Noivous about 1st day Kindergarten!

[lumpkin]

My little one is starting tomorrow! We had an orientation last week in which the kids came, too. Ours was scheduled and when we got there he wouldn''t go in!!! After the other kids left he came into the classroom and sat down while I talked to his teacher. We were finally able to get him to stay in with the next group, so we did complete the orientation, but there were only about 6 kids there. There will be 22 in the classroom tomorrow!

He has sensory integration dysfunction so a lot of noise and crowds make him uncomfortable if he thinks he''s going to have to "perform". He does fine at malls and stores (after a long time desensitizing in various situations), but he''s really wonky about this school business. Send us some good vibes!

I know he''ll be fine eventually, but it may be a little rocky to start with. My mommy radar is on alert!! Trying not to show any signs of nervousness.....

 

[monarch64]

Aw, I still remember my 1st day of kindergarten...and being a little apprehensive at first but getting right into it after a few minutes. Good luck to your little one tomorrow, lumpkin, he''ll do just fine!

 

[Kaleigh]

Good luck tomorrow lumpkin. I well remember my kids first day of kindergarten. I think it was harder on me, than them. My daughter was apprehensive, is a deep thinker. My son walked right in without looking back. I hope you son has a great first day, he may just surprise you. Sounds like he has a great teacher, but most important, he has a great MOM!! I feel for you, hoping for the best. Let us know how it goes!!

 

[Skippy123]

Best wishes tomorrow. I am glad you aren't showing him you are nervous that helps a lot. I bet he will find a friend right away and he will forget about being nervous.

 

[Jewels]

I know how you feel. I went through this last year, first the orientation then the first day of school. I felt like a four year old again, and that as if it was me going to school for the first time. I think when you become a parent, you re-viist part of your childhood again. Don''t worry, he will be fine. His teacher(s) will know how to clam his fears.

My son cried for the first 2 days when I dropped him off. He had a blast after that .

Your son will be fine, he is going to make so many friends and by the end of the week, he is going to tell you how much he loves going to school.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Oh I have a long time before I have to worry about this! I hope everything goes smoothly and he adjusted well!

 

[diamondfan]

I think you are smart to try to downplay your nerves here, it will make it better for him. I am sure all will be fine, but as a momma it is tough to get to later when NOW is proving difficult. Just know that some of the most amazing and successful and talented people struggled as little ones with various things, noise, crowds, less structure, too much structure, etc. When the years go by, you would be hard pressed to even know any of this had gone on. So, take a nice deep breath, let him know you love him, that this is an exciting time...hear out his fears if he mentions them, and without dismissing them be reassuring, and then know he is going to have a great time! And you will be there to help him, no matter what and that will give him a great sense of security and confidence!

 

[Ellen]

lump, I''m sending you and your wee one good thoughts!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/20/2007 7:55:50 AM
Author: Ellen
lump, I''m sending you and your wee one good thoughts!

Ditto!

 

[asscherisme]

My son is starting kindergarden tommorow too!

But he is my 3rd to go through. I can tell you, having done this twice, don''t show him your nerves. Be happy, play up how much fun it will be, smile, and then you can go home and cry in private (sort of kidding there LOL) I have to admit, I DID cry when my 2 kids went to kindergarden but I was safely back in my house crying into my coffee, NOT in front of my kids.

Kids LOVE kindergarden. I''m sure he will do fine.

 

[lumpkin]

We just got back.

I half knew it was going to happen, because so often when we do something new and overwhelming it has happened. We got to school and he would not go in. Would NOT go in. My husband and I stayed with him in the school yard and he tried to run away, kicked at us and yelled for us to let him go, all while the principal and school social worker were observing.

