Obsessing....Help!

[lauralu]

Well My sweetie and I had our first argument last night over our wedding (June 14th). Not anything about our wedding plans. Rather how much time I am putting in to planning and going over ideas. According to him, I spend so much time planning I am MIA with him.

I fully admit, I have been obsessing about details. Stressing about time lines. Adding to this is that we have decided that we are either going to sell or refinance our home before our wedding. Both ideas are good as interest rates for both avenues are exceptional and our market here has managed to stay steady. We will know which one after our taxes our done this week and we meet with a mortgage lender. Spring is the time to get top dollar for our home here as well.

Anywho.......I am spending so much time on Ebay,here, and surfing the internet for ideas and deals that my honey is upset at me. If I am not surfing I am talking non stop and going back and forth between ideas.

I am having trouble sleeping and I am becoming crabby and not myself. Now my sweetie has expressed his concern and we have argued over it. We never argue, really in 8 years we have never had a huge argument where one of us was angry and the other crying. Yeah I was crying...

Please help my brain STOP the madness!

I just want this day to be here and over so I can get on with our lives....Anyone else feel this way?

I told him I would stop looking and talking for one week to take a break....but here I am online again even writing about why I can''t stop obsessing

 

[galvana]

Date: 2/1/2009 8:37:26 AM
Author:lauralu
Well My sweetie and I had our first argument last night over our wedding (June 14th). Not anything about our wedding plans. Rather how much time I am putting in to planning and going over ideas. According to him, I spend so much time planning I am MIA with him.

I fully admit, I have been obsessing about details. Stressing about time lines. Adding to this is that we have decided that we are either going to sell or refinance our home before our wedding. Both ideas are good as interest rates for both avenues are exceptional and our market here has managed to stay steady. We will know which one after our taxes our done this week and we meet with a mortgage lender. Spring is the time to get top dollar for our home here as well.

Anywho.......I am spending so much time on Ebay,here, and surfing the internet for ideas and deals that my honey is upset at me. If I am not surfing I am talking non stop and going back and forth between ideas.

I am having trouble sleeping and I am becoming crabby and not myself. Now my sweetie has expressed his concern and we have argued over it. We never argue, really in 8 years we have never had a huge argument where one of us was angry and the other crying. Yeah I was crying...

Please help my brain STOP the madness!

I just want this day to be here and over so I can get on with our lives....Anyone else feel this way?

I told him I would stop looking and talking for one week to take a break....but here I am online again even writing about why I can''t stop obsessing

I feel this way ALL THE TIME! Many friends of mine recently married said they felt it too. Its NORMAL.
wedding planning is stressful and many couples DO have MANY arguements during the wedding planning process -
please try not to fret, I honestly think it just is what it is. I have accepted it. I had many conversations with my friends who got married last summer and they all said the same thing.
There are SO MANY DETAILS to think of, its hard to not think about planning all the time, i do understand where your FI is coming from as im sure all FI get concerned about us spending too much time in "wedding mode" -
my FI has said it to me many times.
My wedding is this summer too and I am with you, its all i think about.
Try not to get too upset, you are not alone. This stuff is big and it can be stressful.
Lucky for me, my FI has several coworkers that have also been recently married and the men at his office has said things to him like: have you guys started the fights yet? is she/he obessing about the wedding yet?
etc etc
so he knows it is expected.
Please try not to be upset, it will be here before you know it!

 

[lauralu]

oooooooh my thank you for your reply. I wondered if I was the only one feeling like this. Nice to know I am not alone. We went to visit his parents today. They are so nice and his mom told him how there are so many details for a bride to think about. These people are 80 years old and were telling him how normal and natural it is for me and us to feel this way. It was so nice. We talked a lot on the way back home and I think we now have perspective again. Accepting how is it... and can be a big part.

Thank you again Ilovprincesscut and I hope time flies for the both of us.....

 

[elrohwen]

Not only do we have to be anxious and obsessive during the planning, but apparently many brides get depressed after it''s all over. The grooms have it easy!

Haha.

