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Not ready to say goodbye

princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
If you guys could spare whatever dust and prayers you can - I haven't said anything on PS about this, but a year ago my ex's dad was diagnosed with stage IV cancer (about a month after I broke up with him), and his condition has been slowly deteriorating for a while. I was finally able to see him on Sunday, and...well, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm so grateful that I got the chance to see him. I'm thankful to have the kind of relationship with my ex-BF where he knew that he could lean on me over the past year, even though we're no longer together, and that he has kept me in the loop every step of the way.

Well, this afternoon they met with hospice and he made the decision to switch from trying to preserve the length of his life to trying to preserve the quality and has decided to stop chemo and focus on pain management. The doctors say he only has a few weeks, if that.

This family was my home away from home - all through my relationship with my ex, while my family was (and is still) overseas, they were who I spent Thanksgiving and Easter with, where I went on school breaks, where I spent weekends when I needed to relax, and generally where I knew I could always go when I needed to be around people I loved and who loved me. I could really use whatever strength you can send me, and I know their family could use some as well.
 

HollyS

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2007
Messages
6,099
Praying for his 'end of life' decision, that he may be lucid and as pain free as possible, surrounded by those he loves, spending quality time out of the time he has left. May God bless him and his family.

Praying that you will find peace and comfort in this relationship with the family, even after his death; that you will have the opportunity to be a help to them, and that, in turn, will be a balm to your spirit. There is nothing in life we do that is more difficult than saying goodbye to those we love. The best we can do is to show them how much they are loved in the time we have left with them.

Hugs to you, my dear.
 

stephbolt

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 11, 2008
Messages
1,072
Hugs and prayers outgoing princesss. I hope your ex's father suffers as little as possible over the coming days, and wish all his loved ones comfort.
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
9,295
Oh, Princesss, I'm so sorry.

I can't imagine anything more painful than watching someone you love dying of cancer. I'll be thinking of you and your ex's family.
Make sure you are eating and taking care of yourself.

I don't think you are ever ready to say goodbye to someone you love.
 

maplefemme

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 12, 2011
Messages
874
Princesss, my deepest condolences, I am sorry to hear of this.
I work as a hospice nurse. I assure you, he will be very well looked after in hospice, I promise he will not suffer pain and he will have very attentive, compassionate care 24/7.

You and your ex are lucky to have each other for strength and support.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is so difficult and heart breaking, I know. I hope that fond memories of happier times you have all shared bring some comfort with time.

Sending a hug and prayers to you all...
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
Oh S, I'm so so sorry to hear this. You know where to find me if you need to talk. I'm always here for you.

<3
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
So sorry to hear this...hugs to you. I'll keep you and your ex's family in my thoughts.
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
I am so so so so incredibly sorry about all of this. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you and his family to have to see him go through this. I'll pray that his nurses and doctors are able to make him as comfortable as possible throughout the remainder. I will keep you and his family in my thoughts. :halo:
 

princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
maplefemme|1313524031|2992059 said:
Princesss, my deepest condolences, I am sorry to hear of this.
I work as a hospice nurse. I assure you, he will be very well looked after in hospice, I promise he will not suffer pain and he will have very attentive, compassionate care 24/7.

You and your ex are lucky to have each other for strength and support.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is so difficult and heart breaking, I know. I hope that fond memories of happier times you have all shared bring some comfort with time.

Sending a hug and prayers to you all...
Thank you all so much. I don't know how much I'll be able to respond, as this was an incredibly difficult topic to write (esp. for somebody that struggles with allowing herself to be vulnerable), but please know it means the world to me that people are taking time out to help us through this.

Maplefemme, thank you so much for this post. All I want is as peaceful a time as can be managed for their family, and it seems like hospice is going to help with that. It helps, too, that this was HIS decision - he was lucid enough and at peace enough with the decision to make it without help or coercion, so this is as close to being on his terms as possible. So, as much as I will miss him, it's (slightly) easier to be following his lead on this.
 