They were very supportive, though, not judgmental or harsh. They asked what we wanted to to and my husband told me, "He''s done. We''re going home." and I said, "No, he''s not done. He has to stay." So eventually the principal and the social worker went inside while we sat on the front steps with him, then convinced him that we were extremely sweaty and the gnats were bothering us, so we went into the library. Hubby went to work. My little one and I stayed in the library and his class came in for a story and library day. It couldn''t have worked out better. He eventually warmed up because he loves reading and stories and he was able to seamlessly merge in with the class and go back to their room. I decided to volunteer one hour once a week reshelving books and helping the kids check out and return books. It''s pretty cush, and I''ll get to be in the library when my son comes in with his class. Yay! He will love that -- he loved it when I worked at his preschool, too. The social worker came and talked to me and said he had looked in on him and he was doing well, following directions and everything. He offered to be available tomorrow morning as well.

I have to tell you, I''m POOPED! I really did not show any anxiety or nervousness and was very low key. I''m not at all sad for him to be going to kindergarten -- he could have gone last year, but he would have been one of the very youngest in the class and the principal and I determined it would be better to wait a year. Well, now he''s reading and adding, can count to 500 and really SHOULD be in 1st grade. He''s so darn smart! But he''s also very timid and a bit immature. Frankly, *I* was ready for him to go last year, and if he had, I''d now have a job and be earning some moola, so I honestly would rather he were in school full time. All the more reason to be determined that regardless of how *he* feels about it, he''s in school and that''s that.

Ascherisme, I hope your first day is(was) a little less eventful! I know that once he gets into the routine, he really will love it. It was that way with preschool, and it still is with baths! I have a heck of a time getting him in the tub, then a heck of a time getting him out of it.

Thanks again for the well wishes. I''m sure tomorrow there will be another fit, but it won''t last as long or be as intense. The third day he''ll figure out he''s going regardless of the fits, so it will end. And he''ll have more fun than he could have imagined because he has a great teacher, a great principal and the kids seem pretty nice, too.

 

[Ellen]

Aw, sorry it didn''t go so well, but it sounds like you handled it, and it turned out fine. Hope it continues to ease.

And you did the right thing keeping him back. I did the same with my youngest, his bday was 3 days from the cut off. I took him him in that year just to talk to the teachers and see how he reacted. We all sat down at the little round table, he took one look at all of us and started crying.

I said ok, he''s really not ready (I didn''t think he was emotionally ready anyway) and took him home. The teachers agreed it was best.

And it was the best thing I could have done. He''s done so well in school, a bit ahead of the class usually, which is great. Had I made him go when he should have, I think he would have always struggled.

Hang in there lump, being a mommy''s the toughest job.

 

[ivanadiamond]

oh lumpkin- I hope it went better today!! Hang in there!

 

[Skippy123]

Lumpkin,
I am sorry for the bumpy start, but it sounds like you are an awesome mom! I am so glad you did not give up and go home!!!!! Yay, that he made friends and enjoyed it after you got him to go inside; that is terrific news!!! Yay for your sons first day; I am so happy for the happy ending

 

[diamondfan]

Lumpkin, congrats on handling things so well. It was a frustrating scenario but you did all you could and it worked.

I have two November birthdays, boys, and our school cut off is August. So I kept them back and they are fine, well, my oldest is starting high school and doing great, the youngest is only going into K from preK so I assume it was the right choice. I do not think, especially for boys and maturity issues, that you ever regret holding back...and it can be dealt with later if you want to advance him...but socially/emotionally it is a gift. My kids were academically more than ready, but this was a great choice.

You were also right to insist he go in. I think it would have been a large mistake to go home, it would not send the right message. Also, it is really important since he could have gone last year and is clearly so bright, he needs to be there as much as you would like for him to be there. It WILL get easier. Focus on the positives and remind him how much he loved the library and stories...focus on the positives. Again, do not ignore or dismiss his fears, but rather, keep refocusing to the positive elements...soon he will be begging to go!

 

[KimberlyH]

Lumpkin,

You did fantastically well and should be so proud of yourself. I''m sure it was a tough day, do something nice for yourself tonight.