Just try not to worry about it, it''s perfectly natural. Having fights are never fun, but maybe it''ll help both of you by being a wake up call. It might help you to cool down on the planning a bit and it might help him realize that you''re under a lot of stress and need his help sometimes. Maybe try to plan a fun day or weekend with your FI where wedding planning talk will be banned. If you won''t have access to a computer and will be having too much fun to think about your wedding, it''ll help to relax both of you!

 

[lauralu]

Elrohwen good advice as well. We have talked about taking a day off from work together and just taking sometime for us. We both have really been working hard the last few weeks as well. I got a promotion at my job and have been trying to make a great first impression in my new position. He has had some new procedures put into place at his job that are making the employees at his work all a little stress out. A lot going on on top of the obsessing.

We are going to take off from our jobs one PTO day and spend it doing nothing but couple NON wedding related things.

I feel better already. Sometimes it just all builds up and you can''t even begin to make a plan to stop the madness until you ask for advice from people outside the circle.

thank you

 

[honey22]

I can totally understand how you are both feeling. My suggestion is to take off early one Friday afternoon, and go away for a quiet weekend away, without the laptop or any wedding planning stuff. Go and have a picnic, see a movie (not Bride Wars!) and have a nice dinner and stay somewhere nice. Doesn''t have to be expensive, just the two of you. And spend the weekend reminding yourselves why you are getting married in the first place.

Good luck sweetie!!!

 

[glueck]

Super obsessed bride here too!! I am so feeling where you are coming from!

Women are the planners by nature, and the men show up and have fun!!! If they are given tasks, participation tends to not be a problem, but the idea machines are the women.

It is so normal to do what you are doing. Thank goodness my best friend and I have a wedding a month apart. Nobody else can talk to us! Its all wedding brainstorming, all the time.

The thing is- its fun. We all love it (MOST of the time). Guys play video games and play fantasy football. We plan our wedding. O guess the key is to make appointments to talk about it with FI.

Maybe designate 2 wedding free days a week with no wedding talk at all. One should be a date night!

Do what you want in your free time and admit that you ENJOY reading blogs and finding cool ideas. If he doesnt want to talk about it all the time, you have US! We will enjoy every delicious detail and discovery with you!

Sorry you are having a hard time.

 

[dcgator]

Hi lauralu,

I''m sorry to hear that the planning is putting stress on your relationship, but I think with this many details and so much $ involved, its almost inevitable, so don''t worry to much

, it will be over sooner than you know...

In any event, if FI is complaining about spending time with you, I would recommend two things:
1. Either get him involved with planning something so he a) has something to do b) understands all the effort that goes in to making things happen
AND/OR
2. Buy or make him a little coupon book (I just bought my guy one at B&N) that has wedding-related time-outs for the two of you. For ex., one says "coupon good for a night away from planning and dinner for the two of us"
This way, he can express his wanting to spend time with you in a positive way for the two of you.

In any event, don''t worry to much, b/c we are all there with you! Just try to enjoy the engaged time together, as soon it will be over.

 

[lauralu]

thanks ladies..sooooooooooooooooo good to know I am not alone. I have no other friends or family members getting married around me. No-one else who can relate. My boss at work has a friend who is a wedding coordinator and she keeps saying just hire so and so to take the stress off. I can not hire a coordinator. I truly do not need one even. FI knows no-one at his job either that is getting married.

FI and I talked a lot last night, today we got an okay for a day off at our jobs and we are taking a long weekend in two weeks. Ahhhhhhhhhh

I am going to go look for the coupon book. That seems like a great idea...

 

[honey22]

Sounds wonderful! I would kill for a weekend away at the moment, but money is tight with the wedding, and I will enjoy my time off for the wedding even more (that''s my justification).

Have an awesome weekend away!

do you have something like www.wotif.com or some other last minute websites for accommodation specials? I always check out their prices before calling the hotel direct to see if they can better the price. Quite often I have found that they will match the online price, and also throw in parking or breaky as an incentive to book directly,

Good luck!!

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think this is incredibly common. Partly it is a way to channel the inherently conflicting feelings that come with getting married (and planning a wedding). See if you can get your hands on a copy of The Conscious Bride - reading it really helped me recognize some of what I was going through and cope much better.