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Home Not TTC...yet?

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fatafelice

fatafelice

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In anyone else planning to have kids...just not *yet*?

I know there are lots of ladies here who are TTC, as well as those who are CFBC. I guess I am somewhere in the middle and I was hoping to find some like minds.
DH and I both want kids, we both love kids, but we don''t feel ready - by any stretch - to have kids. We have talked about it a lot lately. We are newly 29, and we''ve only been married a year, but we''ve been together 10 years. Our friends are already having kids, and as we near 30, it feels like what we should be doing, too. We have said that we want to wait until I have tenure (1 year), the new house is built (12-18 months, we hope), and we ''grow up'' a little more (?). Sometimes I feel like we are wasting time by waiting, and other times I feel like we are nowhere near ready. Sometimes I feel more than ready to be a mom with a baby of my own, and other times I am not sure if I will ever feel ready to give up my current selfish lifestyle.

Anyone else feeling this way? When do you think you will start trying?

Those of you who are trying/expecting/parents...How did you decide that it was time?
 
I used to hear people say that you''ll just know when it''s time - and not believe them - but for me it was true.

That''s not to say that I''m not worried about my selfish ways and having to give up the ability to sleep in in the morning, spontaneously decide to go out in the evening, have someone eat into my garnet-buying fund
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and devote myself body and soul to someone who 15 years later will no doubt tell me what a crap mother I am etc etc
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But, for some bizzare reason it all seems acceptable!

At 29 I was no way ready - it''s only now at 36 that I feel I''m prepared to let go!
 
I am getting closer to having children. My husband an I have been waiting until we have a house and then we''re having children ASAP. We''re both 34 and it''s finally time!! The only problem is that finding a house is such a chore. There are so many short sales and foreclosures and not many people selling their houses at reasonable prices. I signed up at fertilityfriend.com and am trying to lose a little bit of weight to get in prime baby carrying shape.
 
Dont worry, Fata....MH and I are SO NOT READY EITHER!!! Im 30, hubs is 33, and we are not planning on TTC anytime soon. We are both very much kid-people (I love them!), and we certainly plan on having them, but that wont be for awhile. We are just married 1 yr next weekend....We want to take a few trips, buy a home, and just spend some time together as a married couple.

As a woman though, I understand about the "biological clock" that''s always there ticking in the background. Unfortunately, we cant wait a LONG time, but we will probably start trying in about 2 yrs....We figure by then we should be a little more settled and a little more ready for the HUGE change children bring....hopefully!!
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You are not alone here! I am 29 and DH is 30 and a lot of the married friends we have are slowly starting to branch off and begin starting their families. We are now married two years, and it still is something that I think is a HUGE decision. I also find myself realizing that it won''t be so easy to just go out and leave the house, or go out to dinner so effortlessly once we decide to have kids. Not that it will be a *bad* thing, but just different in the way that we are used to just as the two of us.
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I have a good girlfriend that just recently got engaged and she has asked me to be in her wedding (next August) and I find myself thinking, "I could be preggo by then, maybe?"

I think it will be soon, only for the fact that I too, have older parents, and only 1 grandparent left, and while they are not in the best of health, I would really love for my children to get to know them and be a part of their lives.
 
Thank you, for joining me, ladies!

Pandora: I know that you are right, and I am certainly feeling more ready than I was before we got married. You know what is really funny, though? When I was about 19, I desperately wanted a baby! I have no idea where the feeling came from, but for a while there I went nuts over infants and dreamed about being pregnant and having a baby. Then my BF (now DH) had a little scare and those feelings went right out the window. lol

Hera: We just moved into a new house, but it is essentially a tear down (long story), so we are going to have to build another house in about a year and live in the bungalow our back. I really don''t want to be preggo while we are in limbo, or worse, have a new infant while we are living in a 400 sq. foot studio-esque space. Like you, we are pretty sure we will start trying once we are settled in.

Dani: I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who''s clock isn''t quite at full volume! We are also trying to focus on enjoying this time without kids, but we are tight on money right now, so travel is limited. And I know that we will never be able to accomplish *everything* I wish we could before TTC, but I would like see a tiny bit more of the world first.