 

[monarch64]

Good job, Lumpkin, whew! That first day is over and even though there''ll be many more days that are difficult, you and little one have crossed the threshold into school years! Cool that you''ll be in the library PT and he''ll know you''re there sometimes. i think it''s really important for a child to know their parent(s) is involved in the majority of their life and that will probably be very beneficial to his well being and education.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 8/20/2007 4:44:54 PM
Author: Ellen
Aw, sorry it didn''t go so well, but it sounds like you handled it, and it turned out fine. Hope it continues to ease.

And you did the right thing keeping him back. I did the same with my youngest, his bday was 3 days from the cut off. I took him him in that year just to talk to the teachers and see how he reacted. We all sat down at the little round table, he took one look at all of us and started crying.

I said ok, he''s really not ready (I didn''t think he was emotionally ready anyway) and took him home. The teachers agreed it was best.

And it was the best thing I could have done. He''s done so well in school, a bit ahead of the class usually, which is great. Had I made him go when he should have, I think he would have always struggled.

Hang in there lump, being a mommy''s the toughest job.

It really is. Thank you for the encoragement, and I agree, keeping them back is better than pushing them ahead, and I really do feel it was the correct decision. But IT''S TIME NOW!!!! He''s gotta go.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 8/20/2007 4:50:52 PM
Author: ivanadiamond
oh lumpkin- I hope it went better today!! Hang in there!

Thank you. It did go better, but he was still about 40 minutes late to class. The social worker helped me coax him into the building and then to the library. At least there was no kicking and screaming and needing to be restrained this morning. The social worker thought that was about an 80% improvement. Me, I still spent the morning in the library because everyone thought it would be best (now, how''s that! most of the time they tell the moms not to worry, they''ll be fine -- me, they say stay in case we need you!). Geesh!

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 8/20/2007 4:54:52 PM
Author: Skippy123
Lumpkin,
I am sorry for the bumpy start, but it sounds like you are an awesome mom! I am so glad you did not give up and go home!!!!! Yay, that he made friends and enjoyed it after you got him to go inside; that is terrific news!!! Yay for your sons first day; I am so happy for the happy ending

Thanks, Skippy!

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 8/20/2007 8:56:09 PM
Author: diamondfan
Lumpkin, congrats on handling things so well. It was a frustrating scenario but you did all you could and it worked.

I have two November birthdays, boys, and our school cut off is August. So I kept them back and they are fine, well, my oldest is starting high school and doing great, the youngest is only going into K from preK so I assume it was the right choice. I do not think, especially for boys and maturity issues, that you ever regret holding back...and it can be dealt with later if you want to advance him...but socially/emotionally it is a gift. My kids were academically more than ready, but this was a great choice.

You were also right to insist he go in. I think it would have been a large mistake to go home, it would not send the right message. Also, it is really important since he could have gone last year and is clearly so bright, he needs to be there as much as you would like for him to be there. It WILL get easier. Focus on the positives and remind him how much he loved the library and stories...focus on the positives. Again, do not ignore or dismiss his fears, but rather, keep refocusing to the positive elements...soon he will be begging to go!

ITA, especially about not going home. The one thing that frustrates me very much is my husband''s desire to always take the path of least resistance in rearing the kids. Sometimes I feel very alone in parenting -- I always have to be the hard one and the enforcer, but they NEED that. If we don''t show them that we EXPECT certain things and follow through, I think they will grow up thinking that we believe they are not capable individuals, and they''re defeated before they begin.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 8/20/2007 9:15:37 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Lumpkin,

You did fantastically well and should be so proud of yourself. I''m sure it was a tough day, do something nice for yourself tonight.

I went to bed before 10:00 pm. I took a melatonin and I got about 9 hours sleep. That was very NICE!!!

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 8/21/2007 3:39:14 AM
Author: monarch64
Good job, Lumpkin, whew! That first day is over and even though there''ll be many more days that are difficult, you and little one have crossed the threshold into school years! Cool that you''ll be in the library PT and he''ll know you''re there sometimes. i think it''s really important for a child to know their parent(s) is involved in the majority of their life and that will probably be very beneficial to his well being and education.

