That is how it worked for me. Then, after you know the ring type you want, tell your b/f that a proposal without a ring is a sweet jesture, but not a true proposal to you. Then, tell him what to get you.

 

[snow_happy]

Hello,

Maybe what your BF is referring to is the fact that a lot of guys get swindled by jewelers that know the BF doesn''t have any diamond knowledge. There are tons of people on this website who have helped their bf''s get educated about diamonds. If you are planning on getting engaged next summer you can start educating yourself now and start a "ring" folder to save pictures in but I don''t think you need to be actively going out and looking for a ring...you will be DYING in a few months and a year will seem like forever. (or at least I would be)

Ordering rings and the such can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. Mine was custom made from a drawing and it took 5 weeks from start to finish. Other jewelers have said to give at least two weeks for them to set the diamond in a pre-made setting. As for the layaway plan..most of the jewelers I talked to in Los Angeles were open to the idea of a layaway plan but if your bF doesn''t like that idea he can try getting a 0% interest credit card (1 yr. introductory rate or something) to help finance the ring buying process. I believe that is what appletini''s boyfriend is doing.

Even if your bf doesn''t want to learn about diamonds you can give him some number ranges for table, depth, etc. plus ranges for clarity, color that you want. When it gets closer..maybe this winter? You can go to stores and try on different sizes, colors, clarities, to see what you''d prefer and let your BF know.

Good luck!