Rosebud: We are definitely in the same boat! I know we aren''t ready yet, but it doesn''t stop me from thinking about when we will be. I have a friend who is due in April (Yay for diamond birthstones!
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) and it got me thinking that I could definitely see having a baby in April ''10 or so. I have been telling people lately (because they always ask) that we are waiting until 30 to decide when we will start trying, but now that is less than a year away, and I am actually thinking we might start trying before then. Plus, we have already lost both of DH''s parents and my dad. I would like my mom and step-parents to be able to be there for our kids. And I only have one set of blood-related grandparents left; DH has none. My grandma and granddad now seem ''old'' to me for the first time in my life, and I would love for them to hold at least one great-grandchild from me before we lose them.


So all that being said, I think we will start trying next May or June, as long as things are looking on track for the house. Anyone else have a timeframe set in their mind? Anyone else set a timeframe and stick to it? Not stick to it?
 
My FI and I have decided to start trying when we''ve been married about 2 years (which will be 3 years from now). I''m only 26 and I see myself being ready when I''m around 29/30; he''ll be 30 in a couple months and says he''s ready anytime I am. I think that he only thinks he could be ready for them now, and that neither of us are ready to give up our selfish lifestyle quite yet. I''m glad that time is more or less on our side, though, because I want to be finished with childbearing by the time I''m 35, and we want two kids...so hopefully things work out according to plan!
 
Hi FF! I''m just waiting for my hubby to be ready to TTC. We had set a timeline to begin this summer. And of course that has come and gone! haha! He just didn''t feel ready yet. I don''t blame him, guys have to prepare for taking care of a family in a different way than we do. So like Pandora said, you just ''know'' when your ready - I''m hoping that''s true and that it happens some time soon to my hubby. We are both 27 going on 28 in a couple months. When we got married he said he wanted to wait 1-1/2 to 2 years before we have kids. 2 years is coming up in the end of November. So I''m thinking either then or somewhere in the beginning of next year he could be ready?? We''ll see. He has mentioned a bambino being around in Dec ''09, but I don''t know. I don''t think guys always think about how long it takes for these things to cook...
 
I''m with you, fata!

Hubby and I just married in July, but I''m already going through waves of feeling ready to TTC, and then feeling absolutely not even close to being able to take care of myself, let alone a baby.

I''m 27 (for only 16 more days
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) and hubby is 38. We''ve talked about starting to TTC in September of 2009, which sometimes feels extremely nearby, and at other times so far, far away.

But if I''m going to be completely honest with myself, I think I''m feeling more ready to start than not. We''ll see, maybe we''ll start sooner than we originally planned.

Great thread.
 
Hey B, you know my story, of course, but I just wanted to say hi!
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I am not even married yet, but my fiance and I have discussed when we would want to start trying for children because he is pushing 30 (I am only 23, 24 when he and I marry). I know how you feel about some days feeling ready, other days thinking you will never be! Fiance and I say we will start trying about 4 years into our marriage, but sometimes I think that maybe we should start after 1 year?!

Here is some advice my boss gave me as a mother:
1. You will NEVER be completely ready, and there will ALWAYS be some reason to wait.
2. She had her first at 30 and second at 34. While she doesn''t regret when she had her children, if she could do it again, she thinks she would have had them a little younger.

On the other hand, this is time you two will never get back! Enjoy it and wait til the urge to have a baby is a little stronger. It may never perfectly clear, but I do think your desire will grow.
 
Date: 9/22/2008 8:30:59 PM
Author: fatafelice
Thank you, for joining me, ladies!


Pandora: I know that you are right, and I am certainly feeling more ready than I was before we got married. You know what is really funny, though? When I was about 19, I desperately wanted a baby! I have no idea where the feeling came from, but for a while there I went nuts over infants and dreamed about being pregnant and having a baby. Then my BF (now DH) had a little scare and those feelings went right out the window. lol


Hera: We just moved into a new house, but it is essentially a tear down (long story), so we are going to have to build another house in about a year and live in the bungalow our back. I really don't want to be preggo while we are in limbo, or worse, have a new infant while we are living in a 400 sq. foot studio-esque space. Like you, we are pretty sure we will start trying once we are settled in.


Dani: I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who's clock isn't quite at full volume! We are also trying to focus on enjoying this time without kids, but we are tight on money right now, so travel is limited. And I know that we will never be able to accomplish *everything* I wish we could before TTC, but I would like see a tiny bit more of the world first.