ITA.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree, but the other important aspect is if you DID give in and take him home, he gets reinforcement of the notion that if he gives you a tough enough time or resists hard enough, he prevails. School is not an optional thing. Of course as a parent you chose your battles and you can show that you are able to be flexible in certain scenarios...but there are times it is just not possible. I used to do this when it came to wearing a coat in cold weather. Kids always seem to be warm and not want to wear a coat. I did not allow it, but instead of fighting them, I would say, do you want to wear the blue coat or the red one? Simple, but it gives them a choice and a bit of a sense of independent control. Turned a fight about wearing one at all into a simple, here are your options. School, since he must go and needs to go, unless you were home schooling, (and then he still would have work and assignments)is one of those things that must be handled well. You want him to want to go, to look forward to it, but yet, he really cannot decide yes or no. So, if you are patient, and try to see it from his view, still with an eye toward what is necessary, he can feel you hear him and get him, but that he is not ruling the roost! And I hear you about the solo parenting, my hubby comes in and tries to revamp things, but he is not home as much as I am and he gums things up more often than not!

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 8/21/2007 3:18:51 PM
Author: diamondfan
I agree, but the other important aspect is if you DID give in and take him home, he gets reinforcement of the notion that if he gives you a tough enough time or resists hard enough, he prevails. School is not an optional thing. Of course as a parent you chose your battles and you can show that you are able to be flexible in certain scenarios...but there are times it is just not possible. I used to do this when it came to wearing a coat in cold weather. Kids always seem to be warm and not want to wear a coat. I did not allow it, but instead of fighting them, I would say, do you want to wear the blue coat or the red one? Simple, but it gives them a choice and a bit of a sense of independent control. Turned a fight about wearing one at all into a simple, here are your options. School, since he must go and needs to go, unless you were home schooling, (and then he still would have work and assignments)is one of those things that must be handled well. You want him to want to go, to look forward to it, but yet, he really cannot decide yes or no. So, if you are patient, and try to see it from his view, still with an eye toward what is necessary, he can feel you hear him and get him, but that he is not ruling the roost! And I hear you about the solo parenting, my hubby comes in and tries to revamp things, but he is not home as much as I am and he gums things up more often than not!

Absolutely! And of course, giving in yesterday would have made today much harder. Today he would have pitched a fit that would have made yesterday''s a cake walk. And he''d still have to go eventually, which is why my husband''s reluctance to stick to hard and fast rules is so frustrating. I''ve determined that I can''t die until the kids are grown.

 

[diamondfan]

Oh I hear you! Feel my work will never be done...constant tweaking and maneuvering and assisting and guiding. Is he your youngest? I am dealing with teen age stuff that is freaking me out totally...and this is going to be a long year!!!!

 

[lumpkin]

Yes, this is my younger of only two. I feel for you on the teenage stuff. I personally think we should pass a law that puts kids in hybernation from the age of 13 - 18, with some sort of plug into the brain teaching software, LOL! I don''t even want to think about the teenage years.

 

[diamondfan]

I hate to say it but convincing a small one to go to kindergarten is the tip of it all! I am in the thick of girl dramas...my son wants a girlfriend and is mixed up with a girl who is problematic for him. He really likes her and she is kinda a game player, and it is so tough to get through to him. He just does not think his old mom has any sense or idea of having been a teen ager too...oh yikes!

 

[Miranda]

Oh wow, lumpkin! You are so patient! You really did the right thing. My little one starts preschool on 9/4. I''m nervous, but, she''s so excited. She''s been begging to go for a year, but, I wanted her home with me for one more year. Next year it is the big kindergarten! One of her big brothers will be there so she is so excited to be at school with him. And I hear ya on the teen thing. My oldest just turned 13. He''s a sweetie SO FAR...We''re just waiting. I have noticed that he seems to think DH and I morphed into morons

Good luck at school tomorrow!

 

[Skippy123]

I talked to my nephews today and this was their first day of school. The youngest is 6 and he was excited to be in 1st grade; he kept telling me he was now big since he no longer was in kindergarten! They are so cute at that age. . . full of discovery!