MonkeyPie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 23, 2008
Messages
6,059
;( I will be thinking of you, and his family. I hope these last few weeks are pain-free and as happy as he can make them be. You know where to find me if you need me. Lots of love and hugs to you.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
So sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers ate with you, your ex, his family, and especially his father.
 

centralsquare

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
Messages
2,201
I'm so sorry to hear this. Loss is never easy but it seems in this case, it was time to stop fighting. Stay strong.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
21,105
I'm so sorry, Princess. What a difficult decision, for everyone :(sad

I hope the time he has left is peaceful and pain-free, and that his departing is equally so. Big ::HUGS:: to you!
 

vc10um

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
6,006
My dearest princesss, you know that the best thoughts and prayers I have are with you, M, and the family. Please don't hesitate to call if you need an ear or shoulder. ((hugs))
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I'm so sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how hard it is. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
Princesss -- I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how much your ex's family means to you. I'm glad you got the chance to see M's dad. I can only imagine how hard it must have been. Thinking of you.
 

JewelFreak

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
7,768
Princesss, thinking of you & the family & sending best hope & love. Doing this his way is very important -- and he knows how much you love him. Wherever he goes, he'll take that with him & leave his love with you. I believe that love, once created, never disappears & can't be destroyed. It's stronger than any force in the universe. It will bind you to this lovely man & him to you.

Big hugs.

--- Laurie
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
it is never easy to say goodbye. i'm glad you had the chance to be with him.
 

charbie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 16, 2008
Messages
2,512
I also work frequently in end of life care, and hope you are all able to find peace over the next few weeks. Hospice is an amazing institution to preserve dignity and comfort during end of life. Big hugs!
 

KatyWI

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
755
Oh, man, princesss. I am *so* sorry and I am thinking of you all and sending thoughts and prayers in your direction.

The hospice care provided my grandmother at the end of her life was an unbelievable gift. She had more time than M's dad does, but getting to know the women that took such good care of her was so special, too. I am not a religious person, but those women were the closest thing I've ever experienced to angels on earth.

I wish you all as much peace and love as can possibly be mustered in the coming weeks. If you need anything, you know where to find me. *hugs*
 

jas

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 9, 2006
Messages
1,991
Hugs and prayers to all of you at this time. Your love and your relationship with him and his family is a blessing. Peace, honey.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Oh honey. My grandfather passed almost three years ago and I'm still not ready to say goodbye. But I haven't had to completely... he's still with me. But that doesn't mean that there aren't days I wish I could just hear his voice one more time.

Praying for as much comfort and peace for everyone as possible in this tough time. Tell everyone to treasure these days. ((HUGS))
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
12,512
What a sad and difficult thing for everyone involved, I'm so sorry you going through something so painful - my heart goes out to the family, I hope your ex-bf's father can be made as comfortable as possible during the time he has left. Just so very sad :blackeye:
 

OUpearlgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2007
Messages
3,081
Oh honey...

Huge, huge hugs.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,963
So sorry about your dad Princess.
Cancer really sucks.
I have cancer; today went to a cancer hospital and saw what it has done to several people.
I left weeping.

Cancer is heart wrenching and we must find a cure.

Hugs to both of you.
 

ksinger

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
5,078
Been there done that. Or as near to it as can be. My then ex-boyfriend's (the man who is now, finally my husband) mother - a woman I adored almost as much as my own mother, and certainly as much as any blood family relative - developed lymphoma. She called me one day, not long after her diagnosis, and not terribly long after her son and I broke up, to tell me and to ask me to get a birthday present for her son, since she could not and I knew him well enough to get something he'd like. (I got him a book, which he still has BTW). I was pretty upset, but was in a weird situation of ex-girlfriend. I did go over to visit during her remission, but her death - at 55 - was pretty devastating, and I can remember the funeral quite well. I miss her to this day, and am sorry she never got to see me and her son finally marry and make it work out. She'd have loved it.

Death is inexorable, and comes when it will, and there is nothing we can ultimately do to stop it. As others here have said, all anyone can do is let the loved one who is leaving, know how much we love them, and be grateful for having had them in our lives, and hold on through the grief.

I wish I could give you a real hug right now, but I guess all I can do is let you know that you and all involved will be in my thoughts.
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
24,117
I am so sorry to hear that. Hugs to you. My thoughts are with you, your ex, his father and his family.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
No one is ever ready to say goodbye to a loved one.

I only hope that he finds the strength in himself to let go of all of you.
 

Indylady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
5,586
Love and prayers from me.
 
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