Rosebud: We are definitely in the same boat! I know we aren't ready yet, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about when we will be. I have a friend who is due in April (Yay for diamond birthstones!
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) and it got me thinking that I could definitely see having a baby in April '10 or so. I have been telling people lately (because they always ask) that we are waiting until 30 to decide when we will start trying, but now that is less than a year away, and I am actually thinking we might start trying before then. Plus, we have already lost both of DH's parents and my dad. I would like my mom and step-parents to be able to be there for our kids. And I only have one set of blood-related grandparents left; DH has none. My grandma and granddad now seem 'old' to me for the first time in my life, and I would love for them to hold at least one great-grandchild from me before we lose them.



So all that being said, I think we will start trying next May or June, as long as things are looking on track for the house. Anyone else have a timeframe set in their mind? Anyone else set a timeframe and stick to it? Not stick to it?
Click to expand...

400 sq feet of space while waiting to build a house? That alone might get you preggo
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Fata, I''m hearin'' ya!
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I''m pretty sure we will have a family, although I still have those ''I can''t do it!!'' moments, and I''m sure I''m not alone! DH is nearly 33 and I am 26, so as far as I am concerned I have a long time to wait just yet. DH doesn''t feel anywhere near ''ready''.

In other people''s apparently oh-so-right opinions (
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) now is a great time for us. We''ve been happily married for nearly a year, we''ve more than halved our mortgage in the last couple of years, therefore would easily live off one wage. So allegedly we should be ready, according to all those nosey parkers. But we''re just not!!! Can you tell we get hassled alot?!
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I was thinking in about 3-4 years time as I near 30 might be a good time to try, but geez, who knows what the future holds. I''m with you fata, it''s all a bit confusing sometimes.
 
We are waiting. I am thinking of using the FAM (covered in TTC) to prevent. I got the TCOYF book yesterday and my thermometer and I will start temping etc when I get back from my HM.

I think I want to have a baby by 30, so that gives me 2.5 years to get pregnant. FI is still not 100% on the bandwagon about kids, says if it happens it happens....although his sister just had a baby and he sure has been saying "when we have a baby..." a lot lately.
 
Octavia: I originally set our "wait until 30" timeline a few years ago, but now it is getting a lot closer.

Sunkist: I guess "boy time" applies to reproduction too, not just engagement! Good luck to you!

Haven: That is exactly how I am feeling! If it weren''t for the house situation, I think that I would probably want to start trying pretty soon.

Amber: Hi, sweetie! Thank you for stopping in! Sorry I have been so MIA, but email me if you ever need to chat.

Izzy: That is very good advice and I agree with it 100%. Also, LOL! But I think the living arrangement might actually have the opposite effect on ''relations.'' I love him, but sometimes I need a little space, too.
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DandiAndi: Why is it that everyone else things your reproduction is their business?! One lady at work brings it up almost everyday. She is really sweet and I know she means well, but SHEESH! Thank heavens, another coworker is now pregnant, and I am hoping that will take the focus off of me.

Iwanna: I am not up on my acronyms around here, so I''ll have to look that one up! I''ll get back to ya!


Have anyone elses''s plans changed since they were younger? As a teen and college student, I always thought I would start having kids by 27! That year came and went, however, and not only was I still not married, I didn''t feel enough like an ''adult'' to consider having kids. This was also brought home to me by sitting for DH''s nephews overnight!
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Okay, I looked up FAM, so that makes sense now. It seems smart, but I am kinda lazy, so I don't know how good I would be at charting, etc.
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lol, the pill doesn''t agree with me... FI is kinda funny about putting chemicals in the body. We will give it a whirl.

I am glad we are waiting though. If it happened that''s ok, we are stable financially but ideally we want to wait 2-5 years.
 
Date: 9/23/2008 8:38:02 PM
Author: fatafelice
Have anyone elses''s plans changed since they were younger? As a teen and college student, I always thought I would start having kids by 27! That year came and went, however, and not only was I still not married, I didn''t feel enough like an ''adult'' to consider having kids. This was also brought home to me by sitting for DH''s nephews overnight!
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Click to expand...

Haha, my plans have certainly changed...up until just a couple years ago, I never cared about having kids at all. I always thought that if I ever decided I wanted one (which I doubted), I''d adopt. Since FI and I got serious, though, the idea of having kids has seriously grown on me -- the moment I first felt sure that he would eventually be my husband was the moment when it dawned on me that I wanted to have his kids one day. I''m still pretty skeptical of the whole pregnancy-and-childbirth thing, but hey...if that''s what it takes...
 
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