Notification protocol

[gshanks]

Simple question for you:
Do you ask your GF''s dad before you propose or not?

Your thoughts are appreciated since I am proposing on Sat. Thanks!

 

[chantheman]

I asked for the "blessing" of her parents.

If you phrase the question as a request for permission it seems to take away the "grown-up" feel of the whole thing. This is obviously something you do not want to do.

I asked both of her parents at the same time, but began the discussion by making sure they were fully aware of how I intended to take care of her. I must say, the moments leading up to the discussion were a bit stressful, but after I covered all my bases and got an easy "OK" I was able to enjoy the whole experience.

Best of luck to you.

 

[jackpot]

It is not really a simple question. It depends on your girlfriend and her views on the subject. It also depends on her relationship with her family and your relationship with her family. Personally, I would be insulted if my boyfriend/fiance asked or discussed it with my father. It is my decision and our decision alone. I may be in the minority in the way I feel, but it is a point of view to consider. You know your girlfriend best. And hopefully, if you are going to marry her, you know her well enough to know how she would feel about this!

 

[Buena Girl]

hi,
I''m not engaged yet, but I can tell you a few scenarios:

Have you met her father yet? This past summer, my friend had bought a ring for his girlfriend and planned a specific day he was going to propose to her. He had not met her parents yet. He called them a few days before he was going to propose and they did not give him the reaction he expected. They wanted to meet him before they would answer his question. As you can imagine, he was not able to do the proposal he had planned. Everything worked out great eventually. He met her parents, they gave their blessing, he proposed (3 months later), and they will be married this Spring. Something to think about.

Would her mother feel left out? If you can ask both parents and have them both feel included you could "win major mother in law bonus points".

Can her parents keep a secret? My family can not keep their mouths shut

My b/f knows that when he asks for my parents'' blessing that he will have to do it as close to the proposal as possible or one of them will probalby cave and tell me everything.

Has your g/f ever told you how she feels about it? Has she ever mentioned if she thinks a guy should always ask for blessing to be married? If she has ever said that her parents are not traditional and she doesn''t care or her parents don''t care, then you probably wouldn''t need to. But, it would still be worth doing if you wanted to. Personally, I''ve always thought it was romantic for the guy to ask for the parents'' blessing. It shows how serious the guy is about wanting to join the families together if he marries their daughter and how serious he is about the relationship.

BEST OF LUCK !

 

[gshanks]

I see what you guys are saying. I''ve got a great relationship with her parents already, ie, staying at their house on holidays, playing tennis with them, getting cards for birthdays (signed "Love, the Whites"), etc. We''re all pretty traditional Southern folks. After reading your responses and thinking more about it, I would like to ask for the blessing but I''m not sure they could keep it to themselves since they''ll be excited about it. Since I''ve got the proposal planned for Sat, maybe I''ll call them on Thurs and ask if they can please just keep quite about it for a few days and then we can all celebrate together...I''d just hate for something to slip out and ruin the surprise. I''ve done such a good job of covering my tracks to this point!

 

[Buena Girl]

Sounds like a good plan!

One more quick question-> Does your girlfriend talk to her parents often? If you can slyly keep her from talking to them before you propose, that would probably help. If she wants to call them about anything, see if you can make the call instead or convince her she doesn''t need to make the call (without being too obvious ofcourse

). You could probably even wait until Friday or Saturday morning to allow the least amount of time before you propose.

Good luck

 

[gshanks]

Good thought. We''ll be with them over the weekend - going to a ballgame in MS. So, I might just mention something to them before we head to the gym since I''ll be asking her at a special place on campus afterwards. They wouldn''t have much time to let it slip in that case.

 

[allycat0303]

Gshanks,

If you are tradition southern people then I would definitely ask for their blessing first. It shouldn''t be so bad since you are already close to them. Maybe you could ask them on friday (less time before proposal, therefore, less chance of the proposal being accidentally ruined)

Good luck!