Oh dear...

[Pandora II]

I've just found out I made a rather bad error last weekend...

We invited some friends over for lunch - one of them is jewish and keeps kosher. Most of DH's family keep kosher as well so I'm not totally unused to catering for this. I decided to cook roast chicken, potatoes, parsnips and peas.

Normally I use my 'fat pot' for roasting the vegetables which has the fat that is poured off other joints of meat and is kept in the fridge. As DH and I eat a lot of pork I didn't want to use this fat and so went to the supermarket to buy some blocks of lard to avoid the 'pork' issue.

All went well and lunch was enjoyed by all.

However, I have just found out that the lard I bought was pork fat and not beef fat (it didn't say on the packaging). Oooops!

What should I do? Keep schtum, or is there some ritual or other than jewish people can do if they inadvertantly eat something non-kosher?

 

[Mrs]

Pandora, you certainly meant well! It sounds like a delicious meal. How frustrating to find out that you messed up despite making such an effort to keep them kosher! I think I would just remember for next time but not say anything. Could you ask anyone else (DH's family?) what they would do if they found out they had accidentally NOT kept kosher?

mrs

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Ugh, I have no idea what the protocol would be for this situation. Personally I'd probably keep mum, but I know that's not the right thing to do...

 

[Tuckins1]

Oh dear... I am not sure about the "rules" for accidentally ingesting something that's not kosher. I would have to think that God would forgive them, as it was unknown.... I would probably keep it to myself and make sure that it didn't happen again next time. So sweet of you to try so hard!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I think you should tell her and apologize, but I would expect her to be gracious about it and appreciate your honesty. If you don't tell her and it comes out later somehow, then she may not trust you in the future. I did some google searches, and it doesn't seem like there is a "punishment" in modern day culture, but I also think each Jewish culture has their own way of doing things... maybe a Jewish person would have more insight into how someone would handle that situation.

 

[Pandora II]

I think you should tell her and apologize, but I would expect her to be gracious about it and appreciate your honesty. If you don't tell her and it comes out later somehow, then she may not trust you in the future. I did some google searches, and it doesn't seem like there is a "punishment" in modern day culture, but I also think each Jewish culture has their own way of doing things... maybe a Jewish person would have more insight into how someone would handle that situation.

Doubtful - she has always prided herself on never having touched any of the forbidden foods. The only other person IRL who knows is DH... who thinks it's very funny, but would never say a word.

 

[swingirl]

Just my opinion but I wouldn't say a word. Dietary traditions are meant to be consciously kept by those who practice. And your guests were maintaining their dietary practices to the best of their ability. I wouldn't bust that bubble. I am guessing this is not the first or last time they will unknowingly eat something not kosher.

 

[CNOS128]

I wouldn't tell her.

If she's willing to eat meat in the home of someone who does not keep kosher, she is taking that risk. (I have many friends who keep strict kosher and would not eat most things, much less meat, in a restaurant or home that was not strictly kosher -- with a kosher kitchen and dishes/pots/pans). I'd be willing to bet your friend has eaten non-kosher food before without knowing it.

 

[decodelighted]

I would not say anything at this point. There's nothing that can be done. I'd just learn from the mistake and remember to check more fully next time. Accidents happen!

 

[isaku5]

It was an innocent mistake on your part so I'd say absolutely nothing.

 

[mayachel]

There are so many ways of practicing it is impossible for any one person to answer-but I'll throw in my two cents. A family member of ours is studying to be a Rabbi and we like asking her questions like this. According to her understanding/interpretation it is okay to not say anything as there is nothing to be gained at this point, except "forgiveness" for your personal guilt. If a person is making a reasonable effort to observe the rules, "to the best of their knowledge" and this wasn't even, *wink*, *wink* you were all keeping kosher in your food prep. that counts!

 

[galeteia]

I once watched in horror as a Muslim boyfriend of mine nabbed one of my wontons and mowed it down before I could swallow my mouthful of soup to warn him it had pork in it. He shrugged and said that the teachings were to stop people from 'knowingly eating dirty meat' and not to worry about it because it was an honest mistake and it wasn't done 'knowingly'.

I don't know how the Muslim vs Jewish restrictions compare, but I would keep silent for the sake of avoiding drama. You did not knowingly deceive them and they don't need to get upset over tainting their pristine history of non-forbidden foods.

 

[mary poppins]

If the friend were kosher in the strictest sense, he or she wouldn't have eaten at your house in the first place. If you ever cooked pork in that pot before, or had both meat and dairy products on your one set of dishes before, the meal was not strictly kosher. I wouldn't say anything. "A" for effort and thoughtfulness, though. Now you know to check better next time.

 

[swimmer]

Dittoing BigT, Mayachel, and MaryPoppins here,
No point crying over consumed shmaltz! All you are going to do is upset her and its not like she can do anything about it at this point. Agreed, if she truly kept kosher she would have brought her own food, that is pretty standard. She knew she was running a risk since you don't keep your pots, utensils, or plates glatt, so true, don't spread the word, but you and your dh can chuckle internally when she claims to have never tasted swine. She didn't know so its all good and you didn't intentionally feed her bacon, so call it a draw and keep mum.

