Wedding No date yet....and kinda sad....

[booswim542]

So, I got engaged in May after 7 years of dating my wonderful future-husband.

And we still have not set a date.

Here''s the deal. I am in medical school and this past summer was the only one that I had off. The next break I have is next August, and we get a full 2 weeks! We were planning on scheduling our wedding for the weekend in the middle of the break, August 15, 2009, so we would have time to actually travel 600 miles to the state we are getting married in (where both of our families are), and have time to get things together before the big day. We had not actually "set" the date, but were beginning to look into vendors and venues.
Last week, my brother found out that he was going to be given a scholarship to run cross country at an out of state college. The first day of their training? August 17, 2009. So my parents will likely leave to drive him across the country for school on August 13-14 to get him moved into his dorm room.
Those 2 weeks are the only ones I have off until mid-2010, and I just don''t want to wait that long. Not to mention I don''t even know WHEN in 2010 I will have off! My parents really have not even tried to figure out other dates because they think getting married during medical school is a bad idea.
So - I have actually found a dress, have all these ideas of what I want at my wedding, and I have asked my sister and best friend to be bridesmaids and now I am just stuck waiting.
It all makes me kind of sad. I am so excited but at this point it''s for nothing! Anyway, not to be a downer, I LOVE to read about all of your ideas and plans, and look at your pictures. But I just had to get this all off my chest!

 

[jstarfireb]

Sorry to hear this! I''m a resident (and my fiance is still a med student), and I can agree that planning a wedding during this time, especially with less-than-supportive parents and in a town remote from where you are, is ridiculously difficult. I share all of these, and I''ll add the fact that my fiance and I live at opposite ends of Pennsylvania to the list of roadblocks for me! We got engaged May 2007, during my 3rd year of medical school and his year off for research. We didn''t set a date until this past summer, for 5/10/09. I have 2 weeks of vacation then, and it was "now or never" for us as well. Who knows when we''ll get time off together, with both of us being residents next year? With the FI being pretty indecisive, I basically just jumped on the date/venue and dragged him along with me, kicking and screaming all the way.

What about the holiday break next year? Med students generally have Christmas through New Year''s off, even during 3rd/4th year, and you could plan something between there. It''s not ideal because a lot of people may not come due to the timing, but hey, it''s more intimate that way. There would be plenty of time to plan that too.

If you just want to be married ASAP, you could always elope and have the big celebration during your next break together.

 

[booswim542]

Thank you SO much for your response. I am just getting frustrated because I have several non-medical friends who got engaged right around the same time or after we did, and they''re well into wedding planning!

I guess we just have completely different circumstances than most people, and we have to be really creative to make things work! We had begun looking at the holiday season, but we''d both really like to have an outdoor ceremony. So we really might just wait. If it comes down to it, we may just have to stop being so picky. But just hearing about someone else who didn''t set a date right away makes me feel a little better.

Best wishes with your planning AND your residency!

 

[WishfulThinking]

I''m sorry to hear about your date troubles, booswim! I can really relate, since our wedding date setting has been a huge hassle due to where our families live, budget constraints on all parties, and limited legal marriage opportunities.

You are definitely not alone. We finally just got sick of having to wait and wait and wait and took matters into our own hands- we''re eloping in less than a week and a half. I have a thread going here about it right now because we just decided a few days ago. I''ve decided that although it''s hard, eloping is a very fun and exciting thing to do.

Whatever you decide to do I am sure it will be the best thing for you. I understand wanting to have an outdoor wedding, but I''ve also seen some beautiful winter holiday weddings! What does your FI think about all of this? Does he have any ideas? I hope you get this worked out soon. Please keep us updated on how everything is going!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Hi booswim! First, congrats on your engagement!! I can''t relate 100%, but I wanted to offer my support. If you two are dead-set on an outdoor wedding I guess it''d be best to wait. Otherwise if you change your minds or you''re willing to consider a Holiday wedding let us know and we will help you with whatever you need! Do you think a wedding with a view of the outdoors around Thanksgiving would be an option? If you live where the trees change that might be very pretty.

 

[neatfreak]

Don''t let other people get to you! I promise that when the right time rolls around you and your FI will know it and just go for it.

We "set the date" for this year Oct 11. We ended up spur of the moment deciding to cancel that wedding and we ended up planning a smaller much more intimate wedding in about 5 months and go married LAST October instead! We are also graduate students, so when things just fell into place for last year''s date we just ran with it.

You''ll be fine, just take a deep breath and tell anyone who annoys you about the date to jump off a bridge.

 

[booswim542]

Aw, I <3 you guys. Thanks for your support. I knew you would make me feel better - so that''s why I made you all put up with my story!

We''re going to talk to our families soon (my parents will be coming to visit) and we''re going to see if we can''t get something worked out within the next year. I''ll keep you all posted!

Till then, keep spilling the details on your bid days. I''ll be needing ideas!

 

[Sabine]

Awe, that really stinks Booswim! What year are you in medical school? My dh and I just got married in between his 3rd and 4th year of medical school. It was really difficult for us to set a date, and we had to have a long engagement (2 years) to do it. What we did was DH did his research during some easy rotations, and then we used the month they are given during 3rd year to do research as a vacation month since we were also getting married OOT. Do you have any time off for research or at least easy rotations coming up?

 

[booswim542]

I'm in my 2nd year. We have 6 weeks off this coming Feb/March, but it's to study for boards. Eek! I don't think wedding planning/anticipation would be conducive to studying!

Then we get those 2 weeks off in August I was talking about above, and there's not much after that until 4th year (for which we don't have the schedule yet).

A lot of people have said 4th year has some sufficient breaks built in, for residency interviews and/or research so maybe we'll just try to do it then! I suppose I should talk to some 4th years here and see what they say.

It's awesome to meet some fellow medical students/residents on here. Best wishes to all of you!

 

[vintagelover229]

I know you want your families to be there...and I''m not sure how your family is $$$ or his...but IF you don''t want to wait...and you want it outdoors....you could "elope" or have a destination wedding. Just take very close family and friends when ever ya''ll have time. Have a video made, and then over the holiday have a reception and play the video at the reception. That way everyone gets to share your speical day, you don''t have to wait until who knows when, AND you get a pretty outdoor wedding.

Just a thought! Good luck!

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Date: 10/19/2008 10:15:18 AM
Author: redrose229
I know you want your families to be there...and I''m not sure how your family is $$$ or his...but IF you don''t want to wait...and you want it outdoors....you could ''elope'' or have a destination wedding. Just take very close family and friends when ever ya''ll have time. Have a video made, and then over the holiday have a reception and play the video at the reception. That way everyone gets to share your speical day, you don''t have to wait until who knows when, AND you get a pretty outdoor wedding.

Just a thought! Good luck!

I second this idea! Then you could have it outdoors on a 2 day break somewhere warm. And over the holidays celebrate with other people who didn''t come to that.

My only other advice is kind of what my original ideas were for my wedding. I was going to get married in January, so I had SO many winter wedding ideas planned. That ended up not working, but I just want you to know that it can be sooo beautiful, especially if there''s snow around. Have it somewhere that overlooks panoramic windows so you can see the snow during the ceremony and/or reception - and the sunset over the snow would be even more romantic. And some outdoor pictures in the snow, of course!! Good excuse for an awesome coat! I loved the idea of white and silver and natural browns and greens, frosty looks everywhere with twinkle lights and candlelight... so pretty.