non-bridal shower/pseudo-bachelorette party thingy...

[Selkie]

...dilemma here.
We live in Los Angeles, but the wedding is in Massachusetts, so only a few of our friends from California are going to it. However, we are having a very informal reception for 60-80 here about a month afterward. Two of my friends want to throw me a party of some kind BEFORE the wedding. I originally didn''t plan to bother doing something like that, and I know I should be thrilled about this, but there are some issues.

1)I don''t want to call it a wedding shower because not everyone will be invited to the actual wedding (but they will all be invited to the informal reception). I don''t want people to feel like they are expected to bring gifts.

2) I don''t want to call it a bachelorette party because, well, ick.

3) I think it might be nice to make it coed. The wedding is about us, why shouldn''t the party be?

4) The friends who want to throw it are both in somewhat restricted financial situations-one is due to have her first baby in a month, the other is just getting back on her feet after a long period of unemployment. I don''t want them to spend a ton of money.

Anyone have a similar situation? What would you call it? Would you do it coed (would bump the guest list from 15ish to 30ish)? Any ideas for unusual, fun, and inexpensive stuff to do? I''ve thought of stuff like going camping in Joshua Tree, the Sierras, etc., or on the other end, of the spectrum, some kind of spa day (although, $$$). If you were invited to something that wasn''t called a bridal shower or a bachelorette party, but was clearly a pre-wedding send-off, would you feel obligated to bring gifts?

 

[sumbride]

You could call it something like a "Bon Voyage to Matrimony" party or something like that. you know, what with the boat and everything...

I defintely think co-ed is cool. Could you do a bbq or a luau or something fun that doesn''t have to cost a lot? I wouldn''t think you''re pregnant friend would enjoy camping much, though it does sound fun.

I don''t think I''d "feel obligated" to bring a gift, but I probably would anyway.

 

[ephemery1]

Hmmm... I agree that I wouldn't want to call it a shower or b-party either... shower definitely implies gifts, and b-party, like you said, is kinda ick.

Is it too late to call it an engagement party? Our e-party was a co-ed, informal gathering of just friends and the host specified no gifts on the invite. Everyone was asked to bring wine instead, and the host just bought an array of cheese... so it ended up fairly inexpensive for her. It made for a really fun night... our own little wine and cheese tasting! If you are close to vineyards, you could do a REAL wine tour... that would be a lot of fun as a co-ed group.

Maybe it could be an "End-of-Engagement Party"? Or just call it a "Pre-Wedding Celebration"? No matter what you decide, just specify "No gifts please!" on the invite, and you shouldn't have to worry about that aspect of things.

ETA -- Love Sum's idea of a BBQ or something fun and outdoors that everyone could bring food to, instead of presents....

 

[TravelingGal]

I third the idea of a potluck bbq type thing. Say no gifts on the invite.

But people may be compelled to bring something anyway...so how about, if they MUST bring something, please bring ONE wineglass so everyone can toast the lovely couple! Then you can keep all the glasses. It''s always good to have lots of wineglasses for houseparties and stuff. It doesn''t have to be expensive, and you''d be surprised what cool things people will bring (and some awful stuff too!)

 

[Selkie]

Thanks for the suggestions! Sum, my friend actually suggested the "Bon Voyage" idea too! I think it''s the way to go.
I think a beach bbq would be perfect. There are fire pits on some of the nearby beaches, and although alcohol is technically forbidden, we could probably get away with having wine.

I should clarify, I don''t think that having a bachelorette party is icky, but the stereotype that leaps to mind when I hear the phrase IS. I''ve heard of some really fun things women have done for theirs.

 

[kcoursolle]

How about pre-wedding party? Santa Barbara could be really fun!! You could go to the beach, go to wineries, cute shopping, good food, etc.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 2/2/2007 3:04:02 PM
Author: Selkie
Thanks for the suggestions! Sum, my friend actually suggested the ''Bon Voyage'' idea too! I think it''s the way to go.
I think a beach bbq would be perfect. There are fire pits on some of the nearby beaches, and although alcohol is technically forbidden, we could probably get away with having wine.

I should clarify, I don''t think that having a bachelorette party is icky, but the stereotype that leaps to mind when I hear the phrase IS. I''ve heard of some really fun things women have done for theirs.

Put the wine in plastic cups and call it punch! It''s so cool that you can do your bbq on the beach! That''s just so not an option for most of us! Enjoy!

I agree with you on the traditional icky Bachelorette.... Your SIL is planning my Bachelorette... we''re definitely not doing bar hopping with questionable swizzle sticks, but I''m still not sure what they are chatting about. I''m hoping for a weekend out of town. M gets 5 days in Vegas! I deserve something comparable.