 

[megumic]

If the friend were kosher in the strictest sense, he or she wouldn't have eaten at your house in the first place. If you ever cooked pork in that pot before, or had both meat and dairy products on your one set of dishes before, the meal was not strictly kosher. I wouldn't say anything. "A" for effort and thoughtfulness, though. Now you know to check better next time.

I agree with this. Unless your house is a Kosher home, or you brought in everything pre-made and served it on paper plates, true Kosher was not kept anyway. It was an honest mistake. If you feel bad enough though, you should let them know.

 

[TooPatient]

If the friend were kosher in the strictest sense, he or she wouldn't have eaten at your house in the first place. If you ever cooked pork in that pot before, or had both meat and dairy products on your one set of dishes before, the meal was not strictly kosher. I wouldn't say anything. "A" for effort and thoughtfulness, though. Now you know to check better next time.

I agree with this. Unless your house is a Kosher home, or you brought in everything pre-made and served it on paper plates, true Kosher was not kept anyway. It was an honest mistake. If you feel bad enough though, you should let them know.

You tried your best. I would NOT mention it to her.

While it is true that there are some super strict communities out there who wouldn't eat anything in your home (unless it came sealed from a kosher certified deli complete with wrapped utensils) even the "strictly kosher" communities often DO eat in other people's homes but stick to veggie/dairy meals. There are others who will eat meat in people's homes to be polite and just do the best they can to avoid knowingly mixing meat/dairy.


Other things to watch when cooking kosher (we keep a kosher home):

- butter is dairy (sounds obvious but often overlooked) -- there are a few really good vegan buttery sticks that are great substitutes
- milk in mashed potatoes makes them dairy! (hard habbit to break if you use milk in them -- the vegan buttery sticks work well here too)
- pre-made (can/box) stuff often has butter, milk, or other dairy products
- not all cuts of meat are kosher (which could be an issue with even a non-pork lard)
- store bought bread often has dairy in it
- salad dressings often have dairy (shockingly even some of the vinegarettes I've seen!)
- if serving a dairy meal, there is a debate about the rennet used in cheese -- if at all possibly by cheese with no rennet or with a veggie rennet
- if they keep strictly kosher you need to get kosher meat (some areas have a kosher butcher otherwise Trader Joes carries kosher chickens sometimes and Whole Foods can order kosher turkey or chicken)



ETA: You did great to think about the lard ahead of time and try to get something different that would be okay. Most people wouldn't even think of that. Getting used to cooking kosher meals is tough (trust me!!!) and takes a lot more thought then non-kosher cooking. You'll get used to it as you cook for them more often and once you're used to it, it really does become kind of 2nd nature to read ingredients (or make from scratch). Congratulations on a more successful first attempt than I had!

 

[Pandora II]

Thank you all for your views - I am going to keep very quiet I think.

She's not strict kosher as in no mixing meat & dairy and food doesn't need to be from a kosher shop. Her husband is also not jewish (nightmare wedding with half her relatives refusing to attend) and eats bacon sandwiches at home!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

oh, if she'd be over-the-top about it, I retract my earlier opinion and agree to just keep it to yourself. If it were one of my friends, then I'd tell her, but none of my friends would be jerks about it.

 

[Haven]

Dittoing BigT, Mayachel, and MaryPoppins here,
No point crying over consumed shmaltz! All you are going to do is upset her and its not like she can do anything about it at this point. Agreed, if she truly kept kosher she would have brought her own food, that is pretty standard. She knew she was running a risk since you don't keep your pots, utensils, or plates glatt, so true, don't spread the word, but you and your dh can chuckle internally when she claims to have never tasted swine. She didn't know so its all good and you didn't intentionally feed her bacon, so call it a draw and keep mum.

Agreed! (Now I really want to make a button that says "No point crying over consumed shmaltz!" I think I will.)

I imagine this is not the first time she's accidentally eaten trayf, especially since she eats in other people's homes. I don't know many people who keep strict kosher yet eat in others' homes, to be honest.

My father is a vegetarian cantor, and even after a lifetime of minding dietary restrictions, I've made *two* mistakes and accidentally served food that had animal product in it. (One was a cheese with rennet, and one was a mushroom pate with gelatin. YIKES!) I didn't tell him about either time, because I didn't catch it until after the fact, and it just didn't seem worth it.

I think you were very kind to go to all that trouble for your friend.

 

[swimmer]

So true and a good point Haven, Pandora you did a very nice thing for a friend.

Haven, you could wear that pin here http://www.yelp.com/biz/sammys-roumanian-steakhouse-new-york They might already have it as a t-shirt, when I went they gave me one that says "shmaltz it up baby!" Best nightshirt evah!